I had to tell a pretty blatant lie to avoid panicking everyone living at my manor, and also to keep information out of the hands of the spy that may very well be in their ranks. I claimed that I was only out there with Lilly to perform tests measuring her strengths and abilities when frenzied. Of course, I hadn’t intended to fight a Monstra, even though I had taken my sword to be cautious, nor had I intended for Lilly to frenzy at all. I just wanted to inform her of the existence of the old annihilation sphere. But oh well. There wasn’t anything they could do to get the truth out of me anyway, even if they did suspect me of lying. All I could hope was that they didn’t suspect a Monstra attack had taken place so close to the manor, at the very least.
As for Lilly herself, I was getting more and more worried about her by the moment. She was so smitten that I had to wonder if being with me was her first time experiencing any sort of intimacy with anyone. Surely, even under the slave contract from the Leywoods, I couldn’t be her first, right? Yet, that was the distinct impression I got from her. A virgin girl experiencing love and sex for the first time. It made the guilty feelings churning around in my stomach even more unbearable, even as I continued to indulge in her fantasies and my lusts. Only a day in and I already felt like continuing to indulge was my only real option, yet I knew deep down that it was only making the problem worse.
Lilly was exhausted, so I sent her to her room that night, even though I’m sure she would have preferred to sleep in my bed with me. As I laid awake that night, struggling to sleep even as my fatigued bones begged for rest, an idea formed in my mind. A little holiday to show her more of the world beyond this estate, beyond me. It might be what we both needed.
So, the very next day, I rang the handmaid’s bell and asked Lilly to fetch us breakfast. We ate together up in my room. Perfectly boiled egg with buttered toast, made from bread made fresh here on the estate. Simple but delicious.
“I have an exciting idea for us today, Lilly,” I announced, wiping the runny yolk off my mouth with a napkin and taking a sip of the oolong tea Lilly had brought up with breakfast.
“Missed a spot!” Lilly proudly reached over to wipe away a little extra yolk from my chin.
“T-Thank you. Now… Um…”
“Your question! Yes, Aya, of course! I’d love to hear your idea!”
“Well… I was thinking-”
“Does it involve sex? I really enjoy your oral but I really wanna have sex properly and also I wanna give you oral too! Oh! Are you going to suggest toys? I wouldn’t mind being penetrated by a-”
“Mmm… Patience, Lilly, in due time… I have to keep you guessing about that stuff, right? Now calm down. I was going to suggest we visit the local town, Belfort. I haven’t been down there in some time… Well, not to relax and sightsee, anyway.”
“Hmmm… Won’t we get swamped? You being the Princess, and all? Might make relaxing difficult.”
“I have a solution for that,” Ayano said, putting on a pair of sunglasses.
“A disguise like that won’t work.”
“Oh but it will. This set of eyewear uses a very particular set of arcane circles. They manipulate the mana in the air to displace attention away from you… Since you saw me put these on, you know it’s me. But in a crowd? Not so much. When we’re out, remember to call me, um… I think the name I normally use is Lucy. It’s a fine alias.”
“Well… If you say so, Aya- Hehe, I mean, Lucy... I don’t know how this stuff works.”
“Trust me, it will. Now, let’s finish up breakfast, then you should go back to your room, have a quick shower, and get changed into a casual outfit. We should have supplied some to you, no?”
“Yeah, you did… But aww, I wanna bathe with you sometime Ayano…”
“The more you ask, the longer it makes me want to leave it. Because I love teasing you, Lilly. You’re so cute when you get impatient.”
Lilly puffed out her cheeks and playfully scowled at me, and I couldn’t help but reach over and pinch her cute little nose. I followed that up with a kiss to the forehead as I got to my feet, stuffing the last slice of toast into my mouth.
“I’m full, so you can eat the rest. I need to do a little extra admin around the building before I can get going, not to mention I need to bathe and change too… So be sure to take your time and relax this morning, okay?”
“Okay, Aya. See you in a bit! Love you!”
“Love you too, Lilly.”
~~~
A few hours later, and we were both in the back of a regular car, blue and clean but otherwise unremarkable, our driver taking us to Belfort. It was only about a fifteen minute drive. Lilly had seen my personal limo parked in front of the manor, and had been excited to take a ride in it, but I had reminded her that we needed to be inconspicuous. We couldn’t even take a regular limousine. I was in an orange summer dress and I had donned a large, wide brimmed straw hat, and Lilly had insisted that I add one of her lilies to the hat as an accessory, nestled in the band. Lilly herself was wearing a short white skirt and a green button up blouse, and had let her hair fall freely around her shoulders, rather than keeping it braided the way I normally liked it for my maids. I really admired how long and silky her gorgeous hair really was. Truly the picturesque ideal of a brunette. With how often she looked down at this outfit of hers that she was wearing for the first time, I think she felt really beautiful in her own skin. After looking down at herself, she’d glance up at me and smile, as if silently asking if I felt the same way.
