CHAPTER FIVE

New Business.

The next day, after a fitful sleep filled with unsettling dreams about past debts demanding to be settled, I woke up with a miserable headache which was soon compounded by finding a small child sitting patiently on the steps outside my office door.

My encounter last night with Cassie had been slightly unsettling. Her words bothered me. Her presence bothered me. It had been one thing knowing that she had become a Valkyrie and would be taking up residence in Gardenia. But it had been another thing entirely to see her in the flesh. Learning that Patrick was going to be her chief servant was another unpleasant revelation.

When presented with disturbing news, the obvious solution was to drink yourself into a mindless stupor. Not an easy feat for an ordinary vampire, but thanks to my ability to revert to a human form, I was soon deep in my cups and unable to form a coherent thought of any kind. Thus inebriated, I slept the night away, only to be plagued by dark dreams of the recent past.

I knew that dwelling on those nightmares would do me very little good, so I decided to find somewhere still serving breakfast at four in the afternoon. Perhaps I’d try out the local Waffle House, the only major restaurant chain of the previous era that survived the apocalyptic collapse of old America. With my decision made, I set out on my journey, only to trip over the child and land painfully on my face.

Angrily, I swiftly regained my feet, wondering what fool dared to impede me on my path to breakfast, only to see my visitor staring at me with wide, frightened eyes.

The little boy was certainly…well-fed. He was a rotund little thing, whose age I placed between five and seven. He possessed pale skin, and a pair of round cheeks dotted with freckles beneath a curly swash of brown hair. The kind of adorable little elementary schooler they once used for comedic roles in old sitcoms. I was immediately suspicious of his presence.

“You. Creature. Have you nothing to say regarding your blunder?” I asked him crossly.

The child met my gaze but stared in blank confusion. “Huh?” he asked.

“You tripped me. It hurt,” I explained.

“Oh,” he said, catching on. “I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology,” I said in magnanimous acknowledgement of his admission of fault. “But what purpose brings you to my land?”

“Huh?” he asked again.

“Why are you on my stoop, kid?” I asked with exaggerated patience.

“Oh, sorry,” he said innocently. “Um, are you the solver?”

“Incorrect,” I said immediately.

“Huh?” he asked again.

I was beginning to believe that he said that word a lot.

“I’m the Resolver, I explained to him. “I don’t solve things, I resolve them.”

“Okay,” he said. Then he asked, “Is that the same thing?”

I thought about that for a moment, then I nodded. “A wise question, child. I suppose I do solve issues as part of the services I offer. For what reason do you ask?”

“Can you kill monsters?” he asked excitedly.

“I can kill anything I want,” I said proudly as I basked in his attention. “I’m so good at it that sometimes it bores me.”

“Can you really kill anything?” he asked.

“Yes. Without a doubt in the world,” I said with a nod of affirmation.

“That’s so cool!” he said. “Why aren’t you more famous?”

“People who do things solely for the attention they’ll receive are all annoying assholes,” I informed him.

“Oh. Uh, my mom doesn’t like me hearing words like that,” the kid said in a scandalized voice. “I’d be in big trouble if I ever said that.”

“No worries, it’s fine if I do it because I’m a mature and responsible adult. Just don’t repeat anything I ever say, and she’ll have nothing to be angry over,” I assured him.

“Oh,” he said. “That’s smart.”

“Well, I’ve been around for a while,” I said. “I know all the tricks that underline how modern societies work which makes socializing with others effortless for me. But seriously, don’t ever snitch on me. Tattletales are uncool.”

“I won’t!” he promised.

“You’d better not,” I said. “I’m vengeful.”

“What does vengeful mean?” he asked.

“Stay on my good side and you’ll never find out,” I assured him.

“Okay,” said the boy agreeably.

An awkward stretch of time then passed before he got around to making his request.

“Mr. Solver, can you please kill a monster for me?” the boy eventually asked.

“I most certainly can. What kind is it?” I replied.

“I don’t know. But I can hear it moving around my aunt’s house while I’m sleeping at night. I can hear it breathing and I know it’s up to no good!”

