“I really don’t think we should do this...”
“Stop complaining and grab his arms. On the three... one...two... three”
Joe’s body made a nice arc, soaring through the air like a bird. But alas, humans do not fly. Especially the unconscious ones. Akin to a sack of potatoes his body splashed into the icy cold waters of the Earlin lake.
“What now?”
“Nothing.”
Neira picked up Joe’s hastily discarded cloths and rolled them up in a bundle upon which she sat.
“We wait.”
Waking up her overdosed, moronic master lost its charm after first few weeks of his adventure in potion making.
“But what if...”
“Do you feel an unstoppable urge to run into that lake and pull him out?”
“Well... no.”
“Then it’s all right.”
“There are bubbles forming o the surface...”
Crying lauder than a wounded seal, Joe broke the surface spitting water mixed with curses.
“And yet again our freedom passed by...”
Wet and shivering, their master crawled out of the inky water while their ears registered a chain of juicy epithets aimed at them.
“Love you too, master!”
Neira screamed back then pulled out a piece of cloth from the item box.
“Go, dry out that sorry excuse of a master. I’ll start a fire.”
“Whose idea was it… “
Joe uttered through ringing teeth. The question was rather rhetorical but he asked anyway.
“Hai, hai, mastah!”
Neira waved her hand and send him a kiss.
“We got bored of toting your corpse around and decided to wake you up.”
“Huh? How long was I out?”
“About three days. Give or take. You’ve been sleep walking for a whole day, giving fancy orders so I am not sure if that counts.”
“Fancy orders?”
Neira suddenly became very busy tending the fire she just made while Savila blushed and turned her head away in a “I don’t want to talk about it” manner.
“O-khey…”
He pulled out his dairy and read the last page.
Testing strengthened recovery formula number 527. To reduce the cost and complexity of the potion I have substituted the dried Fuku root with boiled leaves of Agafarog that have the similar properties and are readily available. The resulting potion has good consistency and a pleasant smell. What I’m bothered about is the uncanny, electric pink color of the distilled solution. The preliminary toxicity tests went promising and I am ready to test the potion. To be on the safe side, I shall test one tenth of a standard dose.
Aha… that sounded familiar. He picked his pencil and scribbled in large fat letters, potion failed.
“Where are we anyway?”
“How should I know? Me smash stuff with mah fists, you’re the one with a quest to save the world.”
As useful as always... wait a minute!
“What do you mean save the world!? I ain’t signed for any of that nonsense!”
“Well, your title says otherwise.”
She pointed at him in accusing manner.
“Title? What title? I have no... Well, fuck.”
There it was. Typed with golden font over his black screen. He rubbed his eyes but the annoying thing did not go away. Never mind that, one issue at a time. He’ll deal with it later.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
With a deep sigh, Joe pulled out a map from his item box. The “Here be dragons” kind of map with meticulously calligraphed town names and fancy pictures of monsters, castles mountains and forests. Not much in the name of accuracy but it gave them the general idea of what might lie beyond the nearest town. About the same kind of idea a drunken seer might give you.
“Well, this probably is the Earlin lake so those peaks in the distance are Thernus and Teallu. East of here we should find the border wall and the town of Hippyru through which we will need to pass to get out of this damn empire.”
“East? No. Not happening today. We won’t make it past that ridge before nightfall and I don’t want to get stuck there with half blind human.”
Ouch. Painful to acknowledge but compared to demi’s night vision, humans were pretty much blind after nightfall. So, not east.
West looked not much better. Earlin lake sprawled west in what seemed to be endless amount of twists and turns. Walking around all of that would take weeks, a time he would not squander especially now that he got that...
“Then we go through.”
“Huh?”
This time Savila raised her hand.
“I’d like to point out I’m not exactly a good swimmer and I am against practicing that skill while wearing full plate...”
“And I am against freezing my ass out in that water.”
Neira put down her three cents.
“Ye people of little faith... See those trees? Go chop some and we will build ourselves a little raft. Start with five tall ones and we shall go from there as needed.”
“Hai, hai master.”
“No punching. We need those trees in one piece.”
“Hai…”
Visibly annoyed, Neira marched towards the forest. Threes, rocks, walls, houses and anything in general gave up after one of her punches. The stubborn ones cased their existence in a cloud of dust or blood after a second punch and Joe prayed they won’t ever meet something stupid and strong enough to wait for the third hit.
In a distance, something went “thwonk” and moments later Neira came back with the first log. Who needs heavy equipment when you have a demi with two hundred plus strength at her disposal.
She dumped the tree where he pointed and went back to get more.
Raft building 101 for dimwits. Find something that floats. Find more of it. Apply rope or ducktape or whatever else will keep it together. Repeat till it manages to keep you dry and afloat. Safety not guaranteed.
