~~~ One Week Ago ~~~

The morning light was peering in above the mountains as I sped down the road. The port town of Salm was spread out down below me, and I was approaching a winding part of the road that would lead me down to the town. The ocean was a sparkling blue, the sun peaked in through the tall masts of trade and fishing vessels alike. The quaint architecture and emerald green, hilly terrain made for such an idyllic and comforting scene.

Much as I missed the mansion, I did enjoy being able to drive for hours on end. When it wasn’t raining, I would remove the roof and let the wind whip through my hair. It felt so good to move fast, to feel the wind rush against me. It was exhilarating, and it blew my thoughts away, straight out of my head, and for a brief time I could leave them behind me.

The closer and closer I got to my destination, however, the more they caught up with me. By the time I had parked my car, I was already feeling morose. I didn’t know how to handle today’s report.

I walked through the streets of the small little town, waving at the locals, greeting friendly, familiar faces. Old ladies who admired my beauty and the work I did for the crown showered me with praises and small little gifts, such as baskets of biscuits and freshly caught fish. I thanked them all profusely, feeling more and more dead inside with each interaction. By the time I had reached my ‘home’, I really was prepared to just go to bed and sleep away my problems for the next eternity or two.

“Priscilla, is that you?”

I was about to knock on my front door when Cedric opened it. Handsome, blonde, young and strong. I pretended to feel an emotion as I gasped with delight and threw myself into his arms.

“So good to see you again, Cedric!”

“Of course of course… I missed you so much, Priscilla…”

“I’m so glad you got here early…”

“Just a few hours ago, actually. Just woke up from a nap. How does breakfast sound? Exhausted from your night time drive?”

“Mmmm, yes, breakfast sounds lovely.”

“Let’s head inside, then.”

He let me in and closed the door behind us, whilst our adoring, gossipy fans looked on at our little public display of affection on our doorstep.

Immediately, I let out a sigh, a heavy release of tension as I finally allowed my perpetually smiling face to rest itself into the perpetual, exhausted frown it was always meant to be. I threw off my scarf and tossed it to the ground, and tossed myself onto the sofa.

“Vodka?”

“Yeah. Cook me a fuckin’ egg, too.”

“What kind? Scrambled, fried, boiled?”

“Nai nai nai! Don’t care!” I exclaimed, rolling onto my stomach and burying my face in the pillow.

He was silent until he arrived with what I requested. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, felt like it was ages until he finally sat back down on the armchair on the other side of our coffee table. Perhaps he wanted to give me time to crash and relax.

I sat up and brushed aside my now messy hair. Fried egg on buttered toast. He’d drawn a little red heart out of tomato sauce around the egg. I grimaced and downed the vodka he’d served alongside it in one go. God, it felt so good to have a drink after spending so much time without alcohol in that manor. Remaining celibate from alcohol was one of the few things I disliked about living there. Although it was a self imposed restriction, of course. It’s not like Ayano or anyone else would stop me from having an evening drink. I just didn’t trust myself not to slip secrets unless I was sober.

“We’re a pretend couple, Cedric. Nobody’s looking… You don’t need to draw these… Stupid hearts…” I sighed.

“You looked dead. Just wanted to get a reaction out of you.”

I slammed my now empty vodka glass down on the table.

“More booze.”

“Nuh-uh-uh,” He sighed, sliding the glass and my plate of breakfast eggs away from me, “Business first. Don’t want you getting so plastered that you forget your report.”

“Jiiii… Nai nai… Okay comrade. Check the place for bugs?”

“I inspected every inch of the building, visually and via focusing on the Aether vibrations. Only arcane circles in here are Aether appliances.”

“Ugh, you always call it Aether… Mana’s a better word. Sounds like manners. Or spanner.”

“I beg to differ, Priscilla. Now, you’re clearly doing an excellent job maintaining your cover. I doubt the crown and its court suspects you or I enough to spy on this house. I’ve imported some whisky from Zeer. I’ll give you the bottle if you can keep yourself together for the report.”

“Ugh, but we have a week, can’t it wait?”

“You know we have a ‘refresher’ this week. Come on, the sooner you get this over with, the sooner we can both relax.”

“Fine fine…”

I was already feeling a bit tipsy. My mood was low, I was tired, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell the truth. This particular report could have huge implications for the entire world. How would the president react once news reached him? It could have disastrous consequences for my peaceful little life up at the manor. I honestly wanted to simply keep living it as though I weren’t a double crossing, slimy spy. I was among my heritage. My real people. I couldn’t exactly be myself, but… I could behave as though I was something better than myself.

“Princess Ayano has come across a rather peculiar specimen,” I explained, “A human who was born with a Monstra heart. It was…” I sighed, I didn’t want to give away any information that could identify Lilly, even if it somewhat hurt to call her an ‘it’.

I simply tried to remember her frenzy in front of the manor, to try and convince myself that she wasn’t human.

