Chapter 12
I didn’t dream again, when I slept. There was only a lack of consciousness and then I woke up. I opened my eyes and was surprised to find myself on my bed, under my blanket, but I was still dressed. I think someone took me there when I was asleep. I sat up and tried folding my legs… Ouch, it wasn’t pain though, it was stiffness! I lay back and tried lifting my legs one at a time. They worked, but it took effort and there was immense resistance.
AI noticed I was awake, “Morning Andrew, did you sleep well?”
I turned to her as I looked at the time, “Yeah, I didn’t have any nightmares and it seems I slept… 10 hours?!”
AI gave me two thumbs up, to show her support, “10 hours and 21 minutes to be precise. We were worried that Michael might have woken you up when he moved you, but you slept like a log.”
I nodded, “Yeah, didn’t wake me at all. Wow, that much sleep… It has to be related to my legs, right?”
AI nodded, “That is most likely, Andrew. Muscle repair tends to increase during sleep.”
There was knocking on the door, “Come in”, I said loudly. Michael entered and came over, he sat next to me on the bed.
“How’s the legs?” His face was concerningly curious.
“Still attached, it seems.”
He laughed out loud for a moment, “Right, have you tried standing?”
“No, but I will now.” I rested my feet on the floor and slowly applied more and more weight onto it. I had no issues as I got up to a full standing position.
“Right, I got this far last time. The real question is… Can I walk?” I took a step forward. The muscles felt so incredibly stiff, but I managed to take that one single step.
Michael looked at me, “So? They didn’t give in at least…”
He stood up next to me and held his arms at my sides. He was preparing for the possibility that I might fall again. I nodded as I tried walking in earnest. I took a second step forward, again it was very tight. Then another, and another… I could walk!
Michael watched me slowly walk around the room, “You can, but you’re as slow as you were on the first day at HQ… I think for speed, I will still carry you for most of today.”
I stopped and looked at him as I nodded, “Yeah, that’s fair. It’s cool that they are already repairing though. I thought I would have collapsed for sure.”
He came over and put his hand on my shoulder, “So far, this is an outstanding result. Still though… No training today, it’s a rest day. Put any thoughts of strain, out of your mind.”
I nodded clearly for him to see. Doing nothing? That’s easy! After yesterday's awful session… No problem at all. I slowly walked over to take a shower with a fresh pair of clothes and Michael went to the living room to wait.
I got dressed and slowly walked into the living room, he could see my face reflecting discomfort.
“How is your pain this morning?”
“Actually, same as yesterday morning. The pain is a comfortable 5/10. If my legs weren’t so damn stiff, I could walk easily again.”
His face lit up joyfully, “That’s so damn good to hear… That’s made my morning!”
I nodded energetically, “Yeah, same actually. For the moment, it seems so promising.”
My stomach made a loud growling sound, “Ok… Well it’s about 40 minutes before they go for a break, so if I leave now, I can meet them on time… I’m starving!”
He turned around crouched, “Hop on… Let’s not waste a single moment.”
*
Michael entered the foyer with me on his back. It was getting crowded as people entered the doorway to get into the cafe. We headed that way too as people waved at me. I waved at them as Michael ducked in the doorways. It must have been a pain being that tall, having to duck for ordinary things.
We entered the cafe and went straight to the counter. Ruth was there, talking with Ashley and Heartly. Michael dropped me near the counter. I slowly walked to an open seat next to Ruth and awkwardly climbed on it.
Ruth watched me as I climbed, “Well… It’s good to see you can move again…”
I quickly nodded, “Yeah, they’re stiff as hell though.”
She looked down at my legs, “Are you… In bad pain again?”
“Actually no, I feel relatively good. No, scratch that, I feel fantastic.”
Ashley walked around Ruth to me, “Morning slumdog billionaire, legs still attached I see?”
“Funny, that’s what I told Michael.”
Michael chuckled, “Hey, Andrew, I need to go talk to Will. I’ll be back in a minute, ok?”
I shrugged, “You don’t need my blessing mate… I’ll be here.”
I watched Michael go sit with Will. Interestingly enough, Aisling and Nadia took a seat at their table too. They immediately started talking and showing each other images on their phones and tablets. It seemed like very important business.
