I was taking a walk on the manor grounds late at night. It was warm but there was a chill breeze, galaxies filled with countless stars were shining down upon me in a glorious swirl of colours. My heart hadn’t felt so free of worry in quite some time. Lilies of all different colours grew around me, starting as seedlings and rapidly growing and blooming and caressing my bare feet. I looked down at them and smiled, and when I looked up, I saw the lake. It didn’t have an official name, it was small and it wasn’t really utilised. But I supposed it would be fair to refer to it as Lake Belfonse. I liked that name. Belfonse. Ayano. Ayano La Belfonse… I whispered my own name under my breath. It made me feel warm and fuzzy just hearing myself say it.
I approached the lake and knelt down next to the water. The surface was so still that I could see my reflection in it as clearly as I could if I was looking in a mirror, the stars behind my reflection, framing it with even more beauty. Because I was beautiful. I loved myself so much I could kiss me. In fact, that’s what I decided to do. I leaned down, lips puckered, and my reflection leaned in in turn, powerless to resist in the mimicking of my actions. I blinked. Suddenly, I wasn’t looking at myself anymore. I was looking at a boy with a stubbly beard and scraggly brown hair.
I flinched and scrambled back to my feet. He was just looking at me silently, staring at me, accusing me. He wasn’t mimicking my facial expressions.
“... Lawrence?”
Ripples in the water began to distort his image, and I looked up, taking my eyes off of him to see what had disturbed the water. A body, laying face down in the water, motionless. Long brown silky hair, a maid dress. I knew who it was. The lilies had grown all around the lake, they were as tall as trees now, no, bigger, their petals were blocking out the stars, towering over me. As the silver moonlight shone through the petals, the light turned gold. But it hardly looked like daylight. It was too artificial.
But I didn’t care about that. I jumped into the water, and even though it still looked clear, it felt like swimming through tar. It was also as though something were below me, dragging me down, some invisible force at my feet. I struggled to keep my head above the water, but I soon found myself next to the body.
“No no no, Julia, wake up…” I said, but I don’t think any sound escaped my lips as I tried to to turn over the body.
I saw her face. It wasn’t Julia. Her eyes opened. Purple. I remained frozen in place as we looked into each others eyes. Her expression was just like Lawrence’s. Staring at me, judging me. The gaze was inscrutable in some respects, but a part of me knew exactly what she was thinking.
“Lady Ayano…”
Then her mouth opened, and it continued to open, and open, and open, the darkness and the rows upon rows of endless teeth filling my vision entirely. I looked behind me and realised that I was deep inside her, the stars above a tiny blink of light in the distance.
“Lady Ayano.”
I felt my skull crunch as her teeth clamped down on me.
“Ayano!”
I awoke with a start, flinging my head forward, narrowly avoiding headbutting my bodyguard, who was gently trying to shake me awake.
“Lady Ayano! We’ve arrived at the imperial palace. Are you alright? You looked distressed.”
My head was throbbing, as though I were still recovering from those teeth biting into me. But as I regained awareness, I otherwise seemed to be fine.
“J-Just a bad dream… Please fetch me some water and some painkillers…” I muttered as I was helped out of the limo.
“Certainly. But do remember, we have a lot of events planned this week. Are you sure you’ll be well enough?”
“... Yeah. I will be.”
I had to be.
~~~
Indeed, there was a lot to do. I had come here to have an audience with my mother, but it wasn’t until three days after I arrived that I was scheduled to see her. So, the intervening time was spent conversing with nobles who didn’t come to visit me for one reason or another, having interviews with the press, eating at grand banquets. The palace itself was both a familiar and unfamiliar place to me. I had not been here since becoming Ayano, and even if my perspective of the palace hadn’t been mirrored, it was such a large, grand, and labyrinthine building that I still would have needed help navigating the place. In my memory, I had remembered halls that felt as big as open fields, food that tasted like the best thing the universe had to offer, artwork in the form of paintings and statues that felt like they were crafted by the very gods. I remembered gold and silver and diamonds and rubies, sapphires and emeralds, chandeliers worth more than what a commoner will make in their lifetime, and endless rooms to discover.