I did. She was beautiful. My eyes drew themselves down to her bare legs in particular. Perfectly smooth, not a hair to be seen. I still had to shave fairly often, because even though I barely exposed much of my body, if I even so much as saw one stray pubic hair or a single fleck of hair on my limbs or armpits, I had to smother my entire body in cream from the neck down and shave. Sometimes I even tried to use magic to burn it off. It never really worked, and I had harmed myself greatly in the past during some manic episodes. To say that body hair made me feel dysphoric was an understatement. Having that penis was bad enough. It was a shame though, since I usually liked body hair on other girls. Preferred it in some cases.
But right now I was extremely aware of the fact that Lilly’s body was perfect. She didn’t need to try. Benefits of being a Monstra, I guess- You can change your body however you like. I doubt she even suppresses her hair growth consciously. Maybe she has never encountered the concept of shaving before. That was a strange thought, but completely plausible. I had to wonder what other aspects of herself were a result of the monstra blood within her- Where did the human end and the monstra begin? Just how beautiful would she naturally be if she was born fully human?
“You’re looking at me a lot. Like what you see? I’m only this pretty because of the clothes you gave me, Aya. I’m very grateful~”
As she spoke she took off her seatbelt so that she could shuffle along the seat and lay her head on my shoulders, closing her eyes as she stroked my thighs. Has she always smelt this good?
“Just had to say the quiet part out loud, huh?” I teased, running my hand up and down her sides.
“Because you kept looking at me hehe…”
“Uh, because you kept looking at me!”
“I’m always looking at you.”
“I’ll remember you said that for later.”
“Hehehe~”
We hugged and muttered to each other like this for a few more moments before arriving at our destination. As the car came to a stop, Lilly was reluctant to let go of me, but a quick flick to the forehead prompted her to shuffle over to her side and leave the car, though not before playfully pouting at me. I didn’t know whether to admire or be afraid of the fact that she could get so lost in one moment that she forgot about everything else.
I gave the driver some coins so that didn’t have to spend his own dime to enjoy himself for a few hours, whilst he waited for us to ask him to drive us back. Once he was gone, probably off to the pub for some day drinking even though it was in his job description to stay sober, I turned to Lilly, who was marvelling at the sights before her.
Belfort was a fairly nice town. One of the more developed towns in Selicia, it bordered on being a city, although it wasn’t nearly as grand as Beldon, the capital city where the imperial palace was situated, or the port town of Sapphire Bay, where most of our international trade was conducted. Belfort had started as a military base. As the name implied, it had been a fort to protect the Belfonses during the civil war two hundred years ago, as even back then, the Belfonse estate was where Princes and Princesses to the throne were raised and kept until such a time that they would succeed the throne. A revolution had attempted to overthrow the monarchy and the noble class, and even as a Princess, I found myself wishing that the revolution had succeeded. But the educated classes had access to military tactics and arcane knowledge that made it a simple task to quell the rebellion. Well, I say simple, but they still felt the need to build this fort, and the conflict was still drawn out for a gruelling three years. Back then, the underclasses had certainly been underestimated, giving them an initial advantage.
Since then, the military base had ceased to be useful, especially since it wasn’t useful in international conflicts. We wanted defences closer to the coast and the capital for that, not a base in the heart of the country. The base itself was remodelled into a school roughly one hundred and fifty years ago, by an ambitious noble named Joseph Wormwood. Nowadays it goes by the name ‘The Wormwood Academy of Belfort’. The academy was and still is the best education one could get outside of Beldon itself, causing many to flock to Belfort over the centuries and decades and set up new, and cheaper, lives here.
But of course, Lilly didn’t know any of that history. Once I got around to arranging an education for her, she would know, but for now, it was just any old town for her. The smells of bakeries, cafes and restaurants no doubt immediately assaulted her nostrils, there was a shop selling books or clothes or music records and instruments and much more, or a beautiful looking cottage or house wherever she turned. The streets were made from proper brick rather than cobble stones, and street lamps powered by arcane circles rather than gas fires lined the streets. She pointed out a fire hydrant to me and asked me what its name and purpose was.
“Can’t these… ‘Firemen’ just use magic to create water that can put out a fire?”
“Not everyone knows how to use magic, Lilly. Some people struggle to maintain and work with arcane circles in dangerous conditions, especially if they’re not properly constructed. We’re spoiled by our access to magic, Lilly.”
