“OH SWEET JESUS! HELP ME MOTHER MARY!”
Inspector Saul was trapped in the car. He wished he paid more to have it armoured for times like this.
There was a reason why he avoided zombie apocalypse films. The idea of being surrounded by murderous creatures that were dead yet still moving was too much for his heart. Yet somehow, he found himself acting a real live scene – and no one told him about it!
Reporters from every media company in the Big City swarmed around his vehicle. They all kept tapping, slapping, and banging at the walls and windows to try and get answers from his brain! Left, right, even across the hood. Lights and flashes shot him in the eye, no chance for him to raise his arms to defend himself. They were asking him all sorts of questions on top of each other.
With the windows muffling their words, they sounded like the moans of the dead. They even rocked the car left and right as if trying to flip it over onto its belly!
“C-Clear the way! I-I said! Oh for the love of Pete!” Inspector Saul would slap at the car horn. The blast was enough to make the horde scatter like cats to a spray of water. The Inspector took this chance to crawl out of his car, along with several of his detectives and constables in casual wear.
Just as soon as they climbed out, they didn’t get an opportunity to walk away. The horde flooded back back, pinning them against his car. It was like, Moses closed the parted seas too early. Foomp! Next thing they knew, volleys of questions were thrown at them like raining spears!
“ABS News! We heard the Diamond Hotel is locked down for an emergency. Is it a terrorist bombing?”
“Gloval TV! There is a rumour going on that a celebrity has been found dead, naked in the bathtub! Do we know who the victim is? Can you give us a name?”
“ZTV News Network! This is the 13th death in Room 777 in the history of Diamond Hotel since it was opened in 1956! Do you believe the room is haunted, or the whole hotel is cursed?”
Inspector Saul stared at each of them, various microphones and smartphones shoved into his face from all sides. When one of them clocked him on the nose with a hand held record, he finally spoke up while rubbing his face.
“Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen please! C.I.D. have only just arrived at the scene. Allow us passage so we can at least assess the situation. Until we do a thorough investigation of this incident, there would be no further comments as of now. Make way! Make way! Oof! I said make—Agh! Oof! Gah! OW! WHO STEPPED ON ME! Dammit – Constable Romanov!”
“Sir, yes, sir!” A certain half-giant rose up from the horde. With just his hands, he cut through the line with a soft chop, and opened his arms to part the crowd aside. Like an Olympic swimmer breaching out of the water in a race! He made wide swimming motions to swath through the horde of reporters, making sure his boss and the others were able to reach the hotel front doors.
The second they touched the doors, they all zipped right through the tiniest of gap to escape the zombie reporters and have the staff slam the glass door shut. Even when the coast was clear, the wall of reported pressed their bodies and cameras against the glass, all trying to salvage any answers they could bring back to their company.
Safe behind the screen or not, Inspector Saul couldn’t help a shiver to see how many reporters were all trying to force their way into their hotel of a fortress. Unable to stomach the masses, he retreated to the elevator as quick as he could. Once his entire team was inside the elevator lift, he whipped out his kerchief to wipe the sweat off his round face. One swipe, dayum it be drenched.
“Ye’gawds!” he gasped. “H-how did the reporters get here faster than us!? We just got the call like what – two minutes ago!”
The large Constable Romanov shrugged and leaned against the corner of the elevator box with a fold of his thick arms. “Twitter maybe?”
“That would mean someone in Dispatch leaked the information! I cannot accept that! Constable Sally, remind me to file a complaint to Internal Affairs!”
Constable Sally scratched at the back of her neck. “Sir. It’s almost midnight. If we wake them up now, I don’t think any of us will sleep until tomorrow evening. You know how...thorough I.A. can be.”
“...Make a note of it for later than.” Inspector Saul wiped off the rest of the sweat from his face and stuffed his soaked kerchief into his breast pocket. A deep breath and he adjusted his suit to make himself look presentable. “We can’t this mess up. Not when all the reporters have hawk eyes on us! We have to be at our best, show them that the police aren’t slouches! We’re not comedy drama, mark my word!”
The team responded with a. “Yeeees siiiiiiir.” as flat as a dead car tire.
