Chapter 7

*****

Michaels dream

As Michael lay down in his bed that night, his thoughts were occupied by the events that had transpired that day. He, Oliver and AI had spent that entire day informing the Roses about Andrew, and now the truth was finally let out in the open. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief for this, yet he still felt an intense sense of fear and terror.

He knew that even though people were aware of Andrew… He was not aware of them. Michael lay in the bed, with a sense of panic as he imagined Andrew in his current state. Andrew was probably sitting on that sofa, staring at the floor, as an unfathomable pain continued to obliterate his sanity. Michael knew… Andrew was still in danger. Until AI made her move, most likely the next day, Andrew was still teetering dangerously.

Michael forced himself to discard his concern… That was a talent he had developed as a soldier in the military, for in the middle of a battlefield, you still needed to sleep. So naturally he discovered how to separate his mental worries from his body's obligatory needs. As he employed said technique that night, at the end of the most eventful day of possibly his entire life, he quickly drifted asleep.

-

He found himself in that horrible basement that Andrew was tortured in. He stood at the stairs as he looked around the room, only truly noticing Andrew. Andrew was sitting in that cursed seat, where he had just been punched by Ronald after refusing his first offer to reveal who the angels were.

Andrew looked to the Wolf and with a face of absolute certainty and defiance, he said “I don’t know.”

Ronald stared at Andrew for a long moment before he left the basement to go up the stairs. He had most likely gone to collect all the nightmarish tools necessary to torture Andrew. Andrew looked down at the floor as he shook his head.

Michael quickly walked up to Andrew and crouched down so that he was at eye level with him in the chair. He looked up and down Andrew, noticing the blood dripping down a freshly opened gash on his forehead.

Andrew looked into Michael's eyes, still showing that face of absolute willpower and complete determination. Michael briefly looked away as he felt a strong sense of sorrow and sympathy… For he knew that Andrew had committed to his silence, but Michael also knew what was going to happen to him as a consequence.

Michael shook his head and slowly looked back into Andrew's eyes.

“Andrew, mate… Listen to me ok, I know what you’re thinking… But you need to tell Ronald about the girls…”

Andrew stared deep into Michael's eyes for a long moment before he confidently grinned.

“I’m going to save them, and they will save me… Who I once was and who I want to be in the future.”

Michael broke as fear and panic came over him. He shook his head emotionally, as he closed his eyes momentarily, desperate to convey to Andrew how awful it would be for him. He gently put his hands on Andrew's shoulder.

“They won’t save you… Andrew, listen to me, he’s going to hurt you so awfully, you won’t even be able to walk for months! This isn’t worth it, you’re going to lose everything!”

Andrew shook his head. “I have nothing left to lose and everything to gain. I’m going to make sure the world smiles, I have to!”

Michael sobbed, “You’re going to give everything, even your goddamn mind! You’ll become a depressed and broken man… Tell him! Their dream isn’t worth your soul, nothing is!”

A long moment passed as Michael gently leaned his head against Andrew's chest, weeping in sorrow. Eventually he leaned back and looked back at Andrew's face… There was that confident face.

Michael stared into his eyes, “... I just want to see you smile… One more time…”

Andrew looked back into his eyes, “I’ll be fine, I have hope… Do me a favour, would you?... Smile for me.”

-

Michael woke up to find tears flooding down his face. He hugged himself as he sat in bed, shaking his head as waves of love, adoration, sympathy and anguish smashed into him, paralysing him.

He knew it was only a dream, and yet it felt so real… As if that conversation really happened. He sobbed as he sat there, feeling broken in a million pieces.

“I just want to see you smile… One more time.” He whispered.

*****

I took off my headphones as I stepped into the apartment. It felt good to hear sounds again. I had much to think about, so I went to sit down in the living room. Michael closed the front door behind me.

“It’s time we talked, Andrew.” He also walked into the living room, but he chose to stay standing.

“Today’s been a lot Michael, I still have to process everything that happened.”

“So do I…” His face was conflicted.

I slowly sat down, for my pain was slowly building. I made myself comfortable as I gave him my full attention. He looked at me in deep thought for a few moments before he reached up and took off his blue agent monitor. He placed it on the table and began speaking.

“This is personal Andrew, so I need you to know that I’m not talking to you as an agent now, do you understand?”

I nodded, “Yes… I understand”, I responded slowly. I had a dreadful feeling about it, as if he was going to thrash me.

“Andrew, you’re wrong about how I think of you.”

I looked away in irritation, “I find that hard to believe, I’m only reacting to the facts that I have seen, Michael.” AI had said something similar before, but I didn’t believe in intentions, only actions.

He looked hurt, “I would tell you why I never visited you, but it wouldn’t mean anything to you right now, Andrew. You need to know what happened the night I first met you”.

“Yeah, I already know this all started that night…”

“But you don’t know why. I get why you would assume I felt disgust and anger… But I didn’t, that’s where your logic failed.” He looked at me with concern.

