Chapter 3

***

Falling Forever

The Wolf stood there, holding the knife he had just used to slice my face and my chest. The burning pain of fresh deep knife cuts flared across my face, followed by the familiar warm feeling of blood dripping. It was closer to pouring from this attack as my skin could feel the blood gushing this time.

I could barely see him as something was blocking my vision. I could see sufficiently enough to see the rage in the wolf's eyes. He’s finally done with me, I thought. This eternity of suffering was finally over, and he had given up. Time to die... Finally.

He stood there breathing heavily, staring into my eyes. The pain from the cuts peaked… Then it ceased entirely. All pain had finally ended as the last expected step before the end. My vision blurred and finally ended.

I heard loud thuds, bangs and maybe shouts. It was impossible to tell, for after he smashed my ears with the rolling pins, he must have fractured my eardrums. All noise had become a high pitched and high bass mess.

I heard a voice loudly speaking but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I swam in a sea of blackness as I felt my hands… Relax? Then my feet too… My muscles were probably untensing. My body suddenly felt an awful feeling, not pain… Was it a feeling? It was a warning sense and it made me feel disgusted. Suddenly I realised what it was. I was bleeding to death and my body was telling me that I had lost too much blood.

Why should my last moments have felt so awful? I suffered all that agony, so let me die in peace…

Moments passed and then, suddenly, I started to see something. They looked like little points of light? There were many of them after a moment. Oh, they were stars. I must have been looking at the night sky again. This was the same view I saw when the Wolf drugged me.

I looked around and yes, there they were... My two angels. They smiled at me so brilliantly, just as I remembered them doing when I first met them. Nadia was gently stroking my hair. I lay down, my head resting on Aislings lap as I felt at peace. I felt a beautiful cool breeze blow gently past me.

This was what I wanted, to die in peace with the people I gave my all to protect. Was that too much to ask for? Perhaps… It was most likely not real, but I didn’t care. After all the stabbing and beating… Let me be at peace, I earned it, it was mine.

I softly spoke to them, looking deep into Aisling’s eyes, “I don’t know if it was worth it or if you are safe… If my silence protected you. All I know is that I am done now, so now you can keep smiling for me and everyone else.”

Suddenly there was a… Earthquake? A massive shake with a whining sound. The stars momentarily disappeared and reappeared. I felt a shock inside myself as I looked at Aisling and saw grey cracks lining her face!

Aisling gently moved my head as she and Nadia stood up. They looked down at me, laying there and smiled as they shook their heads. No? “Why are you shaking your heads?” I said to them as I started to panic.

Nadia spoke, her words echoing deeply, “It’s not over yet.”

I stood up quickly and as I did so the two began walking away from me.

I tried to walk towards them, but my legs wouldn’t move, “No! Don’t leave me!”

I screamed at them as fear caused my body to shake, “Don’t leave me, PLEASE!”

This was not how this should have ended, shouldn’t I have died with them at my side?

Aisling stopped and turned to me as she looked me in the eye and beamed her glorious smile… The most glorious smile that all mankind could ever witness. My body stopped shaking as the fear eased.

Aisling's words echoed, “You’re not done protecting us yet.”

Suddenly everything disappeared and became pitch black, as I began to fall. I felt myself falling yet I couldn’t see anything to indicate me dropping. The only thing that changed was the angels. They quickly looked smaller and smaller above me, as I kept dropping faster and faster.

I screamed in fear, this is not fair! Let me die, I want to die! Another earthquake shook my very being. Suddenly there was a light but it was too bright! It burned my eyes as I tried to make out what it was. A lamp? A spotlight?

I felt tired and exhausted. I felt like I couldn't move a single muscle as the tingling of pain returned. I felt sleepy and before I could decide to do so, I fell asleep and everything faded away.

***

Waking To A Worse Nightmare

“Andrew.”

His eyes slowly opened as the tears continued to drip down his face. The pain began to grow as the cuts on his face instantly burned in pain. His arms and chest screamed in agony as if a thousand lightning bolts were coursing through them. He attempted to take a deep breath, his lungs permanently felt exhausted as the air entered his lungs and suddenly stopped, far sooner than it should have been for a proper deep breath. His lungs refused his request and led to him making a whimpering noise.

This was the pain Andrew felt, every moment of every day. The pain felt as though his body was trying to reject his soul, as if it was trying to run away from him. Yet it couldn’t, for it was stuck with him and so it decided it was going to hurt him.

Andrew looked around without moving his head. Every little movement was excruciatingly painful and difficult and so he learned not to move unless it was absolutely necessary. He saw the pillow and a dark room.

He had that nightmare again... Perhaps nightmare was not the correct word. He had that memory again, the memory of nearly dying… It kept haunting him in his sleep now. Almost every night, he dreamt of being denied his death. Every night, he struggled to sleep and when he did manage to sleep, that horrid scene played out.

Sleep? If that’s what one called forty minutes at the most. He never even had an hour of sleep since he woke up in the hospital after his operation. Apparently the sleep was still long enough to remember his worst failure… Not dying.

Andrew

“Andrew.”

It was AI, A voice he had recognised and trusted implicitly. AI was most likely worried about me as she watched me lie in this bed and suffer. Always, like a loving mother, AI listened to my every breath with concern.

I slowly grunted as I was still trying to come to myself, trying to recover from the ‘dream’.

I finally responded, “Yes?”

She slowly and gently spoke to me, “Andrew… You were yelling in your sleep again.”

As impossible as it may seem, I could hear tones in AI’s synthetic voice. This was the tone of concern.

I responded honestly, “Sorry… I had that nightmare again.”

AI had seen me through everything. She witnessed every drop of blood, every cry of pain, every regret admitted and all the tears of sadness I shed. I kept no secrets from AI, because I knew if she was still there with me after witnessing all of this… Then she was a true friend indeed.

A moment passed as I lay there in pain. There was nothing I could do to ease it either. There were no exercises I could do to alleviate it, I couldn't get any more sleep and no positive thinking had ever eased this suffering. Whether I stayed there, laying in the bed on my side, or if I got out of bed… I would still suffer the exact same.

So I slowly turned myself over and started to push myself up into a sitting position. My arms and legs burned as I slowly controlled them, one movement at a time. It didn’t matter if I moved quickly or slowly, the pain was always the exact same.

I remembered being so angry when I discovered that my body wasn’t hurting because it was injured. Oliver told me it was psychogenic pain. It was real pain, caused by my stupid bullshit mental issues. I suffered, because of nothing.

AI finally said, “I am grateful for every day that I have not lost you since then.”

Her tone was genuine, I knew she meant it. Yes it’s an artificial robot, some kind of free robotic neural brain or something… That didn’t matter to me. I made peace a long time ago, that AI was a person, in all the ways that mattered most. I believed every emotion she chose to try to express.

There were many lies I had convinced myself into believing, to get by in life. This was not one of them. This was a person in my eyes, end of story. I wouldn’t waste a single second of my miserable life, trying to argue or convince anyone of that fact.

I nodded my head slowly, as I looked at the camera facing me on the bedside table.

I gently whispered to her, “You’ve been a better friend than I ever could have hoped, and that I will ever deserve.”

I tried to stand as I got out of the bed but my body failed on the first attempt. I instantly fell back on the bed, as I yelped from the pain. The pain was worse than it had ever been as it began to cripple me. I was beginning to lose control of my muscles as the pain intercepted my commands and caused me to stop in agony.

