Spoiler :

So because of what I read in the comment area recently I am reminded of some really good advice that I often give myself.

If it looks like you won't like something then DON'T READ IT and also, if you can't stop yourself from reading it and you dislike parts of it

SKIP THE PARTS YOU DISLIKE

:-rpendraguinRocker:-

This of course includes these random things that I put in my spoilers (which strangely enough don't always include spoilers)

So basically if you dislike anything I write you don't have to read it. In fact I insist that you don't read it or at least I would prefer you skip most of it...

Also another warning I probably will end up offending most of you at some point at time...if not this time then definitely a next time...apologies for that and know that it's not personal or your fault. It is probably because of the weird way I think or word things

***

So I have been noticing several 'new' fanfics on this site with prologues large enough to come in parts. And so I wondered ...

-_- if my long prologue disease is infectious? [th_0pride.gif]

Just kid'en

Now give you guys a little 'lecture'

:keh:  

Basically there seems to be some reasons who get a most odd idea.

What idea am I talking about?

:ano:

It is elementary my dear persons' some people seem to be under the misconception, that they have control over this story

  :keih:

Actually some people even seem to think that they are the writer!

:haiha:

While I completely admit that I am open to suggestions and advice and that I will even on occasion accommodate some of my readers’ wishes.

-_-

That is far from meaning that will do anything someone tells me to

It also does not mean that I am going to do anything (or not do anything) just because someone says they don't like it

[th_057_.gif]  

Now besides  informing the peanut gallery/backseat driving people of the very obvious secret that when it comes to my fanfics I am in control I also have a message that relates to almost everybody who reads my work, especially you :gimme: "moar-moar-now" guys  because you seemed to have missed the memo (or several memos)

I currently do not have a schedule

I write when "I feel like it" or when inspiration takes me (like when the characters talk to me)

I will try to write a chapter a month at MINIMUM

THUS I HAVE NO CLUE WHEN I WILL HAVE A NEW CHAPTER UNTIL I AM ACTUALLY WRITING ONE!!

And this will probably not change, at least anytime in the foreseeable future

Also

I am doing this:

For fun

To express myself

To vent or get stress relief

To hopefully force me to develop writing skills

For entertainment (and because I like the non-monetary material rewards it brings)

I am not doing this:

As a Job (I don't expect money and right now I am not selling any of my work or asking for donations)

Professionally (mostly because I don't think I am of professional quality)

With the intention to please anyone but myself (obvious right? I think it's the way to go because other ways are impossible)

For insults (although I like criticism I really dislike it if people say I am doing something bad without saying specifically how)

And now some more embarrassing admissions

:blush:

I am not sure how apparent it is (because there are a lot of non-English speakers) but I have many problems and weaknesses when it comes to writing:

Sentence structure and grammar (also little mistakes like wrong words, misspellings and repetitions)

Example: right now I am struggling with to vs. too

Giving too little detail or more often too much (you guys like to call them info dumps)

Not sure what to call it but-(it is easy to misunderstand/interpret what I am trying to convey even to the point of me giving the complete opposite of what I actually intended)

  [th_114_.gif]    

Once again just because I acknowledge my weaknesses, and even if you point them out to me (doesn't matter if they are on that list or not)

IT DOESN'T MEAN I WILL FIX THEM

***The only thing that I can probably guarantee is that at the very least I will always try to take the time to read whatever comments or critiques that you might leave me. I will also usually try to let you know that I  have indeed read them by replying back  (usually in the comments area but I might pm you especially if you request it)***

To conclude:

> Quote:This is not a Democracy it is an Autocracy

I AM THE ALL POWERFUL GAME MASTER/AUTHOR

YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE READERS/LEACHERS/FIC-ADDICTS

UNDER MY DOMINION (some of you even admit it)

MUAHAHAH HA HA ha ha...ha...

[th_0v.gif]

Glad I got that out of my system lol  

If you hadn't noticed a lot of that was me just fooling around because playing with the smilies got me overexcited :D

Dazzling

(Hey it’s me MO, Hellen Keller moment, anyone?)