“I guess that’s right… So, where do we go first! I wanna eat everything I smell!”
“Well, we can do just that, we can visit any shop you want, and I’ll buy you *one* thing from each location if you would like. But there is a place I want to take you first. The best bakery in Belfort. Fancy dessert before lunch?”
“Every damn time! Absolutely yes! Let’s go Ay- Um, let’s go L-Lucy!”
“Good girl,” I said, patting her on the head before heading in the direction of ‘Granny’s Kitchen’, the establishment I was most excited to show Lilly.
There was always a line outside the establishment, so long that it went around a street corner. It was a tiny little two storey building, the business was on the bottom floor, the owner’s residence on the second floor.
“Wow, is this place really that popular?”
“It’s run by a woman people here affectionately named ‘Granny Belfort’. She’s known all across the town, as well as elsewhere in Selicia. She and her husband run the place all by themselves.”
“Should we do something else until the line dies down?”
“Nope, we wait. They close in an hour. That’s why it’s so busy.”
“This early in the day?”
“They’re old, Lilly. They need a lot of time to rest. But I’m sure we’ll get ourselves a cake.”
“What options do they have?”
“There are no options. They cook something different every week, depending on their mood and the seasonal ingredients they can acquire.”
“Well… What’s todays?”
“I don’t know, Lilly, um…”
I looked around, and spotted a man walking out holding a cake. They didn’t allow you to eat in, so they designed the cakes to be held by hand, wrapped in paper so that you could easily eat it whilst standing. Given its orange colour and white frosting on top, I surmised which one it was this time.
“Looks like carrot cake.”
“*Carrot cake*? Really? Lame. I wanted vanilla.”
“Not chocolate?”
“I hate chocolate. It looks like poop. But I’d still take chocolate over *carrot*. It’s not even sweet! It’s a veggie! You serve it with meat and potatoes, not *cake*!”
“Trust me, Lilly, it’ll be good.”
“Whatever you say, *Lucy*.”
I tried to cheer her up with some small talk as we waited in line, discussing what sort of places we should visit. She wanted some clothes and accessories, but when I suggested music, she was resistant to that, too.
“Music? Music? Why would I care about music? It’s just dumb sounds nobles listen to to make themselves feel cultured. Gloria would play classical music all the time, even when she was… Y-Yeah, well anyway, it makes my blood boil, and I have zero interest in music.”
“... I see. How about a movie? There’s a theatre in town.”
“A movie? One of those moving picture things?”
“That’s right. They’ve only been around for fifty years, but they’re quite popular. Would you like to try one? They’re a great alternative to books. You don’t need to read anything.”
“H-Huh, well… I guess they sound kinda interesting. A moving photograph sounds surreal.”
“That’s why people still like them, even though we’ve grown used to them.”
“Alright… That sounds like a fun thing to do after lunch and shopping, I guess.”
With that agreed upon, we eventually reached the front of the line after a few minutes. The inside of the establishment was tiny, and only the people at the front of the line were allowed inside. The floors and the wall were all made of brick, and there wasn’t much decoration. A counter, three chairs for people to wait in, a lantern hanging on the wall, a potted sunflower in the corner, and a black and white framed photo depicting the fort before its conversion hung on the wall. An old man who looked positively ancient, but who was extremely friendly greeted us as we stepped inside.
“Ahh, Princess Ayano. How good it is to see you again. How many years has it been again?”
“Actually, I’d say that it’s only about nine months by my estimation, Harold. It is wonderful to see that you’re doing well.”
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“My my, perhaps time doesn’t fly quite as much as I think! Hahaha, it makes me feel young again, almost! And who is this pretty lass?”
“I’m Lilly… But um, you’re not supposed to recognise Ayano, right?”
“Oh ho ho ho, I’ve known her for a long time. It’s easy to see past those glasses once you’ve gotten used to them. Now, Lilly, you wouldn’t happen to be the Princess’ new handmaiden, would you?”
“I am!”
“Oh, such wonderful news… I am glad you have someone to take care of you, Lady Ayano, very glad indeed. Victoria will be so happy to hear that you moved on from Georgia. I miss seeing her around. Such a kind girl, she would often help us distribute cakes for charity. For a little while, everyone in Belfort knew her name! Where is she living right now?”
“... I wouldn’t know. Last I heard she was heading for Sapphire Bay.”
