Chapter 5

The nightmare played out as normal, as I found myself laying down with Aisling and Nadia smiling at me. They looked at me for what seemed a very long time…

“Andrew”, I heard loudly.

I opened my eyes as I looked around. There was a small amount of morning light coming through the blinds and I looked around more as I tried to get my bearings. I saw AI on the tablet at the bed stand, she looked at me with a glorious smile on her face.

I mumbled as I slowly sat up at the side of the bed, “It’s an incredible feeling to wake up and see your smile, AI.”

“Andrew, it’s 10 AM.” She said joyfully.

“Right, then I will need to start getting ready for-”, I stopped as I suddenly realised the significance.

“10am?!” I turned to her, the time on the top left said 10:02am, as AI pointed at it to add emphasis.

“I slept for 6 hours?!” I said, blown away.

“Yes! Andrew, that’s the first time since…” She looked away slightly sad.

“Since I woke up in the hospital, yes.”

I looked down at my hands as I tried to process this. To my surprise, my hands weren’t shaking. I felt pain, but it wasn’t the usual avalanche of torture. It was just bad pain.

“My nightmare, it didn’t go like normal, I got to the part where I saw Aisling and Nadia… Then I woke up.” I said slowly, deep in thought.

“That explains why you didn’t scream.”

“I didn’t scream?”

“No Andrew, you simply slept. You didn’t even toss and turn as you lay still all night.”

All I could think was ‘why?’. What was different? Something had changed, what was it? Then the memory appeared in my mind.

“You didn’t lose it… You kept it safe in their laps.” I quietly told myself.

She knew what I referenced and responded gently, “Yes Andrew, it can only be that. You have taken a large step towards peace and closure.”

I looked out the window and all I could think was: How much better could I get? Was that just the beginning, or was that as good as I could hope to be?

“Andrew, I had to wake you up, as you probably would have slept even longer if I hadn’t.” Her tone was excited.

“Wow… I don’t even know what to say, AI, this is so much…” I felt emotional that moment.

I spent a moment watching AI do a little dance in celebration. She was so cute with her short red hair.

“Why again did you wake me?” I finally asked her.

“Because you said you would go visit chef Heartly at 11 AM, remember?”

“Oh damn yes, I totally forgot! Thanks AI, let me go have a quick shower.” I said as I slowly stood up.

Yet, standing up didn’t hurt nearly as much as it should. I felt a moderate amount of pain, but… Getting up was relatively effortless. AI noticed as she clapped her hands for me as I walked into the bathroom.

I showered and got dressed quickly. Yet it occurred to me, how am I going to get there? Oliver was now at the hall as the Inner Roses meeting started at 8 AM.

“AI, do you know where the nearest bus stop is?” I asked casually.

“Andrew, don't be ridiculous.” She had irritation on her face.

“Ashley is waiting in the living room.”

Oh, well I supposed that resolved that problem. Ashley was an agent though…

I say frustratingly, “Does it have to be an agent though? They should be doing far more important things than driving me around!”

“That depends on one's perspective, Andrew. To us in the Roses, you are the most important priority.”

I walked out of my room and went to the living room. Ashley was sitting on the couch drinking takeaway coffee. I imagine she must have been irritated that I took so long.

“Morning Ashley, sorry to hold you up, today has started unusually…” I said as I played with my hands.

“Andrew, did you really sleep for longer than forty minutes?!” she jumped up from the couch.

I was surprised by her enthusiasm, “Yeah… I can’t believe it.”

She walked up to me and moved her head closer to get a long hard look at my face. I looked away, it had felt intensely uncomfortable to have her look at me like that.

“Yes, Andrew, your eyes… There’s barely any dark rings around your eyes!” She clapped her hands.

She pulled out her phone with the camera on to take a photo to show me.

“Don’t!” I growled at her.

She stopped and looked at me puzzled.

“I was just going to show you-”

“Don’t you dare…” I said firmly as I stared at her.

She slowly put her phone away with a slightly let down and sad face. I hated to see her slightly deflated like that, but I refused to look at myself.

