Crime Investigation Detectives. Also known as C.I.D. for short.

Essentially investigators who handled general crimes within the Big City that were above the payroll of a simple patrol cop.

They are best recognized for wearing nothing but casual wear, to blend in with society to make sleuthing and gathering evidence easier – if not less intimidating. Enough media and bad publicity has given the police uniform a bad name.

And what does the general crimes entail? Well there’s: breaking and entering, trespassing, threatening or blackmailing, the occasional homicide that isn’t serial killer level, and of course--

Petty theft.

Crunch. Munch. Munch

“Hey Merl, can I have some?”

“Sorry Romanov, buddy cop or not – you never come in between a man and his potato chips.”

Detective Merlin wished he wasn’t on duty, that way he didn’t have to answer the call to show up in front of a beauty boutique. Usually male officers would be conscious of these kinds of places – as stores like this were essentially sacred temples reserved for women. The uncomfortable feeling is no different than being towed into the lingerie section by the mother, and all the other pretty and old ladies giggling at the poor boy who had no wear to look but bras and panties.

Still, job was a job. He’s getting paid for being blasphemous so might as well enjoy it. Unfortunately many people had their eyes on him – especially him snacking on a bag of potato chips. What? They called him during his lunch break, deal with it! First responders got to eat too!

And judging by what he gathered upon arrival, it seems things escalated to the point where the manager of the beauty boutique had to call it in. And this is where the investigators come in.

“Alright, what do we got?” Detective Merlin asked as he approached the store attendant, “You said there was a theft.”

“Uh. Well,” The store attendant rubbed the back of her neck, “We recently received some expensive imports. W-we put them on display, here, but after showing them to the customers – on-one of them was missing. And I checked everywhere, couldn’t find it!”

“Did you unplug and plug it back in?”

“...Sir?”

“Sorry. Was trying to lighten up the mood.” Detective Merlin munched on his chips and glanced at the accused, “No doubt these four ladies gave you an earful while waiting for us first responders, huh? Let me guess, they asked for your manager.”

Detective Merlin turned his full attention to four women: a high school girl, a young lady with a scarf, an elderly rich lady, and a--

“Excuse me. Lady number four. Didn’t get your name..”

“My name is Tessa Roads!”

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

“Can you show me some ID?”

Tessa Roads gasped, offended, “Wh-what you don’t believe who I say I am!?”

“Oh no, no. Just that you look like a Monica. Like that character from that famous TV sitcom that’s on Comedy Station? The one who is always obsessive compulsive and—Sorry, sorry. Bad attempt to diffuse the situation. Hahaha...ha.”

The detective backed off when he saw Tessa Roads glaring daggers at him. He changed the topic while munching on his lunch break, “Alright, Miss Store Attendant. Tell me what exactly went missing, every detail. Constable Romanov, write it down.”

The detective’s partner was a literal half-giant.

A man who would be excellent to play quarterback in football or even take his chances in a heavy weight boxing championship. Alas he chose police investigation as his career and suffered by being forced into cramped places like the beauty boutique. Every tilt of his head the hanging signs cut his ears or cheek, his elbows sting from being stabbed by display corners, and his knees hitting cupboards or knocking over some—

“Wh-what the hell!?” Constable Romanov muttered, “A-are these tampons or eyeliners!? Why are their designs are so confusing!”

“Focus my friend, focus,” Detective Merlin hummed. He then gestured a dirty hand towards to continue his original conversation.

The store attendant just cringed when she saw more mess was being made, “After answering some questions to these four ladies, I did a count of all the boxes placed on display. One is missing, however, I cannot tell which one was missing.”

Detective Merlin raised an eyebrow while munching on a chip, “Aren’t they all the same?”

“N-no sir. The pile consists of three types: normal, premium, and sensitive skin. All similar size, with only a slight change in colour. Nearly identical if you don’t pay attention. The staff and I only know how many total were set up, but we didn’t take into account how many each so...”

“So could be any one of them?”

The store attendant replied with a shameful nod.

“Hmmm...And the security officer found nothing on them?”

The store attendant glanced at a few mall cops standing nearby, “They searched their bags and purses. Couldn’t find it. But I searched the whole store and there is no sign of that one missing box.”

Tessa Roads groaned, “Look, miss, I know you take your job seriously – but isn’t the answer obvious. Our bags are empty of this wh-what you call it, Capybara face mask. Meaning none of us stole it. We were polite enough to let you search our belongings, shouldn’t it be right to let us go?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Detective Merlin waved a dirty hand, “Are you a rush? Miss uh—”

“Tessa. Tessa Roads.”

“Right, right, I keep thinking of Monica, my bad. Any who: these gentlemen security guards may not have found the product in your bags – there is a good chance it is on your persons.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Crunch. Munch. Munch. Detective chewed on his lunch for a bit then answered, “Face masks. I ain’t no aficionado in this field – but surely each mask comes in an individual packaging right? As thin as paper bills. So with the right sleight of hands—”

“Y-you think we stole their content and put them in our pockets!?”

“Or, under your clothing. You know, where you keep the good stuff, if you get me.”

“Y-you’re going to search our bodies!?” It seemed Tessa Roads shriek sent the right message, as the other three women that were held up all hugged their body or gasped in disgust. “No way! Impossible!”

Detective Merlin waved his bag of chips to calm the masses, “No panic, no problem! Of course mall security don’t have that kind of authority to body search you. So everyone can relax. The police will do the honours.”

The scarf lady groaned, “But you’re both men are you not!?”

The old rich lady stepped in with a snarl, “Don’t you think we deserve a FEMALE officer to do that!?”

Detective Merlin and Constable Romanov exchanged manly glances. They were the only agents of authority on the scene so...

“Now,” the detective spoke up with a solution, “If you all close your eyes – I promise, I’ll be as gentle and proper as a girl! Scouts honour.”

Tessa Roads wanted to slap this man...but since that would mean assaulting an officer – she slapped something else.

“MY LUNCH! YOU KILLED MY LUNCH!”

“KEEP YOUR GREASY FINGERS AWAY FROM US! WE’RE ALL LADIES YOU KNOW!”