“I see, I see. She might be out on the ocean by now, perhaps in a different country! I do hope she keeps safe from the Monstra… Oh, the tales I hear from the seas are so frightful… There have been more reports of Monstra attacks on vessels lately. Even ships nowhere near Grisia are getting attacked, it seems! Oh, the world is such a frightful place… Now then, Lady Ayano, Lilly, let me stop myself from waffling on any further and I’ll go fetch you your cakes…”
He shuffled away through a door leading into the back of the building.
“... I wouldn’t mind hearing about Georgia sometime,” Lilly mumbled once we were both alone for a moment.
I wish people wouldn’t go on and on about her. People were so gossipy. My private history with other people was none of their business! And I wasn’t sure how to go about explaining it to Lilly, either. I wasn’t necessarily worried that she would think less of me, but… It would certainly be harder for me to maintain this relationship for as long as I needed to if she knew the full details. And I just… Well, I simply didn’t want to revisit that part of my life, it was as simple as that.
“Another time, Lilly.”
It was then that Harold and the woman herself emerged, Granny Belfort. Also known as Victoria Belfort. I was actually a little surprised to see her. I hadn’t seen her the last time I had visited, as she was always so busy in the kitchen. Everybody loved her for her kindness and her cakes, but she left dealing with customers to her husband, usually. Old like her husband, but thin and wiry, looking almost like a skeleton, as though she never ate her own cakes. She had her hair tied up in a net, wore a great big apron with a love heart on it, and was wearing a set of oven proof gloves. A big smile was on her face as she looked at me and Lilly.
“Oh, Lady Ayano, how pleased I am to be seeing you again! I know I shouldn’t be out here right now, I don’t want to hold up the line, but please, take these cakes. I baked them with love, as always!”
She handed one to me, whilst her husband handed the other to Lilly, who eyed it cautiously. Although her lack of enthusiasm for carrot cake seemed to melt away as she properly looked at it and smelt it. The cake was small but wide, flat almost like a pancake, easy to hold in the hand. It was wrapped in thick paper designed to resist moisture and to not fall apart too easily. Almost as soon as she was given it, Lilly took a quick little bite out of it. Instantly, her eyes lit up. I was almost worried they might turn purple!
“This is… stupendously amazing! It melts in your mouth but it's so crumbly, it’s sweet but the carrot is so flavoursome and compliments it surprisingly well, it’s salty and… Flavour and texture wise, it’s just… Incredible! How do you make this? I’d love to try out the recipe!”
“Aww, thank you so much for your kind words! Listen… There are two secret ingredients. A lifetime of practice, and genuine love. Now, I wanted to come out to see you Lady Ayano because I’m so happy to see you moving on… I also wanted to give your new handmaid a gift!”
Granny Belfort came around to the other side of the counter and stood before Lilly, smiling with such happiness as she removed her necklace. My heart sank. I recognised it immediately. I tried my best to control myself as I saw her put the necklace on Lilly.
“Now, as you may be aware, you’re Lady Ayano’s first handmaiden in quite some time… Back then, I gave her this necklace as a gift. But she returned it to me shortly before she left Belfort… Now, the love heart is self explanatory, but, the crown it is wearing… It is made to look like the Selician crown. This necklace… Represents your undying devotion to the crown. To its heir, Ayano. I want you to always carry it with you, because you have the very important duty of supporting the heir… Upholding our natural order, maintaining peace. Do not think of your job as a small or unworthy task. You were chosen by the Princess herself to be her most trusted aide. One day, her majesty Ayano may ascend the throne and become Queen… At such a time, she will need your support more than ever. So promise me… That you will hold on to those feelings of yours. Being a part of the royal family is difficult work. The most important and trying work performed by anyone in this country. Understand?”
Her eyes were sparkling. It made my stomach churn. It was such a sweet moment, and… It made me feel like fainting. This was really happening all over again, wasn’t it? I had forgotten about that necklace up until now, that little pink crystal heart wearing a crown made from real gold. The piece of jewellery was worth a lot, but it was also beautiful, and it held significance. Lilly was probably going to wear this when bathing and sleeping from now on. I would see it and be reminded of Georgia every day. Was I really going to stomp all over this moment, too?
Maybe… I didn’t have to? But I did… I just… I couldn’t take Lilly to the palace… It was one thing to have fun and fool around as a Princess, but… I couldn’t possibly handle her as a Queen.
“Yes yes! Absolutely I understand! Thank you Granny Belfort! You’re so nice and your cake is amazing!”
Setting down the cake for a moment, Lilly wrapped her arms around the old lady and pulled her in for a brief hug, which Victoria promptly broke, before heading back around to the other side of the counter.
“You’ve found a lovely handmaiden, Lady Ayano. Be sure to treat her well. Now shoo! Customers are waiting!”
“Will you need anything else, honey?” Harold called after his wife as she headed back to the kitchen.