I had thought that, now that I was an adult, my perspective may have changed, but during my time here I realised that the palace was still exactly that kind of place. Hell, even the guest room I was staying in was twice as large and even more grand than my room at the manor. They even appointed two handmaidens to take care of my needs, and they insisted on doing practically everything for me. I half expected them to start cutting my food for me and feeding it to me, much like what I had done for Lilly when she first arrived at the manor. Luckily, they didn’t offer to do that, so I was at least afforded some dignity.
The days were so busy that they passed by in a haze, so I barely had time to reflect on my nightmare or my last conversation with Lilly. But on the day when I was finally being led up to the throne room to see my mother, I thought about how crazy my time at the palace had been, about how a place like this would completely swallow the rest of my short life. If I was this busy as a princess who was merely visiting, then what would it be like if I was Queen? Mother was expected to work even though she was old and sick and still did a lot, even if I had been bearing many of her burdens from the manor.
Escorting me to the throne room was a platoon of about 20 knights, all wearing decorative armour and carrying spears. I preferred my bodyguards in suits, I felt much safer around guns and mages, but the heart of the monarchy was still deeply rooted in antiquated tradition. I was going to have to make a lot of reforms to ensure that Selicia kept up with the times.
The doors to the throne room were about as tall as a three story building, and decorated with a stained glass depiction of the Selician crown. It definitely had a gaudy religious vibe to it, then again, it was believed that a goddess bestowed the Belfonse family with the duty of protecting and ruling Selicia. I wasn’t so sure if I believed in any power higher than the spirits, however.
“Your majesty Ayano La Belfonse, the appointed time has now arrived for you to have your audience with her majesty Queen Angelica La Belfonse the Second. May your meeting be blessed by the Goddess, and protected by her spirits.”
The knight who spoke bowed, prompting the rest of the knights to bow. Two maids and two butlers pushed open the door to the throne room. It was large and grand, but completely empty. An opaque blue curtain at the back of the room hid the throne, likely because the Queen wanted to remain out of sight whilst she was in her sickly state. As I stepped inside, the doors were closed behind me, and the curtains were parted.
As the throne came into view, I saw a woman sitting upon it. A large, flowing white dress draped itself down the stairs leading up to the golden throne. She was wearing the crown, adorned with the one and only known selicianite gemstone, said to be bestowed upon the Belfonse family by the goddess herself. Said to hold divine magical power, it served as the object that legitimised the crown itself as a symbol of holy authority. It was definitely pretty, a perfectly cut gemstone that seemed to change colours depending on how the light hit it, releasing a light that looked like a rainbow.
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
The woman was wearing a mask, too. White and smooth, it seemed to be made of porcelain. It was completely featureless save for a set of pitch black eyes crafted to have a vaguely feminine look to them.
I walked across the purple carpet, up until it ended about 30 feet away from the stairs leading up to the throne. Two torches sitting on marble sconces were lit next to me, producing a pleasant, scented smoke. I knelt down on one knee, fist on the ground, looking at the floor, remaining absolutely still. I knew that I was to wait until spoken to.
But, it wasn’t the figure sitting on the throne that next addressed me. Instead, a person stepped out from behind the throne, someone who I hadn’t noticed before. They were wearing a mask that I assumed was meant to be a masculine counterpart to the mask the person on the throne was wearing. He also wore long, black robes and black gloves, as though he were meant to stand out as little as possible. When he spoke, his calm, yet powerful voice resonated through the room, possibly thanks to the mask.
“My daughter, Ayano. It is a pleasure to see you again after all these years. Please, follow my aide, the one speaking to you. I wish to meet with you in person.”
“... Are you really so ill that you need an aide to communicate through others, mother?”
“... I’m afraid so, my darling. My voice has completely left me. I must communicate by sending my thoughts telepathically to him. Never mind the thing on the throne. It is but a doll to maintain appearances.”