There was a commotion behind us, but I was focused on watching the meeting. I paid attention to their body language. They looked deeply concerned… Aisling was pointing at different points of the cafe roof… I wondered what they were talking about.
I noticed at the corner of my eye, Ruth was looking at something with a great deal of worry. I turned to face where she was looking. There she stood… Bellatrix. She was still fully armed and armoured.
“You wanted to catch up and I am not too busy right now.”
“... Great, take a seat, please.” I gestured to the seat on my right.
She climbed up it, all her equipment rattling with her movement, “I saw your training recording. You killed it, impressive work.”
I looked at her in deep thought, “Did you expect me to do less?”
She quickly looked me in the eyes, “No, why would I?”
“I just assumed, since you first knew me when I was weak…”
She chuckled, “Weak? A weak person would have killed themself in your shoes. You were never weak.”
When I heard her say that, I instantly thought she was joking. The idea that she didn’t think I was weak, was unthinkable. I concentrated on her face as I tried to measure how honest she was being. It didn’t take me long to see that she was being completely serious.
“How can you say that? I remember how I met you… How could you possibly think I'm not weak?”
Her face changed to anger, “Andrew, do you know how many times I was raped at knife point? Do you know how many times my adopted parents beat me till I fell unconscious?”
I slightly leaned back, “What… Jesus…”
“Yeah… So did that make me weak? When the strong abuse the vulnerable, does that make the vulnerable person weak? Why would it… They don’t have a choice!”
“Don’t have a choice? Did we really not have a choice though?” I shook my head.
“I didn’t… And when I watched 8 people kick you to a pulp, I am fairly sure you didn’t have a choice either!”
I looked away as my anger began building. I wasn’t getting angry because she was right, I was getting angry because that was bringing back bad memories. Bellatrix had a rough upbringing as well… I hated how easily she just said all of this! As if it wasn’t a shame on us.
She slammed her hand on the table furiously as she stared into my angry eyes, “I want you to say you weren’t weak… Right now!”
I leaned forward in anger, staring her in the eyes, “I can’t say that, I don’t believe it!”
“All that tells me is that you are weak now, not then! Back then, you kept going, you kept getting up, no matter how many times they kicked you down… Now you stand before me with power and wealth in your blood… Yet you choose to be weak!” She looked away with disappointment.
“You can’t say that! I got the biggest beating anyone could ever get! I almost couldn’t get up this time!”
“Yet you are getting up! I know how shit that torture was and I know it would have destroyed any normal person! Yet here you are, Andrew, Getting up… Because you are strong now… You were always strong!” She leaned forward with confidence in her eyes.
I stared at her in anger and shock. Her words had cut me straight to my core. She was right… She was right! How had I found myself feeling so pathetic… So depressed and worthless…
The hall was quiet and I didn’t care. I stared into Bella’s eyes, her eyes were full of fury. The fury you build when you’ve felt life beat you down. The anger of youth lost and innocence snuffed.
She formed a wicked smile, “There it is, there’s the Aaron I once knew. Let your anger consume you, for it is your armour to withstand any pain! Let your fury be your sword as it engulfs your enemies in your wrath! Stop acting like a pathetic wounded kitten. People here can feel your power and strength. They know it’s just a matter of time before you rise from the ashes like a phoenix. When you do, nobody will dare challenge you. So don’t you ever call yourself weak again, Aaron…”
Bellatrix hopped off the chair and squared up to me. Her face was a sliver away as I stared into her rage filled eyes. She turned and walked away without saying another word. Anyone in her direction immediately scuttled away, making way for her. She commanded respect and people showed it.
I turned and faced the counter. My hands balled into fists as anger, rage and fury flowed through me. Her words echoed in my mind as I realised what she was saying to me. What good was my body healing, if my heart was still weak? At some point, I would need to believe in myself and shake all doubt. She was right… I was strong. I wasn’t strong because I chose to, I was strong because I had to be. It’s a muscle I never knew I had to flex… Confidence.
Ruth whispered to me, “Andrew…”
I quickly turned to her, “What!” I shouted.
Ruth jumped in fear as she quickly got off her chair. She quickly moved behind Ashley to hide, Ruth’s face was terrified.
“Sorry! Sorry Andrew… Please… Sorry…” Ruth was shaking like a leaf.