(The curious innocent brother)

At first my mind refused to accept it. So instinctively afraid I was of that existence that my mind immediately tried to push me into denial. But I had already somewhat conquered my feelings of that light and besides my two companion’s curiosity and boredom had already started to nudge me.

“Isn’t this exactly what we wanted? A new thing to ‘see’ something that we can be entertained and satisfied by? If we don’t go our hunger ‘to know’ will never be fulfilled” curiosity wordlessly whined

“If we don’t go not only will we remain unsatisfied but things will continue to be, exactly as they have been so far. Exactly the same” Boredom threatened me

Confronted by two such fearful yet temping beasts, and possessing my small sprout of courage I could do no other but try to reach the huge light.

Actually since the huge light had always been much closer than the other lights, it wasn’t so much an attempt then it was a doable challenge.

I slowly allowed my mind probe to make my way towards the huge light. It was a good thing that I had been going slowly because I was only slightly over halfway there when I ran into a barrier. As it was I felt a small pain comparable to ‘bumping my head’ and I was startled enough to stop.

However, although I had yet to really know this; barriers, even the Huge Light’s barrier never really cause any problems for me. I can’t really describe how I got through except to say it was something really natural and instinctive and for me it was almost effortless to do.

Then once I got past the barrier I suddenly felt something strange…it was a non-self that wasn’t the huge light but something else.  Now with all my knowledge if I were to describe it I would say that it was a being that was mechanical in taste.

Something that although in a way it had a ‘mind’ it definitely did not possess a soul. The being shot feelings at me that I roughly translate as asking ‘my intentions’. I immediately thought things such as ‘to reach the huge light’ and ‘to attempt to communicate’. The ‘thing’ read my mind easily and then I felt it give a sort of ‘confirmation’ and then it vanished in the direction of the huge light.

Soon after a large psychic construct similar to my mind probe headed in my direction.

***

At first my interactions with the light were just everything I had hoped for, and then I was given things that I never could even dream to have.

In my first encounter, the huge light just seemed to study me…and then for the first time in my existence I had something attempt to communicate with me instead of the other way around.

If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

However at that time I didn’t really realize what it was doing or even what I had had been doing before. But I was plenty entertained, was completely free of boredom and most importantly (at that time) it continually engaged and satisfied my curiosity.

The Huge Light would send many feelings towards me both familiar and unfamiliar it would also send me strange beautiful things I would later call ‘pictures’ or ‘images’. Sometimes as a special treat it would even give me such things as ‘music’.

But most curious of all sometimes it would “speak”. The voice it had was so beautiful even now my words fail to accurately describe it. It was like sunlight hitting pure clear water and dancing on the surface, divine bells ringing to the sound of holy flutes playing.

Each time one heard it, you lost your appetite, not because you couldn’t handle it but because it handled you so well that you felt satisfied to the point that you no longer needed food.

Yes, the voice was that amazing. I think part of the reason it took me so long to realize what the light was trying to do was because I was so enraptured by that voice that I couldn’t think about anything else.

But then one day while I was ‘pressing’ the light a bit, by forcefully concentrating on my own greedy desire to hear their music , while knowing they would be able to feel it and hoping that they would then decide to give me what I wanted.

The voice said something accompanied by strong negative emotions and it “clicked” in my head what they were meaning.

“No.” They said

No? I sent the feeling back as I couldn’t speak at that time

“Yes, No.” I got in return  

In order to confirm my understanding, I tried to concentrate on my desire once more though this time not as strongly as at that moment I wanted the knowledge more then I wanted music.

“No.” The light immediately responded

I then happily agreed and sent back a wordless “yes”

After that a ‘game’ started where the light would use various emotions with the occasional picture to “ask” a question. And then I would answer yes or no.

I am not sure how long it took but eventually I understood that the light was asking me about my experiences with the other lights. While replying I realized something, exchanging feelings, emotions and images with the light was very satisfying and gave me contentment.