“Just water, my dear!”
“On its way, my love! Goodbye!. Please visit again!”
“Oh we will! We definitely will!” Lilly exclaimed.
“Yes. Absolutely. Good day to you and thank you. Victoria left rather promptly, so… Do pass along my thanks as well.”
“Of course I shall. And you needn’t worry. Her devotion to the crown is strong. She understands the work you put in each and every day- That work is your eternal thanks to us. Offering you a free cake or two every now and then is the least we can do.”
“Free? Are you sure you don’t want us to pay?”
“Oh! Absolutely not! We have little need for money at our age, especially with the kids moved out. So, of all the customers not to charge, the Princess herself is certainly at the top of the list. The joy on your faces is all we need. Now go on, you kept me talking for too long! We mustn't keep the others waiting.”
“Certainly. Thanks again. Goodbye!”
“Bye bye!” Lilly echoed.
We waved goodbye as we finally left the building, scowling customers outside seeing us out.
“Told you it would be good, didn’t I?”
“Yeah… Sorry Lucy, you’re always right…” Lilly muttered apologetically as she devoured her cake.
Couldn’t blame her. I proceeded to wolf mine down just as quickly.
~~~
We were each carrying several large bags of shopping. Clothes, shoes, and accessories mostly. Lilly wore nothing but her maid dress on a day to day basis, but she clearly wanted to look pretty for me any time we went out like this. I tried to remind her that days out like this wouldn’t be a common occurrence, but she said that she didn’t mind. She also pointed out that all the underwear she was buying was something that she would wear under her maid dress, and that I could look at it any time. Yeah. What a benefit for *me* that is. I knew her game.
I also purchased a camera and a flute for her. Lilly obviously had no musical talent, but… Well, whatever made her happy, I guess. The camera was an interesting choice. I just hoped she wouldn’t insist on taking pictures of us having sex. I had to promise her that she wouldn’t take any incriminating photographs. She assured me that she just wanted to take pictures of nature ‘and stuff’. For myself, I purchased a few records and some books. It wasn’t every day that I got to update my record collection and my personal library, after all. Lilly still scoffed at the thought of listening to music, but I promised her some rewards if she listened to some tracks with me, which instantly upped her enthusiasm. As for the books, she seemed to be jealous that other people could read them, and wanted to hear more about them. I mostly purchased non-fiction and romance stories, so I put a particular focus on the romance novels I was buying. I gave her the titles and a quick description of the plots, based on what was on the blurbs.
“Whhhat! ‘Star Crossed Hearts’, ‘End of Love’, ‘The Yearning’, ‘The Flickering Star’. These all sound so sad! I bet none of the couples get together in the end! And at least half of these have like… at least one *man* involved!” She complained.
“Interesting stories have conflict in them, Lilly. Happy endings get boring after you’ve read them enough times. Oh, and yeah, I don’t like hetero romances either, but you have to take what you can get sometimes.”
“Pffft, if you say so. Who wants to be left with the message that love is hopeless, though? Shouldn’t you be smiling at the end of a book rather than crying or feeling awful? Crying sucks! Feeling awful is even more awful! It’s fiction, it can be however you want it! Hell, *real* relationships can be however you and the other person want it! All these stories just make it seem like heartbreak is inevitable!”
“Come on, Lilly. You’ve cried before. Sometimes it’s nice to have something that can release the floodworks. It can be difficult to do without a strong emotional trigger. And besides… Even in real life, there can be a mismatch of feelings. One person wants what the other doesn’t. Feelings can change, too.”
“Hmph. Well, if it were me, I’d make sure to love the other person so much that their feelings couldn’t possibly change. Besides, Lucy, I cry enough as it is. Don’t need fiction for that… I just want to fill my life with as much happiness as possible. Smiles, laughter and…”
“Moans?”
“Hehe. Yeah. Moans~”
I sighed. Love solves everything, huh? If only I could live in her binary little world. It would be nice to not have to worry about complex emotions and mitigating circumstances. However, I decided to drop the conversation there.
“Can’t argue with that, I suppose.”
From there we had a late lunch at, of all places, a Zeerian restaurant. Even though eating Zeerian food wasn’t exactly forbidden, most people associated with the nobility or the crown didn’t want to participate in Zeerian culture or cuisine, considering the danger they posed to the nation. The restaurant was owned by actual immigrants from Zeer, and they cooked some authentic stuff. Sausage cooked with herbs and spices not typically grown in Selicia, flavoursome rice dishes and chilli. Alongside a tall, cold pint of Zeerian beer for each of us, that was our meal. The pot of chilli was so large that it was served for the two of us, and we simply used a ladle to serve it on top of our rice as we wanted it.