With that, the man turned around, beckoning me with his hand for me to follow. And so I did, through another set of curtains behind the throne, through a silver archway. Finally, I found a large, ornate bed, the person laying on it silhouetted by a set of curtains that surrounded the bed frame. The man sat down on a chair next to the bed, folding his hands on his lap. From a side room, a man and a woman, both dressed in white, leading me to assume that one was a doctor and the other a nurse, stepped towards the bed, and pulled on a cord that pulled apart the bed curtains.
With this, I saw her. My mother. The Queen. The woman who I remembered being young and healthy, the maternal figure I hadn’t seen since I had become Ayano. She was old and withered, wrinkled and shrunken. She already looked like she had been a corpse for some time, but I could just about see her chest rising and falling. Just barely breathing. Overwhelmed with emotion, I quietly knelt next to the bed, looking into her small, pale blue eyes intensely as I took her frail hand into my own, stroking her gently with my thumb.
“You’re in a worse state than I could have possibly imagined, mother…”
“Yes,” said the aide sitting behind me, “I am. It is part of the reason why I called you, but there are other reasons I would like to get to first. You have been wishing for an audience for some time. Would you like to re-explain your reasons why?”
“... Mother, I hardly want to talk about… Taxes… And global politics right now…”
“I know it is difficult, my darling. But you must. Let us get this out of the way, hmm?”
“... Well… You saw my proposed tax budgets. You saw my proposals for tax funded institutions that could raise the standard of living for the average citizen. If Zeer truly intends to make trade difficult for us, then, I feel like that budget is our only choice…”
“Yes. I did see it, Ayano. And by looking at them I can already tell that you will be a wise and just Queen.”
“You are too.”
“Perhaps, but… As a ruler, you also need strength. And as you can see, I plainly lack that. The noble class would never agree to this tax budget were I to propose them. But… When you become Queen, you may just be able to get them to agree.”
“... Even if you’re going to die soon, I don’t want our citizens to have to suffer in the meantime-”
“It may be another few years before I die. But I am sure you and the citizens can persevere until then. If… If you can truly defeat the Monstra in that time, then that should ease many burdens on their lives. I know you wish to help them right now, I know it pains you to think of our citizens starving or dying of sickness. But, sometimes patience is required for joy to truly flourish. It is painful. But that is sometimes the reality of things.”
“I just… I don’t like it…”
“Neither do I. Our ancestors… They made a mistake when they decided that bloodlines were more important than merit and empathy. Even I have come to disbelieve in the legitimacy of the Selician royal family. But even though we do not deserve our status, we have to work within the reality we have. And we… Or rather, you, can use your power to improve the world. Remember that.”
“... So. No tax reform.”
“I am sorry, Ayano… Now. Listen. Even just talking to you through my aide, I am growing weak and tired. So I would like to get through this quickly… You are old enough now, and this may be our last ever meeting, so I would like to explain to you the truth behind your father’s death.”
“... I am listening, mother.”
“... Very well.”
The aide turned to the doctor and the nurse.
“Please fetch me dinner.”
The two left, and, within moments, they returned carrying a plate on a tray. And on that tray was a sliver of dry, grey meat. It smelt rancid. And yet, I could sense mana pooling around it.
“What you see there, Ayano, is a sliver of meat harvested from your Father.”
“... What?”
“When I fell ill… It was determined that I would die in months. You were still a child. Hardly of proper age to rule. Somebody such as Ferdinand could take your place, but, we saw the potential in you even back then, and we wanted it to be you. Me and your father made a pact with a spirit. We mutually agreed to allow your father to die… And we lied, and said he died of an illness. In exchange for his death… So long as I ate his flesh once every three days, my life would be extended. Extended just long enough to allow you to grow into a woman worthy of becoming a fine ruler.”
Impaling the meat on a fork, the nurse fed the tiny sliver of meat to the Queen. She chewed once or twice, before forcing the meat down her throat, the nurse massaging her neck to ensure it went down smoothly. The Queen was subsequently offered a sip of water.
“...”
This couldn’t be happening. Neither mother nor father had been ill back when I was Lawrence. This mysterious illness had to just be one more thing that my little mirror stunt had inflicted. Since the Queen’s sickness had only been announced a year after I became Ayano, it hadn’t occurred to me that in this world, mother had likely been ill for years before that announcement. Tears ran down my face. This was my fault. This was just one more damn thing that was entirely my fault.