Ashley took a surprised breath when I looked at her, “That face, boy… Is not the face you show your friends!”
Heartly spoke, “Look at me, Andrew…”
I looked at him, “What, am I not allowed to look at people?”
Heartly stared at me for a moment, “That is the face I saw on the battlefield son… That is the face of a man who has accepted all losses and is committed to the attack. I need you to calm down before anyone says another word…” His words were slow and deliberate.
Heartly waved to Michael and he instantly stood up and came to where I was. He looked at my face and instantly knew what Heartly was saying. He hugged me from behind.
“I don’t want a hug right now, let go you bastard!” I tried to shrug him off.
He squeezed me tightly, I couldn’t move, “I’m not hugging you Andrew, I’m restraining you.”
“Of course, why don’t you flex how much stronger you are than me Michael, show everyone how weak I really am, you fuck!” I tried banging my head into his, but he predicted I would do that and buried his head in my neck.
“You’re having an adrenaline spike, I won’t take anything you say personally right now.”
I heard jogging footsteps approaching. My heart was beating so hard as I breathed deeply. I felt rage flowing through my whole body… I wanted to hurt Michael badly. How dare he humiliate me like that!
Oliver spoke slightly panicked, “Hold him still, I need to measure his heart rate.”
Oliver put two of his fingers on my neck. I tried moving to make it harder for Oliver but Michael put even more pressure on me. A moment passed.
“Yes, he’s having an adrenaline rush. It should pass in a minute, just hold him tightly, Michael.”
“Yes sir.”
Moments passed as I squirmed trying to get out of Michaels grip, but he was just so huge and strong. My attempts were in vain. I breathed heavily as I felt waves of anger wash over me. Slowly, the angry waves eased though. My mind was racing through all the times people hurt me or humiliated me in my youth. Slowly the thoughts transitioned into memories of the good things people have done for me the last few days.
“It’s over, his heart rate is at a resting level… He’s over it.” I felt Oliver's fingers come off my neck.
Michael slowly unclenched himself over half a minute. I imagine he was doing it as a precaution, in case I were to still suddenly do something. He eventually fully let go of me. I turned to the counter as I focused on my breathing. I didn’t say anything… What does one say after suddenly losing control?
Ruth walked up to me and rested her head on my shoulder, “Andrew, I don’t know what it feels like to be strong… I will never have that thirst for power that most of you have…”
I said nothing as I shook my head… I was overwhelmingly disappointed in myself.
She continued, “I think she was right… But also wrong. She was right that you are going to be incredible and we all know it… She was right that you are holding back because the torture and isolation hurt your confidence….”
I started crying, “... Yeah.”
She rubbed my arm gently, “She was wrong about your character though… You’re not like her… Just like the torture, both Ronald and life tried their hardest to hurt you… But they never beat you… They never broke you.”
I shook my head, “Right now… It feels like they did…”
AI looked at me with a neutral face, “Bellatrix had a difficult life, similar to yours, Andrew. She claims yours was worse but that is not important right now. Different people react to trauma in different ways. When Bellatrix started the Black Roses, her determination was relentless.”
I found myself curious, “How so?”
“She trained herself and her squad…. Relentlessly. She kept educating herself, kept practising new skills… She spends hours in the gym and twice as long in the firing range.”
“... Vengeance.” I said quietly.
“Precisely Andrew. Her way of dealing with her past trauma is to overpower it. She is forcing out her weakness, she is burning all traces of doubt. She uses her past to fuel her constant drive towards control and power.”
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“She transformed suffering into strength…” I said in surprise.
“Yes. Perhaps she reacted as she did, because you reminded her of her past self. She was showing her genuine concern for you, by trying to inspire you to follow her path, her road of self improvement.”
Ruth spoke again, “She was wrong about your character… I can tell you will temper your anger with logic… You will calm your rage with trust… You will still your ocean of fury with friendship… She focused on herself, but you will focus on your friends.”
I nodded as I looked at the counter again, “She was right about my confidence.”
Ashley lightly punched my arm, “Damn right she was! No matter how you become a powerful man, it still requires you letting go of that part of you, that fears your past.”
I felt completely calmed as I wiped my face of my tears as I thought about what she said. I wondered how she managed to get me riled up so easily… There must have been something there that I subconsciously felt.
