*DING*
You have reached safety. Skill endless run can no longer apply. All bonuses removed.
*DING!*
Skill endless run no longer in effect. Due to the use of last resort skill, your body is now exhausted, and a penalty will apply.
Crippling exhaustion I : -95% to all stats.
Crippling exhaustion II : All experience gains nullified while under the penalty.
Crippling exhaustion III : HP/MP will not regenerate. Recovery items and skills have no effect.
Crippling exhaustion IV : For a brief time your body operated outside its boundaries. The accumulated pain shall return to you with trice the strength.
Crippling exhaustion V : 15 LVL lost permanently as a price for skill activation.
Crippling exhaustion VI : Your body refuses to follow your mind. It doesn’t move at all.
Crippling exhaustion VII : All passive and active skills disabled.
Time remaining: 72 hours.
*DING!*
As brief as it was, you have done the impossible. You had breached the speed of light! Relativistic aftereffects may apply. Current time dilation -27 minutes.
*DING!*
Warning! Causality breach detected, attempting to resolve... Success. Timeline readjustment successful. Reloading in 3... 2... 1...
*!GNID*
*!GNID*
*!GNID*
...
*DING!*
Reload successful. Updating current time zone... Done. Recalculating all quest timers... Done
.
*DING!*
Save the starving village quest part two! Time remaining: 27 minutes.
There were some more screens appearing. Something about critical damage to something.
Something about E=mc2 not accounting for land based supercausal transportation.
Well, Einstein might have a giggle about all the bizarre equations that zoomed by Joe’s field of view, but Joe had no idea what it was about, and he did not care. The feeling of his insides acting like mixed mush absorbed most of his attention but alas, Joe had more pressing matters to address. Or so he realized when he felt the tip of a tentacle wiggling inside him. It made him do things.
*DING!*
Congratulations! You have successfully completed the starving village quest part two! Press accept to receive your rewards.
“That should do it... oh, right. Swish, sway, buubuu goes away!”
A slimy tentacle tenderly caressed Joe’s swollen cheek. Had it made any difference in his suffering? Joe was still breathing so, maybe?
With one final gaze at Joe and the village that sprang up around him, Darkness slithered away.
“Oh dear...”
She almost managed to avoid squishing barn. Well, they can rebuild that. She thought as she shook off the bloody remains off her tentacle.
Sure, the barn could be rebuilt but the monstrous desert centipede hiding inside it had no such luck. Perhaps if some of its eggs would survive inside the carcass...
“Oh dear, oh dear. So clumsy am I....”
Just for good measure, Darkness stomped several more times on the offending barn.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
*DING!*
Connection lost! Avatar of darkness status revoked. You are back to being the mortal bag of meat and bones.
Groovy. Joe’s mind produced one more thought before his world vanish in blinding brightness.
***
“Hello, my name is Rajesh and I’m here to help you with all of your issues. What is your issue?”
“I WISH TO REPORT AN INCIDENT OF A MORTAL MISSING FROM HIS PLACE OF DEATH SET BY THE SYSTEM.”
“What is the priority of the issue?”
“IT IS OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE FOR A MORTAL TO BE PRESENT AT THE SITE OF HIS DEATH AT THE TIME OF HIS DEATH OTHERWISE I CANNOT FULFILL MY DUTIES.”
“Thank you for your call. I will connect you to a specialist that can handle your issue...”
For the ninth time the same suicide inducing music began blasting out of Death’s phone. It made her lift her right eyebrow. Whoever thought of this system deserved to be reaped with an old, rusty railroad spike. She had one in her desk just for such occasions. In those rare moments of calm in between her assignments, she made sure the spike remained as dull and rusted as possible. Perhaps now would be a suitable time to evaluate it and make sure it did not develop any sharp edges?
She put aside her headset, it would be a while before another operator can pick up her call. There was no way around it. People had some expectations. Being a personification required of her to keep up with times and... There’s been a slight shift in mass underneath her robe as popular beliefs and expectations changed once more.
Perhaps it was time for some tea?
Adjusting her robe around her chest to alleviate the sudden tightness, Death went to her kitchen and set the water to boil. Clever things those electric kettles. Just flip a switch and you have hot water in a moment. No need to bother with stroking the stove or preparing firewood. That was a change she enjoyed. The other changes? Her latest client tried to ask her out on a date. She wasn’t sure what to think of it. In the old days people did their utmost to avoid her and not to court her.
A chime by the door announced the arrival of her newest client.
“I WILL BE THERE IN A MOMENT.”
She reached for her biggest, black mug with WHO’S THE BOSS? Written on it in big black letters. Just in time for the water to finish boiling.
Her hand hovered over a bag of earl grey when she noticed her long, painted nails. The newest addition to her image. With a sigh, she reached for coffee. Today she will need something stronger.
Sipping the otherworldly, black goodness, she went back to her desk.
“JOE?”
“Sup.”
“HOW KIND OF YOU TO JOIN ME. THAT SPARES ME A LOT OF TROUBLE.”
Death sat down behind her desk and fired up her laptop.
“Yeah, about that.”
Joe pointed at his health bar. It blinked bright red but there were still a few points left.
“DO NOT WORRY THAT IS NOTHING WE CANNOT ALLEVIATE.”
