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Ode to Freud
Chapter 3 (part 1) : A Year Watching on The Sides

Chapter 3 (part 1) : A Year Watching on The Sides

Volume 1 : Infancy

Chapter 3

I don’t know how to describe the past months.

Uneventful?

No, they were filled with everyday work together with mother. I have learned further about life on the countryside. For example, I learned how to start a fire on a brick stove and how to properly prepare meat and vegetables which had been preserved in salt.

I have learned which fruits this land produces in spring and summer, and also homemade recipes of many kinds of sweets and other summer-like foods.

Somewhat I even learned a bit on sewing and cleaning a medieval house. It is weirder than most people think, since there are things to consider like sweeping the kitchen’s bare floor.

Why? Because bare earth won’t attract insects and rats, but a kitchen full of small grains of food and general uncleanness will.

Also, gossip. I have heard so much gossip the later days, I think I know even which sexual positions each girl of the village likes more.

I mean, when people talk about not having privacy in modern countryside they have no idea what happens when we are talking about medievalish countrysides.

The houses have little privacy by themselves. It’s common for the voices of grown ups to reach their kids when they have sex, for example. It is also common for most of them to not care.

There are no secure windows, as most have no wooden panels and those can creak easily. So middle-aged woman who like to spy on others from their windows have plenty of material to collect.

And don’t think the darkness of not having electricity is a problem for them. Not only some couples like to do it in candlelight, but also most of the town shares multi-hole bathrooms, which aren’t divided by sex.

It is the weirdest of things.

Even when we take in account that doing one’s duty in the bathroom isn’t the most erotic of acts, still it’s maybe too intimate to be shared by two people who aren’t of the same family.

Of course, I won’t say a thing about the people who do their stuff in the streets. Not only the occasional drunk, but also many of the children and even some adults, when they just need to do it…. Well, they just do it. In the streets.

It’s just nasty.

So, those things, plus the river baths which are shared by the same-sexed people, make it so everyone’s body and sexual habits isn’t a secret to anyone. Or at least it isn’t a secret to any of the gossiping hags of the village. 

I feel grateful for having asked the goddess the power to change my body at will. Listening to the middle-aged woman making jokes about the small-sized men of the village, or the ones whose wives are unsatisfied for a multitude of reasons makes me cringe in fear of being the subject of their talks.

I feel as exposed as if everyone were nudists. Or as if everyone bathed in the open, and when a neighbor passed by they just said “heya neighbor. Pass me ‘tha soap, will yah?”.

Not that there are any kind of soap in this world. People usually brush their skins with rags or their own hands, even at the river. I don’t even need to talk about how they smell, do I?

Well, at least grandmother is an exception. She smells so good!

Anyway. I think it may be because everyone grows together. Somehow the whole village is like a big family.

An enormous dysfunctional family, where me, my parents, grandparents and siblings are poorly accepted.

It seems the fact of mother being long-lived race and a foreigner is something most cannot endure, even after so many years living here.

Father being a retired adventurer, and therefore also a foreigner, is also something most cannot accept very well.

People are territorial here. A foreigner won’t ever be a part of the “village family”. Maybe his children can do it, like how mother has some friends who come over and talk to her. But the person herself will have one or two lifetimes of difficult adaptation.

Maybe that is one of the reasons why we have a private cistern on our backyard. I don’t know if grandmother has one as well, but could it be that the nudity of foreigners doesn’t follow the same rules as the nudity of the ones who grew up in town?

It evokes very bad stereotypes in my head, but I can understand it if I think this way. Foreigners aren’t the same “old thing” you see everyday. They are like someone wearing sexy lingerie in a beach where everyone is wearing regular bikinis. 

Or someone wearing a bikini in a non-costal town.

They just become sexualized.

I feel a bad thing when I think this way. There is no way sister´s obsession with the sword comes from tragedy in her past, right?

If some of these damn rednecks hurt my sister, I will burn this whole fucking village down and rape their skulls or my name isn’t Alvin.

Who knows. The goddess said things like mind and emotion magic exist as well right?

So I may also learn it, only so I can imprison their fucking souls in endless torment. Only so I can make they be soul-raped by razor blades. All of them.

Ah, mother is looking at me. She seems concerned.

“Al!”