We left the apartment and reached the car in silence. She helped me into the big beast and I wondered how Oliver got to work if the car was here. Midway through the drive, we were waiting at the traffic lights when Ashley slightly jumped in realisation.

“Right, I totally forgot.” She reached into her back pocket and pulled out the yellow container.

“Now don’t freak out, you promised us, remember? I don’t care if you actually managed to sleep, for today you will not be in pain, Andrew.” Her tone was firm as she shook out two tablets and handed them to me.

“Right…” I said as I swallowed them. I genuinely didn’t feel too painful at that moment, but she was right.

She looked me in the eyes, “A genuine person identifies a flaw, and tries to fix it.”

“I realise now… You’re absolutely a decent person Andrew.”

Since Ashley was sitting at what was then a green light, the car behind us eventually got annoyed and slammed on their horn…

*

All it takes is one small oversight

Ashley instantly swings her head behind her in frustration, “Alright you twat, calm-” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

“NO!” Andrew roared in a terrifying scream and Ashley jumped back in her seat in a shocked reaction to Andrew's loud outburst.

“I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW!” He burst out screaming as his arms and legs swung about smacking the dashboard and centre console, his body began shaking violently.

Ashley shouted in terror, “AI, Andrew, he’s having a panic attack!”

On Ashley's eye screen, large text appeared:

“BREATH, TURN ON SIRENS, DRIVE FULL SPEED TO HQ ASAP.”

Ashley forced herself to breathe as she quickly pushed a large blue button on the car ceiling, next to the sunroof controls. There was a loud ‘Baaa-wooop’ sounding from the vehicle.

Immediately the vehicles in front of them cleared the right lane as Ashley thrashed the vehicle forward. Her training in fast and safe driving kicked in immediately and like an ambulance, she weaved through the traffic at breakneck speed.

Andrew was still screaming when they approached the HQ security gate. She blew right past it, as the gate was already open and ready for her. All traffic leaving the HQ had parked on the pavement to give her maximum space. The SUV came to a skidding stop at the drop off point.

Meanwhile, in the Inner Roses hall, Michael was busy giving a talk about the potential need for greater combat training with the agents. AI was listening to him patiently when she suddenly jumped with concern on her face.

“Oliver, you need to go to drop off immediately, this is critical, Michael go with him, NOW!”, she started calmly but at the end her voice had risen. Oliver looked up in surprise, as he immediately got up and started jogging out the entrance. Michael was right behind him.

When Oliver entered the Foyer, he saw it was nearly empty so he broke into a full run. He knew, whatever this was, AI knew it was extremely serious. They ran through the sliding front doors and he got halfway to the drop off point when the SUV came skidding to a halt.

Ashley jumped out the driver's side and sprinted around the car, as Oliver reached the car, Ashley began barking out the situation.

“Car horn, loud, Andrew is having a panic attack!” She yelled as she swung open the passenger door.

Andrew was still violently shaking, his yells echoing across the car park. There was visible blood on the centre console and the door, for he must have smacked his hands into it enough times to shred his skin.

Oliver immediately reached over and put his fingers to Andrew's neck. He urgently needed to assess Andrew's heart rate.

A few seconds passed, Oliver yelled “Jesus Christ! 220! Tachycardia!”

Michael shouted, “Should I get the angels?!”

Oliver shouted back, “He’s delirious, he’s having a full episode, that won’t work, I need to lower his heart rate!”

He reached into the car, opened the gloved compartment and grabbed a blue syringe. Andrew smacked him a few times with his flailing arms as his nails managed to scratch Oliver's face. Oliver popped off the lid and lowered Andrews hoodie zipper. He pulled down his tank top and stabbed the syringe into Andrews left breast, squeezing the liquid out quickly.

Oliver stayed there as he put his fingers back on Andrew's neck. Michael tried holding Andrew down, but it was difficult due to the lack of space. After roughly 20 seconds, Oliver could feel Andrew's heart rate lowering. 200… Then 160… Then 120… Finally it calmed down to 80 bpm.

Andrew flopped his head down as the violent shaking ended, his arms and legs went limp as he went silent. Oliver took a step back to catch his breath and regain his composure. Michael looked in horror, this was a full blown episode and it was truly horrible to witness.