“Michael, I'm sorry.” I shook my head in shame.
He smiled, “Don’t be, it happens. Many times I had to do that for my teammates… Many times it was all so hard to deal with… and rage loves a confused heart.”
AI smiled at me, “Andrew, you spent nearly a year bottling up these emotions. They need to come out in order for you to restore your self balance. All I ask is that when you express these feelings… Do so in a controlled manner that doesn’t scare those who care for you.”
I turned to Ruth, “I’m so sorry my friend. I promise you that one day, if I become strong enough… You will trust me to protect you and never hurt you.”
Ruth looked up to me, “I already do Andrew…”
*
“Michael, I think you should go back to your meeting. It looked very important.”
“I… Sure, but you’re always the most important thing to me, alright?” He patted me on the back.
“Yeah… I’ll be fine now, please go. Tell Aisling and Nadia I am sorry for making a scene again.”
Michael put his hand on my shoulder and smiled before he walked back to the table. He sat down at the table and I saw Aisling and Nadia asking about me. He dismissed them and they resumed their exchange.
I looked at Ruth and Ashley, “I had hoped to have a better conversation with Bellatrix. I wanted to catch up with her.”
Ashley chucked, “I get the feeling she doesn’t want to talk about anything other than here and now…”
“Yeah, I get why… She was my only friend… Well, we only knew each other for a week, so maybe friend is not the word.”
Ruth shook her head, “It’s about quality not quantity…. I have only known you for two days… But you are definitely my friend.”
“True, but still… I feel we should connect again. I owe her for her kindness…”
Ashley seemed interested, “Her kindness?”
“Yeah, she never hurt me.”
“Right, but what did she do that was kind?”
“No… That is what she did?”
“What? I thought she did something?”
“Ashley… Not doing something bad, IS doing something good…”
She looked at me with deep concern, “Were people that bad to you? Was your abuse that rampant?”
“...” I looked away.
Nobody said anything after that, so as usual I asked for my steak. Heartly mentioned I should vary my diet… Why? If I was happy eating only steak, then what was the problem? He dished it up and I started attacking it.
Ruth finally spoke again, “Andrew… I’m sorry.”
I turned to her surprised, “What? What’s wrong?”
“I feel like I come from a different world than you… I feel like I can’t relate to you and you can’t relate to me… I feel bad that I was more fortunate than you growing up…”
I stopped eating and put down my fork, “Don’t be. I’m so happy you had a normal life growing up. Don’t apologise, you deserve a good upbringing, everyone does.”
Ashley injected, “You should have gotten that upbringing, Andrew… It makes me so angry.” She shook her head in anger.
I shook my head, “Should have, could have, would have… None of it equals a penny.”
Ashley looked at me with a smile, “You know, because of you, I visited our nearest Rose orphanage. I needed to see them being taken care of, after hearing about your past.”
“Awesome Ashley… How was your visit?”
“It was amazing. Even the teenagers were excited to see an agent visit them.”
“Of course! I wish you agents knew how highly we view you. Especially from us wea-... Lesser people.”
Ashley smiled at me. I went back to eating as I thought about what she said. I should visit them myself… Yet a part of me was too scared to arrange it. I think because, if I saw them, even if they were happy… I might have worried so much… I might not have been able to hold back my own memories, my own fears.
“Andrew, what are you thinking about?”
I looked at Ashley as I realised I was deep in thought, holding a piece of steak in the air for who knows how long. I finished eating the piece.
“I have a lot of feelings hidden inside myself. Slowly, I am realising just how badly I shut myself away in the last year.”
Ashley rubbed my back, “I can’t imagine spending nearly a year in pain, hiding as if I never existed… I would have… I just couldn’t do it.”
“Yeah… I wonder how I keep managing to do things others find impossible. Am I that unique? I think maybe it’s just circumstance.”
AI spoke, “No Andrew, I respectfully disagree. I watch thousands of hours of people's lives every day. I can tell you, extremely few people would manage what you did.”
“Right… So why can I then?”
She pulled out a tablet with her avatar, “I have formed a profile of you Andrew. It considers every single thing I have witnessed you do and say. It also considers all additional information I have learned, such as your care notes growing up.”