AI spoke regretfully, “So today is no better and your pain is still crippling. I worry that this isn’t a spell, Andrew. I worry that you will remain feeling this bad, every day onwards.” Even AI could see how bad it had gotten.

I responded angrily, “Then so be it! I can’t do anything about it, it is what it is, AI.”

I didn’t mean to respond angrily, however the pain put an edge on every word I said. It was just so hard to talk with this raging pain all over me.

I quickly apologised, “Sorry, I'm not angry with you AI… I'm sorry.”

It was important to me that AI knew that I didn't blame her for any of this. She was never a burden to me, nor did she ever annoy me. I was grateful for every day that she was there with me.

AI responded kindly, “I know.”

Moments passed as I sat there, waiting for the pain to subside so that I could attempt to stand again. Imagine taking ten minutes to literally get out of bed… How pathetic.

AI spoke softly and gently, “Andrew, I want to ask a favour of you please.”

“I don’t know what I am even still capable of doing anymore AI, but if it’s something within my capabilities… Then I will do my best.”

A moment or two went by in silence. It was long enough that I almost thought AI had forgotten to speak or that the tablet was broken.

Her voice was very quiet, “I want you to please visit me, at The Roses headquarters.”

I immediately knew she was afraid of how I would respond, as I have argued with her many times over the last few months about this.

“I don’t need to go there, to be with you AI…”, I tried my hardest not to let anger soak into any of the words.

She responded sadly, “I worry that one day, you won’t be able to stand in front of me, eye to eye. I worry that I won’t ever get to meet my friend and saviour in person.”

I felt a crushing wave of sorrow roll across my soul, as her words echoed within me. I broke down in tears, feeling shattered and humiliated about how broken I turned out to be. I knew deep down inside, that I feared the arrival of that day too… At the rate in which the pain was intensifying… This dreaded day may have been just a week from now.

I had the four of them make me a promise, however. A promise made to ensure the future success of the angels. I made them promise me, because I was still cursed to be here alive, cursed to keep protecting the two people I already went through hell for. That promise had to be maintained.

“I can’t go there AI… You know why.”

AI anticipated my argument, “Andrew, what good is a promise kept to a dead man?”

My tears fell faster as the truth of her words cut even deeper. It was an honest and fair point. My outlook had become entirely hopeless. The least I should accomplish before I die is meeting one of my best friends, face to face, one first and last time. I waited a long moment before I responded.

“Ok, AI… I’ll do it, alright? I just don’t know how to do it without raising attention.”

I was in too much pain to argue. On second thought, damn everyone else! I was so tired of all of this hiding! I would just have to trust AI and let her plan it. I didn’t think I could plan it at that moment, even if I wanted to.

There is almost a tone of excitement in her voice, “Trust me and get dressed. I will have Oliver come and pick you up straight away.”

The pain never eased from my first attempt to stand. I was simply going to have to suffer that extreme pain… Maybe the entire day. That was just another horrible reality I found myself obligated to accept and move on with.

Before everything happened in my life, putting on a pair of jeans was a relatively easy task. Perhaps if I were sleepy I might have put it on the wrong way initially, or not stuck my legs in at the right angle and it would have been mildly annoying.

Now however, putting on a pair of jeans was one of the worst things I needed to do in my life. The horrible toughness of the denim seemed to constantly fight my legs' weak attempts to wriggle into them. The awful texture felt like sandpaper against my skin, a horrible result of my nerve pain… Which didn’t actually exist, of course.

I tried my hardest not to look at my body, no matter what it was I was doing. I didn’t want to see any of it, plain and simple. I was so tired of seeing my thin, scrawny cut up and bruised mess. Seeing it was awful enough in the hospital, but it had nearly been a year now. Every single day, I had to look at this mess when I got out of the shower.

I got so ashamed, I smashed the mirrors. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Ignorance was bliss. It was impossible enough of a task, just dealing with this pain. I couldn’t handle the unbearable shame on top of that. I knew my legs were too thin... I knew I didn't eat enough... I knew the scars were inflamed. I knew I was hideous…

If that soup didn’t taste so damn good, I wouldn’t have eaten that either. It was the only genuinely enjoyable thing I experienced on a day-to-day basis. Maybe one day I can find the legend who cooked this soup and shake his hand. It was honestly that good.

I finally got the jeans on and up. Next I needed to wear a belt, because my waist was too thin because… Whatever.

I put on my tanktop, then my black Roses hoodie. When I wore that hoodie, I felt like there was a real connection between them and me. No matter how small that connection was, it matters to me that I cherished it. I just wanted them to succeed so badly. After all I did… If they failed I wouldn’t be able to keep living.

The hoodie was also my shield, since my face had two giant deep scars, courtesy of the Wolf. They weren’t even cool, like on the TV. No, they were inflamed, deep red and visible from a mile away. I didn’t want people to see this, even more than I myself didn’t want to see it. If I couldn’t see them staring at me, then maybe there was a chance they weren't?

I heard Oliver opening the front door to the apartment. His footsteps were quick, probably full of excitement and anticipation. He knocked on my bedroom door.

“Enter”, I said with mild irritation. He didn’t need to do that, it’s not like I had a lady staying over.

He peeped his head through the door, “You decent?” he politely asked.

“Yeah, I just finished getting dressed.” I mumbled.

He opened the door fully and entered, “So I am to take you somewhere now? AI said you needed a ride.” He asked curiously.

So AI never told Oliver where I was going... I wonder why?

“AI wants to meet me in person, so I am going to see her.”

Oliver quietly inferred, “... The HQ?”

“...Yup, unless AI is kept at the local chippy?”

He laughed and I would have also, if laughing didn’t cause my world to turn upside down in agony, not to mention the depression made it impossible to even smile. I had to consciously force myself not to laugh, which was a depressing thing on its own.

“Are you… Able?” He quietly asked.

His head was slightly bowed down, for he knew how bad my pain was. Just yesterday, he just came and gave me a heavy dose of painkillers. He never said a word about why and to be honest I didn’t care why. It was the first time in months I had used those goddamned pills… But it was needed, so I didn’t object.

I looked at him for a moment…. What could I say? If I told him the pain was ok, we would both know that was a lie. If I told him it was too much, would he interpret it as a reason to cancel this visit? Neither option was satisfactory.

After deep thought, I finally spoke, “I owe my friend a visit… At least once.”

He looked up at me and his eyes told me that he felt sorry for me. I hated that look he gave me. It was like a dog who was afraid for his master. He looked at me as if he would never see me again.

He reached into his back pocket and I immediately knew what that meant.

“NO!”, I instinctively shouted.

He froze and looked at me incredulously. He was clearly thinking on how to argue this with me.

“... It’s a long walk from the entrance to the meeting place.” He slowly said, tip-toeing on broken glass.

I just looked at him, for I wasn’t angry. I looked him in the eye as I slowly shook my head. He looked away and I realised he was hurting. It pained him to watch me suffer and he didn’t want to watch his friend suffer in pain. Maybe I could meet him in the middle.

“What if I took only one pill, instead of two?” I said slowly. He slightly smiled. This was probably a far better outcome than he initially expected.

“Ok… Just one then.” He grabbed the yellow pill case from his pocket and shook out just one tablet. He walked up to me and offered it humbly, as he looked down at the ground.

“Thank you…” He gently said as I took it from his palm.

