Without Regret

(Currently The Only Unhatched in the Clan)

Spoiler :

Happy very belated Easter and or spring time

I was really cutting things close right?

Well, anyway I think I mentioned I would announce the contest results/prizes in this chapter right?

Here are the winners:

1st place in the literary category we have: Lycoris

Yay (applause)

Tied for first place in the compliment/critism category we have: OshieteKudasai and Prajit3

Yay more (applause)

Finally first place in the artwork category we have: Nibbles

Yay (one more round of applause)

Yes a big round of applause for these four readers who were nice enough to humor me and my contest.

Anyway now the moment ‘you’ have all been waiting for….(drum roll)

LET’S ANOUNCE THE PRIZES!

Okay because of popular demand the main prize is: RF chapters!

Yay! (AA: Boo!) shh you! Anyway with in the month of April I plan to try and release at least four chapters (one for each contestant), if I succeed please thank these lovely people who will be a big reason for why it was possible.

But wait I am not done!

Besides the main prize each nice contestant will eventually receive:

A unique character artwork, done by Frostypine and 1 FrostyPine Coupon Book, containing

5 Blatant Spoilers

3 Sneak Peakers

2 Early Releasers

and one Author Favor

Once the coupon book is received, coupons can be used at any time, however if the early releasers or author favor coupons are used during my school period I retain the right of refusal, due to the possibility of real life constraints interfering. Basically if the coupons are used at any time outside of the time between June and August they may be considered invalid. I think this is obvious but if the coupons are used once they may not be used again. (However this does not mean I will not accept requests outside of coupons just that I have an obligation to do what a coupon user requests of me while whether or not I will do something for someone else depends on various factors such as my mood)

Also depending on how the coupons are received I may hand out more or better products in the future.

I will hand out the prizes sometime between April and June at the very latest.

Finally…here is the chapter enjoy (or not)

I chose to follow the [Projective] path.

I chose this path mainly because the thoughts and feelings it conjured in me felt most familiar. In my past life when I happened to ease drop on those who knew about the true me even a bit, or those who had high deductive reasoning when talking about me, I would hear myself being called such things as:

“The Hero’s Conniving Puppet Master”, or “The Hero’s Staining Shadow”.

Though outwardly in public I always made sure that it seemed like I was following the hero’s orders, and basically played the part of the ditzy toady lackey to a T, in reality obviously it was usually the other way around. The rare times it wasn’t, I always made sure that we were doing something that even that Hero couldn’t mess up, and even then I didn’t entirely relinquish my control.

Of course despite the fact that I was always limited by my position in life as a peasant, my manipulative ways, or perhaps I should say because of them? Well they were quite strong to say the least, from the moment I realized my place in the world at that time, despite the fact I didn’t know the truth of the lands influence, or the system itself,  I started to think of ways of subverting the system.

And as I have already mentioned I found mild success, at the cost of what little I ability had to feel shame.

Actually, let alone shame, though I think I hid it quite well, I think, no I know, especially when compared to now, that I never really felt that much emotion in the first place. I remember dimly some hazy memories about being insulted and bullied when I was very little and not yet that strong, because they found my emotionless disturbing.

Of course that quickly ended when I started to grow up, I was a most sturdy and intimidating child, and soon I found myself with many younger siblings and we quickly outnumbered any who would think of bulling which quickly nipped the bud of the plans of all but the insane.

Also around that time the calculative side of my nature had started to sprout, as the oldest child I had to keep the others in line, keep in mind that most of them were only slightly smarter than the hero I met in the future though most were definitely slyer.

Because of this, and also to avoid the wounding concern of my parents, who were already probably picking out at least in their heads a peasant wife for me, to go with what they were certain would be my peasant life.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

I started to learn how to fake having emotions, or at least more emotions then I really possessed, and I got so good at it that I got to a point that I could almost like fake became reality, though I never got to a point that I could say that I felt like a ‘normal’ person.

Then that minor event happened that made me make ‘becoming as strong as possible’ as my dream, and that small sprout was then watered and nursed by my desire to succeed, then sharpened by various events and happenings until it reached a point where it really started to bloom.

That calculating manipulative side of me who would go one to one day be called by the underbelly of that world “Puppet Master” and “The Soulless One.”

Whenever I thought of my emotionless I never felt it was a disability, rather I felt it was a great advantage, in my past career of hero’s peasant, though those who knew me better, called me quite scary  and somewhat insulting names those who knew little of me often referred to me as ‘the fearless one’. I made up for the potential problems my lack of well empathy caused, through my constant observing of other people and my relentless improvement of my ability to fake my emotions and reactions.

Yes, I fondly remember myself as being someone who was quite good at turning even what seemed like weaknesses into strength.

Moving on, besides my nostalgia of who or rather what I used to be like, there was also the fact that ever since I was reborn I have felt much more strongly and I have felt also things that I have never felt before.

I am not sure if I gained something or possibly that I lost something, but either way, more so then the race, more so than the new position in life, and even more so than gender, I had changed, in a major way that I couldn’t quite identify or even point too what it was except perhaps the more obvious fact that I was much more emotional and…well empathetic then I was in my previous life.

And such a change, I can easily admit that it completely scared me, terrified me to such an extent that until that experience of falling into that pit of despair forced me to face the truth of my new life, I was basically in complete and utter denial.  

I didn’t want that to happen again, I definitely don’t want that to happen again.

As I have said before that desire is the main reason why I accepted, the empath class in the first place. And so it is obvious the advancement path of [Projection], and its emphasis on control and manipulation was what called to me the most

It is also why that the mention possible side effect of losing some or all of my ability to feel emotions wasn’t a con so much as it was an appeal, and this is even after considering something else that I didn’t expect, but something that I have to admit also came with feeling more emotions then before.

That sensation of joy and pleasure I often felt as I came to be closer to my brother and some of the other dragonlings.

It was that joy that made the thought of facing that pit of despair again almost bearable, if I hadn’t had my past memories my fear of losing that joy would have probably trumped my fear of feeling all those bad emotions again or possibly worse.

However I did have those past memories, and because I did I knew that even if I became worse in that respect and lost every single scrap of emotion that I had, I knew I would still be able to feel pleasure, though admitting not as much as I could with emotion, more importantly I knew that I would still be able to experience love.

In that prior life though I couldn’t quite say that I felt ‘it’ I know most firmly that I definitely had it, and the ability to give it, love that is.

It was that capability that all those with souls have to give and receive love, and I think that it was my acceptance of love, even when understanding it was completely beyond my ability that kept me from becoming a great evil. And I know that then and even now that I am defiantly capable of becoming something to be righteously feared, hated and disgusted by.

On a smaller scale it was why I didn’t ever abandon my family even when I reached the pinnacle of success that was possible for a peasant, and why despite all my manipulations, complaining and insults I never actually considered doing anything truly harmful to that hero, was never even tempted.

Though most peasants hated their heroes and tried their best to sabotage them, I never did.

Though I could not really feel it, in that life and now in this one I was never in doubt of receiving it and of my ability to give it.

Thus when in the end I decided to take the [Projective] path I was able to take that first step without even a bit of regret or worry.