“Alright. This is the plan. Constable Romanov, you and I will talk to the coroner and figure out what happened, mark down notes.”
The giant nodded and patted at his pockets. “...Oh crap. I forgot to bring a notepad. Damn it!”
“Use your phone!” Inspector Saul turned to the others, “Constable Barry, Constable Allen. You both coordinate with forensics and gather evidence. Turn the room upside down if you must, I do not want anything missing. Collect even the fine dust o-or toothpicks if you have to!”
The two investigators in question exchanged glances, Barry tugging on his ivy cap and Allen playing around with his police lanyard to stay awake.
Constable Barry then chanced to say, “Si-sir. W-we just finished a long stake out. Couldn’t we—”
“No objections! This is an order!” Inspector Saul adjusted his tie to calm down before turning to the last detective in the elevator lift. “Sally. Statements, from every room on the floor.”
“...Sir.” Sally hesitated, “There’s over 30 rooms. And only one of me.”
“I said – every – room. Is that clear!?”
“...Y-yes. Yes sir.”
Inspector Saul would nod and tug on his suit again. For some reason it was easy to get it wrinkled. Normally he would ignore it, but given all the world’s eyes were on them – he can’t risk looking like a character from a Charlie Chaplin movie.
When he noticed everyone all leaning against the wall and covering up their mumbles with their hands, the inspector rolled his eyes. “Oh please, sharpen up! You don’t think I wouldn’t want to go home to watch Korean dramas myself!? Octopus Games season 2 is out, I don’t want to miss the first episode! It’s not my fault someone was murdered before we can clock out of the office! We’re still on duty, so act like it!”
“Yes siiiiiir.” The team slapped their cheeks, pinched each other, to try and sharpen themselves up. At least to wake up. They should’ve stopped for coffee, but it is what it is.
The elevator arrived with a diiing.
Once the doors open the ghouls—er tired investigators poured out, dragging their feet. They made their way down the velvet carpet, past the marble columns, and glancing at the wood and gold-framed guest doors as they passed by.
Right before they arrived at one open hotel room – Inspector Saul held up a hand to stop them. He did a quick head count, then raised a brow.
“Why am I missing a person?... Sally, Romanov, Barry, Allen...Mer—Where’s Merlin!?”
Answer: shrug.
“SOMEONE CALL HIM RIGHT NOW! THIS CASE IS IMPORTANT! GET HIS ASS RUNNING TO THE CRIME SCENE AS FAST AS--”
CRUNCH! Munch. Munch.
“SWEET JESUS!” Inspector Saul couldn’t help a jump when a sudden noise crackled right behind him. He twisted around to stare at a Shaggy Mongrel of a man, eating a family size bag of Jalapeno chips. The inspector blinked a few times, to check it was a mirage, then, “MERLIN!? H-How did you get here, faster than the reporters!?”
Detective Merlin shrugged, “I was in the area when the call came in.”
Inspector Saul sighed and composed himself, only to stare at the detective’s hand. “What’s that?”
“Dinner.”
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“Merlin! How many times do I have to tell you, stop eating at a crime scene!”
“Bro! I have been working all day from catching a thief at the beauty boutique; bicycle theft at a school yard; drunk and driving through an animal clinic; and don’t get me started with that wild goose chase you had me running around for nothing! Why do you think I ended up this far away from the office! I haven’t eaten anything and I can’t think when my stomach is out of fuel! It’s not like I can drink gasoline and away I go!”
“Alright! Alright!” Inspector Saul whipped off his thick glasses and pinched at his nose bridge. “Wh-whatever. How bad is it inside?”
“Well lucky for us, we got one dead body. Murderer is on the run. Might be a woman.”
“Constable Romanov.” Inspector Saul turned to his team. “Get an A.P.B. on the perpetrator with yay height, yay build, and yay description. Woman.”
The half-giant pulled out phone and twiddled his thumb on the tiny screen. After a few typos, he had to stop. “Sir, how do you describe Yay in an A.P.B. sir?”
“I don’t give a damn, just do it!”
