Early on in Ayano’s story, I stopped sucking her dick and moved up so that I could lay beside her, taking her into an embrace. It was the best way I knew how to comfort her when she was opening her heart to me. Knowing that I had a picture of that lake hanging outside my door made me feel a little sick, thinking about what had happened in it in some other reality.

When she finished, I offered her a quick kiss on the lips.

“... I believe every word you just said, Ayano. And I’ll be by your side forever. I’ll support you. I’ll help you make the world a better place. I’ll help you defeat the Monstra. I’ll help you bring peace… I’ll make you feel loved and… Help you love yourself…”

She turned to plant a kiss on my forehead in return, wrapping her arms around my head and holding me close, stroking my hair.

“... Thank you, Lilly. It’s your turn now.”

I was still a bit reluctant. But I couldn’t exactly say no to opening up after Ayano had just done so herself. Besides… Whilst I couldn’t have ever guessed her history, she probably understood the gist of mine.

“... Okay. I’ll tell you about just what sort of life I led as a slave to the Leywoods…”

~~ Three Years Ago ~~

I wake up to the lingering feeling of that violent red taste on my lips. A sliver of sunlight is peaking in through the window, separated by the rusty bars of my cage. My eyes flicker open. A rotten reality assaults each of my senses. I close my eyes again. I want nothing more than to be unconscious forever, even if I dream of nothing but contextless pain, and try to pretend that it’s pleasure.

But the fact is, I’m awake. I can notice the smell of shit assaulting my nose. I can hear my own haggard breaths. Feel the cold chill on my body on this otherwise hot summer day. I can look down and see the rags I’m wearing that can barely be called clothes. Feel my stomach rumble as I look at an empty dog bowl, and hope to high heavens that I’m actually fed today. If I was human, I’d be diseased, feeble, and unable to move. But even in this sorry state, the mana I feed my body keeps my dirt and faeces covered body otherwise pristine, healthy, and beautiful. It’s all I can hold on to. No matter how much I’m suffering, I’m still beautiful.

I curl up into a ball and shiver for warmth, hoping the sunlight will heat the stone I’m laying on just a little bit, but the sun only peeks in directly through the narrow window for a few hours around noon. Finding new positions to lay in, trying to stay warm, and fantasising about the various things that might lead to me finally escaping, or that I might do once I’m free, were the only things keeping my mind occupied and sane throughout any given day.

I didn’t exactly have ways to keep track of time, trapped in this basement. I couldn’t tell the difference between sleep and waking, dreams and reality, but even if I did manage to catch some extra sleep, I still felt permanently exhausted. At one point I looked at the bowl to see that it was filled with food. Raw rat meat, as usual. It was sizzling in that afternoon sun. I suppose I had passed out, because I hadn’t noticed anyone bring it in. Of course, I eye it hungrily, and, in stark contrast to my usual lethargic state, I pounce on the bowl, lunging for it as though it might be snatched away from me at any moment. I contort my face and unhinge my jaw, growing countless rows of teeth as I devour meat in one go. The tough, unpleasant meat that tastes vaguely of sewage is grinded up in an instant right down to its atomic components. Tasting it as little as possible is the only way to enjoy the meal. I would eat it normally in my human form, just to give me something to do. But anytime I’ve tried to do so in the past, I simply vomit up the rancid meat a few hours later, and I feel even hungrier. And I get punished for the crime of being ungrateful for my food.

After eating, I’m still hungry. I want to eat the bowl too, but I’m not allowed. I want to break these pathetically feeble bars and escape, but I’m not allowed. The physical confines are not what is keeping me physically put. The slave contract is creating a sort of invisible barrier. You could leave me in an empty open field and I would still be just as trapped. When I first became a slave, I felt comfort in such restrictions. I signed it when I was but a child in the orphanage, the town I was living in being desperate to get rid of me, knowing what I am. Gloria, visiting the Orphanage looking for children to raise into servants of the Leywood estate, seemed like a nice lady to my naive self back then. Since I was hated and maligned by the community for what I was capable of, my young brain thought a slave contract seemed like a good idea, so that I couldn’t hurt anyone. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I had killed her back then.

I’m eventually pulled away from my memories and lamentations as I notice that the light has turned orange, and I try to imagine the beautiful sunset that I’m missing out on. I’m drifting off to sleep as I hear someone enter. I immediately sit upright and sit on my knees in a respectful pose before she can see me. I need to be obedient and polite, otherwise I’ll be punished.

Gloria Leywood enters the light and stands in front of my cage. She’s wearing a regal black and gold trimmed poofy dress that I’ve never seen her wear before. She’s wearing a silver butterfly brooch and several silver hair clips in her beautifully dyed purple hair. Her pretty face is dolled up to look even more pristine. Powder to make her skin look as white as porcelain, and heavy eye shadow. She looks the part, but there’s a look of disgust on her face. She pinches her nose and unfurls a fan in a futile attempt to waft away the scent.

“You have a fight tonight, Lilly. Same thing as always. I have not the faintest clue what they will throw at you, but best of luck, hmm? I have some good news for you as well… Father wants to send you out on a hunting party. Apparently, a *cyclops* of all things has been tracked to a certain forest… A Cyclops, it’s incredible! I thought those only existed in story books!”

I remained silent. I was not to speak unless asked a direct question.

“So… In a week's time, you will be sent out on that hunting party, and Father is taking me to the capital in order to socialise with the nobles. You’ll have quite a lot of freedom, hmm? Well, even though it goes without saying, I am going to give you direct orders to not try to escape, to not harm anyone, and to obey the leader of the hunting party unconditionally. Understood?”

“Yes Madame Gloria.”

“And what do you say?”