“Mmm! Never really had alcohol before… I may have had a few sips here and there I think, but a glass of beer, all to myself? Now that’s luxurious! *Hic*. Oh! I’m hiccuping! It’s so bubbly! Can I order another one after this one?”
“You should be wary of alcohol Lilly. It feels good, but it’s a poison. Don’t get too addicted to it. Think of it as a nice occasional treat.”
“Well, alright… Guess I’ll just have to order more food to make up for it then, hehe… This isn’t as good as Hugo’s cooking, but I imagine this is about as good as Zeerian cooking gets, huh? I love how spicy and rich the chilli is! And the sausage is so juicy and packed with flavour!”
“I bet they have even better chefs at the Zeerian homeland.”
“Even if they do, I bet they couldn’t beat Hugo in a cook off!”
“That would be fun to see some day. I bet he’d get really competitive.”
“No doubt!”
By the time we finished our meal, it was approaching late afternoon. Our bellies were so full that neither of us wanted to move, but we had somehow managed to devour the entire pot of chilli, all the rice and sausage, and were even ravenous enough to order some flat bread. Between the cake and this meal, it felt as though we had eaten all the calories we would need for the entire week! I’d have to ask Hugo to give me a salad for dinner tomorrow. I had to watch my waistline.
“Movies?” I asked.
“In a biiiiiiiiit… Good looooooooooord… thatsh filled me up more than like, thosh tensh treesh did…”
“Probably because you were eating real food, and not wood,” I joked, giggling at myself, and at Lilly’s tired and slightly slurred speech.
“I feel a bit dizzy…”
“Probably the beer. Give it time. We have all night. Our driver is probably enjoying his little break right now.”
“Okaysh… Jusht… A few minutesh…”
As soon as she said that, she closed her eyes, and I could immediately tell that she had entered into a shallow sleep. I let her rest. Didn’t want her falling asleep in the middle of her first film, after all.
~~~
A quick nap and some time to digest the meal was all she needed to re-energise herself. I paid the bill and asked for a glass of water for each of us, and that seemed to sober Lilly up a bit. A mixture of exhaustion and being unused to alcohol was probably why Lilly had been a bit out of it after just one pint of beer.
Soon, we were at the theatre. We looked at the various movies on offer, and… Well, there was one in particular that caught both of our eyes.
“Ayano and Marianne. Is it named after you?”
“No it’s… It’s got nothing to do with me. Merely coincidental. It’s a book adaptation.”
A very important one, too, and not just to Selician culture, but to me as well. Indeed It has been a popular book for almost two decades now, and has finally earned its long overdue film adaptation. But on a personal level it meant more than that. To me, It was also the most meaningful work of fiction that I had ever encountered. It was funny that Lilly would ask if the character was named after me.
Because, funnily enough, I was the only person in the world who knew that I was actually named after the Ayano in this story.
“Oh, well, is it good?”
“... Very. I would recommend it.”
“Then let’s see it!”
“Okay. Let’s grab our tickets, then. Want a snack?”
“Absolutely not!” Lilly laughed, “But I would love some more water please.”
The theatre building itself looked like it had once been designed for stage plays. Constructed from marble, many open spaces, round pillars with spiral designs supporting a sloped ceiling, the old architecture having been retrofitted with anachronistic looking technology and devices powered by arcane circles. The theatre itself was a dark room, windows bordered over with wood to block sunlight from entering, the audience seats curved around a stage that no longer had actors, only a large screen upon which the movie was projected.
The theatre was less than half full by the time the movie started, and me and Lilly had secured premium seats right in the middle of the middle row. It wasn’t ideal to view the screen when sitting on the far reaches of the left or right sides, due to the way the seats were curved. Being a weeknight, it made sense that it wasn’t a full house, but I had been a bit worried that the tickets might be sold out given the fact that the film had apparently only just been released around three weeks ago. Lilly leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder as the movie began. Five minutes into the opening credits, I was getting a little uncomfortable, so to make things easier I simply hoisted Lilly up onto my lap, planting a quick peck on her lips. I wanted to show her affection without distracting her from the film too much. She sighed and sunk into my embrace, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Sort of made purchasing her seat pointless, and a few people were looking at us, but for the most part we were ignored and we both seemed to be comfortable.