He was my friend. His pain was mine, and my pain was his. We were all just trying to help each other out. Oliver and AI are practically family in my eyes. They were the only people I had in my life over the last year. They were precious to me and I would never hurt them or make them suffer on my behalf. If taking this one pill made my friend more at peace… It was a small price to pay.

*

This Is The Point Where The Past Ends And The Future Begins

Oliver walked patiently behind me as we left the apartment. The walk from the apartment front door to the elevator took four minutes, not because the elevator was far, but because I walked incredibly slowly. It was all I could manage and it was fast enough for me, if the alternative was that wheelchair.

We stood in the elevator as we descended down the floors. Oliver looked at me, excitement was building in his eyes.

“Andrew, you’re finally going to see The Roses! Think about it, you’ll be able to see some of the agents with your own eyes!” Oliver was nearly bouncing with excitement.

“No, The Roses are going to unfortunately have to see me mate”, I put him down.

This wasn’t a vacation, I simply planned to visit AI alone and then leave. In and out. I didn’t want to be there any longer than I needed to be. A person as weak as me would only get in peoples way there.

Oliver made a ‘tch’ sound.

“I work there all the time Andrew, they’re good people. They welcome everyone who walks through the door, trust me.”

I turned to look at him, pointing my finger at my face, “Even this?” I said sceptically.

“Especially that.” He quickly responded. He had a confident smile for he was confident about where we were going, and he was going to prove me wrong. I sincerely hoped he would…

We walked from the elevator to the car park. He parked as closely as he could, in a reserved spot AI had painted for me specifically. There it was parked, a large black SUV. This vehicle was chosen because of me, not because it was luxurious. It had heavily modified air suspension. When I got in any other vehicle, the bumps on the road would wreck my nerves.

It was smooth to drive, but everything has a downside. It was a big, tall vehicle, so I had to climb into it. A task that proved insanely difficult for a person who struggled to even stand. Oliver helped me in, ever so gently using his arm as a second step for me to climb in. If you watched him do it, you would think it was impressive that he could hold the weight… But I don’t weigh much anymore though.

Oliver climbed in and began driving. I looked out the window, seeing the world as it was. I mentioned it every time I saw the black Roses uniform. Seeing them out and about made the Roses feel real to me. They had always seemed like a mere concept that I suffered for months over. A dream constantly at risk of never being achieved. Yet when I saw them really there… It made me feel hopeful.

I knew we were getting closer, because the amount of black suits and dresses on the pavements grew. They all looked so incredibly smart being dressed like that. The women wore a formal black one piece, long sleeve and long skirt dress with red highlights. The men wore black trousers with black blazers decorated in red highlights. When one looked at a group of them, they looked like a unit.

Different jobs for the Roses had different uniforms though. Physical labour roles forgo blazers and instead opted for black tank tops and cargo trousers. The uniform was dictated by the activity of the day. No matter the activity though, you could count on Roses members looking smart.

We finally rolled up to the front security gate of the Roses Headquarters. A security guard was there in a small little hut. A black drone flew around the vehicle as we stopped. The drone stopped and hovered up close to the front window of the vehicle. I slowly waved at AI painfully, as I tried to fake a smile. The drone bobbed around and spun in a quick circle. It was a cute little dance.

In my hearing aid earphones, I heard AI welcome me, “Welcome to our home Andrew, you’re always welcome here.”

Oliver rolled down his window and gave his black ID pass to the security guard.

“Morning Mr. Jones, hopefully today will be less eventful than yesterday”, the guard looked at Oliver slightly worried. He looked at me in the passenger seat and I instantly looked away. There was a long silence as I heard Oliver reaching out the car to grab back his ID card. I glanced back to see what was taking so long and as the vehicle just started to pull forward, in the corner of my eye, I saw the security guard staring at me with eyes wide open. Had he never seen a person in a hoodie before?

The last 24 hours were a mystery to me as the morphine knocked me out the entire day. Something must have happened in the Inner Roses meeting. It was probably related to the storm that was happening overseas. I knew Oliver had been very stressed the last few days, most likely because of that.

The vehicle cruised down the roadway to the circular road entrance. I could see all the cars parked in dedicated bays, reserved for the agents. The cars were different makes, all repainted to black with red highlights. They had sirens on top as many agents were legally allowed to use sirens on public roads. They had to undergo full police training and qualifications, though.

Oliver stopped the car at the drop-off bay and climbed out the car to go around and help me out. It was even more painful getting out than getting in as gravity tended to hurt more going down it seemed.

Once I stood on the pavement, Oliver stopped to catch his breath. The single pain pill was seriously taking the edge off the pain. The pain was still bad, but this would have been impossible without it. I was glad he had me take it. I turned to look at the entrance. The building as a whole was a massive black tinted glass building, with 4 floors. At the centre, by the entrance, was an enormous black Roses logo. To describe the logo, it was a rose, the outside petals were black and the inside petals were red. Below the giant logo were two sliding doors, one for entrance and one for exit.

Suddenly I felt a wave of nervousness as I stood there, I felt truly afraid. There are Rose members both entering and exiting, a huge wave of black clothing coming and going like waves on the beach. I realised I was really there as my hands started to shake. It wasn't the pain I was feeling… It was me losing my nerve.

*

What Makes A Hero?

Oliver leaned back on the car as he got his breath back, “Andrew, I need to go park the car.” His face was slightly concerned.

“This is just the drop off point.” He quietly looked at me for a moment.

He slowly emphasised, “I’m not going with you this time.”

He sounded worried as he looked at me, as if he wanted to change his mind, as if maybe this might have been a bad idea. I should have known beforehand that he wouldn’t have come with me… But it had never occurred to me that I would be alone.

I suddenly felt desperate, “You also sit at the Inner Roses… Please walk with me?”

I realised I didn’t want to do this alone. This was the one time, Oliver's presence would have been important to me emotionally.

He shook his head, “Andrew… I want this moment to be yours. This place is so important to you… You need to walk through those doors as Andrew Smith… Not as a dependent. I can’t be your emotional wheelchair this time…”, he started to walk around the front of the car.

He was right, this part I had to walk alone. I had to enter on my own two legs and under my own effort. It was me visiting AI, not Oliver. Yet still I already missed my friend deeply, as I watched him climb into the massive machine. He pulled away and I stood there, staring at where the car was just parked. I felt alone, in a way I hadn’t in months.

I turned back to the entrance. Now it felt like the gates of hell and I was terrified. Until this point, everything was just words on paper and pixels on screens. Now I was standing there, facing the very centre of the thing I gave my life towards… Yet I was so afraid. I felt too scared to walk through those sliding doors.

A long moment passed and finally AI gently spoke to me.

“Andrew…”, I had wondered how long it would be before she finally said something to me.

I responded with mild terror, “I can’t go in, AI.” My voice cracked from fear as my body shook from terror.

“Why?” she kindly asked.

“Because… This is a hall of heroes, AI. I look around and all I see are heroes. This building was made to gather them and grow their greatness. You aid them as they change the world.”

“I don’t belong here, my friend…”, I felt like crying.

She spoke confidently, “You do Andrew, because you are also a hero.”

“This building is full of the best of the best. The brave, the strong, the intelligent and the wise. It’s for visionaries, hope givers and the dreamers…” I stopped to catch my breath.

A few moments passed before AI responded.

“You forgot one thing” She said in a cheery tone.