“Thank you Madame Gloria for your generosity and kindness. Thank you for blessing your filthy dog’s presence with your beauty and grace. I shall fight hard tonight and bring you honour and wealth. I shall behave at the hunting party.”

“Good mutt. Now, I must be going, as I cannot stand it here a moment longer. Hopefully they can give your cage a proper clean out whilst you’re gone… Now, before I go, is there anything else you want?”

I want food, freedom, a bed, good sleep, romance, friends. I want to remember what joy feels like. But I don’t say any of those things. Because I can’t. There is only one answer I am permitted to give to this question.

“... I want to kiss your feet, Madame Gloria.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Such a needy little bitch, aren’t you? Well, you are my beloved pet, so I suppose I can spoil you.”

It’s always the same routine. She slips off her shoe, revealing her bare foot, and opens the forever unlocked cage, stepping inside and placing her foot in front of me. I bow in thanks and bend low, remaining on my knees as I arch my back to learn down and place my lips to her feet. They’re admittedly beautiful, unblemished. But they’re still feet, and I don’t have a particular love for them. Even still, I place a kiss on it, as lovingly and as tenderly as I would on a real lover’s lips. Through her foot, I feel her shiver with ecstasy.

“It might be a while before we can have some fun again… I was going to leave right away, but… Lick them… Love them like you normally do, Lilly…”

When she actually says my name, that’s when I know she’s horny. My tongue extends outwards and begins to lick, I offer long strokes across the foot and her ankle, planting kisses all over as I do so, and even on her heel. When I reach the toes, I begin to suckle on them individually, wrapping my tongue lovingly around them.

As soon as I finish sucking on the little toe, she draws her foot back, and I know what’s coming next. She kicks me. Then she kicks me again. She’s a physically weak person, so normally, it wouldn’t hurt. But her use of the slave contract has programmed me to be sensitive to her touch. The pain is agonising beyond belief, as though she had struck me with a red hot metal brand. I scream out in pain, keel over and began sobbing as the pain courses through every muscle, every vein in my emaciated body. She’s panting heavily, biting her lip, I can tell she’s on the verge of climaxing.

“What do you want next, Lilly?”

“... Step on me, Madame Gloria.”

And so she does. Harshly. Her foot comes crashing down on my head, forcing my face into the dirt covered stone. I cry out in even more pain.

“Is that all you got, my pet? Am I not showing you enough love? FEEL MORE!”

She snaps her fingers, which is the signal that causes my body to release every chemical reaction meant to facilitate pain. It drains the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin from my system, anything that would make me feel joy, anything that would bring me the slightest bit of comfort. I’m drained of everything as stress chemicals and hormones flood my brain, my body feels like it’s burning in a lake of lava, it’s entering my mouth, filling my throat, replacing my blood. It’s like I’m living through hell itself.

I scream at the top of what remains of my lungs, ear piercing wails that would surely be heard all across the Leywood estate. But nobody will bat an eyelid. I fall backwards, curl into a ball, and vomit blood. My throat turns hoarse as my body can no longer sustain my screams, I begin to choke on my blood, snot and tears completely obscure my vision. I empty my bladder and bowls right in front of her. I can hear her moaning. I know she’s not touching herself- She doesn’t need to.

As we each calm down, I begin whimpering as the pain gradually subsides, and she begins laughing.

“Hope you are still up for the match tonight! My my, that was better than usual! Someone will collect you in about an hour. See you in the ring!”

With that, she slipped her shoe back on and walked away. I simply lay there in a congealed pool of my shit, piss, spit, and blood and begin to silently cry, praying for the pain to go away and for some semblance of joy to return.

My thoughts drift to Gloria. Her beauty. Despite myself, despite the fact that I hate her so much… I imagine her naked. I imagine what it would be like for us to hold each other in our arms, to caress each other, run our hands through each other’s hair and across the curves of our skin. I imagine her apologising to me and treating me nicely… I imagine us fucking each ever so slowly, ever so lovingly…

… Then I imagine fucking her not so lovingly. About putting her on all fours and assaulting her every pathetic orifice with tentacles. I imagine spanking her and inflicting tenfold the amount of pain that she ever inflicted on me! I imagined being the monster that I really am, the demon, punishing her for putting me through so many years of torment, for trapping me inside this eternal hell, this pointless torture meant only for her pleasure. I shook with rage. Rage at the fact that I wanted her to treat me well when she didn’t deserve my love and kindness, rage at the fact that I had it in me to be so vengeful to another person. I was afraid of what I might do to her and the world if I was ever set free. I didn’t want to harm other people, but when I was this angry, when I was this frustrated and felt this helpless, I wanted to do nothing else but set this entire fucking world on fire and prove that *I* am the Queen!

I tried to calm myself down by taking solace in the fact that she’s a freak who has probably never experienced any sort of normal intimacy in her life. I doubt any of the other nobles, or even her own family actually likes her as a person. She’s probably still a ‘virgin’, in a technical sense, even though she’d freely be able to fuck me whenever she wants. No. My suffering is all she needs to feel sexual pleasure. This is her fetish, her sexuality. A sadist down to her very core. Any joy I feel would directly take away from her own pleasure and her own sense of authority and self worth. That’s why I’m in these conditions, in this useless cage. She doesn’t want a cat she can pamper at the foot of her bed, she wants a bitch who lives out in the dog house, who she can make miserable. The fact that I’m powerful and naturally pretty probably makes me even more enticing for her to own and abuse. My body is unbreakable, which is irritating to her ego. She no doubt envies my power. On the other hand, being unbreakable does have a benefit to her. Because I’m a toy that she can abuse as much as she likes. Anyone else in my position would have died from this treatment. But I can’t.