Just to be on the safe side, Joe applied one more integrity charm on the wooden contraption they made from roughly chiseled tree trunks and rope. It looked like a square, kind of. It floated, kind of. And it seemed lake worthy, kind of.
“I am not getting on that...”
Pushed by waves, the raft creaked and crooked.
“Yes, you are. Now strip, both of you.”
Joe gathered their armor and shoved it back into the item box alongside his cloths. Well he kept his shorts on just for the convenience sake.
“Sure, feast your eyes all you want you pervert but I am not getting on that.”
Even tho Savila did not voice any concerns, her body language reflected Neira’s complains. Wet demi tend to swim like a brick. To remedy that, he had made two, large leather sausages packed with spliced wood logs. Ugly, uncomfortable and a pain in the ass to put on but that should keep them afloat.
“Now, grab the poles and get on. I want to reach that town before nightfall.”
Pushing themselves away with several feet long branches, they set off into the lake.
Joe stared at his bare feet. Below his knees his legs were entirely black and smooth. They looked like human legs, just black but the skin... smooth, almost shiny, latex like surface covered his feet. Unnatural.
Was this the result of the slime half eating them?
“What the...?”
For a moment, he could swear, there was an eye on his left foot staring back at him...
He poked the spot with his finger. Nothing.
Must been an illusion. Sun reflected off this fancy skin. Yes, something like that...
“WELL, I WOULDN’T BE SO SURE ABOUT THAT.”
Joe’s blood thickened and his heart lost a beat at the sound of that voice. His skills kept him calm, kind of, yet the vibrant rumble of tombstones grating against each other, undulating each syllable, made it all more difficult to get used to.
“OH, DON’T MIND ME. I’M JUST PASSING BY.”
She pat his shoulder in a friendly gesture.
“THOUGH IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD STAY CLOSE TO THE SHORE.”
“That’s the idea… Say, can you explain “that” to me? ”
Joe opened his status screen.
“HMM? WHAT?”
DEATH leaned over his shoulder.
“The one with the fancy color.”
“AH, THAT. HAPPENS SOMETIMES. THIS WORLD RECOGNIZED YOUR DEATH CAUSE AS HIT BY A TRUCK AND “IT” WAS APPLIED AUTOMAGICALLY. STANDARD PROCEDURE. MAY STING FOR A BIT. JUST HIDE THAT WITH YOUR PRIVACY SETTINGS AND YOU’LL BE FINE.”
“That’s it? There’s no obligation?”
“NO. WHETHER YOU FOLLOW THAT PATH IS YOUR OWN CHOICE.”
Joe flicked through options burying the offender under several layers of privacy filters.
“YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT TO TRY THAT? YOU’LL GET PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT AND THE BONUSES… I HAD A PAMPHLET SOMEWHERE HERE…”
“No. Thank you. I’ll abstain. How’s your Job? Done already with the summons? “
“YES, QUITE SO. TRUCK-SAN IS A HARD WORKER. AS WE SPEAK, THE HEROES ARE BEING SAFELY BRAINWASHED BY IMPERIAL COURT INQUISITORS.”
“Ah, the motherly love and care of the empire… All the more reasons to get out of here.”
She looked up ahead and contemplated something in silence.
“THAT IS YOUR OWN CHOOSING. NOW, IF YOU FORGIVE ME I MUST GO, MY SERVICES ARE REQUIRED ELSEWHERE.”
He gave her a polite nod.
“Drop by for cookies when I’ll make some. We got and interesting recipe I want to try.“
“THE FLUFFY ONES?”
“Yes, and no cinnamon.”
“THEN I SHALL BE THERE TO LIBERATE A FEW FROM THEIR EARTLY SHELL.”
Was there a smile on that inhuman face? Joe couldn’t tell. She walked away as suddenly as she appeared. A convenient thing.
“You two can stop freaking out, she’s gone.”
Joe tugged at Neira’s fluffed out tail. Normal people preferred to ignore death and her existence just like they ignored the cleaning crew at their workplace or homeless people on the street. They were there but no one saw them.
His slaves said nothing. What was there to say? Their master had not spoken to anyone. No one else boarded the raft and she did not wear high heels. No. Of course not.
Push by push, the tiny raft sailed through the enormous, black lake. Unbothered by monsters hiding within the black depths, they reached the second shore by nightfall and guided by the moon, climbed the steep path towards the lights of a lonely village.
And no, a certain black mass of tentacles did not follow them through the darkness and Joe was sure he did not hear the tiny voice whispering “Oh dear oh dear…” whenever a misplaced tentacle crushed something.
Something like a nine-foot-tall, mountain troll that, not in the slightest, wished to eat them.
“Oh dear oh dear… so clumsy am I…”