I felt pretty confused, if not those that, then what else could he have felt? I stared daggers at him, waiting for him to get his thoughts together.

“AI, can you please play the recording of that night in the hospital, but after the nurses had sedated Andrew.” AI appeared on the tv, her face was sad.

“Michael… Are you sure you want Andrew to see this?”

“Yes.” His answer was instant and certain.

“Very well…” She seemed hesitant.

The large living room TV began playing the video. I saw myself lying on the hospital bed and I instantly looked away. I didn’t want to see myself! Especially not like that, I swore I would never see myself like that again. The video paused immediately.

AI’s voice was concerned, “Andrew, is something wrong?”

“It’s… Extremely hard to look at myself in that state. I don’t even want to look at myself as I currently am, this is… Very difficult.” I struggled to find the right words.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

Michael agreed with me, “Exactly! That’s what I saw Andrew, it’s what we all saw. You didn’t actually realise how bad you really were!”

I nodded. It's true, of course, I didn't see myself. I could barely see because of the inflammation on my face. I suppose seeing me at that point was, in and of itself, a difficult thing to do.

“Ok… Ok… Play the video” I reluctantly said and the video then resumed.

I was in the bed looking horrific and a short distance from me the three of them stood. Michael, Oliver and James. They stood still, like statues. Nobody said anything for at least a minute. I almost thought the video wasn’t playing, that’s how still they were.

Then they finally started to move slightly. Oliver slowly walked over to me on the bed and he leaned on the bed frame. He simply looked at me, shaking his head. James stayed still as he looked at me too as he shook his head as well.

Michael however, put his hands on his head in distress. He spun around, looking around for something, maybe something to give him comfort. He quickly paced back and forth, glancing at me in the bed, then looking away. He finally stopped pacing and you could see he was crying.

Michael? Crying? I had never seen him cry before... He leaned back against the wall, before he slowly slid down, sobbing. Oliver and James looked at him, realising he wasn’t taking it very well at all. Oliver walked over to him and crouched as he put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

Oliver's voice was quiet and gentle, “Michael, it’s alright to feel this way, we all feel like this now…”

Michael sobbed, “Why didn’t he tell him?...”

“He did it for Aisling and Nadia, Michael. He made an impossible choice...”

Michael shouted, “How though!? How could anyone go through that? It’s not possible! There’s no way anyone could endure that!”

Oliver said nothing for a few moments before he turned and looked at me on the bed.

“Yet he did…” He whispered.

“Why didn’t he tell him?!”, Michael shouted again. He was having an emotional reaction.

Michael got up, “I need to get out of here…” He instantly left the room as Oliver stood there staring at the door.

James was still looking at me in the bed and after a moment he finally spoke.

“AI, I can’t do this. This is too much for me. If I need to keep this promise, then I need to get away and try to make peace with this all.” He said as he removed the wire from his ear and the battery from his belt.

AI spoke from the tablet, “Very well James. When you are ready, you will always be welcome with the Roses.”

The video ended and I sat there deep in thought. So that’s why James was no longer here. More importantly, Michael wasn’t angry at all. I was wrong, he was… In shock.

“I see now, I was wrong. I thought you were angry and that’s why you never visited me… I see now, you weren’t angry… So why didn’t you visit me then?” I looked him in the eye.

“At first I needed time to process it all, so I took the next week off. I couldn’t stop thinking about your story and my mind needed proof that it was real…” He crossed his arms.

“So I went to the Bruiges hideout and I copied all the recorded footage from the camera and the laptop connected to it.”

“I went home and I started watching it. I was looking for proof that you were lying, that you were just trying to impress us or that you had lost your mind and were confused…” He stared at me.

“Unfortunately, it was all recorded. Every single hour of those three and a half weeks. So I watched it… all of it.”

I sat there staring at him in shock. Why? Why would he doubt me, didn’t he see the state I was in? Didn’t he hear the genuineness in my voice? Couldn’t he realise my fear and terror?

He read my face and instantly knew what I was thinking.

“Yes, i’m a fucking thick idiot sometimes, Andrew. I should have believed you, but I didn’t because… Because of my pride.” He shook his head.

I shouted at him, “What does your pride have to do with my torture?!”

He looked vulnerable, “Because… That meant you were better than me…”

I caught my breath as I calmed down. I knew he was a smart and honest man. I couldn’t force this out of him, I needed to try to understand his perspective. There was always a reason for everything.

I breathed out, “Ok Michael… Why did my torture make me better than you?”

He stared at the floor in intense thought, “Andrew, I was a soldier for 8 years. One thing I learned is that the difference between the heroes and the nobodies… Is that the heroes always come back in either a wheelchair or a coffin.”

“I don't…” I muttered, trying to work out where he was going with this.