“Uhn”

“Is something wrong son?”

“Ma.”

“Ma is here honey, don’t worry. Tell me. What happened? Are you hurt?”

Her tone is calm, but I can see the hints of anxiety in it. Mother has been giving me more and more freedom recently, so she may be a bit worried. Currently I am using a small bread knife to cut vegetables.

“U-uhm”.

I gave a negative nod with my head. Mother seems relieved.

“So, why are you so serious? Common, don’t you want to help Ma make dinner? Ooh, you have finished the potato already. Here, cut this carrot next.”

How should I bring up the subject? Maybe I should just be bland.

“Mother, have someone hurt Onee-san?”

Mother made a doubtful facial expression.

“Your sister? Why would anyone hurt her dear?”

“Onee-san is always training”

“Well, that doesn’t mean she has been hurt by anyone, you know? Why would you think that?”

“But why Onee-san is always training? Why she wants to be strong?”

I cannot just ask ‘is she training because she was raped and now feel insecure?’.

“Ara. Your sister has her reasons you know. She just wants to be strong, so don’t mind it. Common, chop that carrot at once.”

That means she wasn’t the victim of a tragedy, right?

I won’t find my sister crying in the moonlight someday, right?

Rater, mother’s tone and the way she changed topics. It is a difficult topic for her, no doubt. But it doesn’t give me the feeling of tragedy. Not at all.

Very well. Let’s trust mother on this.

***

Again, how should I define the last months?

Now, only a few days away from my second year of life in this world, how can I describe what have I lived since the end of the past winter?

Well, of course, it isn’t uneventful.

Then, should I say I have been lonely?

I cannot say that.

Sure, since I have been expending more and more time awake, I should be feeling some boredom and the such, but my daily routine has actually been packed full.

I wake everyday around 7 a.m.

At this hour father is already at work, and everyone had their breakfast already, so mother usually gives me some veggie pap.

I already have plenty of teeth, even if the bigger ones at the back aren’t fully developed. So I usually eat some fruit as well.

Then, the day progresses depending on mother’s schedule.

Sometimes she will have to do laundry or clean the house. In these cases I cannot help much, so I stay at the garden with sister and Jacen.

I have started to swing a twig with both of them, but I cannot make most of the exercises yet. Swordsmanship forms and specific moves are too much for my toddler coordination. When I try to do them I just fall to the ground.

So I do swings and basic calisthenics like running, sit-ups and push-ups.

Sister seems amazed with my progress, while brother at first was jealous – that is, until sister gave him a sermon on being an example to me.

I played with the tune and started to do stuff like he did, which made his chest inflate with pride.

It seems Jacen is finally feeling like a proper Older Brother.

Then, when mother isn’t doing chores I cannot help with like buying things in the market, I help as I can.

Sometimes it is preparing medicine for a friend, others it’s cooking, and others it’s sewing.

Anyhow, I always get a mid-morning light snack and the four of us in the house have lunch right before midday.

Then, at afternoon there are even more chores to do. However, at this time mother’s friends and grandmother usually come over to talk and gossip, so the chores are shared.

If for example someone has a lot more sewing to do than the others, all will help her.

It is also the time when they usually bring their own kids.

For a certain reason we ourselves never go visit them. The reunions always happen at our house.

I used to think there were some hidden circumstances behind that, but it seems it is because of the spinning well. 

What is a spinning well?

Well, professional sewing and textiles are a thing for the extremely rich in this world, so textiles and cloths have to be handmade in everyone’s houses.

The usual way is by using two staffs called spindle and distaff. It is a very time-consuming method, but it generates good results. With these two tools it is possible to turn raw cotton or wool into yarn thread, which then can be used to manually produce cloth by knitting or crocheting.

But we seem to be the uber-riches of this village so we have a much faster method. It is a rustic machine called a spinning well, which makes yarn production speed up many times. All of mother’s friends use it at alternated times.

So, this is the reason why the reunion always happens here. It’s also part of the reason why Jacen was so angry with me when I was born. Since mother couldn’t receive visitors during my first year of life, he was forced to spend over a year away from his friends…

I am sorry Onii-san. It seems I have made you suffer without knowing.

Anyway, sewing, making yarn and the such usually takes most of the afternoon. It is the main activity of woman in this world, and one of the top reasons why they seem to be stuck to do house chores.