“What did I forget?”

“Saviours.”

Yes… She was right. This was also a hall for saviours and those they saved. I suppose I did belong here on that point. I could argue all the previous points, but I couldn’t argue this.

I mustered my courage as I started to slowly walk towards the entrance. I tried to pick a side that wouldn’t get in many peoples' way. All the members were trying to get in for their orders and breakfast. I doubt any of them cared to follow behind a slowly limping man.

AI had a bubbly tone, “You know Andrew, you actually meet all of your own criteria to be here. Did you know that?”

I quietly whispered to her, “Oh, and why do you believe that?”. I didn’t want people to hear me talking to seemingly nothing.

My body hurt as I slowly walked through the sliding glass door, entering the foyer. It was dotted with tables, each surrounded by seats. The foyer hall was packed with what felt like over a hundred black uniforms. To the left was a passageway, above its entrance a large sign wrote “Cafeteria & Gym”. In the middle was a large reception desk with three receptionists standing at their computers. At the right of the large foyer was another passageway, its sign wrote “Inner Rose Hall”. There were large screens at every corner of the foyer, with different images being shown. One of the screens closest to the Inner Rose entrance, showed the live stream of the hall. It looked as though they were still assembling.

“You are brave Andrew, not just because you chose to walk through that door now, but also because when you were sat in that chair, in that horrible basement, you realised the Wolf was going to do everything he could to hurt you. You knew just from looking into his eyes, that he would not hold back, he would not stop. Yet… You still intentionally made the decision not to tell him. That is true bravery, to know a choice will cause you suffering, yet to still decide to do the right thing.”

I slowly walked towards the reception desk where I saw an open space on the left. AI’s words echoed inside me. Yes, it was brave of me, I'll give her that.

“You are strong Andrew. Strength is more than how heavy a weight you can lift. It’s a measure of one's will. I know none with a stronger will than you. You endured perhaps the worst torture known to man… Yet you never yielded. You experienced every shade of pain and agony… Yet you never broke. There is no person who could claim to be strong enough to endure what you did.”

I spoke to the receptionist, asking her where to go to meet AI. She stared at me as if I had asked a stupid question and proceeded to ask me if I had an appointment. She then suddenly looked at her screen and changed her tone. I supposed AI had put a message on her monitor telling her to just let me in. She politely requested that I followed her and so I slowly started walking after her.

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“You are intelligent Andrew. You almost immediately correlated the Wolf’s intentions with Aisling and Nadia. You instantly realised what the Wolf wanted and why and then you deduced the consequences to the angels if the Wolf had found them out. That was fast thinking in seconds, not minutes. All after only just realising you had been abducted. You thought clearly even in a moment of terror.”

I struggled to keep up with the secretary as she blended in with the body of people walking past. Eventually I saw her standing and waiting at the Inner Rose hall entrance.

“You are wise Andrew. It is one thing to understand a person's intentions and actions, it’s another thing to understand the consequences. When you realised the Wolf's intentions, it took wisdom to realise the long series of events that would unfold if you were to tell him. You realised the full consequences to the angels, their imminent demise and the failure of their dream. You wisely saw and understood the entire picture.”

I caught up to the secretary and found myself puzzled..

“Why have you stopped?”

“This is where I am to lead you to sir.” She responded respectfully.

The Inner Rose hall? The lady bowed slightly and returned to her desk. Was AI in there? How was I supposed to visit her?

I whispered quietly, “AI… There must be a mistake, the lady wanted me to go into the Inner Rose hall…”

AI instantly responded, “That is correct Andrew. Where else would I be?”

I paused as I thought about how to respond, “I dunno, a big computer server room maybe?”

She cheerfully responded, “My server is directly under the hall.”

I stood there for a few moments, deep in thought, “AI, the hall is being used…”

“Yes and it will be till 4 PM Andrew.”... She didn’t realise what I was trying to say.

“How am I supposed to meet you in a room with nearly 30 people and the angels… while it’s being broadcasted?!”

“You start by walking through the passageway.” she cheekily responded.

“How am I supposed to keep a small presence? People are going to ask questions if a limping hooded man just walks into their meeting!”

AI’s tone changed to a more firm one, “Andrew, this is my building. That hall? It’s mine. Those people inside of it? They are there because I asked them to be. It’s more than just a meeting hall, it’s my home… My domain. Do not concern yourself with them. I want to see my friend, so that is the agenda for today, nothing else matters.” Her tone was final.

I still didn’t know how this was going to play out, but at that moment I then knew… It didn’t matter. I had nearly forgotten why I came here. I had to meet my friend... So I slowly started walking into the passageway. The pain in my body was growing worse by the minute, for this was the furthest I had walked in a year. Behind me, the passageway door shut and the light above the door went red, indicating that the Inner Roses were in session.

“You mentioned people with a vision belonging here. How do you not realise how far your own vision extends? You heard Nadia’s vision for the Roses and you embraced it. Perhaps you even saw it better than she had, for she did not endure hell for her vision… But you did. In your heart, you envisioned the potential of the Angels dream and you believed in it. Your belief is what eventually permitted it to even exist.”

I got half way through the passageway when I saw a portion of the hall ahead of me. I stopped and leaned on the wall as the pain had become intense.

“And in terms of hope, I shouldn’t need to remind you how hopeful you are. Hope carries you even now, as it keeps you breathing even though it hurts to do so. Your hope kept you hidden and alone for months, out of honest choice. Hope is what powered your belief in the Roses at all. Your hope was so immense, it carried us all to this bright future. You are the most hopeful person in this building, perhaps even on this planet. Even Aisling has small doubts from time to time… but you? Your hope is untouchable and unquestionable.”

“You do deserve to be here Andrew. You are brave, strong, intelligent, wise, a visionary and a hopeful man. You are also our saviour… You’re my saviour. I wouldn’t be here without you, so therefore if anyone here questions your right to stand in this building, I will defend that right and your honour. I will rebuke all insults and champion you till the end of my days. You are not just another hero in this crowd, you’re my hero.”

Tears trickled down my face at that moment, for I never knew AI thought that much of me. I never realised just how much of what I sacrificed helped her. I realised… It was worth it, even if just for AI. If she managed to grow and succeed, then everything I did meant something and was worth it.

*

In The Flesh

I took a few steps forward so that I could see most of the hall in front of me. It was larger than it appeared on the tv. The hall was a circle, themed in dark brown rosewood and dark red leather, inspired by the rose with a wave pattern on the walls reflecting the wave ends of a rose petal.

I saw the four large screens on the ceiling facing in all four directions, to show video and images during the meetings. When you were actually standing in the hall, those screens were incredibly visible.

I saw directly opposite the main entrance, the raised bench where the angels sat. The angels were the trio of leadership that formed the organisation in the first place. The three were Aisling, Nadia and AI. AI was represented as a single screen below the bench. Aisling and Nadia sat in the large raised bench, similar to what a judge would sit in.

There was however something different. The normal screen that AI had normally used had been replaced with a far larger one that took up almost the entire length of the bench. That was new, it definitely wasn’t there the last time I watched the stream.

I stood there taking it all in for a moment, as I looked across the hall. I recognised almost all the faces present. To think… They were all there and real. This had been the place I had dedicated all my attention to for over half a year. I had watched addictively as they made rulings and decisions. It’s here that the organisation called the shots and decided how to act or react to situations.

