I woke up the following morning with a headache. The sun was streaming in through the window, peeking in through the curtains, and I saw Lilly sleeping next to me, still in her maid dress, a big smile on her face. A pang of guilt tugged at my stomach. I really had done that, hadn’t I?

I tried to ignore her as I quietly showered and got changed into a summer dress, before heading downstairs to have my morning breakfast and a cup of tea in the garden. I made sure to wear the look on my face that would discourage anyone from approaching me, although in passing, I did see Priscilla wearing what I interpreted as a knowing smile on her face as she looked over me.

Today was a day that I needed to take off. Rest. Re-evaluate myself. What was I doing? What was any of this? Why had I decided that it was a good idea to heavily deepen a naive monster’s intense yet shallow crush on me? I could scarcely even think through my predicament right now, as I mindlessly stared off into the distance and indulged in the quiet moments, not a single thought being able to fully form in my head.

Okay. Focus. How did I feel about Lilly? Why did I do that? Why did I feel as though I had done something wrong?

I tried to replay last night’s events again in my head, over and over. I know that I hadn’t been intending to sleep with her. At least not on that night. But something in me had clicked, awakened my deepest lusts, and… It wasn’t just because Lilly was cute.

Or maybe it was. She was very sweet. Very cute. It felt fun to bully and tease her…

But I had always thought that, and I had restrained myself up until now… Then I remembered. The exact words she had said that had flipped that switch.

‘I know you’re not a fraud’

That was it. Those were the words. They were so laughable that I think they broke me.

They were the exact words I needed to hear to prove that she didn’t understand me at all. Not even a little bit. They made me realise that I was dealing with a child in the body of an adult. Young, emotionally stunted, passionate, but with no understanding of anything.

It felt pointless to continue to insist that she stay ‘mature’. That I try to communicate my point of view. She had a particular image of me in her head, and she was in love with that. Not with who I actually was. So why not be that person? Wear that mask for her? It was all she wanted, after all. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to indulge in that fantasy either. I would love to be a sex goddess who didn’t have to worry about responsibility. She had flattered my ego with her own false image of myself. But she wasn’t the person for me. And I was beginning to realise that such a person might not exist for me. Maybe they don’t exist for anyone. All there is is a shallow connection, shallow people sharing shallow words and having shallow sex, just to lick each other’s psychological wounds.

To pretend we have things that we can never have, I… I was willing to admit that it was a game I had long ago given up playing. My heart had been withered away by years of guilt and irritating people who only wanted to use me for their own needs. Maybe I never had much of a ‘heart’ to begin with. Maybe I’m just not that sort of person, and I am just… Some sort of slut, a succubus who takes what she wants and leaves.

I don’t believe anyone can offer true commitment. But I can’t even pretend to offer commitment anymore. Except, to be responsible, I had to pretend to commit. Not just for her sake or mine, but for the world’s.

Seeing the real me would hurt her. Rejecting her outwardly would hurt her… She was in desperate need of affection, and she wouldn’t accept it from anyone else but me. At least not right now. But going down this path, I realise now that she’s probably going to suffer more pain in the long run.

But at least for now… I had to maintain this illusion of love. There was no telling what she might do if she faced rejection after what happened last night. I shuddered to think about what might happen if she found out about me and Priscilla. How I would explain that Priscilla didn’t mean as much to me as Lilly did. She was going to want more and more and I was going to run out of myself to give. We had to kill the Monstra quickly. I had to… Use advancement in our relationship as a carrot on the stick to motivate her to do my bidding. It made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to use her like this. I didn’t want to use anyone like this. It made me wish that I really was the person she thought I was. Then this could be the perfect fairy tale story for her. Kill the monsters, save the princess, save the world. Classic literature.

Nothing about this story was going to work out for her, though. Nor for me. Besides… Even if… We did have a future together… I was going to die much sooner than her. I don’t have much life left, now that I’ve broken the slave contract. Meanwhile, she might end up living far, far longer than any human. Monstras seem to be biologically immortal, even if they’re not quite invincible.

The best I could do was ensure a future for the world, even if I couldn’t ensure a future for us. Even if I didn’t want a future for us. Save Terrestia, and sacrifice ourselves upon its altar.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

I looked at the bell sitting on the table. I’d been debating whether to ring it for some time now. I did need to speak to her. Sooner rather than later, unfortunately. But my body wasn’t moving.

“Ring it, Ayano. I said ring it!”

Nope.

“... Ugh, fine!”