“Because… The reason we always honour the dead or the disabled, is because they usually had the courage to go above and beyond. That’s why they died, because they didn’t play it safe, they took the risk, the ultimate risk…”

I said nothing as I tried to read between the lines. Was I a returned hero in a wheelchair to him? Should I have died? I shook my head as I struggled to hone in on what he was trying to convey.

“We honour them, because they remind us that we are all cowards at the end of the day.”

I shook my head, “You are not a coward though? Surely your survival in the military with exemplary medals means you were brave and strong?”

“No Andrew, it only meant I played it safe. It meant I didn’t take the risks and that I never once showed courage.”

Ok, that was an interesting way to interpret surviving six tours. I didn’t think many might agree with that view, but… Who was I to judge? I wasn’t a soldier. I simply looked at him and waited for him to get to the point.

“We honour the dead or wounded, because they did what we knew we could not. We respect them, because they displayed individual will and strength, even if it meant they died because of it.”

Oh… Was he trying to say what I thought he was?…

“You did that, Andrew. I watched the torture… And I knew… I couldn’t do that. I simply wouldn’t have managed to stay quiet.”

I stared at the floor, “I came back in a stretcher… Then a hospital bed and then eventually a wheelchair. I guess I qualify as a real hero by military standards then.”

He responded definitively, “You are a real hero, by all standards!”

I looked at him as a million thoughts went through my head. I wasn’t a veteran, nor did I lift a finger to fight. It didn’t feel like a risk, I literally sat there as a desperate man with nothing to lose did everything he could to hurt me.

He smiled honestly, “You are better than me, where it matters the most, Andrew. You will heal, both physically and psychologically. You will build muscle. You will start to smile and help people.”

I attacked, “Do you really believe that? You haven’t been here to see how bad I really am now, Michael!”

He recoiled, “I know! I’m sorry!... I knew… That if I were to see you in person, I wouldn’t be able to hold back my respect for you, my admiration, sympathy and fear. If I saw you, it would be impossible to keep the promise I made you. I had to choose the promise Andrew, I had to ensure the Roses got stronger!”

I pointed at him, “Finally, the truth! Why didn’t you start with that!”

He crouched down to my eye level, “Because I am so ashamed! You treat me as your hero, yet you think I hate you! It’s so damn wrong!”

“How is that wrong? I know-”

“Because you’re MY hero damnit!” He shouted.

I was stunned when I heard that. I stopped talking as I stared at him, reading his face... Surely he didn’t mean that?

“You will heal and mend. You will smile and thrive... When you do Andrew, I know with complete certainty that you will be more than me. You will be more because your will… your strength is infinitely more than mine will ever be. I have reached my peak. They call me ‘Mr. Perfect’. I’ve never failed a thing in my life. Top grades in school, best performing in military training and best agent of the Roses…”

He caught his breath to finish his long point.

“But when I saw you in that hospital bed, I knew I finally met someone more. Better, stronger and wiser. My pride was shattered into a million pieces. I watched those videos, as you demonstrated true strength. You took the real risk, and one day, you will be the true legend. Not me…”

He stared straight into my eyes, “Consistently you impress Andrew. I watched you in a hospital bed, you had just escaped hell and weren’t even certain you were actually out of hell… And yet you still protected the people you cared about!” He started crying.

“I watched your therapy talks with Oliver. I watched you battle addiction and loneliness, all while fighting an impossible pain!”

“I watched every minute of you trying to stand from that wheelchair. I watched you trying to climb back up, screaming in agony.”

“I watched you walk into our hall, limping and whimpering in agony. A hall full of people who revered you… And you kneeled to us!”

“You are unfathomably strong. By doing nothing, you saved everyone! With barely anything left, you still gave everything you had!”

I looked away and out the window as Michael continued.

“You’re my hero, Andrew. I wake up in the morning, and it’s your picture on my wall. When things are tough, I think of how much you had to endure. Just the thought of you makes me want to do better.”

I breathed out, “Funny… You’re my hero. You were my inspiration for standing and walking again.”

“I know and I’m honoured to have been a part of your success. I also hope I will be a part of more of it.”

I looked at him for a long while as different emotions went through me. So this was the true Michael. He was not at all the monster I thought he was. Then I noticed it... I almost couldn’t believe I hadn't seen it before!

I quietly said to him, “Michael… You’re depressed?”

He wiped away his tears, “Yeah…”

“... Why?”

“I’ve been sitting next to you in that horrible place, ever since I met you in that hospital bed.”

I felt a wave of frustration mixed with despair, “Oh my God! All I do is depress people!”

“No… I swore I would leave this cold place, only with you at my side…”

That had hit me right in my heart, as I started crying uncontrollably. Maybe I always knew he was there with me… Maybe that’s why the depression never overcame me. I closed my eyes as I pictured the cold, abandoned and rusty building I had been in for ages... There he was, sitting right next to me.

I shouted in panic, “You need to leave here! I might never get out Michael!”

He walked to my side and kneeled down as he rested his hand on my lap.

“Then I might not ever get out either… I could hardly ask for better company.”