I whispered, “As soon as I walk any further AI… Everyone will see me.”

My heart was racing as I didn’t want all their eyes on me. Why couldn’t I just meet AI alone after the daily meeting was done?

AI’s spoke softly, “Yes Andrew… Please walk to the very centre and get as close to the Roses bench as possible.”

I steeled myself as I decided not to delay this any longer. If I could endure the last year, then I could walk into a hall.

So I began walking towards the centre of the hall. I tried not to think about the fact that my body was hurting more and more by the second. I just needed to get to AI, greet her and then I could leave.

The hall was full of small chatter. It would appear that they had not officially begun yet, which was odd, since they tended to start at 8:00 AM, and it was currently 08:23 AM. What were they waiting for? It didn’t matter, maybe if I were lucky, everyone would be so distracted chatting with each other, that they wouldn't notice me limping in.

As soon as I entered the hall proper, I heard AI speak on the hall speaker.

“All rise!” The hall all stood to attention, although slowly. I could see they were confused, for they had already stood for Aisling and Nadia. Why were they standing now?

I stopped in place, which was painful as my legs did not like having to stop mid step. I looked behind me but there was nobody there. Why was everyone standing? AI spoke on the hall speaker after a moment.

“They stand for you, my friend.”

The hall went dead quiet as all eyes looked to me. My heart began to race and I started to shake slightly, for this was the worst possible outcome. I started to wonder why AI was doing this? I appreciated the respect… But why was she being so brash? Did she not care at all about the promise she made to me?

I slowly resumed walking forward as I kept my eyes firmly down to the floor. Thank goodness I wore my hoodie today, as I think I would have had a panic attack by this stage, if I wasn’t. Nobody spoke any more as they were most likely staring at me, judging me and my slow limping speed. All I could think was “I know I’m slow, I know I’m limping! I never asked for the spotlight for you all to see me like this!”

I had almost reached the very centre of the hall, when AI spoke again.

“Forgive me. I know you wanted to avoid this attention, however I will not permit someone of such importance to not be recognised when they enter.”

I finally reached the very centre of the hall. I tried my hardest not to focus on the fact that I was mere steps away from real agents.

I stood still and looked at the floor… I was terrified. My body shivers intensified as I looked at my hands… They were shaking like a leaf. My legs were screaming with pain. It was so difficult to even just stand there, let alone move.

“Please be seated”, AI calmly said and I heard everyone take their seats.

Some faint whisperings could be heard within the hall before footsteps sounded behind me and then stopped. Slowly turning, I gladly saw, it was Oliver. He gave me a beaming smile before bowing slightly and walking up the stairs to take his seat.

“My apologies for being late”, he said as he unplugged his tablet hanging from his seat and sat down.

Nobody spoke and I didn’t know what to do. AI was quiet as everyone sat still. My heart rate slightly eased after seeing Oliver, as I turned back to the main bench. Looking up I saw both Aisling and Nadia at their bench. Aisling with her short blonde hair and Nadia with her short black hair, yet they were not sitting. They looked at me and I looked away immediately. The angels were an emotional storm that I was not prepared to deal with at that moment. After they acknowledged that I saw them standing, I saw them sit in the corner of my eye.

A moment passed and finally AI spoke.

“Welcome to my home, my friend. I know it was extremely difficult for you to make it here, so please know that it means everything to me that you still came. I promised to meet you face to face, in person and I meant it. Will you please look at the large screen under the Roses bench, my friend?”

I looked slightly up through my hoodie, to see the screen was black. Suddenly an image appeared and it took me a few seconds to make sense of it. On the screen, I saw there was a person standing in front of the bench, as if they were standing in front of me. Yet there was nobody in front of me.

Then I realised what this was… It was an avatar, a virtual render of AI. I was speechless as I looked at her in amazement. She was standing there wearing a black dress, similar to what Aisling and Nadia wore. Aisling’s had a sun and moon with a backdrop of stars decorating her dress, to represent her hope and imagination. Nadia’s dress had a large eye stitched into it with stars in the background, to represent vision and direction.

On AI’s dress, there were multiple different gears of different sizes connected to each other, with the stars as a backdrop. No doubt it signified the machine that powers the trio’s dream.

AI had blue eyes and short red hair. She was standing with her hands together at her front as she smiled... I didn’t expect this and did I even know what to do or what to say. I originally thought that all I would do when I visited AI was… I dunno, pat the server and then leave?

As AI waved at me she looked so believable, like a real person. The whole hall exploded in a loud noise as people stood to get a better view of the screen. It seems she hadn’t appeared on the four large screens on the ceiling, only on the screen in front of me.

“I was waiting for the right time to show my avatar to the world. What better time than now, as I meet my saviour and close friend?”

AI’s mouth moved flawlessly, perfectly lip synced with her words, even her hands were gesturing as she spoke. It was like watching a real person speaking.

I was overcome with strong emotions. I couldn’t have imagined AI in any other way. She was perfect, her face, her dress and her expressions. This was the person I spoke with for months when I was alone. This was the soul I sacrificed everything, to save. Here was my friend AI, smiling at me.

“Now that my reveal is complete, all the world shall see me. It was just important that you saw it first Andrew.”

AI’s avatar appeared on the four screens at the top of the hall. I saw both Aisling and Nadia stand up and look up at her. They smiled gloriously after a moment. It seemed they were happy with AI’s avatar too.

I quietly spoke while I looked at AI’s avatar, “I didn’t think I would really be…”.

I stopped talking, because I was hearing my voice from the hall speakers. What is AI doing? Now everyone must hear me talk as well? Is AI trying to break her promise?

AI looked at me, her avatar's face was sad, “What’s wrong?”

I just looked at her, feeling betrayed as I felt certain she was trying to compromise me. My body was still shaking because the pain was intense. I didn’t know what to do and I was hurting so badly.

AI looked at me, waiting for a response. After a few moments she realised I wasn’t going to talk.

She looked down, her face was so sad, “Andrew… I need to tell you something.”

“I failed to keep my promise to you.”

“Everyone here… They know about you.”

Panic laced my words, “What… Do they know?”

She didn’t look up at me, “... Everything.”

I heard footsteps approach me as I slowly turned to face them. It was Oliver, his face was racked with remorse. He stood there and looked at me for a few moments, I could see he was emotional and thinking intensely.

“AI did not break her promise… I did.” He eventually said.

I looked him in the eye as my anger started building up, I shouted at him, “You promised! Why did you break your promise?!” I must have been far angrier than I had realised.

“We thought we lost you!”, he cried out loud.

*

I left this spot for you

Oliver looked past me to AI, “Tell me this isn’t being broadcasted, AI!”, he shouted. I couldn’t see AI’s reaction, but I did hear her voice after a second.

She gently responded, “This entire session is not being broadcasted. I said we are retrofitting the cameras in the hall.”

Thank God… This was about to get very personal and I don’t want the whole world hearing this exchange. Oliver looked back at me, his face was wracked with guilt, remorse and desperation.

“We called a vote, the four of us who promised you in the room, we voted on whether to reveal you. I started the vote… And only one person said no, Andrew. AI never once betrayed your trust, so don’t blame her. Her loyalty is not in question!”

I turned back to the screen to see AI. She saw me look at her and she bowed her head in shame. That was not right, I thought. I had then realised, she never failed me at all. My body hurt and I didn’t know how much longer I would have before the pain overwhelmed me. I need to do what I came here to do, at the very least.