“Hmm,” I said thoughtfully, as I took a seat beside him on the stoop. “I admit that does sound frightening, but as long as you keep your blankets over your head and toes, the beast has no power to harm you. Why do you seek its death?”

“Because I can hear it whispering,” he said nervously. “I think it wants to eat us. And I’m worried about what would happen if I had to pee in the middle of the night.”

“I see. You can’t take a blanket into a bathroom, which would leave you vulnerable to an ambush.”

“Exactly,” the boy said, nodding fervently. “That’s exactly right!”

“Well, that does sound like a problem,” I agreed after giving the situation further thought. “Come inside and let’s talk,” I said as I opened my office door and gestured for him to follow.

_

I sat at my desk and steepled my fingers as I considered how to best serve the needs of my new client. He may have been naught but a simple human boy, but the animal complexities that operate beneath our rational minds are a strange force that can have us seeking answers to mysteries we may not even remember desiring to solve while in the dreary grip of our waking reason.

The boy said he wanted me to kill a monster for him. The question before me was, is he being literal? Or does he just need someone to hang out with? It was perfectly understandable if that was the case. In service to the economy, parents are often forced to work long hours on the job and spend time away from their progeny. When that happens, children often develop intense feelings of loneliness and will seek attention from others.

Might this child be searching for a cool, relatable, big brother figure? Did he just need a friend to talk to? Would offering him my ear be the best way to resolve his issues?

I hoped not. That sounded boring.

“Tell me about yourself,” I said.

“I’m Andy!” he said cheerfully.

“Hmm. That’s a suitable name for you,” I decided at once. “You seem very much like an Andy to me. It feels very on brand.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“It does?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said with a knowledgeable tilt of my head. “The very essence of Andy-ness appears to have saturated every fiber of your mortal being.”

“Thank you!” Andy said with a happy smile.

“You’re welcome. Now tell me, Andy. Why are you staying with your aunt instead of your parents?”

“Oh. Um, she’s actually at our house to watch over me. My mom and dad are working in the Narrows for the next few months, so they pay Kendal to stay over.”

“I’m sorry, did you say the Narrows?” I asked in surprise.

“Uh huh,” he said, nodding excitedly. “Have you heard of them?”

“You could say that,” I said, mostly to myself.

Ah, the Narrows. The first place I’d truly begun to feel at home in this odd world. Located about twenty miles to the west of Gardenia, the Narrows was what was called a reclamation. A settlement that would eventually become a city of its own, where brave people went to stake out a life for themselves slowly taming the wilderness and clearing it of its monstrous inhabitants. It wasn’t an easy life, but it was deeply appealing for those seeking independence from Gardenia’s iron-fisted rule. Andy’s parents must have had some steel in them.

“So, why are they working in a reclamation?” I asked.

“They’re reopening this tavern called Jamie’s after they bought it out from the old owner’s daughter. My mom said that a few years ago bandits got inside the walls somehow and did bad things and it’s been closed since then and the owner died, and the daughter of the owner doesn’t want it anymore, so the daughter of the owner sold it to my parents and now my parents—”

“Okay, I get it, we can stop talking about it,” I said very quickly. “Thank you, Andy.”

“Uh huh,” he said cheerfully.

Bandits, huh? Was that the story they eventually settled on? Well, it was hardly unbelievable. The wilderness didn’t just call out to the hearts of settlers and wanderers seeking a change in their lives. It also appealed to the truly dangerous among us; Men and women who didn’t want to live in civilized companionship with others. Wretches who rejected the very notion of lawfulness and took whatever they pleased through whichever means pleased them, despite the consequences. And there were consequences for such misbehavior.

In a world like this, preying on your fellow man eventually got you labeled a bandit by the system. Such a thing essentially meant they'd been deemed a monster in human skin. The lowest sort of person possible, capable of any indecency if it gave them a chance for survival or pleasure.

In other words, utter scum.

Anyone caught with that title was dealt with mercilessly. No one could afford to take the chance of sparing them. Thus no one would bother doubting their guilt, which was great for me because it lessened the odds of anyone ever accidentally discovering that Rachel was the one who’d murdered the previous owner of that tavern.