“Cool… And?”
She looked up from the tablet to me, “I don’t know.”
I stared at AI with irritation. Ashley and Ruth were laughing hysterically. AI just shrugged with a smile as she rocked herself back and forth. I shook my head… I’ll admit… She got me there. I probably also would have laughed at that to be honest.
I finished eating my first steak when I heard footsteps behind me. The meeting must have been over, because everyone present at that table was now standing at the counter.
I turned to WIll, “Will, I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to talk with you. How are you?”
He smiled as he leaned on the counter, “Absolutely brilliant fantastic amazing… How have you been?”
“Well… You’ve seen the drama.”
He laughed, “Haha, yeah. You are exceptionally skilled at kicking wasp nests, aren’t you?”
Michael chuckled, “Wait until he starts poking the bears with a stick when they’re sleeping…” He attacked his plate of food.
“I’d probably poke it in the eye on the first jab, knowing my luck…”
Everyone laughed at that. It was good to see everyone smiling. I was terrified Bella might have crushed the mood. I looked at Aisling and Nadia and I was going to ask Aisling a question when I noticed… She was staring at Ashley. Ashley was trying to not stare back, clearly she wasn’t aware that they didn’t need to hide or pretend anymore.
Nadia noticed this, as she looked at Ashley and winked. Ashley quickly looked at Aisling… Aisling smiled as she gently ran her fingers through Ashleys hair. Ashley smiled so joyfully, it made me almost feel happy for a second.
Ashley leaned closer to Aisling, “What changed?” She said quietly.
“Andrew… I’ll tell you later.”
Ashley smiled her wicked smile, “You’ll have plenty of time to tell me tonight…”
Aisling buried her face in her hands in embarrassment, “Oh my God…”
Ashley folded her arms, “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to pretend like this? You deserve this little punishment for making me lie…”
I could see there was a little discomfort, so I immediately changed the topic.
“Sorry about earlier, I didn’t expect Bella to… Wind me up, like that.”
Aisling turned to me, her face deadly serious, “She will be here in a moment.”
“I highly doubt that, nor should she. She was more right, than she was w-”
I heard a commotion again at the hall entrance. I looked this time to see Bellatrix walking in. Everyone quickly evaded her gaze and moved a generous space out of her way.
Bella stopped next to Aisling and Nadia, “You called.”
Nadia looked sad, “Bella… About earlier.”
Then the unthinkable happened. A moment I was certain everyone would remember for all time… Aisling got angry.
Aisling’s face was furious, “How… DARE you…”
Bella took a step back, her face was indescribably shocked, “What… What happened?”
Aisling took a step forward, “I don’t care how bad your past was… Don’t you EVER incite anger in these halls again…”
Bella looked heartbroken, “I did it because I-”
Aisling took another step forward, “You think you can stomp around with your guns, acting tough as you disrespect everyone I care for? We are not the Bruige’s, this is not NOT how we behave!”
Bella took a step back, “I’m sorry…”
Aisling carried on, “From when we first met you, we have done nothing but support you! We trained you, we fed you, we housed you and we believed in you! After all of that, how could you spit on our faces like this!
Bella gasped, “I’m so sorry… Please…”
Aisling took another step forward to close the gap, “How can I trust you to protect me when you are out picking fights like a thug!”
Bellatrix took a step back and fell down to her knees. She bowed her head down so low, her forehead was touching the floor. I could see she was crying. It was a difficult thing to look at.
I firmly addressed Aisling, “Aisling… Take it easy.”
She turned to me, her face was still angry, “I won’t have her… Or anyone else, treat people like that again…”
“I understand, but this slap on the wrist is turning into a beating. Save a little of her pride, would you?”
Aisling looked back at Bella, “One last thing. It is not me you will apologise to. It is Andrew and then everyone else in this hall. The Black Roses may not officially be a part of the Roses, but you WILL respect our values!”
Nadia hugged Aisling from behind, “Shh, shh… That’s enough Ash… That’s enough.”
Aisling closed her eyes as she caught her breath. She broke free of the hug and quickly walked out of the hall without saying anything else. Nadia went after her, probably to try to calm her down.