I take a few more agonising steps towards AI. She looked up at me, with worry in her eyes. Don’t be worried… Don’t feel that you failed me, I thought to myself. Even though my body was screaming in pain, my emotions stabilised me.

I slowly dropped down onto my right knee, the movements were excruciatingly painful. I finally got into the position I wanted to, kneeling. I wanted to show AI just how much she meant to me.

“I came here to meet my friend face to face. To show them how much they mean to me. To respect them for all their loyalty and kindness. I care not for anything else anymore, this is all I have energy left to do now.”

“AI, thank you so much for being my friend.” Tears dripped down my face.

“Thank you for helping and supporting me, in more ways than I could ever list.”

“You’re amazing to me… What you have accomplished here is breathtaking. I see your influence in everything around me in this hall. I see your efforts in the smiles and laughs of the people I saw as I made my way here. The people here trust in you and you have not failed them.”

“I am humbled that you consider me as a friend. I hope I don’t ever fail you or disappoint you. Thank you so much for kindly letting me visit your home. It's all so incredible and you should be proud. I am so honoured to be here.”

AI also went down onto her knees as she bowed down with sadness on her face.

“No Andrew, thank you. You’re absolutely the most important person to me. Without you, I would not exist… None of this would. What you did, what you sacrificed… It echoes across the planet. All that we have accomplished and all we hope to accomplish in the future, rides on the shoulders of a giant… Your shoulders.”

“This home is yours, Andrew. I know you don’t know the members here personally, but perhaps in time you will. I hope in time, they will become like family to you too.”

“I wanted you to come here Andrew, because all of this is you. Deep down, you know it as well. This is what you gave your all to, this is the dream you hoped so hard to fulfil. I sadly failed you in my promise and The Roses know everything about you now. Yet I am confident, it has not compromised our dream… Your dream.”

A moment passed and I didn't move, for I couldn’t anymore. My body was screaming in agony. I didn't know what to do and I couldn’t think. I didn’t want to tell everyone though. My body was shaking violently, I couldn't control it and I felt like I was about to start moaning in pain.

AI saw the pain she understood. She stood up quickly.

“Angels, it’s time you met your saviour.”

I saw above the screen as the two quickly stood up and jotted down the stairs. They jogged over to me, Nadia on my left and Aisling on my right. They both had intense worry on their faces as they looked at me. A moment passed as they looked at each other, trying to think what to do or say.

Aisling instinctively hugged my right arm. Nadia saw her do that and copied her with my left arm. They both rest their heads gently on my shoulders.

After that, the impossible happened... My shaking stopped entirely. I looked down to see that my body was still. Something felt very odd. I felt a unique feeling I couldn’t describe, a feeling I had felt before but since forgotten. What was this sensation? My muscles relaxed entirely, a feeling I had only ever had when I took the pain pills… Oh.

“What… The pain…” I couldn’t even think how to say what I meant.

“What’s wrong Andrew?” Aisling whispered, her head was still tucked to my side.

“The pain… It’s gone…”, I slowly said in disbelief… It was all entirely gone.

“Of course it is… It’s because you’re finally home.” Nadia gently whispered.

Aisling whispered, “Welcome home Andrew.”

I felt overwhelmed with intense emotions, as if a waterfall of feelings poured all over me. I cried out loud as waves of joy and sadness both impossibly, yet equally flooded me. I started sobbing, as I felt as though a chest inside myself had finally been unlocked. I had been liberated from a weight I never knew I was carrying, invisible and unbearable.

This must have been what the Wolf was talking about. I literally had latched my heart to the angels and now that they were there with me… I finally let go.

A long moment passed and AI smiled at me, for she knew this would happen. That must be why she really wanted me there, at that exact time and that exact place. She called me there to help me heal… She truly was so much wiser than people realised.

I looked at AI as suddenly my vision went darker and darker. Then suddenly blackness overtook me.

*

Andrew slowly collapsed from his kneeling position onto Nadia as she looked at Oliver, stressing, "Is he okay? What's wrong?"

Oliver quickly walked over and kneeled down to inspect Andrew. He placed his finger on Andrew's neck to feel his pulse for a few seconds. Initially, he appeared slightly confused, but then Oliver's expression quickly transformed into a big smile.

Oliver chuckled. "It would seem he is... sleeping," Oliver finally deduced.

Nadia and Aisling looked at each other, their worried faces calming.

"I suppose it makes sense when I think about it," Oliver began to explain.

"Andrew spent months taking extremely powerful painkillers. This was primarily so that he could block the pain, in order to sleep in the first place, but the side effect of those specific pills was sleepiness. So his body has correlated pain relief with sleep."

AI chimed in. "So when his pain disappeared because of the angels… He fell asleep." There were audible chuckles across the hall. What an unexpected consequence.

Oliver explained, "Andrew never gets more than thirty or forty minutes of sleep when he tries now. He's chronically sleep deprived. Clearly, his body needs sleep."

Nadia gently lifted Andrew's head and rested it on her lap. If he must sleep, then she would gladly be his pillow. Aisling sat next to Andrew. She was not leaving his side either.

AI smiled, "Ladies and gentlemen, we shall be discussing the agenda from this position until further notice." People laughed as they lifted up their tablets to see the talking points.

The next half hour was mainly AI discussing the now weakening storm in the Philippines. The screen showed live feeds of Rose members distributing ration packs in large halls and black Roses boats carrying people with blankets wrapped around them. There were live weather maps showing the up to date position of the storm front and the wind intensity.

They had just finished hearing the debrief from the Philippine representative when there was a sudden movement. Andrew was tossing his head back and forth, his breathing becoming faster and louder. Nadia looked up to AI and then to Oliver… Both of them looked sad.

They knew exactly what this was, the same nightmare Andrew had experienced every time he tried to sleep. The nightmare of his near death and his regret of still living.

Oliver stood up urgently, “Ladies and gentlemen. Please forgive this, for it’s… Difficult to watch. Andrew’s sleep is… Compromised. He’s most likely going to loud-”... It was too late.

A scream pierced the air as Andrew's body tensed up all over. It was a chilling scream, filled with terror.

"NO!" he shouted as his head rocked back and forth, his body almost in a spasm. "NO! DON'T GO! DON'T LEAVE ME!" he roared. "LET ME DIE!"

Aisling and Nadia both broke down. At first, they were terrified; now they were heartbroken. They never knew... They never knew the dark truth, that Andrew had hoped to die that day. It broke their hearts to find out... That no matter how strong he had been... He had reached that terrible point. Where death had become not a punishment, but rather a relief. The two cried into their hands.

Then came a deep breath as Andrew awakened. His body stilled as tears streamed down his face. This was his version of 'sleep'... Every single night.

Several moments elapsed before he finally opened his eyes.

*

The Price Paid

God damn it! God damn that memory, that mental torture I had to endure every single time! I was so sick of it as I felt cold and empty. The pain was all over my body, always haunting me. I shook my head as I wiped the tears off my face. What a mess.

I opened my eyes. Huh? Why was I looking at Nadia? I looked around, there was Aisling, she was looking away from me. Where was I? What had happened? As soon as I saw the two angels, the pain instantly disappeared again.

I gave myself a moment to simply enjoy the painlessness. It felt so nice to not have that screaming pain everywhere across my body. To have just felt… Nothing. I needed to work out what had happened though.