Her name had been Jamie, and she’d been a bad person. It was a very messy situation. All best swept tidily under the rug and forgotten about. I barely ever thought of her these days except during quiet moments of extreme regret and longing.

Too bad her daughter Cassie was back in my life.

Shoot.

“Is Kendal your aunt’s name?” I asked Andy after the silence had grown a little longer than I was comfortable with.

“Uh huh! She’s my mom’s little sister. She’s cool!” Andy said enthusiastically.

“Why do both of your parents have to work at the Narrows at once?” I wondered.

“More hands make the work go faster,” he said with the solemnity of a little boy who has been told that phrase repeatedly by his parents. Before I could remark upon it, the door to my office opened and a young vampire stepped inside clenching her fists angrily.

“Hey, can we speak for a moment? I have words I want to share,” said Anikka in a calm voice free of hostility that surely masked murderous rage. She was dressed in a stylish sleeveless shirt and skirt, and had her blonde locks swept back in a messy but appealing sort of way that I would have enjoyed looking at if I wasn’t certain she was about to go for my throat.

Quickly, I took shelter beneath my desk.

“Run, Andy!” I shouted. “But not too quickly; she’ll kill anything that attracts her attention!”

“Huh?” asked Andy.

Oh, Andy, you poor doomed thing.

“Kyler, would you stop being an idiot for two minutes and talk to me please?” asked Anikka.

“I’m sorry, dear one, but I can’t take that chance!” I said from hiding.

“Hi, I’m Andy,” said Andy gormlessly. “You’re really pretty.”

“Oh, goodness. Kyler? Where did you find this adorable baby seal?” asked Anikka. When I took a cautionary glance over the top of my desk, I saw that she was now holding the boy effortlessly in her arms and was giving him a thorough squeeze.

“Anikka, that’s a client, not a toy! Please be careful with how you handle him,” I said urgently.

“Oh, relax, he’s fine,” Anikka said as she lay him on the couch and took his spot in the chair. “Don’t pay attention to anything you hear for the next few minutes, okay sweetie?”

“Okay!” Andy said brightly, before rolling over to his side and taking a nap.

Hmm. An impressive use of mesmerization.

“Too cute,” Anikka said with a smile before turning to face me. “So, what’s this I’m hearing about having to leave my home for the next twenty years? It was an interesting announcement to wake up to.”

“Well, that was a discussion your creator and I had involving—”

“Kyler, you don’t have to keep hiding under the desk. I’m serious, please stop doing that,” she said.

“I’m not hiding. I’m positioning myself strategically in case I need to restrain you,” I replied indignantly.

“And why would you need to do that?” she asked as she began drumming her fingernails on the arm of her chair.

“Anikka, I know this is difficult for you to understand, but being a young vampire puts your mind and body through all sorts of extreme and dangerous changes than can be harmful if you’re not carefully monitored.”

“I’m fine, dummy,” she sighed.

“Hey! Name calling is uncalled for,” I said.

“Until the moment that it is,” she replied. “Kyler please come out from under there.”

“Fine! But only because you asked politely,” I said as I resumed my seat. “So, what brings you by? Need me for a case?”

“More like I need you off my case,” Anikka said rebukingly. “I’m not going anywhere, Kyler. I’m sorry you’re feeling weird over what happened, but that’s no excuse to upend my life.”

“I’m not trying to upend your life, Anikka,” I said delicately. “I’m trying to help you gradually adapt to your new existence.”

“I already told you that I’m fine,” she said. “Haven’t you ever heard of better living through chemistry?”

“Huh?” I asked in confusion.

“I believe you when you say that being a new blood makes people act crazy, okay?” Anikka said. “That’s why I prepared accordingly, before I let Rachel transform me. I’ll admit, I felt nuts! Like a hunting hound surrounded by fat squirrels. It was an intense few minutes before I took my medication.”

“Medication?”

“Rachel didn’t mention it?” asked Anikka. “It’s a depressant used to tranquilize large monsters. Bull trolls, red ogres, and the like. I can’t say what the exact measurements I’m taking are, but I’ve been assured one syringe is potent enough to stop the hearts of a building full of humans. But since I’m a vampire, it just mellows me out nicely.”