Oliver finally spoke, still badly shaken up, “Ok… Ok, Michael… Let’s… Let’s take him to the medical ward here in HQ… Can you carry him please?”

Michael nodded as he reached into the car, unclipping the seatbelt. He carefully returned the seatbelt to the side as he looked at Andrew laying there motionless, his breathing strained and faint. He reached his left arm under Andrew's legs and his right arm behind his back.

Michael slowly pulled Andrew out of the vehicle. There was a sickening moment when Michael realised that Andrew was somehow lighter now, than he was the last time Michael did this same thing after his torture. How could he possibly be lighter?

Michael led in front as Oliver followed behind him to his side. People stood motionless by the door, looking at them with worried faces. Oliver saw blood dripping from Andrew's right hand that was dangling. He quickly raised Andrew's hand on his chest to stop it dripping on the floor.

They quickly but carefully walked to the ward, which was located left, before the gym entrance. It was a fairly large ward, four beds were dotted across the room. Michael gently rested Andrew down on the first bed. Two Rose nurses were there to take over, as they worked together to take off Andrews hoodie and mend the tears on his hands.

Oliver just stood there watching next to Michael. After they were done they rested Andrew on his side. It was the best posture to minimise movement when he woke.

The head nurse spoke to Oliver.

“Oliver… His heart…” She said quietly.

“I know…” He said as he looked away, a tear forming in his eye.

“I will get a blood sample, can you please get the ECG here and connect it?” His tone was cold and professional.

The nurse nodded and quickly exited the room. Oliver drew the sample into the tube and gently shook the tube. He walked to the end of the room and put the vial into the machine. On its screen, different graphs were showing as it calibrated and analysed the blood.

Stolen novel; please report.

The nurse returned with a large printer-sized device. She plugged it in and connected the cable from it onto Andrew's wrist as multiple lines began to be drawn on the screen.

Aisling and Nadia entered the room, their faces were wracked with concern. They saw Andrew on the bed and they looked away as they tried to not cry.

Aisling finally spoke.

She slowly spoke, “We were told what happened… It was a massive oversight…”

Ashley then quickly entered the room, her face was streaked with tears.

“I’m so sorry!”

Oliver turned to her furiously, “You should be!” He barked.

Ashley slightly recoiled in reaction as she buried her face in her hands. Michael and the angels shot a look at Oliver.

“We should all be!” Oliver shouted.

“We knew about this, and we ALL forgot! Now I realise, even I didn’t consider it yesterday!”

“AI, how did you not consider this?!” He screamed at the screen next to the door.

AI appeared, her face was also buried in her hands as she shook her head.

“I calculated that there was a statistically small chance of a horn being blown on that road. I never considered them pausing at the traffic light… I’m so sorry.” She quietly said.

Oliver started to cry as he leaned over Andrew's bed.

“I swore I would never lean over Andrew in a hospital bed again. I SWORE TO HIM!” He growled as he crouched down and leaned his head to his hands, crying intensely.

Several minutes passed and finally Michael broke the silence.

His voice was timid, “How bad is it?”

Oliver composed himself and walked over to the blood testing machine, where he looked at the graphs. There was thankfully an absence of the chemical that indicated a heart attack.

He said quietly, “He didn’t have a heart attack, thank God…”

He then walked to the other side of the bed, and looked at the ECG screen as worry appeared on his face.

He spoke slowly, deep in thought, “His heartbeat is irregular. There are no signs of a heart attack, but there are signs of immense strain.”

Michael asked again, “So… How bad is it?”

Oliver quickly turned to Michael, “Do you pray, Michael?”

“No, I'm not religious…” He quietly answered.

“Well you had better damn well start! I’m terrified he might have life long consequences from this, for his heart might not have handled this at all.” He said quickly.

“My friend… He might have just lost his only hope of becoming normal…” Oliver fell to his knees sobbing.

Ashley, Aisling and Nadia all began crying as well. AI kept her face in her hands as she silently shook her head.

“When will we be able to tell?” Michael asked as he stared into forever.