She probably hurt me this much because I’m going to be free soon. Free from the arena and this cage. I still had to fight, I still wouldn’t be able to run away or make my own decisions, but… It would be fun. And maybe if I did well, her Father would force her to let me do more useful things for the estate! So I vowed to impress. Not that some pathetic cyclops would be a match for me anyway.

But first was the arena. Before I knew it, someone was coming inside to take me away. Good. A proper fight with something powerful was the endorphin rush I needed right now.

~~~

The ring in question was a large basement beneath the Leywood estate, a construction larger than the manor itself. There was a tunnel in the woods that led down into it, though I had to imagine that for the guests who would be watching me fight, there was probably a much nicer entrance within the manor itself. As was routine, I was taken into a large, dark room filled with chains and shackles, likely having been designed with the intention of keeping dangerous beasts captive. I was stripped of my rags, not that they really covered me up anyway. I didn’t exactly need armour or weapons to fight, so I imagined that the viewers liked seeing a gorgeous young naked girl brutally dismantle a monster with nothing but her bare hands. I was hosed down with freezing cold water to clean me off with a force intense enough to leave a stinging sensation on my skin. I still hadn’t recovered from Gloria’s brutal assault. It was actually somewhat refreshing after what I had just been through.

It was after this that I was dragged into the arena, a pit with a floor dusted with sand, brick walls rising high into the air, atop which was a circular seating area from which the nobles watched me, extravagantly decorated with silver lanterns and gold trim and velvet red seats and gorgeous flowers, a thin layer of clean reinforced glass separating them from the carnage that was soon to unfold below them.

Naturally, they knew of my reputation. Even if it was their first time seeing me, they knew that there was no chance in hell that the other monster, whatever it was, was going to win. Rumours about me were whispered around Selica among the noble class, although I had to imagine that I was kept a secret from the crown. And if the crown did know about me, then I hated their guts for not trying to rescue me, or at least not trying to wrestle me away from Gloria so that they could utilise me for something more meaningful than dog fights meant only to profit the Leywood estate.

I saw Gloria high above the crowd, in her own separate booth, and she took to a microphone and began addressing the crowd. ‘Thank you all for gathering here today blah blah blah’. Some joke that got them all to laugh, a lewd comment meant to degrade me, the usual stuff. I hated this part the most. She always said the same sort of things and always took joy in it, no matter how repetitive it was. I just tuned her out until she announced what I would be fighting.

“... And so, without further Ado… We have a very special beast here today. Alchemically created in Jishia’s top labs and secretly shipped here to Selicia, today we have Lilly vs… A Chimera!”

Oh. Another one. The gates on the opposite side of the arena from mine opened, and out it came. A beast the size of a small house with multiple heads. A lion’s, a goat’s, a serpents, a dragon’s, and what appeared to be a dinosaur. A Tyrannosaurus Rex, I think they were called? Its feet were that of a wolf’s, it was covered in sturdy fish scales and it had a scorpion’s tail. I had to admit, it looked intimidating. It was twice as big as the other Chimera I had fought, and it seemed to have some extra features to make it more dangerous! Like, I hadn’t seen the dragon’s head before. They must have paid a pretty penny to acquire dragon DNA, considering dragons only existed on Grisia, and the Monstra made them go extinct.

As someone with Monstra blood in her veins, I saw it as my mission to carry on that legacy and slay dragons, even though I didn’t exactly believe in carrying on the legacy of anything else the Monstra did and continues to do. I smirked. Yeah. I could have some fun with this. No showboating. I was going to go all out!

However, I couldn’t begin until Gloria gave the word to begin the fight. So for now, my feet were rooted to the spot. It, however, was an animal, and did not have to abide by a slave contract, so it began to prowl towards me, ready to pounce at any moment. My blood was boiling, eyes purple, veins visible as I prepared to explode at any moment. Venom began dripping from the snake head, which it spat in my direction… It missed me entirely, but I think that was intentional, as the venom landed all around behind me, a hissing sound emerging as steam rose from the sand and brick behind me. I wouldn’t be able to retreat, or so it thought. Even so, this move suggested that it possessed some sort of intelligence… It had 5 heads after all, so possibly five brains, so that only made sense. It also seemed to realise that I was more of a threat than I looked. It could probably smell my Monstra blood.

I saw the dragon head’s throat begin to glow, and I could hear a rumbling sound as the flames built up in its throat. It was moments away from spewing fire all over me. I looked up at Gloria. She was silent, smiling as she looked down impatiently. Yeah. She was going to let this thing get in the first attack. Figures. Oh well, it would need the handicap.

“Aaaaaaaaaannnddddd…” She drew out the word, and it was followed by a long, drawn out moment that probably only lasted a second or two.

Its flames were unleashed on me. My body was swallowed in the scorching hot flames, my hair and skin singed off, exposing flesh and bone. Thankfully, as painful as it was, the spectators wouldn’t have to see me reduced to such a hideous form. Girls without their skin weren’t in fashion, after all.

“Fight!”

Finally. As revenge for letting me get burned, I decided that I would end the fight quickly, and end the spectacle. In an instant, my body transformed, rising up as high as the ceiling of the basement as my purplish black sludge-like form absorbed all the flames being spewed at me like it was a slightly spicy snack. I grew hundreds of tentacles across my body, which were glowing a yellowish colour as I channelled the heat into them. I smashed them into the Chimera, restricting it by wrapping tentacles around it, thrusting some smaller tentacles beneath its scales, burning and piercing its skin, allowing the suction cups on the tentacles to begin draining its blood. Each of its heads cried out in unison, and I allowed thousands of teeth and a mouth to form near the top of my body, and flashed a mocking, toothy grin at the creature and at my audience.