I slowly climbed down my stool and stiffly walked over to Bella. She looked up at me, her face was streaked with tears. I offered her a hand, a gesture of good will… She no doubt knew I was not strong enough to pull her up. She took my hand and lifted herself up.
“I… Didn’t expect that… Not from Aisling.” I said, deeply surprised…
Bella broke down as she weeped into her hands, “You don’t understand! You don’t realise how important they are to me! They are my angels… My reason to wake up every morning… I dedicated my whole life to them… They are my everything!”
“I know, I really do. That’s why I tried to calm her.” I put my hand on her shoulder to try to comfort her.
“I fucked up, Andrew… I fucked up so bad! I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry…” She shook her head, heartbroken.
“It’s alright. You were more right than you were wrong. I needed to hear that… Thank you Bella.”
I hugged her but she kept weeping intensely. God only knew how shit she must have been feeling then.
AI spoke, “Bellatrix. You did a good thing… Recklessly. You never saw the aftermath of your brash act. Andrew had an adrenaline rush fueled by rage… No matter how pure your intentions were, your method failed. You should be grateful Andrew is so understanding. However, that said… Aisling was far too harsh. Please do not take her cutting words to heart, The Rose leadership is honoured to call the Black Roses allies and protectors.”
Bella was still weeping, “She is the kindest person ever… And I was the first person to make her furious! How can I fix this? What should I do?” She looked up to me with desperation in her eyes.
I stopped hugging her and took a step back. Oh God… She was depressed. Her body language was obvious to me, I could recognise depression… A cursed gift I gained from being depressed for so long myself. She was disciplined so intensely, it broke her spirit. Damnit, how could I fix this, how could I snap her out of it, before it escalated? There must have been something I could say, some perspective to calm her.
“Bella you’re so incredible, you know that? Everything you fought so hard for, all your training and nights awake studying… If you were an agent, you would be more than Michael, you would be a force to be reckoned with. Yet even you… Can fail. I forgive you wholeheartedly. I understand and respect your intentions. Aisling will calm down, she will regret this, I promise you. I know people, I know Aisling…”
Bella’s eyes looked panicked, “What if she doesn’t forgive me, Andrew? I have never known her to be angry, ever! What if I changed her forever?!”
“Nonsense, Aisling’s kindness is endless. Just like you… She failed. She will realise she said too much and went too far. Trust me Bella… This is going to be alright, I promise...”
She looked at the ground in shame and intense regret, “I pray so… I pray so hard…”
I leaned close to her ear for privacy, “Bella… Trish… Will you please smile for me?”
I leaned back and looked at her. She wiped the tears away as she smiled weakly. She slightly chuckled as she shook her head. I looked over her body with intense focus… Was I successful? Did I manage to pull her out before she went deeper into depression?
She looked at me with kind eyes, “I didn’t think you would explode, Andrew. I wanted to inspire you… I wanted you to believe in yourself. I didn’t mean to…”
“I know, I completely understand. You were right and you succeeded. I think I got the message too clearly. My bottled anger and rage were a factor you couldn’t have predicted.”
She shook her head, “Andrew, you’re too understanding. Even Aisling thought I went too far, yet here you are… Forgiving me completely… Why not let yourself be angry with me? You’re not helping yourself, you are bottling up your feelings again.”
“No, this is not that. Before you told me what I needed to hear, I blocked those emotions entirely. I still feel them, but now I am in control of them. These strong winds will make me sail faster.”
Bella nodded with a confident smile. Success! I looked over her body language… She was out of it! Thank God! I checked her a few more times to make sure, but when she crossed her arms… I was certain.
Will laughed, “Absolute… Devastation.”
Ashley spoke, “Wow… Aisling was fuming!”
Michael agreed, “Never seen that… Never ever seen that before.”
Ruth chimed in, “I wonder who was angrier… Aisling or Bella beforehand?”
AI joined, “I personally thoroughly disliked that. She is very unpleasant in her angry state.”
Bella nodded, “Jesus Christ… I feel like I’ve just been crucified… That was insane.”
I nodded, “That was far too much. I will talk with her about this. She must know that you adore her and look up to her… She can’t abuse your trust like that. Disciplining is one thing… This was humiliation.”
AI agreed, “Yes, Andrew, I will leave it up to you. I trust you to say the right words to convey the gravity of her error.”
