The Uber lady dropped me off in the front parking lot at Fitz’s. I went in and grabbed a table. One of Fitz’s waitresses came over, and I ordered a Guinness. I also mentioned that I was waiting for two more people.
I was early, so I got up and went to one of the dart boards and played a game of darts. Fitz kept a set of darts. The hard-core people who came here to play darts usually brought their own since the ones Fitz kept had been used and abused by all sorts of randos. There was no guarantee that they would fly true. I played two games and lost two pints of beer to a 16-year-old who had snuck into the bar to hustle darts. Neither game was even close.
As I was offering to put another beer on the line for a third game when I saw Sid and Em enter the bar. I went to my table and sat down, and waved them over.
“Yo.” Said, Sid.
“Randy.” Said, Em.
“Hey, guys. Have a seat. How were things? Your car is parked in my parking space, by the way. Not sure what that twat Marigold will think.”
Then I said, “So. We’re here. Something was said about recruiting a new member of our merry troupe. First off, I just wanted to say I am uncomfortable letting people in on our secret. Do we really need another person? I think we’re developing our own groove.”
“Randy, if we know the monsters, we can handle it. But I almost died twice the last time we entered the dungeon. We need someone who can handle things if one of us goes down, and we need more firepower for when we want to kick down doors and start taking names.” Emily said.
“Do you have any suggestions then? I’m not entirely fond of the idea, but if you can find someone who can keep their mouth shut and who we can all get along with, and who isn’t a complete drag on our team, then sure, why not?”
“No idea. You?” Em said
“Nope. No. Well, maybe. There is this chick who teaches where I was learning broadsword fighting. Not sure how excited she would be to delve with us and if she is into the whole adventurer thing. But I guess I could ask.”
I ordered another pint, then got up to go pee.
When I got back, Sid and Em were sitting at our table with Gwen, who was in her entire battle maiden getup.
I sat down “I can’t believe you are considering Gwen,” I moaned.
“What’s wrong with Gwen?” Em said.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with me? And what am I being considered for?” Gwen said.
“Em. Gwen and I don’t get along for some inexplicable reason.”
“Don’t you remember? About six months ago, you were piss drunk, came over to me, and said, “Hey Gwen, are you a beaver? Because right now, I need you to eat my wood.” Then you slapped my ass and stumbled off to take a piss without even giving me a chance to yell at you.”
“Damn, Randy. Even I would punch you in the face for that,” Sid said.
“Forget about Randy for now,” said Em. She gestured at the armor and sword Gwen was wearing. “Can you use all that, or is it just for show? Have you opened your [Status] yet, and if you have, what skills do you have?”
“You do realize that all of that is personal information. I’ve got to have a reason to share.”
“Em. She’s another cosplayer who has gotten too far into this apocalypse thing.”
“Gwen,” said Em, “We have access to a dungeon.”
“What? Which one?”
“Technically, two dungeons. We also have access to that one near Asheville. Neither of them is well known,” I said.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
Gwen sat there, shocked all over her face, “I have so many questions.”
“We’re looking for a good off-tank, and DPS is considering adding you to our Party. Well, at least Sid and I are. Randy, I’m not so sure about.”
”Repeating the questions.” Em continued. “Is that getup just for show, or do you have any talent? Have you opened your [Status]? What [skills] do you have.”
“No. I haven’t opened my Status yet. Just saving up for a good [skill]. I didn’t want a useless crystal to get the [Status] page. My Dad taught Brazilian Jujitsu, wrestling, and fencing at my private school. I’ve trained with him since I was nine. I’ve also got my black belts in Kendo and Iaido. And I almost made it to the Olympics for Women’t Individual Foil.”
“As for the gear. This is the outfit my DnD character wears. Kira is a half-elven ranger. The girls and I get together after work on Mondays and play. Sort of like a book club, just nerdier.”
“So, Randy, Sid. What do you think? She sounds like a good fit to me.”
“Don’t you think we should do some sort of background check? Or even just a sparing session with rubberized practice swords?” I said.
“Sounds like a good idea. Gwen, you up for a sword fight? Don’t worry about holding back. Randy is a half-assed healer, but he’ll do in a pinch.” Em said.