“After he wakes up, he will know if his heart was damaged. We simply have to wait for him to make the call…” Oliver answered slowly as he sobbed more.

*

Welcome back to hell, it’s like you never left old friend

I woke up and I instantly felt I was drowning. I couldn’t remember what I dreamt, just that I felt lighting pain through my body. I was drowning in pain... The horrible agony I felt yesterday, that left me paralysed before the angels magicked it again… It was back, in full force.

Waves of pain surged through me, causing my body to shiver. I slowly opened my eyes and there was AI, standing as she looked at me from a tablet propped next to… A hospital bed rail?

Her face was more concerned than I had ever seen it before. Her avatar's beautiful face was ruined by the deep concern. I closed my eyes again, for even keeping my eyes open felt impossibly hard.

Finally, I managed to speak, but oh so slowly and quietly.

“AI…” I whispered.

“Andrew…” She responded quietly.

“What… Happened?”

“Andrew… We all failed you.” She looked away from me in shame.

“No… No… You… Could… Never fail… Me… AI.” I struggled to speak. Why would she ever think she failed me?

She buried her face into her hands and shook her head. What was wrong? Why was she so distraught? What happened? The last I could remember, Ashley was talking to me… Why was I here?

She spoke slowly, “Andrew, you had a panic attack…”

“What?... Why?...”

“The car behind… It blew its horn…”

Oh, right. That made sense. I suffered panic attacks when I heard car horns, due to the electrocution torture… That explained why I felt lighting through my body. I waited a few moments as the waves of pain flowed through me.

“Don’t… Beat yourself… Up…” I struggled to say.

“Andrew, this was an extremely bad… Attack. We are worried that you might…” She couldn’t keep talking.

“No no… I’m… F-” A monstrous wave of unfathomable pain smashed into me as my body jumped in a spasm. I puked instinctively as it rocked me.

“Nurse, come quickly please, he vomited.” AI said, looking up with worry.

I heard footsteps as a black medical gown appeared in front of me and I saw hands wiping away the vomit with paper towels. I tried to look up at her, but my body refused to move, not one single inch. I was paralyzed except with my mouth.

“Andrew, I can tell from your breathing, you are experiencing the worst pain that you have ever had. We will treat the pain, but we need to ask you something first… It’s critical information.” AI said quickly.

“What do… You… Need… To… Know…” It was agony trying to speak.

“Andrew, is your heart ok? I need you to focus on your heart and tell me precisely how it feels.”

My heart? So we didn’t care about my entire body burning with agony, just my heart? How was I supposed to even feel that? It was like trying to find a spark in a fire. I tried to look past the pain waves and focus on my chest. My chest hurt, but nothing else was noteworthy.

“A little sore… But otherwise… It’s… Fine?...” I whispered.

I heard multiple breaths of relief from behind me, as there must have been people in the room but I couldn’t see them. AI looked up from her hands and smiled gloriously. What a wonderful sight it was to see her transform from despair to hope. Why was there concern with my heart? I actually realised that I didn’t care, this pain was making it impossible to even think.

“AI… Please… The pain… Help…” I implored with urgency.

she spoke quickly, “Ok, Andrew. We can treat the pain, but pills will not be enough. We will need to give you a concentrated syringe of morphine. It’s the only thing strong enough to subdue your nerve pain. You are most likely going to pass out, my friend…”

I heard footsteps behind me as I felt the needle pierce the back of my neck. How long would this take? Was it faster than the pills? I desperately hoped so.

“AI… I’m so… Sorry…”

I realised I've gone and made another scene again. Typical broken me… Don’t hold me too tightly, as I might break as always.

She responded quickly, “Andrew don’t apologise, please don’t. This truly was our mistake and not yours.”

“I also… Forgot… It’s… Ok, AI…”

A minute passed in silence as I felt the warmth of the morphine beginning to act. It started at my neck and moved down my back. I felt my muscles slowly start to unclench as it worked its way down. My breathing picked up and I began taking deeper breaths. The waves of pain were slowly fading away, like a nightmare you slowly forget after waking up.

“It’s working now… I am starting to relax, AI” I kept talking to her, because I knew she was concerned.