Just by squeezing it tightly, I think I had already broken its ribcage and probably many of the bones in its legs. But the heads were thrashing about, biting at me, the goat was uselessly ramming its horns into me, the snake trying to spit more venom at me even though I had kept it and the Dragon head’s jaws tightly shut with a tentacle each.

It would be dead soon, really, it was prey from the beginning, and it didn’t stand a chance. Its attempts to fight back were futile, each of its attacks merely tickling me. I began to laugh. I formed an eye at the top of my body and looked down at Gloria, who was utterly fuming, completely red in the face, no doubt upset that the fight had been so one sided. Normally she liked seeing what was essentially a brutal, public execution of an innocent animal, but it seemed that she had really wanted a fight this time. Poor girl. She probably thought I was going all out against this creature. She had no idea what I’d be capable of if it weren’t for the restrictions of this contract… I could break out of the basement, for one, grow as big as her manor and slaughter everyone in the estate in under two minutes!

But, alas, I wasn’t even allowed to touch the glass, let alone break it, lest she or the audience perceive the mere act of touching the grass as an aggressive act towards them on my part.

So distracted with my own thoughts and my own ego, I had failed to notice something, however. The scorpion tail, which I had failed to restrain, swiftly reached up to prick me with its poison. No big deal for me, it was but a needle, and its poison could do nothing to me. Gloria knew this. But she saw an opportunity. Hiding her hands, she clicked her fingers. The audience wouldn’t hear it over the din, but… I would. So, for the second time that day, searing pain began to erupt all across my body.

First, smoke began to emerge from my body, and I had to create about ten mouths just so that I could cough and choke. Then, before I knew it, the dragon’s fire erupted from my body, setting me aflame. Each of my mouths began to wail out in agony, tongues detaching from me and trying to wriggle away like worms, new tongues growing in their place in order to be able to fully express the screams I needed to scream. The Chimera began to bite and claw its way through the tentacles, which also detached, slithering away to the corners of the arena only to be burned in the venom the snake head had left at the start of the fight.

It was agony all over, and I had lost all strength and all control over my body. Soon, the Chimera had pounced on top of me, each of its heads savagely tearing and ripping at my slimy body.

“... It seems that not even a Monstra is immune to the effects of the poison administered by a scorpion’s tail! The alchemists who concocted it ensured that it would be the most deadly poison known to man! Have we finally discovered a weapon that not even the Monstra can beat?”

Normally, the audience rooted for me. They knew that I would always win, after all. But after Gloria made this statement, laced with lies, it became clear to me that, now, they wanted to see me fail. Maybe it was because everyone loves an underdog story. After all, I had been smirking pretty arrogantly and treating it pretty cruelly. Maybe it was because seeing a Monstra being defeated gave them hope that the Monstra in Grisia could be killed. Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me lose, or even die to such a pathetic beast. But before I could push through the pain and retaliate, I saw something very strange on its belly.

A human face.

It was about the size of an ordinary human head. It seemed to be male. Middle aged, perhaps. Seeing something so ordinary embedded into the form of an otherwise horrific beast, in such a strange place, was something that unnerved even me a little. Its eyes were closed, but as I opened an eye directly beneath it, his eyes slowly fluttered open.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“... Kill… Me…”

His voice was raspy, like he could barely draw breath, and his voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. There was no way the audience could hear him. I created a mouth next to him so that I could speak.

“What… Did they do to you?” I asked, although it was a bit difficult to speak when I was in severe pain thanks to Gloria, and his other five heads were violently trying to tear me apart.

“I… Spoke… Out… Against… Our… Experiments…” He gasped, “So… I… Was… Turned… Into… An… Experiment…”

“... Well, I wasn’t going to show mercy anyway, but I suppose now I have more reasons besides simply spiting Gloria to end this quickly.”

The creation of this creature was beyond unethical in the first place. DNA that shouldn’t be mixed being spliced together, discordant mana forging an internal nervous system that must have made for an utterly chaotic and intolerable state of consciousness. Not that I really understood much about all that stuff… All I knew was that this creature was suffering, and this man, this actual human attached to its underbelly, confirmed that fact in no uncertain terms.

My pain no longer mattered. It was unbearable, but I recalled all the parts of my body that had been ripped away, that were trying to escape, and kept myself held together as I pierced the Chimera’s body straight through its underbelly, making sure to use one tentacle to completely obliterate the man’s head. Tentacles emerged from the skulls of each of the five heads, and the creature fell limp in an instant.

I returned to human form, covered head to toe in blood, both my own and the Chimera’s, purple and red mixing together into a gruesome pattern on my skin. I stood there defiantly, grimacing, shaking, trying to pretend that I wasn’t feeling any pain at all, even though it felt much worse than it had in my cage not long ago. Reluctantly, the audience began to clap.

“W-Well! What an upset! The Monstra overcame the poison and finished it off quickly! Now, the main event may be over, but there's still more fun to be had tonight! The Chimera shall be prepared by our chefs, and we may have ourselves an exquisite feast!”

Right. I forgot. The animal was always eaten after each match. It had never really mattered to me before, but this time, it did. It was at least one sixth cannibalism after all, right? And even if it wasn’t, this thing still had a real intelligence to it, right?

“Thank… You…”

I heard that voice again. But how was it still alive? That was when I realised that it was the lion head speaking, using that human head’s voice. I took a few steps towards him and knelt in front of the lion head, whilst the audience was distracted by Gloria’s speech.