I breathed out, “Oof… No pressure. I’m certain she will calm down. I hope I won’t need to say much, if I know her as well as I do… She is probably already regretting this.”
Not a moment after I said that, I was limping back to my stool… Guess who quickly walked into the hall again? She looked down at the floor in shame. She only glanced up to see where Bella was. Aisling stopped a few steps in front of Bella.
Aisling looked down in shame as tears flooded her face. She shook her head as she never knew what to say.
“I…” Aisling’s voice broke.
Bella’s body language changed suddenly as she realised what Aisling was feeling.
Bella spoke quietly, “You were right, my angel…”
Aisling looked up at Bella, “No… No I… I’ve never been so angry before… I lost control… How can I ever expect you to trust me now?... I’m so sorry… I failed you Bella…”
Aisling cried into her hands. It was plain to see just how much regret she was feeling. Bella hugged her instantly.
Bella swayed her gently side to side, “I failed you and you failed me. We both fucked up and we both just want to try again… So let’s try again, shall we?”
Aisling sobbed as she nodded intensely, “I won’t fail you like this ever again… I promise!”
Bella squeezed her, “Shh… I won’t ever make you need to… That’s a promise too.”
The two stayed hugged as they sorted out their feelings together. I awkwardly climbed back up my stool and looked at AI on the tablet, she seemed very happy.
“Guess I didn’t need to say anything after all... Excellent.”
AI nodded, “Probably because you already had.”
Will nodded, “First time seeing your legendary diplomatic skills for myself, Andrew. It was a masterclass.”
I looked at Will concerned, “She was depressed for a moment. I had to snap her out of it… God only knows what might have happened if she got more depressed…”
Will tilted his head to the side, “It’s so weird that you claim you can detect depression. That’s not really a thing is it?”
I looked at the counter, “If you don’t want to believe it, then don’t. All I will say is that body language can tell you a lot about a person.”
Bella spoke from behind me, “He was right… I was depressed then… It was getting worse by the second.”
Will turned to her surprised, “No shit! Andrew really did call it… That’s a depressingly impressive ability. So tell me Andrew… How do depressed people look?”
“It’s extremely subtle body language ques… Did you know Michael is depressed?”
Will nodded, “Of course I knew my mate was down. I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t… I get your point though.”
Aisling rubbed my back, “He detected mine, when the entire organisation didn’t… Even my Nadia didn’t…”
Will was still curious, “So how do they look though?”
“Well… They darken my view a little. Like heat waves come off of them, in a blueish colour.”
“Wow… Is that all?”
“Well, it’s extremely rare but… Sometimes I will see someone so depressed, they are suicidal. In that case, the heat waves are pure black. I get scared when I see them, because they seem so… Normal, yet they are minutes from ending it.”
Bellatrix whispered, “I feel I might have gotten that far…”
I turned to her, “You absolutely would have, that was my real fear. I look at all those guns on you… Jesus…”
Everyone went quiet. One need only imagine for a second, to guess what might have happened. I couldn’t let things go that way. I wouldn’t lose anyone in such a tragic way, not if I had any choice in the matter.
I looked at Aisling, “You know how much you mean to Bella?”
She nodded, “I know Andrew… After I came back to my senses, I… I know.”
I looked away from her, “Good, then I don’t need to say another word about it. Always care for those who care for you.”
I stared at the counter for a minute or two. There was some small chat amongst everyone… Yet nothing of deep importance popped up. The break ended and everyone left to resume their duties for the day. I bid everyone farewell as I climbed up on Michael's back and we left the hall ourselves.
Back in the apartment I sat down on the sofa, deep in thought. What Bellatrix said to me, it was still echoing in my mind. I was not weak… I was never weak. Yet for some reason I felt I was. It bothered me… That I couldn’t find out where these feelings were coming from. I was still hiding myself… I hid myself so well, I couldn’t seem to find ‘me’ anymore.
Michael tossed me the pill bottle and I took two pills out and swallowed them. I would probably be sleepy from them, but that was fine… It was a rest day. I turned on the TV and watched the Inner Roses meeting. There was a heated debate about firearms in the HQ. They all agreed that heavily armed members had to remain outside or have their equipment confiscated. No doubt Bellatrix inspired that topic.