~~~
The movie itself was about two girls of different social classes, both aged 17 years old. Ayano was from a dirt poor family, her father was dead, her mother was ill, and her three siblings consisted of a gang member, a drug addict, and a gambling addict. Ayano worked tirelessly to support all four of them by herself. Marianne came from a wealthy noble family. Upon meeting Ayano by chance one day, Marianne finds herself captivated by Ayano’s beauty, and offers to support Ayano and her family in exchange for a daily kiss. At first Ayano thinks it’s a good deal, especially as their relationship starts to develop and they develop real feelings for each other that are more than skin deep. Mariane shows Ayano luxuries that she had only ever dreamed of, such as a slice of cake, and Ayano shows Mariane the freedom she had always longed for, exploring the city and the countryside to their heart’s content.
When Mariane informs Ayano that her parents are forcing her into entering an arranged marriage, and that they can thus no longer be together or even see each other anymore, Ayano falls into despair. Even though Mariane promises to continue supplying Ayano with money, Ayano has reached the point where all she wants is Mariane’s love. Among the riches Mariane had gifted her, she by chance stumbles upon a genie’s lamp, which she rubs, releasing the genie from his captivity. He offers Ayano three wishes. The first thing that she wishes for is for her family to be wealthy, healthy, and happy. It works. The gambler wins big the next day and brings home a windfall which, combined with Mariane’s riches, allows them to move house and upgrade to a middle class lifestyle. Still commoners, but no longer poor. Her mother recovers from her sickness, and all of her siblings leave their old lifestyles behind to go to work or study at a school.
Amazed that the wish worked, Ayano then wishes for Mariane to stay together with her forever, with nothing able to get in their way. It works. The arranged marriage is called off and her family grants Mariane total freedom to do whatever she wants. Their love is affirmed and they spend a year together, deeply in love. Ayano was sure that this perfect life would last forever, and soon forgets about the genie and his last wish, no longer feeling the need for it.
However, tragedy strikes when, one day, in a freak accident, Mariane is run over by a horse and cart, sustaining injuries that would easily be enough to kill her. Ayano sobs over her corpse, in the moment, truly believing her to be dead.
But what was to come next was much, much worse.
After a few minutes, Mariane’s corpse opens its eyes, getting to its feet. She looks at Ayano, tears falling from her eyes, and pulls her into a gentle embrace. Her skin is cold. Her heart is no longer beating.
“I’m still alive!” She happily proclaims, “It hurts so, so much… For a moment, I saw oblivion, and I was so afraid, but… Here I am! Still alive! Still able to be with you, Ayano!”
Ayano, too, is overjoyed. But she overlooks the implications of what had just happened. For Marianne had not resurrected from the grave- She was very much still dead. Very dead. And over the coming weeks, that fact becomes more and more apparent.
First came the stench. Her family complained about it, the neighbours complained about it, anyone who they passed on the street, the loving couple hand in hand, complained about it. Ayano pretended she didn’t notice it. Tried to rationalise it away. They continued to share kisses and intimate moments together, so much so that the stench began to hang off of Ayano, too, no matter how much she tried to scrub it away. A scene in which Ayano and Mariane attempt to clean themselves is particularly horrifying, as the skin effortlessly begins to peel off of Mariane’s normally perfect and smooth brown skin, exposing the flesh and bone beneath. Mariane winces. Ayano screams, but Mariane insists that it’s fine, and that she feels no pain.
However, she is obviously in pain. She just doesn’t want Ayano to know that. Once again, Ayano pretends to believe her.
Mariane insists that they replace her skin with leather and stitches as and when it peels off, as the leather will match her existing skin colour. Ayano agrees, and within a month, none of Mariane’s skin remains, she has been replaced entirely with leather. After going to bed one night, Ayano is awoken to hear the sounds of Mariane crying next to her.
“I can’t feel her touch anymore… Even my lips… Kisses no longer feel the way they used to feel… But if Ayano still loves me, if she still derives joy from this new skin of mine, then it’s okay…”
Ayano pretends not to hear. If Mariane is happy, then she is too. And she still loves Mariane deeply. Even if her skin is made of leather, what’s important is the woman herself, not the sensation of touch.
A few weeks later, Mariane’s eye falls out of its socket. This time, she can’t help but scream in pain. Ayano feeds her painkillers to numb the pain, and suggests a glass eye to replace it. Mariane agrees. A week later, the other eye falls out. Mariane now has two glass eyes, and is now blind. She cries again that night. She misses being able to witness Ayano’s beauty, the thing that had made her fall in love with Ayano in the first place, before anything else.
When her ear rots off of her head, they both agree to mutually cut off the other ear in advance. Better to get the pain over with sooner rather than later. They stitch on cloth ears supported by small wooden sticks as replacements. Mariane cries, wishing that she could still hear Ayano. Without eyes, however, she can’t even cry tears. Her hair falls off. Not a big deal. A wig will replace it. A few fingers and toes fall off. Nothing some wood and glue can’t fix.