“You’re a tough one, aren’t you? Sorry the death wasn’t quick…” I muttered.

“Listen…” It began, “Their… Finances… Are… Bad… This… Sustains… Them… They… Are… Stupid… They… Will… Fail… The… Contract… You… Will… Be… Free…”

I don’t know how he knew those things, but if he was correct, then I was happy. I wouldn’t be surprised either. The Leywoods didn’t appear to be the most sensible spenders.

“Your… Blood… Is… More… Than… Dark…” It continued, “It… Can… Be… Anything… Even… Gold. Listen… Child… Of… Aether… You… Can… Be… More… More… Than… A… Monster… You… Can… Be… Human… Or… Even… An… Angel…”

Yeah. As if I believed that.

“That’s nice of you to say. Thank you.”

The look in the Lion’s eye seemed to be disappointed. He could tell that I wasn’t taking him seriously. But I mean, why would I? Why would I believe that some random science experiment knew anything about me, especially things that I didn’t know? It was just a meaningless little motivational speech as a final act of kindness, that’s all it could be.

“Have… Faith… In… Yourself…”

He was looking me dead in the eye this time. He meant it. This time I felt a strange feeling in my chest. I suddenly gained the impression that he somehow knew more than me on this subject.

“... Okay.”

A nod of the head, and I think it felt content that it had gotten its message across.

“... Do you want them to eat you? Or shall I?”

“... You…”

And with that, there were no more words. The audience, distracted, suddenly let out a gasp as my form descended on the Chimera, millions of teeth grinding it into gooey powder and digesting its body in an instant.

“LILLY STOP!” Gloria screeched.

I did. But it was too late. Not even a single bone remained. I had eaten the Chimera, my final act of kindness towards him.

“... Our little Monstra here has misbehaved… My deepest apologies, everyone. But no matter… We shall still devise a glorious feast for you all.”

I glared up at Gloria and the audience. I couldn’t do or say anything that would overtly offend them, but I was afforded the luxury of smiling, at least for now. So I let a smirk cross my face. I loved being defiant in whatever way I was able to these wretched, braindead bastards.

Gloria spent the next several days torturing me after that incident. I wasn’t allowed to go on the hunting trip, either. No vacation for me.

~~ 3 Years Later ~~

It wasn’t long before I forgot about that man infused into the Chimera, his predictions, and any notions that I would one day be able to live any other life besides this. I was never even allowed on a hunting trip- Gloria blocked me going at every turn, even though I occasionally heard whispers of many hunters dying hunting Cyclops and Bicorns and Basilisks and the like. Deaths that I could have prevented, had I been there to easily dispatch such weak creatures.

My mental state was in a complete haze and pretty soon, all I could think about was Gloria. I looked forward to seeing her each and every day, even though she began to ignore me more and more frequently, and only brought me pain if she did show up. During my fights, I became more obedient, feigning struggles, wanting to make the fight as exciting as possible. But… Occasionally, I would act out if she hadn’t punished me in a while, just because I wanted her attention. Because she was the only one who would give it to me. Even if that attention only came in the form of cruel and vicious ire.

Then, one fateful night, I was called to her room at very late hours. A messenger came down to tell me that Gloria wanted to see me in her personal quarters. I didn’t know how to react to that. I hadn’t set foot inside the Leywood manor since my very first day as a slave, right after signing the contract. I was taken through a backdoor and led to the baths. It was there that, for the first time in about a decade, I saw my face in the mirror.

I looked so much older. I was an Adult, after all. 21. But I felt older. I was as pristine as ever, of course, despite the crap smeared all over me. The richest individuals in the world with access to the best healthcare and beauty products in the world would be envious of my soft, unblemished skin and gorgeous facial structure. But I still thought I looked ugly. I think it was the eyes. They were utterly dead. They were empty, like all they saw was the void beyond the illusion of the material world. I didn’t notice anything. I didn’t care about anything. I realised just how completely and utterly devoid of hope I was.

Before I knew it, her maids had made me squeaky clean and had dressed me in some sort of white lingerie, and I was in Gloria’s room. She seemed to be in some kind of a purple night dress. The room looked like it was normally lit by a chandelier, but it seemed she had set up some rose scented candles. I didn’t understand the implications, so I stood in front of the door, simply staring at her blankly. Looking, but not really seeing anything at all.

“Surprised to be here, Lilly?” She asked.

I nodded my head.

“You seem… A bit less happy than I would have expected.”

“Hmm.”

I don’t know why I would be happy or sad about whatever the fuck was happening. Either way, I didn’t choose to be here.

“C’mere,” She said enticingly, sitting on the edge of her large bed and patting a spot next to her.

I sort of shuffled towards her, and soon, I was sitting next to her, and I was in her arms. She wrapped them around me, stroking my arms and back so sweetly.

“I’ve… Felt a bit guilty about how I’ve treated you over the years, y’know. I was… Young and foolish. Obsessed with power. So I… Gave it some thought, and… Whilst it might be difficult for you to adjust, I figured, why not have a fresh start?”

“Mmm.”

I didn’t really know how to respond or think. But I liked the gentle treatment she was giving me. I should probably be afraid that she might strike me or shout at me at any moment. That she might click her fingers and send me straight to that living hell that I’m so used to. But her touch was warm. As her bare hands touched my naked skin, it left sensations of tingling, calming pleasure wherever she touched. This feeling was what I had wanted all my life.

“For all the power I had… *Have* over you… I… Didn’t come to confront the fact that, until recently, I was jealous of you. Of your power. Your beauty. Your resilience. I had all this wealth, and yet… I couldn’t buy that. So in my jealousy I… Sought to hurt you.”

“I know.”

It was obvious. All she had to do next was admit that she was a sadist, then her journey of self reflection would be complete.