“So, are we going to stand around insulting me, or are we going to do this smackdown,” I said.
“Why not the parking lot behind Fitz.” Em said.
“Aren’t you worried about people watching?”
One of Gwen’s friends came over. She looked worried for her friend. I’d seen her before and tried to chat her up a few times. She had long, slightly curly brown hair, huge brown eyes, and a dusky complexion. Super cute. I’d never even gotten her name, much less the phone number I’d been after. “Hey, Gwen, what’s taking so long? And why are you hanging with the bar’s biggest loser.”
“Sorry, Annie, just taking care of some business.”
“If you need help or a rescue, your girls are here for you,” Annie said.
“I’m right here. Does every woman in this place hate me?” I said
“Pretty much.” Annie and Gwen said together.
“I need to find a different bar,” I said.
“Or a better personality,” Annie mumbled. Before walking away to rejoin the group of women, Gwen usually hung out with.
“Okay, enough of piling up on Randy. How are we gonna do this thing? We Sid and I took Uber here, and so did Randy, I assume. Gwen, any chance you have some practice swords in your car?”
“Nope. I took Uber too. Didn’t want to drive home after drinking.”
“The two of you could go old school. I could see if Fitz had any cardboard wrapping paper tubes in the back. Or maybe we could get some broomsticks?” I said.
“Shut up, Randy, unless you have a good suggestion.”
“I just checked the [market]. Blunted metal Practice swords are 25 xp each. The rubberized ones are 23 xp. You guys gotta lend me some XP to buy them since I spent all mine yesterday.” Sid said.
“I went on a solo dive this morning. I have plenty.” I said. Then bought two metal practice swords. I also purchased the passive spells [Basic: Regeneration] and [Basic: thick skin]. Gwen was becoming an investment.
I handed everything over to Gwen, along with [Basic: Hulk Smash] and the [Basic: Etruscan Pottery] skills I’d found this morning. “Here, take these since you will be joining our little group. If you are full of shit and have been lying, I am willing to take repayment in hand jobs and blow jobs. In case you don’t know how to activate a [Crystal] by cutting your skin, breaking the glass container, and letting it seep into your bloodstream.”
“I know. I’ve seen it done on YouTube.” Gwen said. “Shall we meet in the parking lot?”
After Gwen had absorbed the [Crystals], I gave her. The four of us got up and headed out back, now carrying swords. While we walked, I cast [Basic: Make Sober] on the whole team. Current and future members.
Annie saw us walking to the back door and came over like the Mother hen she was turning out to be and said, “What’s up, Gwen.”
I looked at her and said, “Gwen made one too many bad jokes about me, and Em is taking her out back to school her.”
“With Swords?” Annie said.
“Yup. Gwen claims she is an expert. We’re just double-checking in the parking lot. Don’t worry; the swords are dull.”
“Mind if I come to watch,” Annie said. “I have a healing spell. In case things get out of hand.”
“Lead the way,” I said, motioning towards the door.
“So, which healing spell do you have?” I asked.
“It is called [Basic: Lay on Hands]. It lets me transfer some of my hit points to someone I touch. Hurts like a son of a bitch, too. Which is probably why it came up for sale.” Annie said.
“Still, an actual useful spell must have cost a boatload?”
“I don’t know. My Dad bought it for me.” Annie looked embarrassed about this fact, so I didn’t push any further. And so the abrupt change in conversation, “Hey, where’s Sid?” It was not unexpected.
“He’s around somewhere,” I told her.
While in the back parking lot, I sent out group invitations to everyone. I included Annie in the group invite. “I spent some time trying to think of ground rules. The best I could come up with was 1) No head shots, 2) No casting combat spells, that includes the [Hulk Smash] spell I gave you or the [Basic: Combat sharpen] Em that you and Sid have. Defense spells are fine, though. 3) If someone is on the ground, let them get back up 4) If someone is unconscious, back off and let me or Annie heal them up. 5) The fight goes until someone is in the Red, in other words, down to 15% of their Hit Points. Both of you, remember, this fight isn’t about winning or losing. It is about Gwen showing us she has some skills and can take a hit.”