I finally picked it up and gave it a ring.

~~~

Lilly arrived looking pretty messy and disheveled. Only natural, since she had slept in her maid uniform. Her hair was a mess, her outfit crumpled, but none of that bothered me. What did bother me, however, was the sinking spiral of uncertainty that I felt in my gut as soon as I laid eyes on her.

Her appearance didn’t seem to bother her, either. Because she had this giddy aura about her. Tired, clearly, having obviously woken up only five minutes ago, but she had something of a dopey, giddy smile on her face. Usually, she looked morose or meek, and even when she was trying to appear intimidating, there was an underlying sadness to her that was always at the forefront of her mind. Her eyes didn’t look like they were constantly pleading with me anymore, either. She simply viewed me with a love that she didn’t need to hide anymore. One that had already been affirmed.

“Tea, Lilly?” I asked as she sat down, holding her head in her hand and looking at me with adoration.

“Yes please… Aya.”

Aya? Who? I glanced behind me. I actually glanced behind me to see if she was addressing someone else. As she began to softly giggle, I then realised the horror of what had just happened.

She had given me a nickname. It had been so long since I had had a nickname…

“R-Right…” I cleared my throat as I poured her some tea.

I must have been blushing profusely. I hope nobody was looking. Damn this girl.

“W-Well… Good morning, Lilly, but in public, you shall still address me as *Lady Ayano*, understood?”

“Of course, Aya… No. L-A-D-Y Aya…” She whispered, leaning in close to peck me on the cheek before moving back to sip her tea.

Geez… This girl…

“O-Our relationship should remain a secret, y’know… Public displays of affection like this could cause all sorts of problems…”

“But I… Want everyone to know about our relationship… How special we are, how-”

“No. *Bad girl.* Stop”

I wanted to indulge. I really did. I had spent the entire morning from waking up till now worrying about if she truly knew me, about whether I had made a huge mistake. Yet here I was, being a blushy teenage girl, allowing her to drag me down to the darkest depths of saccharine depravity. I needed to keep my feet firmly on the ground and my head out of those pink fluffy clouds.

“Y-Yes, Lady Ayano. Sorry.”

I could always count on her to react submissively to the slightest push back, at least.

“I know last night was special for you, Lilly… It was special for me too, but… It was unplanned, and I…”

Those big green eyes, staring at me. Flecks of purple greed licking at the edges of her pupils. I wanted to say that she shouldn’t get her hopes up, maybe disregard the relationship entirely, firmly set my bounds and state that it was a one off event. But even if she wasn’t an eldritch monster who might fly into an uncontrollable rage, I knew that I couldn’t do it. All of her eggs and more were in my basket.

“... As a Princess…” I had to word this carefully, “It might be difficult to live the sort of life you might be imagining with me… I… Have been dodging arranged marriages for years… At any time, I might become Queen. So… As much as I care about you… I don’t want to make promises I cannot keep. Understand?”

“Absolutely!” Lilly immediately, chirpily responded, “I get it, it’s fine. But I’m sure no matter what comes, it’ll all work out in the end. So don’t worry about it!”

“There might be distance between us, and…”

“Not a problem!”

“I… Just…”

“Nothing will get in our way.”

Lilly leaned over the table to take my hands into hers. Those bright eyes stared up at me, paired with an even brighter smile, and my heart stopped for a moment.

“You are… My…”

“Lilly… All I’m saying is… Don’t make me… Your everything, I…”

“You… I promise I… Won’t do that, but… You can… Have my everything, Aya, I…”

You don’t understand anything, do you? Oh Lilly…

“That’s what I’m warning you against, dingus… Promise me the opposite…”

“It’s so funny to hear the mighty Ayano call me a ‘dingus’!”

“S-Shut up…”

We stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments. I saw my own reflection in her eyes. And for but the briefest of moments, I felt as though I caught a version of myself far more magnificent than anything I had ever seen in the mirror. It made my heart twist and turn and explode and curl up all at once. A feeling gliding through my body like an ice skater formed in my stomach, an icy warm feeling leaping up and twirling in the air so gracefully and so clumsily.

We were both far deeper in than I ever could have imagined. A night of cheap, unplanned passion I had allowed on a whim, had blossomed into a moment far too meaningful for its own good. I had already reached those saccharine depths… Perhaps I had never truly crawled out of them after meeting Georgia. Lilly was eagerly leaping down here to join me, even though I might one day leave her to languish in the darkness, as Georgia once did to me.

Except.

That wasn’t quite how it happened, was it? Georgia may have left the manor, but… As is always the case, I am always the one to leave others behind.

Yet here I am, ever so close to allowing Lilly to sell me on a fantasy that will never be reality.

“There’s… Some things I need to show you… The final… And the hardest thing I… Will be requiring from you during your stay at this manor, Lilly.”

I finally broke the silence by talking about work. It was the only thing I could do to change subjects that desperately needed to be changed.

“I’m all ears, Lady Ayano. Nothing is too difficult for me.”

“Mmm. Well, knowing you, it might be something you enjoy… I think it’s best if I just show you. Wait here whilst I head inside… Just need to collect my sword.”

I stood up, trying to avoid looking at Lilly. But as I passed her, I felt an urge surge throughout my body. I leaned down to peck her on the cheek. As I pulled away, I could see that she had a giddy expression. Why couldn't I stop myself?

“See you in a bit…” She said.

Her smouldering gaze burned into me as I walked away. It was like she was peeling away the layers to my heart via the sheer force of her stupidity.

“I love you, Aya.”

A slight sigh escaped my lips. Stop it. Please.

“I love you too.”