“It was… Well, the circumstances behind why it was born the way it was are unknown. From my understanding, neither the crown nor a noble or any other group intentionally created it. From what we understand, it showed up on the doorstep of an orphanage as a newborn. It seemed to be a normal child, but according to my intel, its true nature was discovered when it ate a fellow child a few months after it was taken in. Instead of trying to kill it, however, the orphanage decided to try and keep it as happy as possible. This is because it seems bleeding unleashes its Monstra powers. Thus, it is dangerous to try and hurt or kill it. The orphanage was keen to sell it off as quickly as possible, and at age of around six it was sold off to a noble estate, where it was put under a slave contract and kept secret from the crown. Ayano only discovered it a few weeks ago, when the estate owners went bankrupt, and could no longer uphold the slave contract. I have confirmation- Albeit not first hand confirmation- That this Monstra… This ‘human bio weapon’, you could call it, has now been bound by a very powerful slave contract to Ayano’s will.”

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

As I spoke, Cedric had been scribbling down all my words into a notebook. An arcane circle drawn on the back of the paper was a sending circle. Anything he wrote on this paper would show up on another piece of paper elsewhere in the world. Within moments this report would be sitting on the President’s desk.

“It seems you gathered quite a bit of information. Care to elaborate on your methods? It seems, given the way you are speaking, that you are somewhat lacking in specific identifying information on this bio weapon.”

“Ayano was clever. She did everything she could to keep its identity a secret… Even though she confided the information I just relayed to me, when the Monstra arrived, it did so among a collection of about three other new servants. Any one of those servants could be the candidate. If you wish, I can collect a list of names and identifying information and relay them on my next report.”

“You didn’t think to do so for this report?”

I really hoped that my lies wouldn’t catch up with me.

“... No. I have names, but no proof of identity. I would have to procure them from Ayano via some method. I do not feel comfortable sharing names and identifying information that Ayano or someone else may have fabricated to hide the bio weapon’s identity from us. Needless to say- I am interacting with the bio weapon on a daily basis as I train the new servants. I just don’t know which one the bio weapon is. Ayano is being very careful with her commands to ensure that it doesn’t reveal itself.”

“It’s your job to report, Priscilla. It’s our job to filter through the information you provide for factual information. So long as you’re not actively lying, it doesn’t matter if information you provide later turns out to be enemy disinfo. Understand?”

Honestly, I’d been so wrapped up in my own head that I hadn’t foreseen this predicament… But wait, it was okay. A couple of new servants had arrived since my last report. I was due to give an update on the staff working at the manor anyway. I would just be lying a bit regarding when exactly they arrived.

“Bethany Bluewood, Lilly Leywood, and Norman Goldstein. It’s one of those three. Sorry I… Didn’t think things through.”

“You’re exhausted. And you downed your drink quite quickly. And besides, it must be emotionally taxing to spend your life worshipping at the feet of Selician noble scum.”

“Right… It’s… Just awful. Can I have my food back now, please?”

“If there’s nothing else to report. I imagine this Monstra takes significant precedent over anything else, however. Tell me, though, what do you think Ayano’s plans are for it?”

I could give a pretty honest answer for this.

“Well… Part of the reason the situation in Grisia has remained the way it is comes down to two reasons- If either Selicia or Zeer use their annihilation spheres on Grisia, that opens whichever country used it open to getting annihilated. Each country only has the ability to cast one at a time, after all. I have no doubt that Ayano would love to use the annihilation sphere on Grisia to earn the international acclaim…” I trailed off.

‘She would also do it because she’s a good person’, I thought to myself.

“... But if Zeer learns what she is doing, they could easily take the opportunity to wipe out the Selicians. The reverse is true as well. The second reason is that the annihilation sphere isn’t a perfect solution to the Monstra anyway- The sphere may not be able to eradicate every Monstra on Terrestia within its radius, and there’s a chance that the Monstra may be able to survive it anyway. We know that Monstra are capable of instantaneously passing through vacuums. Most notably vacuums caused by the only known annihilation sphere cast in the past, or naturally occurring mana… Uh, *Aether* leaks. Even though this process is dangerous for them and they cannot do so in large numbers, it is entirely possible that the spell is simply not a viable long term solution. In addition, the Grisian refugees would not be able to return to a country that has been reduced to a giant crater on the coast of the Nexian continent. They do not want to cause an uproar. I imagine, now that Ayano has accidently stumbled across this Monstra, that she is imagining ways that she can use it to eliminate the Monstra threat, at least in Grisia, and earn that worldwide acclaim without having to utilise an annihilation sphere. Of course, one Monstra of what I would assume to be relatively small mass would not be capable of wiping out the Monstras singlehandedly. So she must have other plans up her sleeve, some involving it, some not, I would imagine.”

Phew. That took a lot out of me. Sick of being in serious spy mode.

“Alright, I’m done. Give me back my food.”

Cedric sighed, sliding the plate back over to me.

“Knock yourself out. I’m heading to the basement. Booze is in the usual cupboard. Make sure you also drink some water as well.”

Heh, not likely.

“Yeah. Sure.”

As he left I began to wolf down my breakfast. He was no Hugo, but he was still a pretty damn good cook.