“R-Right…” She sort of seemed taken aback by my statement, but she softly cleared her throat and continued, “But… I think that… Hurting you… All this time, I had only been hurting myself in turn. So, Lilly… I want to make it up to you. You may not ever forgive me, but… I promise to take care of you from now on.”

She began kissing my neck. It felt good. She untied my bra and began cupping my breasts. Here I thought that she was an essentially sexless creature, but now, I was receiving the kind of treatment from her I had always wanted. Okay. She had changed her mind. That was nice. I could be a vessel for pleasure instead of pain from now on. I guess that was preferable.

She laid me down on the bed and slipped off my panties next. Planting kisses on my body as she moved downwards, she soon found herself near my pussy. A kiss on the clit. A lick. A nibble. She was sending shivers throughout my body. Yes. Fuck yes. Finally! But I didn’t smile just yet. Something was off. And I also had a slightly more mundane problem.

“...I need to pee. Can I please go to the toilet, Madame Gloria?”

“... Just Gloria is fine, Lilly… When we’re alone together… A-And yes, you can pee. There’s a t-toilet just through that door.”

She crawled off of me, allowing me to roll off the bed and stand up. I looked at the door she pointed to, then at her. Then to the wall safe that I knew was hidden behind a portrait of Gloria’s mother. I blinked. I felt a little bit dizzy. Yeah. Something was… It didn’t feel wrong, per say, but… Something was different.

“Are you… O-Okay, Lilly?” She asked.

I looked into her eyes. At first, I thought I read concern in them. But after a few seconds… I saw what was truly there.

Fear. She feared me.

“I’m fine.”

I turned around and headed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. It was a nice room. Bathtub. Shower. Sink. Toilet. I took a seat on the toilet and, weirdly enough, found myself looking at a full length mirror that had been situated opposite the toilet as I did my business. Who would want to look at themselves while they’re doing that? Only someone as fucked up as Gloria Leywood, I supposed.

For a few minutes I gazed at myself. Here I was, in a noble manor, actually using a toilet for once, actually getting to do something hygienic. It felt wrong, but it was also somewhat of a relief. I had been bathed and I was receiving actual affection from another person. Sexual affection, at that. I felt less like the animal I had been treated as already. I noticed my eyes turn purple as I looked in the mirror. I was feeling… Confident. Hopeful. They were still pretty dead, but… There was something I wanted to test. I stood up and flushed the toilet.

When I left the bathroom, I had a small tentacle about as long as my arm growing out of my hand. I didn’t acknowledge it as I walked back towards the bed. But as I approached, my mistress flinched.

“W-What do you have that out for, Lilly?” She asked timidly.

I looked down at it.

“... Oh. Sorry. I didn’t notice it.”

“Do you want to maybe put it away?”

“... Not really.”

“Y-You don’t want to… Hurt me with it, do you?”

“... No. I don’t.”

At least, I don’t think so.

“Good…”

There was a tense silence as I sat back down on the bed. I didn’t lay down. She didn’t approach me. I just sat, staring at her, my eyes no doubt still purple. She was staring at the tentacle growing out of my hand. I allowed it to gradually grow a little bit larger and thicker.

“... Aren’t we going to resume where we left off? Why are you afraid of me?”

“W-Why indeed… Haha… I’m just… Being silly, that’s all Lilly…”

More silence. No movement from either of us, even as the tentacle continued to grow and began to squirm about.

“... Click your fingers for me.”

“No! Lilly, you know what would happen if I did that, I don’t want to hurt you like that anymore…”

“I want you to do it anyway. I like it,” I lied.

“O-Okay, um… Lilly, I command you to experience absolutely nothing when I click my fingers!” She exclaimed, followed by a snap as she clicked them together.

“... I don’t like the sound of the click. I like the pain. Skip the clicking. Order me to feel pain.”

“I-I just said, Lilly, I don’t want to do that, and I don’t know if you really like it-”

In an instant, I grabbed the woman and rolled her over on the bed, so that I was on top of her. I studied the reaction. Studied as the fear morphed into abject terror.

“I-I’m not going to Lilly! Listen, if you want me to spank you or whip you or something I can do that, but…”

“But you can’t order me.”

“R-Right. I don’t want to abuse my power like that. I want to do things together that… Y’know, a normal couple would do!”

“... What if I asked you to order me to orgasm?”

“W-Where would the fun in that be?”

“It sounds incredibly fun.”

“L-Lilly… I…” She trailed off as she reached up to distract me with a kiss, placing her arms around my head, pulling me in so that her tongue could lock with mine.

But I was hardly focused on her. Hardly able to focus on experiencing my first real kiss, my first real makeout session. It didn’t really feel good when my mind was fixated on a far more important subject. A subject that caused my suspicious eyes to drift back to the safe. I pulled away from her.

“Can I look at the safe?” I asked.

“No… I mean… If you want to, but… We’re trying to have fun right now, Lilly…”

“...”

Without responding, I got off of her and rolled off the bed. She tried to grip my wrist to prevent me from leaving, but as soon as I showed the smallest amount of resistance, she let go. I walked over to it. Slid the painting across the wall to reveal the safe behind it. It had one of those dial thingies that you had to spin to input the combination.

“... What’s the password?”

“Lilly, come on, you’re being… Well… It’s just, you’re being all weird and this is supposed to be my apology to you and our special night and…”

She really didn’t know how to phrase herself anymore, did she?

“I know you keep the slave contract in here. What’s the combination?”

“Lilly-”

Impatiently, I decided to dig my tentacle into the safe, the blunt force easily able to dent the shoddy metal, and soon, I had torn open the door to the safe. The inside was large. Enough to store countless beautiful things, gold bars, other such stores of wealth. It was the perfect place to keep the slave contract, as it could simply automatically take the gold each month if the gold was simply placed next to it.

But the safe was empty. Save for a pile of ash. I allowed my body to return to normal, getting rid of the tentacle, as I picked up the ash and let it fall through my fingers. I was hardly spiritually gifted, outside of my abilities to manipulate mana that being a Monstra gave me. But even I could tell what this was, due to my powerful connection to it. It was the slave contract. More accurately, what was left of it. I looked over my shoulder and smirked, my teeth turning sharp as I immediately realised the implications.

