In his life Joe had lived through plenty of rough mornings. His time spend in jail providing some of the most unforgettable mornings, but nothing could compare to the racket caused by his life clock Death gave him. The thing could wake a dead man. No doubt about it. No wonder it annoyed her. Even though he stored the bloody thing inside his dimensional inventory, he could still hear it.
Groaning, Joe lifted his head and tried to stretch his limbs only to notice that somebody already stretched and chained his limbs to a table while a rag of questionable cleanliness gagged his mouth. The cold draft tickling his birdie gave him a better jolt than the finest coffee and helped him notice the man with a butcher’s knife bending over him.
“Teh… The subject’s awake… incompetent fools! How can I work in such conditions?! Must I do everything myself?”
The bearded man in a leather apron tossed his knife aside and reached for a wooden mullet.
“How many times have I told them to ensure my subjects won’t awake? I cannot stand their screams and their wiggling ruins my work!”
He took a wild swing, sending the wooden mullet straight at the Joe’s temple.
“Hmm? Oh, master. How kinky….”
Savil’s body appeared right atop Joe. While her sudden appearance did startle the old alchemist, he couldn’t stop his heavy weapon already committed into a swing and the mullet smashed into her head like a hammer hitting against a gong.
*GLOOOONK!*
[Sneak attack successful! Sneak critical strike! You receive 58972 blunt damage.]
[Meat shield activation success! Damage nullified!]
[Conditions met! Hidden bonus unlocked!]
[Your master used you as a meat shield. By soul link and synergy with his coward title you receive +60% chance to activate Meat shield while protecting your master. Upon successful activation, Meat Shield skill nullifies all incoming damage once every ten minutes. Successful activation of the skill will now also return 30% of incoming damage back to the attacker as non-elemental damage. Reduces skill cooldown by one minute.]
[You have dealt 17692 non-elemental damage to a demonic human!]
[You have killed a demonic human. You receive 500 000 XP and 100 good karma.]
Killed? Obliterated was a more fitting description. Joe thought as he stared at the red splat that marked the wall where the man with the mullet stood but a moment ago.
“Ouch. What the hell was that?!”
The demi meowled, clutching her head in her hands. What theatrics. Joe just had to roll his eyes. They both knew she had maxed out her pain resistance skill years ago.
“ungh thun mheh."
He mumbled through his gag.
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“You have no heart boss. Not even an ounce of care. I just took a mullet for you. Don’t I deserve a reward for my sacrifice?”
She sat atop him, gyrating her hips in a dangerous place. Given that her Nohpanties skill was still active, Joe summoned his mental image of the most hairy and smelly armpit he ever witnessed.
It worked like a charm.
“H-hey! That’s unfair!”
“ungh thun mheh."
“Blah blah blah… alright, alright. You’re no fun boss. What’s going on anyway? Where are we?”
“Fuck if I know. I woke up with that lunatic you vaporized, trying to vivisect me. Just get me out of this before the guards come.”
Joe spat out his gag and watched as his demi sliced his bonds with her claws.
“By what I see on the map we are still somewhere within that damn city… will you stop that?! Its neither time nor a place for this kind of behavior.”
Not really interested in his answer, Savile went back to gyrating her hips.
“Eh? So, it’s not some kind of weird fetish of yours, mastah?”
Tips of her claws trailed over his bare chest. Nope. Not taking that bait.
“Get off.”
She complied with a disappointed sigh then summoned her equipment. Soon, her body disappeared under a layer of heavy armor while a shield and a short sword appeared in her arms. Following her example, Joe reequipped his own armor. Thus prepared, they waited in a corner, yet no guards came.
“Eh? Where’s the party?”
Savile flip up her vizor.
“Either the place’s soundproof or the guy wasn’t too fond of interruptions.”
“Both, if we’re lucky.”
Joe lowered his crossbow and since no one came storming the entrance, he shoved it back into his item box.
“Mind the door while I’ll look around.”
“Huh? Alone? Take Neira with you.”
“I want to look around, not blow stuff up… on second thought.”
The confused furball along with equally shocked human warrior appeared beside Joe. People he stored inside his body bag all said the same thing. There was no transition. One moment you were in one place then flick, and you were somewhere else.
“Bedwarmer, gear up and guard the door. Patchwork, you make sure she doesn’t blow up anything before we’re ready to go out. Freeloader, you with me. We’re gonna go sightseeing what the rest of this dump holds. No daydreaming.”
“Ah…”
Alia still stood puzzled by what happened. It was her second time experiencing her master’s odd skill, but the confusion remained. They were running in that back alley, she saw the saintness vanish before her eyes then felt Joe’s hand close around her arm and, puff. Gone. The alley was gone, replaced by some kind of dungeon. Just mere minutes ago they assaulted some elderly priestess and kidnapped a prisoner from a pyre. She still had fresh blood on her gloves from where she hit that insane crone, yet her body told her it must have been long ago. She felt oddly rested. Her…
“Lookah mastah! Noh panties!”
One of the insane furballs grabbed her from behind and pulled her pants down.
[*DING!*]
[Noh panties Active! HP +5%, MP +5%]
[Nice shave! Your master approves of your style! As a reward you get +10% P.Def]
[*DING!*]
[Party with a draft! Slaves sans undies equal party bonus! +15% p.att and +5% att.spd]
“See? Didn’t I tell you it was worth it?”
Savile whispered into Alia’s ear.
“Patchwork. The doors. Go.”
“Ay, ay, boss!”
The knight saluted, closed her visor and marched off to where Neira stood, sharpening her sword.
“You coming or are you planning to stay here, flashing your butt?”
Joe asked, his eyes still below Alia’s waist. Gods, how long has it been since he saw a real woman? Not a furball, a human woman. Now that he took a good look at her, she was a solid eight out of ten. A bashful eight. With a face burning like a tomato, the warrior did her best to cover herself. When she managed to buckle up her leather pants where they used to be, she followed Joe into one of the corridors connected to the room they were in.
She was two steps behind Joe when his sudden stop made her bump into his back. Pulling her sword out, she put herself between her master and whatever made him stop only to realize they were alone. Alone in a room where endless rows of gutted and frost covered corpses hanged from the tall ceiling, suspended on metal hooks. Monsters, demi and humans. All mixed up. All butchered and cut up. Some missing skin or other body parts.
“What the hell is this place?!”
Alia asked, her body trembling but not from the cold permeating the place.
“Storage.”
Following Joe’s outstretched hand, she saw the jars he pointed at and gagged.