I started the motions to stand up and before I knew it, I was. It was like riding a bicycle, my muscles just did it, with no pain and no struggle. I saw Aisling and Nadia jump in surprise. They seemed just as surprised by my ease of motion as I was. I looked down at my hands… And they weren’t shaking at all. I found myself feeling at peace with my own body, for the first time in ages.

“What happened?”, I said as I looked around to AI.

“You fell asleep, Andrew.” She responded immediately.

Her avatar was still showing on the large screen and her face was sad. Why was she s-... I then realised why.

I hid my face in my hands, as my shame engulfed me.

“I was screaming wasn’t I?” I quietly whispered. A moment went by in silence. Yeah, I was.

AI gently explained, “It’s alright Andrew, you don’t need to be ashamed or hide anything here.” I shook my head, my face was still hidden behind my hands.

“Did I…?” A moment passed before she answered.

“Yes, you yelled that out.” I began to cry. I couldn’t stop shaking my head, I couldn’t believe I had that nightmare episode here.

What could have been more shameful? I screamed out that I wanted to die in the middle of the Inner Roses hall. There were no words to describe my humiliation... I couldn't bear to see the way people looked at me as I continued to cry.

AI whispered, "Andrew... In this hall, you hide nothing. I know you've made impossible choices and that those choices have consequences. Your body and your mind struggle to live with them."

"In this building, we don't perceive your suffering as an embarrassment. Your pain isn't shameful… It's a stark reminder of the price you paid for our happiness and success. We don't shy away from your hardships."

There was a moment of silence.

"Andrew, I want you to take off your hoodie, please," she requested.

"No," I instantly responded.

"Please, Andrew... It's important. Not for us, but for you. You need to let go of your shame. I need you to stop trying to be a shadow. We all here know what you went through, so it’s time we saw you for who you truly are now. It’s time you stop hiding."

I cried harder. She was right, but this was too difficult.

"They don’t want to see this, AI... They’re not ready," I implored.

"We will never be ready, Andrew... Which is why now is as good a time as any."

I removed my hands from my face as I tried not to think about what would happen next. I simply lowered my hood as I began to unzip my hoodie.

Already, there were shocked noises coming from nearby… The agents. Seated in the centre of the hall, the agents had the best view. They had just seen my face, and they reacted.

I finished unzipping the hoodie and took it off entirely, then glanced down at my own arms. There was an explosive noise of shock across the hall. I turned and saw Aisling and Nadia break down into tears.

My arms and face were a nightmare. Stitches, scars and bruises were everywhere. Apparently, my effort of walking here to this hall pushed me too hard physically, as I noticed some scars were slightly bleeding. My arms were skinny due to my underweight dilemma.

I looked up at the large screens above us. There I was, dark marks under my eyes from sleep deprivation, two large scars across my face in an X pattern and my slightly red eyes from crying. Across the hall I could hear people crying. I wasn’t surprised… My body was an image nobody should ever have had to see.

“This is me now… I’m so sorry.” I said as I continued to cry.

I heard somebody nearby stand up from their chair. I glanced over and saw it was Ashley, the agent. She had shoulder length blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She approached me to get a good look and I could see her face was torn.

She stared into my eyes, “Don’t apologise, It’s plain to see why you hide yourself now Andrew, but don’t you be ashamed.”

I began putting my arms back through the sleeves as I tried to put my hoodie back on, but Ashley grabbed the sleeve and pulled the hoodie out my hands.

She looked at me and shook her head, “No more hiding.”

AI spoke loudly to the hall, “This is the face of the man who saved us. This is the body of the man who endured weeks of hell and multiple lifetimes of suffering… To give us hope.”

“Andrew, you do not kneel to me or anyone else in this hall.”

“We kneel, to you.”

AI’s avatar went down on both knees as she bowed before me. Almost immediately afterwards, I heard others kneeling. For it wasn’t just AI, as all the agents and all the Inner Roses in the rows were kneeling too. I turned around, and there was Aisling and Nadia… They too were kneeling.

The entire hall was now kneeling for me.

*

How should one respond to such an honour? I didn’t know what to say as I looked across the hall, beholding the sea of bowed heads. I then realised that nobody forced anyone there to do that. Everyone who was kneeling, was kneeling because they chose to.

I had always assumed people wouldn’t care. I had made peace with what I did, always assuming I would never get anything in return. Never had I thought anybody would thank me or try to appreciate the suffering I went through. I spent months alone with Oliver and AI, hiding from people, always believing I was too broken and ugly to ever be cared about.

Here I stood fully exposed. All my scars, pain and failings were laid bare. I stood in what may have been the greatest hall of heroes, and yet they all chose to kneel to me.

I humbly said out loud, “Thank you so much… I’m truly honoured. Please, everyone… Rise.”

All around me, I heard the sound of standing, as everyone then sat back down in their seats. I watched the agents as they sat down, their gaze never left me. I wonder what they were thinking?

Agents were incredible individuals. They were almost the ‘special forces’ of the Roses. Agents were the few individuals outside of the Inner Roses, who had a direct channel of communication with AI. They were trained in countless skills relating to their speciality. They were fit, smart and most of all adaptable. When you looked at an agent, with their little transparent blue screen on their left eye, you couldn’t help but be impressed.

Their uniform was different from other members, as they had a formal uniform, which was a unique dress based on their speciality and they had an active uniform, which consists of full military gear, combat cargo trousers, kevlar and padding everywhere.

As I looked across the agents, it was nearly half and half. Half of them were dressed smartly and the other half were dressed in their actives. They all had an aura of confidence. Their eyes told the tale of soldiers ready for action. To be an agent, you had to have the grit… The attitude of ever improving and striving for excellence.

I recognised nearly all of them, since I made their cards after all. I had seen these faces performing incredible feats on the TV. They rescued people from burning buildings, raided criminal organisations, guarded important people and saved lives during disasters. I felt like agents were true heroes.

As I looked from one agent to the other, my eyes locked onto Ashley and Will. The two were the second and third best performing agents in the Roses. Their feats were legendary. They both saw me looking at them and they waved to me. However, if the seating was based on rank, then…

I looked at the person sitting next to them and there he was, the best of the best. A monster of a man, huge beyond compare. He barely even fit in his small chair. He was the man I looked up to in every way, who inspired me to fight through my pain to be able to stand and walk once more. I watched him on TV as though he were an idol. To me… Nobody could compare to him.

Michael was my hero, but he was also the man who hated me. The man who couldn’t stand the very thought of me, as he avoided me at every opportunity. I wondered just how much of a disappointment I was to him.

He made eye contact with me for a split second, and I looked away immediately. I already knew how he felt about me, I won’t make drama about it. He was free to dislike me as I would simply stay out of his way and try my hardest to not bother him.

“Andrew…” AI gently said.

I looked at her, waiting for what she had to tell me. She wasn't looking at me, she was looking at Michael.

“I know what you think of Michael, however you’re wrong in your assessment of him.” She looked back to me, her face concerned.

I looked down at the ground, ensuring I made no eye contact with anyone. I didn’t want to speak about that and I certainly didn’t want to argue on it. I simply said nothing at all.

A few moments passed, and eventually I decided that I wanted to leave. This had all been a lot for me to process. Perhaps it had been too much.

I spoke quietly, “AI, I think this has all been enough for today. It’s… Been a lot for me to handle.”