~~~

The following days were always some of the worst ones whenever I visited Cedric for reports. Waking up with a hangover, spending a few hours nursing it, and then heading out into town so that we could keep up the appearance of a loving couple. We’d seen all the same sights before, met all the same people, we had been to all the restaurants in town, too. There was nothing unique or interesting about being here anymore. It was technically less tedious than my repetitive days up at the manor, sure, but something about my day to day routine up there felt a lot more meaningful.

Then there was Cedric. He didn’t make it easy to pretend to love him. He drew red hearts on my breakfast plate when we were alone- So, in public, he was *far* more lovey dovey, and even though I was behaving affectionately towards him too, it always felt as though it wasn’t an act for him. As though he were taking advantage of the fact that the Zeerian secret service had lumped us together in the same operation, and that I had to pretend to be his perfect loving fiance. It made me sick. It wasn’t as though he was personable or interesting. Instead of engaging in thought provoking discussion with me, he’d open doors for me and bow. Instead of making me laugh, he’d buy me flowers and chocolates, and instead of trying to understand me on a deeper level, he’d insist on paying for meals.

Not that I’d let him try to understand me. He’d sell me out if I ever admitted that I didn’t want to do this anymore.

It was always around this time that I thought about quitting altogether. Defecting, opening up to Ayano, and promising to be a real subject to her, the crown, and Selicia. I’d even accept being her prisoner, if my treason was too heavy to forgive. I just couldn’t stand living in this web of lies anymore.

But in the middle of the week, me and Cedric were visited in the middle of the night. As is always the case, we’re injected with a drug that both heightens our suggestibility and fogs our memories, making the whole experience feel like a vague dream. I never remember what happens during these ‘refreshers’. I don’t know if it’s the same person who comes every time, or if it’s always someone different. I can never remember any identifying information about them. All I know is that when I wake up the following morning, having experienced a sleep that felt oddly good, I awaken with a gut feeling which tells me that I can never, ever betray Zeer. It’s my *real* homeland, and its continued success and prosperity is what matters to me above all else.