However, just to be on the safe side, she reached into her robe and consulted his hourglass.
“JOE,”
A deep frown formed on her face.
“WOULD YOU KINDLY EXPLAIN THIS TO ME? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS TIME?”
In the middle of his hourglass, the single solitary grain still hovered in the perfect center. What more, at the same time, more of the black sand trickled in both up and down direction. His clock was both, filling and emptying itself at the same time.
“Erm, well, I... I did nothing.”
Death smiled kindly at him then with the same smile, she reached into her drawer and put the rusted railroad spike beside his clock.
“YOU SEE, REAPING SOULS IS A DIFFICULT BUSINESS. IT REQUIRES MINUTE PRECISION AND THE SHARPEST BLADE IMAGINABLE. AND EVEN THEN, THE BLADE MUST BE SHARPENED MORE SO TO THE POINT OF IT BEING UNIMAGINABLY SHARP. ONLY THEN THE SOUL CAN BE SAFELY SEPARATED FROM ITS EARTHY SHELL. OTHERWISE, DREADFUL THINGS HAPPEN. WE CANNOT HAVE THAT, CAN WE?”
And the railroad spike seemed unimaginably blunt.
“But I really had nothing to do with it! Last thing I remember was that I tripped and fell. Then ding-ding flooded me with some nonsense about relativistic side effects and then I got here. Though if I am to be frank, I still feel like my butt is still somewhere out there, resting in a puddle of slime.”
“OH, I SEE. YOU HAVE BECOME A SCHRÖDINGER'S PET.”
“A what?”
*DING!*
Schrödinger's Pet. A special trait that is applied to those that find themselves within superposition. You are, at the same time, both dead and alive. Have fun. Warning, it may induce a headache.
“You mean like the cat from the physics lecture?”
“INDEED.”
Reliving his freshman years, Joe stared at Death sipping her coffee.
“DO NOT WORRY. YOU CAN JUST WAIT IT OUT. GIVEN ENOUGH TIME, EVERY SUPERPOSITION RESOLVE ITSELF INTO A FINITE STATE, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER IT WAS OBSERVED OR NOT.”
“Oh.”
“YES. EVERYTHING DIES.”
“Aha. Well, so, you won’t try to, you know?”
“WHEN YOUR TIME COMES, I SHALL BE THERE. RIGHT NOW?”
Death once more gazed at the odd hourglass counting down Joe’s life.
“NO. AS INCONVENIENT AS IT IS, NOW IS NO LONGER YOUR TIME. TEA? COFFEE?”
“Ah, what the heck. Coffee if I may. Haven’t had a decent one in weeks.”
A steaming cup materialized itself before Joe. He inhaled its rich aroma then took a long sip.
*DING!*
Through your will, you made DEATH do your bidding! All skills and spells from necromancy branch receive +20% permanent boost.
“IS IT NOT TO YOUR TASTE? I THINK I STILL HAVE A DIFFERENT ROAST THAT MAY BE A LITTLE BIT MORE MELLOW.”
“What? No. Its fine.”
Joe dismissed the invasive screen. He still had more than sixty-five hours remaining of the penalty. He took another sip.
“Say, it’s going to be a pain in the ass if I go back right now. Mind If I stay for a bit? We can play cards or chess. I think have a bord somewhere in my inventory.”
“HOW NOSTALGIC. YOU ARE FIRST TO SUGGEST THAT IN SUCH A LONG TIME. BUT WE SHALL NOT BE PLAYING CHESS. COME.”
“No? Then what are... I’ll be darn.”
Death led him to a black room with a black, leather couch and a mysterious black box connected to a whooping one-hundred-inch TV.
“DEATH STATION 6.”
Joe could not stop himself but whistle in awe as Death put a wireless remote into his hand. Times indeed have changed.
“WHAT SHALL WE BE PLAYING FOR? YOUR LIFE? ADDITIONAL YEARS? I DO NOT GAMBLE FOR ANY LOWER STAKES.”
“No thank you. I’m happy with my current arrangements. Instead, I have something better.”
Joe opened his skill window and scrolled to the Costume maker menu and browsed through the abominations available on the list.
“The looser shall wear this for the entire day.”
Death Looked over his shoulder and smiled.
“CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.”
***
“y…ee ee…”
He moaned.
Since that did not help, he drooled a little.
That also did not appear to deter a demi poking his cheek with a stick.
“Still alive, isn’t he? Should we move him?”
Savile joined the one poking her master.
“Like hell. I am not touching that. “
As it was, Joe rested in a pool of bubbling slime that gave off and eerie black glow. Well, it wasn’t so much a glow but an absence of light. The perfect black slime gave off darkness instead of light and Joe rested in the middle of it. Naked. With his butt stuck up in the air and dripping slime. And the perfectly round spot on his back also gave out darkness.
“Think if we leave him there, he might kick the bucket?”
Neira poked her master’s face once more. Never before was her mind plagued by such fear. She feared for her stupid master. It irked her on a level she could not understand.
“No idea. Aside from melting his cloth I don’t think that gunk does anything.”
“Stupid mastah. Don’t you dare to die before I’ll kick your butt!”
Joe let out few bubbles through his nose but otherwise did not comment.
There were still few hours remaining.