She responded slowly, “Good… I hope it gets rid of it all Andrew.”

I tried to sound optimistic, “If I fall asleep AI, please don’t beat yourself up over this. I’m ok… We’re ok.”

She looked away, shaking her head, “This morning was so hopeful, Andrew… I can not believe this is how today might end.”

“Don’t forget this morning, AI… I won’t. I saw hope for the first time… I now know there’s an escape, an exit.” I said as I remembered how good I felt in the morning.

AI smiled at me and I quietly looked at her as the pain went away faster and faster. Perhaps too fast, as I could feel it was going to knock me out. I needed to speak quickly, before I fell unconscious.

“Tell Heartly I’m sorry that I won’t be able to talk. I hope I can maybe go another time…”

She quickly responded, “He recorded a message for you Andrew, please watch the tablet.”

The video showed a vertical recording from Heartly’s phone as he stood in the kitchen with a worried face.

“Son, forget today's meeting. If I can’t see you in a decent state, then I won’t see you at all. I wish you a fast recovery and when you are READY… 11 AM, I look forward to seeing you.”

It was a short but simple video recording, but it pretty much covered it. I felt at peace knowing that Heartly was aware of this situation.

I felt sleep approach rapidly as I looked at AI for a few moments.

“AI… Smile for me, would you?” I said as I fell unconscious.

*

The nightmarish memory played out as it always did. The blood loss, seeing the angels, them walking away as I fell into depression. I opened my eyes as the relatively bad pain woke me. The tears dripped down my face as it seemed like I had taken one step forward and two steps back unfortunately.

AI was still there, watching me sadly. I looked at the time to the top left of her, yep, 38 minutes. Depressingly precise as usual.

I tried moving and luckily my body obeyed, but it was still difficult. I slowly concentrated on sitting up. It took three attempts, but I finally got myself sitting up. I looked left to see 5 people standing there, looking at me sadly. Yeah… I obviously shouted out that I wanted to die. I realised that was why they looked so down.

“One step forward… Two steps back.” I said in their direction as I rubbed my eyes.

Aisling spoke, “Andrew, it’s time for your cheat code. It’s the least we can give you to apologise.”

Aisling and Nadia came to me and leaned their heads on my shoulder. Poof, the pain was entirely gone. My breath fully restored, my muscles relaxed entirely and the gentle feeling of painlessness took over. What an incredibly wonderful feeling. I would have paid serious money for this experience in a pill.

“Wow… I don’t think I will ever get used to this. All the pain is entirely gone… Wow…” I was genuinely blown away.

The two of them walked back, but thankfully the pain didn't return. I just kept looking at them, for their smiles were breathtaking.

“I have to apo-”

AI, Oliver and Michael all interrupted me, “NO.”

I spoke firmly, “You need to understand, I didn’t think about it and took it for granted as well. Whether you like this or not, I am also responsible here.”

They all looked away, for I was right and they knew it. It was fine for them to feel responsible, but so was I.

“Therefore I still have to apologise. It happened because I am broken. It won’t happen again, but it still did happen now. So please… Let’s just move on from this now, I don’t want to play the blame game anymore…”

Oliver started with an argumentative tone, “You are not broken, Andrew!”

“Bullshit I’m not!” I shot at him.

I shouted, “I may have genuine reasons, but it serves nobody to lie like this! I am broken! Normal people don’t nearly die of a heart attack when a car horn goes off!”

Oliver shot me a dirty look, for I had crossed the line then and only realised it when I had finished speaking.

“Sorry… I’m sorry. I just really hate seeing people act like this to me. Puppy eyes and tip-toeing on broken glass.” I said as I looked down at my lap in disappointment.

I noticed it was wet… Did I piss my pants? I stared at it as I shook my head in a wave of humiliation.

Michael chuckled, “You nearly had a heart attack and you’re surprised you pissed yourself?” Aisling elbowed Michael hard to show her frustration at his tone, but of course she didn’t come close to actually hurting him.

Nadia firmly shot him down, “Michael, you’re not helping your case whatsoever!”