After all, producing enough cloth to make a shirt or a pair of pants can take weeks or even months, depending on how able the person knitting or crocheting is. The final quality of the product will also depend heavily on the person’s ability, and in most of the cases the villagers end up dressed in crude wool pants made with roughly stitched together fabric and long armless shirts knitted by hand.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

Anyhow, the housewives usually are fast. Very fast. It’s almost hypnotic see how these women can produce cloth from yarn at astonishing speeds without even bating an eye to what they are doing. They gossip and knit, gossip and crochet. All afternoon.

Then there is leatherwork. Since it isn’t common to have big pieces of leather available, and it is expensive, most people do not use it in their clothes. In fact, most of the villagers walk without any shoes, their bare feet touching the ground directly or using sandals made of wood planks and leather strips.

Of course, we being the rich people of the village are different from most. Not only father, but even sister has a set of clothes made entirely of leather. Both have plain leather pants with few strips patched together, meaning they came from cow leather, and also long leather shirts.  Father also has a pair of leather boots.

But they don’t use those everyday – only on special occasions such as when father has to go hunt monsters or sister is doing special training by stitching leather strips to her pants and shirt – a species of improvised leather armor.

Daily they use common cotton clothing. What is a good thing. Otherwise they would smell horribly. We may be rich, but we are still commoners. We can’t have three or four sets of leather clothing so they can change their clothes everyday. Besides, doing laundry on leather is especially difficult and the sweaty smell don’t leave the clothes, no matter how much mother scrubs them.

Of course, there is one occasion when everyone on our house use leather clothes. That is in winter. Our family have jackets and boots made of sheep leather which has been processed by the hunters with the wool still attached to it. They are very warm and fluffy, so father, mother, sister and brother have a set of wool jackets and boots to use on winter. For father, sister and mother, who go out of the house, there are even wool pants, which aren’t made of leather but are still better than cotton pants. I myself have expend the last winter wearing a big wool leather robe. It was heavy, but I guess it was good exercise.

That said, all of our family clothes have been hand-made by mother. Even the cloths I use as diapers. Many of the ones I use haven’t exactly been made for me, of course – my baby shoes, shirt and pants have been my brother’s before me and my sister’s before him – but she had to adjust them to my size not only when I was born, but also from time to time as I grew.

Thinking back in the history of earth, many causes have been given for the woman right’s movement and feminism to have succeeded in our modern society, including war and the genius of the feminist writers.

But I believe it was fabrics and steam-powered machines. If these women in front of me didn’t have to expend most of their life making cloth and clothing for everyone (including their children and themselves) they would have at least 4 to 5 hours more in their day, which could be used for a lot of stuff – including politics and working outside the house.

Of course, being bound to the land and its cycles is a big factor in that as well. Grandmother for instance has been less and less frequent to come to our house, since it’s Harvest Season and all help is welcome to help pick stuff from the fields. Harvesting machines would also give her a lot of extra time.

That said, sister never join us at afternoons. Mother has called her many, many times, but it is almost impossible for her to come and do some knitting or sewing. And when she does come its usually something like sewing extra patches of leather to her own reinforced-leather set of shirt and pants.

I guess sister has decided she doesn’t want to be a woman of this world. That would explain why she devotes herself to the sword with such passion.

I knew some women like that in my previous life as well. Women who decided they didn’t want to conform living a housewife’s life, and because of that became obsessed with studies and work.

Some of them succeeded, but I personally knew at least a few who went too far and lost themselves to their obsession.

I hope sister can find a greater calling in life after she gets independent….

Well, mid-afternoon I usually get breastfeed by mother and take a big nap. In this time many of the other children nap too, while others remain awake. It depends a lot of their ages.

It’s fun to see so many woman breastfeeding together. They eat together, sew together, wave together, knit together, gossip together, feed their children together…. They are almost sisters in this.

Grandmother always makes a soft and tender face when she sees mother breastfeeding me. The feeling of being loved is so great I almost forget to suck sometimes.

I guess this is one of the reasons why mother still allow me to breastfeed this one time of the day.

My naps usually go for two, maybe three hours. It depends a lot on the day.