Detective Merlin shook his head and he took a step forward to face his team. “Romanov. The coroner said the victim died roughly an hour ago. The staff claimed to have seen a woman fleeing the hotel. Roughly 6’ 1”, thin build, shoulder length hazel hair, left in a hurry. Missing a shoe, might not have gone far. See if you and some officers can track her down.”
“Gee, thanks a million and one, detective! Breakfast on me tomorrow!” Constable Romanov wrote it all down onto his phone before he patted his companion on the elbow. Then he pulled out a walk talkie to round up some officers to meet them downstairs as he ran back to the elevators.
Detective Merlin then turned to Constables Barry and Allen. “Alright boys. Most of the evidence have been collected by forensic. I did, however, find the murder weapon. It’s hiding under the bed, where the body is, under the base curtains. I would have picked it up for you to make it easier but...well.” He waved his hand covered in chip powder. “Tally ho, eh?”
“Thanks Merlin! We’ll see you back at the station!” Constable Allen nodded. He then patted his partner to enter the hotel.
Detective Merlin took a step towards Constable Sally and leaned to whisper. “I already asked all the rooms. Most of them were either too far away, or they didn’t hear anything. 776 was out during the time of the murder, got an alibi at the 24/7 gym. 5 minute walk from here. Since 777 is on a corner, no need to worry about the other neighbour. Buuuut—”
He then pointed a finger covered in chip crumbs to one side of the hallway. “You see that housekeeper over there, with the inhaler? She found the body, she might have something for us. Should be good to answer questions now. The sooner we finish up, the sooner you can tuck your kids into bed. Savvy?”
“Oh thank god Merlin. You’re an absolute life saver!” Constable Sally patted Merlin on the cheek like a mother to a good child before she went off to work.
As the Inspector watched his team walk away one by one with rejuvenated smiles, he frowned at his own detective. “What about me? Hmm?”
Detective Merlin chuckled. “Well, I mean you got the easiest of jobs: Supervise.”
“Oh come on, Merlin! I can’t stand out looking pretty! I got to do something!”
“You’re the inspector. That’s your job, to stand there and look like a captain of the ship!”
“...Won’t I just look lazy?”
Detective Merlin tilted his bag of chips into the Inspector’s direction. Temptation got the better of Inspector Saul’s hunger and he plucked a chip to reward himself. After savouring the flavour, he nudged his elbow at the detective, “Not going to lie, these kind of nights are the worse. We’ll never get home and get some shut eye. By the way, detective, who called us?”
“...Oh right, I forgot to check.”
“See! See! You can’t do anything serious without me steering the ship!” Inspector Saul shoved the last of his chip into his mouth and tugged on his suit to straighten it out – again. He then turned into the hallway to speak out loud. “Ahem! Who called for 9-1-1? Any body?”
Silence at first...until a Gentlemen walked out from the hotel room.
“I did sir.” The Gentlemen came over in a pristine terra cotta suit, clean and well pressed. Brass cuff links glimmered on his sleeves, fine polished shoes. He would touch the arc of his slim glasses to push them back into place, the frames thin and narrow with a light gold and silver touch. “The housekeeper found the door open and came to look. When she discovered the body, she contacted me. I then called for the police.”
“Ah. I see.” The Inspector nodded. He wiped his hands on his suit to clean his fingers and held out his hand to shake with the Gentlemen. “I am Inspector Saul of C.I.D. Precinct 9. I am in charge of this case. What is your name sir?”
“Karl Hoffman. I am the General Manager of Diamond Hotel.”
“How long have you been serving this place? May I ask?”
“Over 10 years.”
Inspector Saul whispered an ‘Oh wow. He looks so young’ to Detective Merlin, before clearing his throat back to Karl Hoffman. “Ahem. Do you know the victim?”
“Yes.” The General Manager dipped a nod. “His name is Liam Ferguson. An insurance agent. He is one of our long term guests.”
Detective Merlin choked on his chips and coughed. “L-long term, as in. He lives here lives here? In this very hotel? That’s rated five stars on Trivago?”
“That is correct.”
“...Aren’t your standard nights like...$1000. Minimum?”
“The standard fee for our hotel reflects our quality services.”