Cedric always becomes more committed to the mission at this time as well. He gets less flirty, behaves more seriously. Even I find myself scribbling down extraneous reports rather than lazing around and drinking. It’s fantastic that I’m able to provide false reports before the refresher happens. Otherwise I know I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from betraying Selicia, I’d tell Cedric the whole truth. In fact, I feel a strong urge to amend my reports right now.

However, I suspect I might be a little bit resistant to Zeer’s conditioning. Because I’m able to stop myself from amending my reports. For days on end, right until the end of the week. I also know, in my heart of hearts, that Ayano, Lilly, and Selicia matter to me more than Zeer, even if my thoughts do become consumed with Zeerian propaganda and patriotism.

And why is it that I care about Lilly as much as Ayano and Selicia? I’m not sure. If I was forced to give an answer… I think I would say that, beyond just being cute, her power might be just the thing this world needs. I had full confidence that, together, she and Ayano could change the world. Really put an end to the Monstra threat.

The rest of the week passed by in a haze. It always did after conditioning, I think the drugs partially remained in the system for at least 72 hours after initial ingestion. On the final day I stood with Cedric at the docks as we waited for his ship to arrive.

He really did work as a security guard on an oil rig. It was a Selician owned rig, after all- An important place for a spy to be stationed.

“Well. This is goodbye,” He flatly stated, leaning down to plant a kiss on my lips.

I returned the affection. He lingered for a moment too long for my liking.

“I love you, Priscilla.”

A sigh escaped my lips. Stop it. Please.

“I love you too.”

Moments later, he was gone. Sailing away into the sunset. It was always around this time that my guilt fully started to kick in.

As I drove back to the manor, all I could think about was apologising to Ayano the only way I knew how to. I think she thought that I fetishised her dick, or that I was using her as a replacement for Cedric, who I didn’t even love or sleep with. It was true that I only started getting sexually involved with Ayano after seeing her dick for the first time. But it wasn’t because I fetishised it, even though it was certainly an impressive phallus.

It was because, for the first time, I really understood the weight of the responsibility that she was carrying on her shoulders. I thought about how hard it must be to keep her genitalia a secret, and then I thought about all the other secrets she must keep hidden. Both politically and emotionally. I… Realised that losing Georgia probably hurt her more than I could have possibly known.

All that burden, and here I was, undermining her efforts, drugged and conditioned to the point that, even though I could feel guilty for my actions, I still wasn’t strong enough to fight back against the Zeers and atone. Sex was the most I could do to make it up to her, and even then, she didn’t want much to do with it. I was worried that she was going to reject my advances altogether someday, and then I’d have no outlet for this guilt.

My conditioning didn’t dissuade me from sleeping with the enemy. If anything, the Zeers probably encouraged me to do so. Intimacy was a good way to gain information from the enemy, after all. That’s why I was always silent during our sexual encounters. I didn’t want her saying anything during those vulnerable moments that I would have to use against her.

I hated it. I hated all of it.

~~~ Present Day ~~~

I watched Lilly and Ayano out of my bedroom window. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it seemed my suspicions had been confirmed- They were intimately involved with each other now. And knowing that, it meant that they had likely had sex, considering how obsessed Lilly had been with sleeping with Ayano. I was glad. I hoped it worked out well. But I couldn’t tell what Ayano was thinking, even if Lilly’s thoughts were an open book. Ayano certainly *looked* happy about what was happening, but it was hard to tell.

When I recommended Ayano properly accept Lilly as her handmaiden, I had a feeling this might happen. Having absolute control over someone so cute, powerful, and submissive- Who could resist the temptation?

As I watched them walk away into the forest together, there was one, indistinct feeling that I couldn’t quite let go of, however. A sinking feeling in my stomach.

Was I worried for them? Was I regretting my decision to prod Ayano into this? Was I regretting sleeping with Ayano and keeping that a secret from Lilly, now that they were together?

Or perhaps… I was simply jealous of what they had together? Yeah. That might be it. When I admitted that to myself, loneliness hit me like a speeding train. Why was I stuck with a brainwashed creep like Cedric? Why did I have to suffer this brainwashing too?

I still hated it. I hated all of it.