Then, when I wake up the other woman have gone back to their houses and mother is preparing Dinner.

Sister generally has finished her day-long training and has gone to the river to take her daily bath. She is the only one in our house who takes daily river baths – because she is the only one who sweats so much.

Sometimes I get the feeling that she is also the only one her age who does it. At least amongst the girls. It seems boys who are training to become adventurers and swordsman in the future do the same as her – they train all day long and then they bath at the river before coming back home. The difference is that they do it as a group, and not alone.

Jacen and I also get cloth baths everyday, since we have been training with sister. The cold water is awful, and Jacen used to get a lot of colds because of that. But after a while it just stopped. 

I guess he became stronger.

I by my turn never became sick since the beginning, probably because I am immune to all forms of sickness.

After helping mother with dinner father comes back home and we all eat in the table.

I have to say – I am happy to have an eastern-style dining table in the house. Truth be told, not only would I be unable to eat with everyone if the table was western-style, but also this is a nice way to become more flexible and cultivate a better posture.

Many westerners have problems with being unable to sit on their own knees and bad posture, and much of it comes from never sitting on their knees when they were young. The “crossed legs” position is something very rare in the west, so people become stiff in their knees.

Also, can I say how awesome it is to have baby-like flexibility?

If there is a thing I want to bring with me to my adult life is this amazing skill. I mean, if I want to, I can easily put my feet behind my neck!

Once I even did a circus-like stunt. It took me a many days of stretching to achieve this feat, but I finally was able to do it.

While supporting my weight with my chest I pulled my butt up, and then grabbed my feet and pushed them down.

I was able to make my feet touch the ground and my butt touch the top of my head. It didn’t hurt at all. Then I put strength in my abdomen and stood up by raising my abdomen over the ground.

This is so cool. Just so cool. I want to be flexible like this forever.

Anyway.

At dinner father talks about his day, mother gossips about stuff and me and Jacen add some commentaries to what is being said. Sister is usually silent, except when mother or father try to have her going out of the house, doing womanly chores or the such. Then she may become angry and things can even become a discussion.

Once she even left the house and didn’t came back for hours. Father had to go and look for her, but both only returned by morning.

It didn’t look like they had a fight or anything, but both had sullen expressions. Father’s low spirits went on for weeks after that.

Eventually even mother started to be in a bad mood.

I guess something happened that night. Can I discover what?

No, maybe it’s best if I don’t ask. There seems to be a rift between my parents and Ann.  Every time I tried to include her in our dinnertime talks she and father would get in one of those fast-and-short replies kind of discussion. Sometimes she would even leave the table without eating dinner.

I learned that my cuteness as a younger brother and son have its limits. I cannot fill this ravine between then with adorableness alone. And I do not have enough information to know what happened, so I cannot help.

Let’s hope I discover more about it in the future.

Around 7 p.m. I go to sleep. Mother puts me in my crib, and that is it.

Ah, right.

Remember how I should have a special skill allowing me not to need any sleep?

Well, it has showed itself, finally!

I mean, almost.

I can stay awake for two or three hours after my bedtime, without any negative repercussions on the next day.

However, more than that and I start to be very sleepy during the rest of the day.

Oh yeah, father and mother are still abstinent. At least as much as I know, that is. Maybe I have slept on one of their nights of love making, but I guess I would wake if they did it. Since I haven’t they seem to still be holding their needs in check. It must be difficult to sleep everyday side-by-side with a person you are socially expected to have relations with, and still keep your calm.

I shall congratulate my parents on their efforts and resistance to the urges of the flesh. I hope such strong genes have been passed to me as well.

They may have had some alone time when we were bathing in the winter, but even so, it has been months now.

Congratulations to both.

***

Well, my second birthday came and went by without repercussions of any kind. In fact, I even missed the day. I only realized it had come and gone because mother and her friends where making small talk someday.

Things like “time sure flies by, doesn’t it?” and the such. That’s when grandmother said “that is right. Even Alvin is two already…”.

That was a few days after I had completed two, so I felt really sad.

I mean, it hurt a little to think my own birthday just went by without anyone even caring to give me a “happy birthday” or something.

But this is just how the people of this world are. I guess I have to get used to it.

Is this going to change something in my life? Seeing as how people are just acting the same as always it may not change anything at all.