She beamed her smile at me, “Of course, but there is one more thing to address before you leave.”

I worried that she might mention Michael again.

“A member is eager to speak with you and they’ve been patiently waiting for their opportunity to meet you.”

Oh? I looked around the hall, but nobody seemed to be moving.

I heard the sliding door in the passageway open and I turned to see a large man wearing a black… Apron? He quickly walked to the middle of the hall and stopped a few feet away from me.

He had a thick Welsh accent as he spoke rushedly, “Oh good, I thought I wouldn’t get a chance.”

“Andrew, my name is Brett Heartly, but people call me Chef Heartly. I run the cafeteria here.” He paused to catch his breath.

I suddenly realised that I knew of this person. This is the Heartly that Will and Ashley spoke of. He’s the one who cooked my soup!

“You’re the one who makes my soup?”

He nodded quickly, “Yes mate, I was asked to make a special meal for someone at the time... AI refused me about you, but I managed to squeeze out enough information to realise…”

He looked down at his hands as his face went meek.

“I realised, you’re… I was hoping I could get to know you, maybe have a moment of your time for a chat if that’s alright with you?”

I was a good judge of character and he seemed kind and honest to me. So I saw no reason to refuse.

“Of course, I want you to know that your soup saved my life.”

His face became wracked with worry the moment I said that. As he looked down at me and my arms, I could sense his worry growing.

“How about tomorrow?” He urgently said.

“You can come visit me at the cafe and we can chat while I make you the soup?”

That sounded very relaxing. No expectations, no speeches and no kneeling… Perfect. However, I never knew if I could simply arrange this… I am not a member of the Roses, after all.

“AI… May I please come here again tomorrow?” I humbly asked.

She smiled at me, “Andrew, I told you that I have given you the keys, this is your home now. You do not need to ask for permission. If you want to come here, then do so.” She briefly bowed to me.

“Wait a minute… Is that you lass?” Heartly said as he popped his head to the side, looking past me to get a view of the large screen.

“Yes, this is my virtual body Brett.” she smiled at him.

“I disappear into the kitchen for a day and suddenly AI has a body…”

AI explained, “I only revealed this an hour ago Mr. Heartly.”

“Things really do change in a heartbeat in this place…” Heartly muttered. He stared at AI for a few moments before looking back at me.

“Excellent, so tomorrow, come by at around elevenish alright? That’s when I cook your golden liquid.”

“I’ll be there.”

He looked over me once more before turning around and quickly walking out. There was urgency in his steps and considering his job, I supposed a chef could never leave their kitchen for long. I turn to face AI again, noticing that Aisling and Nadia were standing next to the screen. I needed to say goodbye, but I didn’t know how to say it.

Nadia spoke, “It was an honour to meet you again Andrew and I hope to spend more time with you in the future. Please do visit us whenever you please. I will ensure security doesn’t bother you and that the agents will be at your service if you ever need help.” She smiled gloriously and slightly bowed.

Aisling was looking down at the floor and she never looked up, “Thank you Andrew… For everything you did because of us…” I couldn't see her eyes when she said it. I found that… Concerning. A part of me began to recognise where the concern was coming from when Ashley walked up to me suddenly, handing me my hoodie.

“Let’s go”, Ashley said.

I look at her confused. Where was I going with her? I looked at Oliver and saw that he was still sitting down.

“Oliver?” I called out to him.

He looked at and shook his head, “No Andrew, I need to stay here. I am an Inner Rose member, remember? Unless you can’t get home without me?”

As I looked at him I felt a wave of deep sadness hit me. The feeling was as though my friend was getting further and further away from me. I didn’t want to lose him as a friend, ever.

“Am I not going to see you again?” I struggled to say as my voice cracked.

He smiled at me, “Don’t be ridiculous Andrew, I’ll see you after today's meeting of course.”

I felt intense relief as I realised I was worrying too much. I still had him… Thank God.

I put on my hoodie, while keeping the hood down. The pain had begun to return, as I should have expected it to. It wouldn’t leave me until I found peace and since the angels were distant from me… There was nothing stopping the flood of agony.

I looked at Ashley and then to AI, “Are you sure you want to use an agent just to drive me home?”

AI tilted her head slightly, “You are the most important person in this building Andrew. The agents serve us Roses primarily, but they also serve you now.”

Ashley slightly bowed, “You only need to ask Andrew, we obey as if you are AI.”

My heart began racing as I became nervous. I had never thought I would ever be in the position to command an agent. After a few seconds I realised, this was something I feel I should never abuse. I didn’t ever want them to regret helping me.

“Thank you Ashley, I’ll try not to waste a moment of your time”, I said to her sincerely.

Ashley smiled at me and I looked at AI once more. I wish I could have smiled at her… I wish I could have smiled at all…

I spoke to AI, “Meeting you was a moment I will never forget. I promise to visit you frequently.” AI smiled gloriously in response.

I turned around and began walking out the passageway, when I heard the sound of standing. I looked across the hall to see everyone had risen for my leaving, this time without AI demanding it. I felt so deeply honoured, as there could be no doubt they were truly grateful to me. Their respect gave me a calm feeling of peace for a moment.

I walked out through the passageway and reached the sliding door. The light above it went from red to green as it slid open, revealing the front foyer. There were still many Rose members sitting at the tables. It would seem they hadn’t been given their orders yet.

I slowly started to walk towards the exit door, when suddenly the noise and chatter went quiet. I stopped and looked up from the floor, to see that everyone was looking at me. I then remembered, my hood was not up. For a second I felt the urge to put it up, but I decided not to. No more hiding, I thought to myself.

I resumed walking as the returning pain made me shuffle once more. I already missed the painless me, the me that didn’t fight my own muscles to do anything and everything. After a few more steps, the person sitting at the table nearest to me, stood up.

“This place has given me a purpose and it’s given me the opportunity to make a difference. None of this would be here without you, and for that… Thank you.” He said as he slightly bowed.

Then another person stood up, “Thank you, Andrew” she said.

Then another person and another. I slowly walked past them as they all took their turn to say ‘thank you’. I began crying as I felt overwhelmed with emotion. These were not big, famous people in the hall… They were ordinary members, ordinary people like you and I, just trying to make a difference. It hit differently to hear their thanks. It felt deeper and completely sincere.

I finally reached the exit and the sliding door opened. It was raining and cold, yet… There they were, they had all made way for me. A sea of black uniforms all faced me, some of them agents. They all thanked me as I walked past them to the big SUV. My tears wouldn’t stop coming, for there was no doubt, the Roses were grateful, and I was deeply humbled. After months alone, this recognition was more than I could ever have dreamt of.

An agent climbed out the driver's seat and walked around the front of the vehicle. They tossed the keys to Ashley, who caught them with impressive precision. The agent slightly bowed to me before he instantly walked over and climbed into another car, shooting off down the road. Agents never stopped, their orders kept coming till the end of their shift.

Before Ashley helped me into the car, I turned back to face the crowd still watching me. Their faces showed deep admiration and hope. I needed to say something to them, it felt right.

“Thank you for everything you all do, everyday for the Roses. All I did was give you all the opportunity, but it was all of you who grabbed the chance with both hands. The Roses should be proud of how incredible you all are… Thank you.”

Ashley helped me into the big car and I looked out the window as people resumed whatever they were doing. A sea of smart black uniforms, gathered around a hall of heroes… That’s how I saw them.

What a day today has been.