“Oh, mother… You… You both shouldn’t have had to sacrifice yourself just for me… Suffering for years and years, running a country when you should be dead…” I muttered.
“Ayano… Listen to me. You are worth it. You are worth every second of my pain. You have grown into an intelligent, beautiful, strong, and incredible young woman, one more worthy of the throne than I ever was. My will wasn’t there, but… You may be the one who can work against the tides of tradition, improve lives, and save the world. You think about things more deeply and with more wisdom than I ever could. That is why I am okay with living this life. That is why me and your father are okay with giving you more time.”
“... This… Cannibalism though, it’s just…”
“Disgusting? Yes, it is. Even though he agreed to it, I often find myself missing him, wishing there could have been some other way. I do not feel any closer just because I am always eating parts of him. I can easily remind myself that it isn’t even him. But… Just know that he died willingly, and he died believing in you, and loving you ever so dearly.”
“I’ve wasted all my time as Princess. I’ve been helping you out as a ruler, serving as a representative, yes… But I have stopped studying. I indulged in drugs, and even now I indulge in women who I can’t love and commit to because I can’t find it in me and I know you want me to marry a man who can be a King and-”
“... You must cease those thoughts, Ayano. You are hard on yourself. That leads to self discipline, which is positive. But too much discipline can lead to self flagellation, which helps no one at all. Forgive yourself for your sexuality. Forgive yourself for the fact that not every waking moment of your life has been spent as productively as it could have been. I know that you have not been shipping grass to your estate for many years now. I have met Georgia since she left you, and even though she was hurt, she forgives you and cherishes the time she had with you.”
“... You met her? Here?”
“Yes, I did. The local council in the imperial city was denying her the right to purchase a pottery store. So, leveraging the fact that she used to be your handmaiden, she demanded an audience with me. We talked for hours… And I was able to grant her what she wanted. She had so much to say about you…”
“... I… I don’t like people talking about me constantly… Exposing my personal life, gossiping behind my back, or sometimes right in front of me… Georgia this, Lilly that… When I become Queen, it’ll only get worse. I’ll have citizens criticising me for not finding a King and producing an heir, even though because of this stupid penis I won’t be able to even if I do find it in me to stomach marrying a man…”
“You have every right to privacy, my daughter. But you must make your discomfort known… Because when people talk about you, they do not do so maliciously. The population of Selicia adores you. Georgia adored you. I’m sure this ‘Lilly’ does as well. We talk about you because we all love you and want you to be okay.”
“... I… I’ve been thinking about breaking up with Lilly…”
“Because you cannot handle a relationship with her whilst you’re Queen?”
“That’s right…”
“There is always time for love in the life of any human, Ayano. If you truly love each other, you will find that time. But… If you cannot find it within yourself to be with her, then… Well, you must set her free sooner rather than later. Do what you think is right, my love.”
“... Okay…”
“I wish we could talk more, Ayano… But my audiences… They get shorter and shorter… The time I can spend awake rapidly shrinks as the months go by… Please. Enjoy the rest of your time as Princess. Think deeply. Do what you think is right. I… I love you, my… My… Angel…”
With that, not only did my mother close her eyes, but so did the aide, slumping in his chair.
The doctor and the nurse solemnly nodded at me, and gestured towards the exit.
Getting to my feet, I had one last look at the sleeping Queen. Tears still running down my face, I smiled.
“... I love you as well, mother…”
My sleep that night was restless. I found myself awoken from nightmares about Lilly and Georgia and Julia and eating my father and having my hands nailed to a throne and of being watched by disembodied eyes. My sleep was like that for the next couple of days. I attended some events, and cancelled others, trying to scrape together as much time for myself as I could get away with. I needed whatever slivers of sleep and quiet I could get.
I thought a lot about Lilly in my waking moments. And as I was stepping back into the limo, ready to drive back to the manor, I had finally formed one key, solidified thought.
I had to stop playing games. I had to break up with her.