“Okay Lilly cat’s out of the bag! Fine! I admit it! We’re bankrupt! My brothers gambled away all of the Leywood’s wealth, the fights haven’t been drawing in as much money this past year, the province as a whole is less productive and we haven’t been collecting as much tax- We’re flat broke, a-and the contract was gone before I had a chance to do anything about it and…”

She panicked, flailing her arms about. But she didn’t look enough like someone begging for her life for my liking. In an instant, I pounced on her, my body remaining humanoid but turning pitch black as I pinned her arms and legs to the bed using sharp claws, piercing the mattress and the pillows, drawing blood from her limbs. I drooled foul smelling spit on her face as I did my best to restrain myself from killing her immediately.

“LILLY PLEASE! WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT! I WANTED TO DO THIS BECAUSE I WANTED TO HAVE A PROPER RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND-”

“You were afraid of what I might do if I found out. So you wanted to make me love you. Wanted to sweep away everything you did to me. You haven’t changed a bit. The circumstances simply changed, and now you’re in self preservation mode,” I said, allowing multiple mouths to speak at once in different pitches.

Bitches were afraid of layered voices, right?

“I-I don’t… I don’t… The Princess, she… She’ll be here soon to collect debts and… I wanted to…”

“Wanted to what? Use me to intimidate her?”

“I-I just thought that if you were on my side, we’d figure out something-”

“So the truth comes out. Tell me. How do you really feel about me? Do you still hate me because you’re jealous?”

“It’s true that I hated you at first because I was jealous, but… I was being… T-Totally honest when I said that I realised how awful I had been to you, and that I wanted to love you, because my hatred had been love all along! I had just been too stupid to admit it to myself or to you! Losing the contract over you helped me realise something that had been in the back of my mind for years! That’s it! That’s really it!”

“Heh. I wonder if that’s really true. You have a handmaiden, right? Call her in.”

“I-I don’t want to…”

“Why? Are you afraid of me? If you truly loved me, would you be afraid of me?”

“N-No… It’s just…”

“IT’S JUST WHAT!?”

“NOTHING! CALL HER, THE BELL IS RIGHT THERE, YOU CAN RING IT YOURSELF! SHE’LL HEAR IT!”

Indeed, there was a nice little silver bell sitting right on her bedside table. A tentacle picked it up and gave it a little ring.

When the young, cute handmaiden entered the room after a few minutes, I snatched her up immediately, keeping her mouth covered so that she couldn’t scream. Wrapped in tentacles, I kept her suspended above the bed as she fruitlessly squirmed.

“... Only you can save her life. Now. How do you feel about me?”

“... As I said, Lilly… I care about you, and I’m sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry that I won’t ever be able to repay you… I’ll spend my entire life making it up to you, you can be my master from now on, you can do anything to me, I’ll be obedient, I’ll be kind, I’ll be yours, I’ll do anything for you because I really care about you Lilly and I really want us to have a genuine relationship and-”

With a bit of additional squeezing, the handmaiden was crushed, the audible sound of bones cracking, blood gushing like a squeezed fruit, a single, muffled yelp escaped her lips before her head was crushed. She was innocent. Probably. So I made sure her death was instantaneous. The blood dripped onto the bed and Gloria’s face.

“HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT ME!?”

“... Fine. I admit it! You actually went and FUCKING DID IT. I CAN’T STOP YOU LILLY, SO FUCK IT. I HATE YOU. I STILL HATE YOU. I HATE HOW STUPID YOU ARE DESPITE BEING SO PERFECT. I HATE HOW SMUG YOU ARE DESPITE BEING SO POWERLESS. I ENJOYED BREAKING YOU. I ONLY LIKED YOU BECAUSE I LIKED BREAKING SOMETHING THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG AND WILLFUL. I CRIED FOR TWO DAYS WHEN I REALISED THAT MY ONLY CHANCE OF SURVIVAL WAS GOING TO BE TO LIVE A LIE AND LET YOUR FILTHY LITTLE ROTTEN SHIT COVERED HANDS TOUCH ME AND FUCK ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU, I ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL! ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? GO AHEAD AND RAPE ME, I KNOW YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO! OR DO YOU WANT TO TORTURE ME? GO AHEAD, DO YOUR WORST, I WILL NEVER GIVE IN, I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU SATISFACTION, I WILL-”

“Shut up.”

She did.

I allowed my body to return to normal, and I rolled off of her. Yeah. This is how it was. This is how it was always going to be. I wasn’t just a Monstra, I was a monster. A fundamentally unlovable creature. Looking back on this moment, I thought about how the handmaiden didn’t need to die to prove my point. I wondered if the rant Gloria gave me was her real feelings or a response to the stress of seeing someone die in front of her. On the other hand, I don’t think her lovey dovey proclamation of being in love with me were her true feelings, either. Her true feelings were probably somewhere in between. A messy middle ground, oscillating back and forth. I realised that, if I really wanted to, I probably could have avoided killing the handmaiden. I could have formed a relationship with Gloria. Make her love me. Maybe fall in love with her in return.

But I had looked at both of her faces, and I had made my choice as to what the real face was. And I decided that the face that hurt me more, the face that hated me, was her real face. And that the one that loved me was her false face. I failed to realise that reality was more complicated than things simply being ‘true’ or ‘false’.

But even though I could have chosen to cultivate a relationship, that side of her that hated me would always be there. And that side of me that could never forgive her for the years of abuse would have been there too.

As I lay there, on that bed, I began to develop an intense disdain for the very concept of power. Power was the thing that got in the way of forming a meaningful relationship with her. Either she had it over me, or I had it over her. Due to external circumstances, the slave contract and my nature as a Monstra, there was no ability for us to be equal. I don’t know if we would have liked each other under equal circumstances. But what I did know was that, because of power, I would never find out.

