Presidential Suite. The final frontier.
These are the voyages of Detective Merlin. A journey to boldly go where no minimum waged policeman has gone before!
“Computer...Lights on.”
Blink.
Detective—rather, Hotel Patron Merlin reached 777 and the first order of the day was to switch the lights on. At his voice command, the lights in the hotel room switched on with a small flare. Every square inch of the expensive space illuminated. Even the lights under the bed frames also created an illustrious glow.
“Oooooh!” Merlin hopped side to side in excitement at the hand-free controls. It was like something out of a sci-fi movie! With a little dance, he went. “Computer. Activate TV!” The plasma screen in the room clicked on. The first channel to show up was a food channel, a celebrity cake baking competition in full swing. “Yeaaaaah! Computer, call room service!”
A small digital voice chirped from a small speaker on the bedside table. Essentially, the hotels’ own A.I. home assistant.
[WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER?]
“Earl Grey. Hot.”
[PROCESSING ORDER!]
“Computer. Cancel room service.”
[CANCELLING. HAVE A LOVELY NIGHT.]
“HAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Merlin took one small step for himself and one giant leap for detective-kind. He did a back flop across the golden covers of the bed as if a party pool, sinking into the expensive mattress designed to maximize one’s sleep and comfort. “Ooooooooh, myyyyy, geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrd.”
Karl Hoffman followed the hotel patron, not as ecstatic as the latter. Still he kept his silence, customers are always right philosophy. He held it to the letter no matter who the client was. Still, he was human. Watching Merlin sink into the bed, nearly passing out to sleep, the manager cleared his throat. “Detective—”
“Oh please. Call me Merlin. I AM off duty, you know. Hahahahaha!”
“Mr. Merlin. Would you like anything before I returned to my duties for the night?”
“Huh? Oh nooo, nooo this is moooore than enough. Man. I feel like I am going to catch up on yeaaaars of sleep tonight!”
“Would you like a morning call tomorrow?”
“Oh yes pleaaaase. I may not look like it, but I’m a heeeeavyyy sleeper. Sometimes my mom comes in to slap the hell out of me to get me to say give more minutes.”
Merlin whipped himself off the bed, took off his heavy coat and tossed it to flop across the couch, before he ran about the hotel room like a kid in Disneyland. “Oh yeeeeesh. You guys got a Jacuzzi!? Oh sh—The fridge is LOADED! Room Service is part of the package right? Oh-ho-ho. We gonna eat good tonight bois. YEEE-HAAAAAW!”
“...” Karl Hoffman made sure Merlin wasn’t looking, before he just walked out of the door and politely closed it behind him.
Time, for the longest night of his life.
image [https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/e5d49d01-e685-46aa-8d92-b07d57dc33fb/didaiyy-7cc70b06-faf9-4771-a24f-b7127efe7b76.png/v1/fill/w_1280,h_207/moon_tavern_page_break_by_suimaifiles_didaiyy-fullview.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MjA3IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvZTVkNDlkMDEtZTY4NS00NmFhLThkOTItYjA3ZDU3ZGMzM2ZiXC9kaWRhaXl5LTdjYzcwYjA2LWZhZjktNDc3MS1hMjRmLWI3MTI3ZWZlN2I3Ni5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTI4MCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.V__LDKPGxPLEElJXKGgxKvmlMcRIG9Nv3hgCGY_VlEE]
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
DECEMBER 20 – 1:25 AM.
Diamond Hotel, Room 777
“YEAAAH! GIVE IT TO HIM! COME ON, CHECK HIM! CHECK HIM!”
Det—Hotel Patron Merlin was on the bed. No, he wasn’t asleep, even at this hour. Far from it. He was still in his bathrobe as he leaned across the top of the golden king size bed.
And he ate across his bed as his table. Literally. The entire blanket was covered in ripped chip bags, pistachio shells, containers of hotel Macadamian nuts, crumpled napkins, and an assortment of canned drinks and beer bottles.
Merlin shoved some snacks into his mouth, chewing like a happy neanderthal. Crumbs dripping over his bathrobe and onto the bed some more.
All the while he had a hockey game going on the TV. As the bed was far away from the ‘living space’ of the presidential suite, he had to turn up the volume. High enough for him to hear, but not loud enough to get a noise complaint. Every now and then he would use voice command to lower the volume to try and hide from anyone listening in on him.
“That’s it! Corner him! Corner him!...No, no! Not him, HIM! That guy...Yes! Jujutsu his ass! The ref won’t know!...Yes, go-go-go!...Come on...a little more...HE SHOOTS HE SCOOOORES!”
Merlin hopped in the bed, throwing up the snacks in one bag to shower all over him like prize winning confetti. When he land, all the empty bags and crumbs jumped up the like an explosion in the water. As he bounced on the bed he tossed some Macademia nuts into his mouth, missed, and did it again to compensate. As the game reached a conclusion, Merlin took a break from cheering and enjoy the scenery around him, this expensive hotel room.
“Man. This is the life! Can’t believe Liam Ferguson lived here like a house, every day!? Did he get a discount on a long term deal or what!?” Merlin chuckled as he lied on the bed, relishing in this luxury. “365 days a year. Free room service, free housekeeping, free access to personal gym, and indoor swimming pool full of cute rich ladies! Jacuzzi, sauna, cafe buffet – God, being a policeman was a mistake.”
Merlin laughed as he rubbed his greasy hands over the blankets, just wanting to feel how soft they were to his course skin. “If only the inspector and Romanov can see me now. They be so jealous, living like a king! A luxury totally worth dying for....Oh whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa...”
He suddenly bolted sitting up, flinging the crumbs and garbage off his body and bed and scattered across the floor like dead marbles.
“This room was LITERALLY a crime scene...and the victim was on this—GEEZ”
Once more he jumped, off the bed. He struggled to shove his large feet in the small hotel slippers and shuffled away from the garbage covered golden bed. A quiet stare as he uttered. “Sorry. Sorry. Liam, didn’t mean to sit on you like that—I mean!” He slapped his cheek to try and stop shaking. It only made his face burn from the pain.
“...It’s late...too long of a day. Sleep, I should sleep. Yeah.”
The hotel patron made his way back to the bed – only to curse and remember there used to be a body there with his skull bashed open. Conscious, he ended up shuffling to the living room couch and just curl up on the cushions like a makeshift bed. At least he had the TV chattering to keep him company.
“...Oh crap, right.” He got off the couch and shuffled into the bathroom. A pause, the sound of a flush, and Merlin came back – clutching a long shower towel with him. He flopped back on the hotel couch and adjusted his posture, covering himself with the shower blanket. “Computer, TV and lights off.”
Click. The hotel obliged and the room went dark.
“.........................Computer, bathroom lights on.”
Merlin waited, until a glow came from the nearby open bathroom door. He sighed with relief and closed his eyes. “...Computer, TV on, low volume.”
Click. The wide screen plasma HDTV clicked back on, now playing a horse racing segment live from another part of the world and in another language
English or not, it was more than enough to give Merlin a peaceful sleep.
“...Oh son of a—” Merlin mumbled and whipped out his arms. He pulled off his wrist watch from his arm and dropped it on the glass counter top. “There, now sleeeeep.”
The hotel patron flapped his towel blanket over his body as he rolled onto his side. In doing so a corner flicked at the watch and it tipped over the edge.
It dropped onto the carpet, tumbling right under the couch.
“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!”
Dayum that's fast!