Detective Merlin pursed his lips with an ‘oh wow’. “God. If I feel like I might go bankrupt if I so much as stand here on this very carpet.” He cleared his throat and continued, while eating his chips. “Did you see anything weird, strange?”
“No sir. It was like any other night. Nothing unusual.”
“When was the last time you saw the victim? Alive of course. Hah.”
Karl Hoffman took a moment to recall his memories. “Last time I saw Mr. Ferguson was around 9:30 PM. I was bringing a guest to him.”
“Oh?” Detective Merlin’s eyebrow perked and he stepped in to listen carefully. “A guest? Man or woman?”
“A woman.”
“Do you happen to know her name?”
“Yes. Her name is...Um...Sirs.” Karl Hoffman pointed. His finger aiming behind Merlin and Inspector Saul. The two investigators turned around...eyes widened.
A woman shambled down the hall.
She walked with noticeable and uncomfortable limp. The woman wasn’t shot in the leg, neither was she stabbed. Instead, she was walking across the carpet in one one shoe. The other was pointed, short-heeled, with a delicate strap over the top of her foot. All the while hobbling, she would rub her hands over her bare arms. Nothing but a dress top...and...a pair of short spats.
6’ 1”, shoulder-length hazel hair.
A petite sneeze.
Detective Merlin glanced back at Karl Hoffman. To double check, the detective gestured his bag of chips towards the limping woman. The Hotel Manager nodded, keeping his pointing finger on her.
“...” Detective Merlin slowed his chewing, a low munch munch. After putting one more chip in his mouth he would walk over. The inspector quietly waved two officers in uniform to follow them, but kept their distance. The detective smiled, calling out to the woman. “Hi. Can I help you?”
“H-huh?” The Woman in Spats looked up, realizing what was going on. Another sneeze and she wiped her nose with a corner of her sleeve. “Wh-what’s going on?”
“Well that’s...Actually, miss...have we met before?”
“Huh? What are you—YOU! Th-that idiot detective from earlier!”
“...Plus/minus one young lady! I remember now!”
“SO YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ME! What the hell are you doing here!?”
“I should be asking you that question, Miss Monica.”
“Tessa! My name is Tessa Roads!”
Inspector Saul shuffled over to drag his detective to the side, “Y-you know her?”
Detective Merlin sighed, “She’s the reason why I called for female back up.”
“Ah... carry on.”
The detective groaned when he was fed back to the lioness without a Romanov shield. He steeled himself as he remembered why he called her out in the first place, “Miss Mon--Roads. Could you tell me, what are you doing out here...without a shoe?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Tessa Roads mumbled too tired for all this B.S. “Just let me pick up my purse and I’ll be off... Wait? Why are there policemen in the hotel? What happened? Someone got robbed?”
Detective Merlin felt his throat going dry, “What was that, about your purse?”
Tessa Roads would try to glance over everyone’s shoulders to figure out what was happening, “Y-yeah. I left my bag. It has my money purse and keys and I...Look. I, I had a rough night. I just want to go home. So—H-hey. Th-that’s mine! Wh-why are those guys taking it away!?”
Tessa Roads spotted her belongings. The second she realized they were carried away by the forensic team, her face paled. The colour on her lips, lipstick or not, started to drain away. “De-Detective Merlin... What happened? Th-that is my bosses room...Is he okay?”
“Your boss is?”
“L-Liam Ferguson.”
Detective Merlin let out a sigh. He passed his bag of chips to his inspector to hold, licked off the powder from his fingers, and wiped them ‘clean’ on his coat. A deep breath, and he delivered the cold hard truth.
“Miss Roads. You are under arrest for the murder of Liam Ferguson.”
“...What?”
Detective Merlin clapped the cuffs on the Woman in Spat’s wrist. Click. Clack. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say now until we get back to the station can be written down and used against you. You have the right to call a lawyer, if you don’t have one--”
“W-wait-wait...Liam...is dead?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“HE’S DEAD!?”
“That is correc—WHOOA!?”
Tessa Roads didn’t mean to make a mess, but everything hit her harder than a hammer. So no one can blame her when she suddenly rolled her eyes up in their sockets and fell over out cold. Alas, Detective Merlin was tied to her by the hand cuff – so they both went over with a big flop.