Ayano finally comes to her senses when Mariane’s tongue falls out. Now, she has no idea what Mariane is thinking. And, most agonising of all for Ayano, she can longer hear the words ‘I love you’ out of Mariane’s mouth. Mariane is now but a doll, the flesh beneath that leathery skin now too rotten and decomposed to even continue moving. But the consciousness is still in there somewhere. Mind deteriorating, spirit corrupting, likely living through a hell far deeper than a mortal mind could ever possibly imagine. And yet, despite everything, Ayano knew that Mariane was still deeply in love with her, willing to suffer for all eternity just for the sake of fulfilling Ayano’s selfish wish.
Ayano turns to the genie. She spends days agonising over a solution. Finally, after much deliberation, Ayano comes to a heartbreaking conclusion.
Two wishes would be needed to remedy the situation. Mariane would need to be wished back to life and restored to her real body, and made invincible. And Ayano would need to be turned into an invincible, ageless immortal being herself, otherwise Mariane would remain by Ayano’s inevitable corpse forever. The genie then reminds her that this wish would remain in place long after the world ends. And then they will find themselves drifting through an infinite void, together, but suffering unimaginable pain, with nobody there to see them. One day, even the void will come to an end, but their conscious minds will remain floating in that nothing, together, but unable to experience each other.
That wish cannot come true, and yet Ayano begs for it anyway. She begs for a fourth wish. The genie informs her that his power simply doesn’t work like that. A week passes. And finally, Ayano makes the only choice she knows she can make. The choice she should have made long ago, to cut Mariane’s suffering short.
“I wish for you to allow Mariane to die painlessly, and for her spirit to pass on in peace.”
Ayano offers the doll one final kiss goodbye, even though Mariane cannot feel it. The story ends as she finds herself wishing that Mariane had truly passed on, forced to trust in the genie’s power that she is finally dead and at peace, and not still alive deep within the husk of her former self.
~~~
Me and Lilly were both crying by the end. I truly felt as though the film had done the book justice. The way they had used special effects to depict Mariane slowly turning into a doll was wonderfully done and truly eerie and nausea inducing.
“I really liked that movie…” Lilly muttered, wiping the tears from her eyes, holding me tighter than ever.
“Yeah. It’s… It’s very… Meaningful to me.”
“I can imagine. Just…”
“Mmm?”
“I think… It’s so arbitrary that… The genie only granted three wishes…”
“That’s how genies traditionally work in fiction and mythology.”
“Still though, it’s arbitrary…”
“Well… Think of it like this. Every individual has their own limits. When you want to surpass those limits, you need to rely on outside resources. Other people. Materials in the world. That sort of thing. Even though the power of the world is vast, it, too, has its own limits, just like you do.”
“Mmm… Maybe like a human does. But me specifically? THE Lilly? I don’t have limits. I could grant an infinite number of wishes.”
“Well… In any case, the movie isn’t about you.”
“I suppose not… Well, I can say that within the limits of Ayano’s power, y’know, uh, not you, the movie Ayano, she made the right choice. It was very sweet of her to make that sacrifice.”
“I think that… She was very selfish. She let the mistake of her second wish drag on for far too long. Caused Mariane so much more pain than was necessary.”
“But… I think… Mariane was glad for the extra time. And her first and third wishes weren’t selfish.”
“... Maybe, but… That’s still… I just… Have a very low opinion of the Ayano character in this film. In my opinion, I can’t help but think that… For trying to bargain with the genie, he didn’t grant the third wish as a way to punish Ayano’s hubris. That Mariane is still alive in there.”
“I have a high opinion of both Ayano and Mariane. And I have no doubt that Mariane is dead and at peace.”
“On what basis?”
“Do you have a basis for believing that the genie lied? He’s bound by his very nature to grant the wishes asked of him.”
“... I suppose not. It just comes down to… Our irrational judgements and interpretations, I suppose.”
“Mmm! Indeed. Well, ready to go home? It must be dark out by now.”
“Yeah. Lets.”
As we left the movie theatre, I felt my heart aching. I empathised with Ayano in the movie so much that it hurt. Of course, I wasn’t one to blindly follow the messages and themes of fiction, not even the works I loved. Two different situations didn’t correlate to one another in a one to one fashion, especially not when it came to comparing situations in fiction with reality. Fiction had the ability to unconsciously shape minds, sure, but at the end of the day, I and everybody else were free thinkers.
But this story had always struck a chord with me. And it was for that very same reason that my resolve had been solidified more than ever. I vowed to never make the same mistakes Ayano did.