In contrast whenever I would ‘send’ to the little lights I would feel a strong sense of frustration to the point where I was almost in pain from it. After thinking about this contrast I realized the reason was because unlike my exchanges with the little lights. I was actually getting things back rather than just giving and giving and not really getting much of anything but more confusion in return.

With each exchange with the big light however I was ‘gaining’ something, I didn’t always understand what I was gaining but I could always feel that I had indeed gotten something.

I was suddenly filled with a joyful feeling that I would later call “gratitude” and at the same time I recognized something else. My perception of the Huge Light had completely changed. Where I once felt only fear and ‘threat of danger’ I now felt happiness gratitude and affection.

Where I once saw it as something scary and terrifying I now ‘saw’ the Huge Light’s appearance as something as beautiful and dazzling.

***

Although I later would wonder if the Huge Light saw themselves the way I did, at the time I was in a most immature state, so it was somewhat rare for me to even think of anything beyond myself. Actually my way of thinking was very understandable even not taking my age into account, because before I met the light the only ‘solid’ thing in my world had been myself.

The “yes and no game” continued and it was never boring. Even if the same thing was repeated multiple times in a row because it came from out of that heavenly voice that was created by the dazzling light, it never got old.

Then in what was probably due course things “clicked” for me yet again. The light wasn’t mostly just sending random feelings and pictures like I was (unless I was ‘answering).  Similar to the “yes” and “no” in the beginning the light would give a sound and at the same time it would give “meanings” to go with that sound.

It was then that we really started to communicate

I think that it especially got efficient when I realized there were more ways to address each other than “self” and “non-self”. It was then that I got my first designation, the light called me “brother” soon after I connected myself to the moniker “brother” I realized the light’s preference for themselves that of “sister”.

Soon after I realized both these facts then I attempted to directly communicate with my own “voice”. The rare times I was ‘alone’ I had practiced being able to use ‘voice’. At first I just mimicked my sister's voice, but when I tried using it I felt uneasy…like it wasn’t “right” for me to do so.

So I tried to alter the purity a bit, or in other words I instinctively “toned things down a few notches” as well as altering the pitch a bit. What resulted was a voice I found acceptable. I then proceeded to practice using it a few times before presenting it to sister.

What followed was a conversation that explained what one of the current mysteries of my existence: that of loneliness. I realized that painful feeling I had, like almost everything else also had a label, and more importantly; being able to be with sister made the feeling go away.

When I learned that “sister” also felt the loneliness as well as its retreat, I started to feel “closer” to sister and I also started to feel a bit of empathy for the first time.

***

With my newly grown empathy I started to think about contacting the little lights again, however my desire to be with and learn from sister was larger than my idea to see if I could communicate with the others now that I had more knowledge.

So I continued to learn, and I learned many various things a majority of which I didn’t completely understand at least at the time. However for all at minimum I did usually at least have an idea as to its meaning. Much of which I learned was about our own race, and thus I was able to rely on my own instincts in order to get a feel for it.

I would later look upon these lessons with puzzlement because strangely sister taught in such a way that if you did not know what she was, you would think that she wasn’t a gem dragon teaching about  my sister's own kind but someone from outside the race making conclusions from clinical observations and from reading books.

However in my infantile state I just accepted everything she told me without argument or thought to its style or source and just focused on trying to remember it.

Soon along with words and their meanings she also showed me the simplest versions of their written form. Or in other words she was teaching me literacy. Fortunately for me, learning these pictures and symbols and the objects or concepts they matched up, to was much easier than learning ‘just’ words, as visual had always been easier for me to understand then auditory/listening.

Once the act of reading clicked together into working ability in my head, I heard a strange jarring chiming or ringing noise and a strange visual appeared in front of me.

Minimum requirements have been met

Status screen access has been unlocked

+Status Access 1st degree: Clearance level (low)

+Identification preliminary degree: Clearance restricted

----------------------------------------

Note:

I am not sure if this is a complete chapter yet...I may add more too it...or maybe not I will have to wait and see if the next chapter feels too long...if so I will chop off some of the top and add it this bottom

Deiku na deci ne eari ka 'pa