“You’re feeling…mellow?” I asked with some astonishment.

“Buzzed as a honeybee,” she smirked. “No more likely to kill at random than any other person.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Really,” she confirmed.

Wow. If she was telling the truth, then that was a truly impressive achievement. But I couldn’t just take her word on it.

“Anikka Velas, are you being honest with me?” I asked her as I used [Mesmerize] to compel a truthful answer from her.

“I am. I’m in complete control of myself and have not once been overwhelmed by my condition in the year since my rebirth,” she said. “Kyler, you should have just talked to me instead of running away.”

“I thought I was hurting you,” I muttered to myself.

“Excuse me?” she chortled.

“I said I thought I was hurting you,” I said. “Emotionally. After our…encounter began, you were crying, and I was horrified to think that I’d…somehow damaged your heart.”

As I spoke, Anikka covered her face with her palms and said nothing.

“Yeah, I know,” I said gently. “It was too much, too soon, and for that I’m so sorry.”

“Kyler, you’re so fucking stupid sometimes that it does genuinely cause me pain. Like right now. I feel like I’m going to die from secondhand embarrassment.”

“Huh?” I asked in shock.

“I wasn’t weeping in emotional anguish, you self-absorbed drama queen,” Anikka said from behind her hands. “It just so happens that my eyes get…watery when the moment approaches.”

“The moment?” I asked in confusion.

“Yes, Kyler. The moment. Of bliss? Joy? La petite mort, the little death?”

“Ohhh,” I said as realization dawned within me.

Then I smirked. “So, I got you to the chosen land, did I?”

“You were doing that thing with your fingers, okay?” Anikka said. “I liked it.”

“Hell yeah,” I said with a pleased grin. “As I recall, I was strumming you up like a good baseline.”

“SHUT UP!” Anikka groaned.

“Just call me the pied piper of pleasure,” I snickered.

“Kyler, this is how one goes about creating their own villains, okay? Drop it,” Anikka warned me.

“All right, all right,” I said placatingly as I held up my hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. And…I’m glad that you don’t have to leave. I really am. So, what does this mean for us?”

“Maybe it would be a good idea for us to cool things down a bit,” Anikka said after giving it some thought. “Honestly, I know you’re not him. My Evans is gone. It hurts, it’ll always hurt. But I can accept that. At the same time, being with you was fun but…maybe it’s just a little too strange for us to continue with. Does that make any sense?”

“It does,” I agreed. “I don’t think I could ever measure up to him.”

“You can’t,” she said sadly. “But that’s through no fault of yours. Let’s just say we both had a weird night and leave it at that.”

“I can do that,” I said somberly.

“Thank you,” she said gratefully.

I nodded and said nothing more on the subject.

“So, are you coming back home?” she asked after letting a few minutes quietly elapse.

“Eventually, if you haven’t had the locks changed yet,” I smiled. “For now, I think I’ll keep trying my hand at this. Being a Resolver.”

“Are you really going to run around playing goblins in the garden with children?” Anikka asked with a chiding laugh. “It suits you somehow, but…isn’t it a little silly?”

“Now, now, Lady Velas,” I said. “As far as I’m concerned, no case is too big or too small to be resolved. Besides, wait until I tell you and Rachel what I’ve already gotten involved in. You won’t believe your ears, I promise you.”

“Ooh, that sounds intriguing,” she said brightly as we both stood up.

“Look forward to the tale then,” I said as I escorted her to the door.

“Don’t think I won’t,” Anikka said. She then tapped a device she wore on her wrist which activated a magical effect called a solar screen, which covered her body from head to toe, negating the harmful effects of the sun on her vampire physiology. Another amazing tool crafted for our benefit by my good friend, Norey Blackforge, the dwarven smith lord. Was there anything he couldn’t conceive of and create?

Anikka and I said our farewells, and I watched her drive off down the street. Then I sighed wistfully and stepped back inside.

Better living through chemistry, huh? Would the wonders of the modern world ever cease to amaze me?