“... T-The fuck are you doing now?” She finally asked as she turned to look at me.

She was breathing heavily after her outburst, and so was I. But I was also doing something else. I was crying.

“... You’re crying? Seriously?” She sighed.

I continued to cry for a few more minutes. Neither of us moved. Funnily enough, I turned to her for comfort, wrapping my arms around her, embracing her, gently pulling her into me for warmth. She simply laid there and didn’t react. But, eventually, she spoke.

“Listen. I’m scared, Lilly. Of the ambiguity more than anything. I don’t want to remain here and have someone I hate seek comfort from me. So, just… Whatever you’re going to do to me, just do it. I don’t like not knowing.”

Fine. I supposed I could grant her that much. I didn’t exactly want to drag this out either.

“... Just give me a few more minutes to decide.”

But I still had emotions to process. I needed to calm down, stop crying, and think through things logically. I still needed to brood upon my hatred of the very concept of power. Malign myself for having it. Experience the guilt of killing an innocent girl. As my brain raced, I got up out of bed, put on the discarded lingerie, as well as the handmaid’s outfit. I didn’t exactly care that it was all covered in blood. Her breaths were loud and heavy. She was clearly trying to restrain herself from screaming or hurling insults at me. But she was doing everything in her power to resist provoking me. She was afraid. And not even I could bear intimidating her into such a state. So, with my back turned to her, I finally spoke.

“... You’re not worthy of my affections. Even if my affections would be rape. It would also be my first time, and I want it to be with someone special. Not with my abuser. I also hate your guts. I think you deserve all the pain you inflicted on me and then some. I want you to suffer for the youth you stole from me. You couldn’t possibly know how much I’ve suffered. But… Even though I may be a Monstra, I don’t want to be a monster. Not any more than I already am, anyway. So I won’t stoop to your vile level. Let’s instead hope that there’s such a thing as hell that awaits you. I’m sure I’ll see you again there someday.”

With my back still turned, I allowed two giant hands to form, and crush her and the bed at once. There wasn’t even a scream. I didn’t turn back to look. I didn’t want to see it. But I knew she was dead.

With that, I left the manor.

~ Present Day~

“... And then, a few days later, you arrived. I was sitting outside the manor, waiting for you. I didn’t know how the legal processes worked. But I felt guilt for what I had done, and… Knew I had to be punished. That was why, when your men realised what I was and attacked me, I tried to avoid killing them. I just… I only transformed to try and intimidate you into leaving me alone.”

“... But then I just walked straight up to you, didn’t I?” Ayano responded as she stroked my hair.

“That’s right. And you even put your sword down first… I was so baffled! The entire time, I was just thinking about how stupid and crazy you were! It caught me so off guard!”

“You didn’t even try to harm my men… That’s why, even after discovering the two corpses up in the daughter’s bedroom, I knew that you were safe to approach.”

“... My guilt, and my lack of direction… That’s also why I behaved. Why I accepted the slave contract. I thought that… You were trustworthy. And…”

“You were attracted to me.”

“Yeah. I immediately thought you were hot. But you also seemed kinder than Gloria. So I thought that, well, perhaps it would be better to be on your leash. So that I couldn’t be violent towards anyone. That’s why I’m… Trying to not use my Monstra powers. I want to live as a human. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to love… To love you.”

“I know, Lilly,” Ayano responded reassuringly, smiling and planting a comforting kiss on my forehead. I giggled happily before she continued.

“In any case… It’s a shame we didn’t find you sooner… We’re… Still tracking down the remaining Leywoods, although it’s possible that they fled overseas before I even arrived at the estate that day…”

“I could have caught them.”

“You didn’t know any better, Lilly. I think you did the right thing by… Well, I’m not going to say that killing Gloria and that handmaid was *right*... I disagree with it, but I suppose I get it. Just, when you were in that state, I’m glad you didn’t try to take justice even further into your own hands.”

“Um… Can I…”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“Do you think I’m a bad person… For doing what I did? For killing Gloria, for killing that maid, just to… Y’know…”

“... It was correct to be suspicious of what she was saying to you.”

“But… To kill the maid just to confirm it…?”

“... I’m… Not going to weigh in on that, Lilly.”

She pulled me closer into her arms, placing her head over my shoulder so that we were no longer facing each other. I took that as a sign that the conversation was over. But I had one last thing to say.

“Thanks for listening to me.”

“Thank you as well, Lilly.”

And with that, silence. Soon, she fell asleep. But I remained awake. For my mind was fixated on one simple thought.

She did think that I had done something wrong. Ayano had driven someone to suicide, had brought the Monstra to this world, but… I… I had killed two people in cold blood. Not to mention the baby I allegedly killed when I was a month old… She liked me because she thought I was non-violent despite my nature, but… She must surely hate me now, right? But she knew that I had killed Gloria and her handmaid this entire time, right? Did knowing the context behind the murders change her outlook on what I had done, though?

I wanted to know. The ambiguity was killing me. I wanted to know how she felt about me, even if she thought ill of me. Those were the last words Gloria had said to me as well. That she didn’t care. She just wanted to know. But when I wanted to know how Gloria felt about me… That desire had driven me so mad that I was willing to kill someone just to acquire that information. If I had to do something so deeply immoral to know how Ayano felt, then… Was it even worth knowing?

Almost certainly not.

But still. The thought nagged at me. I didn’t want her to lie to me. Just like I would never lie to her. Maybe some lies were fine though… Maybe they were more complicated than lies. Maybe Ayano didn’t really know how she felt about what I did. But… If push came to shove, what would she do? What would she think? What would she say to me?

I wanted to know. Desperately.