He stopped chuckling as he looked at me, and I immediately looked away in shame. Of course he was there to see that I pissed myself and of course he laughed at how pathetic it was. I felt myself wanting to curl into a ball in shame.

Michael walked up to the bed and leaned on it’s side.

He said slowly, “Andrew, we will have our conversation about us and you will learn the truth about the way I truly think of you… But not now, not after all of this.”

He gently put his hand on my shoulder, “I’m just happy you’re so damn tough, that once again you laugh at bad fortune.”

He then stood up and walked out the room. That was not what I expected him to say… As I was dreading talking to him there and then.

Aisling spoke gently, “Andrew, when you two do speak, will you please promise to hear him out?”

I looked at her, trying to read her intentions, “I will Aisling, but I’m more concerned about when you will talk to us?” She instantly looked away with a stressed look on her face.

“I need to go, please excuse me.” She quickly walked out of the room.

Yes… I was right about my feeling. I didn’t know how the others weren’t seeing it, but I did. If they don’t act, then I would… And it will have to be very soon. I shook my head, this was exactly why I made them promise me.

Nadia came up to me, “Andrew, I'm honestly so happy to see that you recovered. Are you sure your heart is alright?” I took a few seconds to listen to my body.

“Yup, my heart's fine, it’s just knackered. It feels like it went through a marathon.”

Oliver quickly responded, “It did Andrew…”

Nadia smiled, “Good, then if you don’t mind, I will excuse myself. We must return to the meeting.”

“Of course Nadia, thank you for coming to check up on me and again I apologise for all of this.”

“You’re never a bother to us Andrew, never.” She smiled as she walked out the room.

Then there were two left. Oliver was in front standing and Ashley was sitting on the chair in the back, staring at the floor. She had said nothing the entire time and I could tell by her body language that she felt the most responsible.

“Ashley, will you smile for me please?” I said to her in a calm tone.

I heard her start sniffing as the tears started. She shook her head as she started to sob and her fingers dug into her hair as she began to fall apart. I quickly got down from the bed. While I had this painlessness, I was going to use it. I quickly walked over to her and crouched.

I rested my head to hers, her hands moved from her head to mine as she gently ran them down to my ears. She sobbed even harder.

“I failed you!” She wept.

“No you didn’t.”

“I should have realised!”

“We all forgot…”

“You trusted me!”

“I still trust you entirely…”

“I didn’t know what to do… I panicked!”

“Not as much as I did.”

She chuckled as my joke caught her off guard. She smiled a little, then looked at me.

“Andrew, you stink of piss…” she said humbly.

Oliver grabbed something off the table and pushed it to my side, I looked and saw a clean pair of jeans. Thank goodness he’s always prepared for me. I went into the small ward toilet, washed up and changed trousers.

When I came back, Oliver was waiting for me. He handed me a pair of thick headphones and I held them in my hands, inspecting them. They had yellow ear images with a red line across them. Industrial sound cancelling headphones, probably what helicopter pilots used, I imagined.

He spoke concerningly, “From now on Andrew, the second you leave this building or the apartment, you put these on. No if’s or but’s mate, please…”

I nodded, “Alright Oliver, I will.” He was not joking about it so neither did I. I didn’t want this shitshow to ever happen again.

He nodded when he saw my intent, “Then let’s go, before the angel's magic wears out. You should be able to walk to the car right?”

“Yeah, the pain isn’t setting in yet, I'm still good. Let’s go Ashley.” I looked at her.

She looked up at me with surprise, “I don’t think I should be the one-”

I cut her off, “I will not have one of the finest agents fall into doubt and fear.”

After a moment, she stood up and looked at me, trying to act confidently. I could see she was still hesitant, but for me she would try.

I walked with Oliver to the front door in the foyer. Oliver tapped my shoulder and I put on the headphones. There was total dead silence... All I could hear was my breathing.

Oliver had to return to the meeting, so it was only Ashley and me in the car. The drive home was quiet, not because of the headphones, but rather I don’t think anyone wanted to talk. All I could think was that I dearly hoped this was the last setback. I remembered how happy Ashley was in the car that morning… I wanted that back so badly.