We finally escaped the village, barely holding a grip on our lives as we fled that catastrophic battle. Leaving behind the martyrs to withstand and toil.
Too much had happened in a very short period - too much for simple, peaceful families and the Halcyon community to compensate for such a sudden turn of events.
The destruction and abandonment of our home, the struggle to survive, the tide of death and disease, the recurrent run from the evil gaze and threat, and finally, the fire that saved us and burned life in return.
It might not seem like much to anyone because this is simply the way of life in this world functions and how it has been for generations. However, one does not so simply burn away a village like how you would have your first drink, or for the first time, kill someone, be it a human or not so willingly.
The feeling is just deteriorating from one inside as if this world is forcing you to live like this as a rule, to grow accustomed to it like a habit, and thrive in it as you want it.
Each world and universe functions on a different spectrum, be it physical planes, practical or theoretical, or whatever you name it. I remain a stranger to this world. Do they really expect me to accept all this so easily?
I lived a completely different life before this, one teemed with the hardship of a dystopian world and adversities on a personal level that rivals its own. Not... this...
Monsters, demons, gods, angels, and dragons. At some time I knew I would eventually come across one of the many infamous mythical creatures that such fairy tales spoke of. But I never thought I would stand against it in submission. Gasped by an unholy presence, I was met with a sight that shall eat and bury my mind for eternity, for however long I will live here.
How that Leshin swung its arm in great strength, nearly demolishing anything that stood in its way, crushing and killing anything in its path. It didn't bother to distinguish friend from foe; anything that reeked of life and hope, such as the way of the hollowed ones.
At that moment, I knew too well how much of a mess we were caught in, or simply became fully aware that this wasn't another long sequence of a dream. The only peaceful days I lived in the last fourteen years have been nothing but a facade of what this world truly holds. They were the only links to a tranquil life, one I drowned myself in guilt and pain instead. The horror and the boundaries of a fantasy world are made of. My mother knew too well of this and thus chose to live peacefully as much as she could.
It's not like the typical generic fantasy series you read and watched as a child. This is what lies on the other side of the coin. Fear of the wilderness, the fear of the unknown, and what's more, fear of the hollowed ones. It drives your emotions into chaos to the point where you start losing sense of yourself until you become a beast.
And what better place to start than with the killing, for I let these two hands turn into... this...
I killed that Smoker so callously and enjoyed draining its life away every second as I let my desires take the better of me. I was acting subconsciously all the time, unaware that my entire deeds were orchestrated by my caveman instinct to survive, the desperation that negated almost every reason for me to have a death wish. I am fighting as if I want to live, not to save someone's life, not to protect a homeland, not even to save my own mother.
I went straight towards that monster as if I were the hunter, so ravenously craving to bleed and cut.
Yet again, one would say, "Those are monsters; they deserve to die." Whether it's a monster or an animal, human, murder isn't something anyone can comprehend so easily. To hold that knife and willingly end someone's life so freely is like any other job.
It's not in my nature to kill someone or something, but the world is unfair; you either kill or be killed, a cruel system carried on for hundreds of thousands of generations.
All this time... I have been hunting birds, burning hollowed ones. I had already been affiliated with this system before I even knew it.
Or was I always like this? How does a child learn this kind of behavior so voluntarily?
Who was I before all this? What did I do? What atrocities have I committed to deserve such a fate? To become this...
It matters little... in the end, I already suffered the consequences. No matter how much bloodshed is spilled, it won't save you from the gruesome fate.
(The nightmares don't stop here...)
----------------------------------------
Here we are, stranded inside Reflecting Mound Woods, known for how similar all the trees are. It makes you feel like you're walking in a maze. I don't know whether it baffles the hollowed ones in disarray since they can smell our life essence at a certain distance.
But for the time being, we are safe and sound.
We simply ran away from the village without looking back, not even bothering to wait for that mysterious adventurer and hope to come back.
We ran miles from the village until eventually, we lost sight of the flames. It became only a fragment of the shell it used to be, nothing more than ashes of the war.
The forest atmosphere didn't change much from the last one. However, this time it's less crowded, and there is accessible space to walk through. This was a good advantage since it allowed us to move more freely around and avoid any hollowed pursuers if we were caught in their gaze.
The only downside was how large this forest was, with the hulking army of Cypress Trees, Larch Trees, Redwood Trees, and chestnuts. That made it more difficult to distinguish your current position, as almost everything here looks the same, like a mirror reflection.
Our only frame of reference was the Ferbriand Shore to the east, though we can't really see it from where we are. It's still somewhere to look at.
We rested beneath a chestnut tree, seeking cover from the cold wind as we started a fire using the matchbox I found earlier today.
We just camped down there in silence, still recovering from the weariness we endured on our journey.
It's been like this since the beginning of our journey, this utter quietness and despair.
I can tell just from the look of her that my mother is extremely unstable.
If I am not wrong, this must have brought flashbacks from when she was an adventurer. Which would make sense given how she hid it from me. Perhaps it brought back bad memories from her youthful days.
But this is anything but like her old days; this is worse.
Not to mention that my life was also on the line, and how I killed that monster in cold blood. She knew I was this unique kid, but for someone who had already harbored no child-like behavior since I was a kid and then proceeded to commit such a heartless and blood-raving kill. No question she must be blaming herself for her son becoming this foreshadowing gruesome being.
I figured I had to change this dark, silent atmosphere, and talk to her normally like how we did every day before the raid.
“I hope that adventurer gets out safely...” I spoke out wearily.
“Me too....” Mom answered half-energetically while smiling. “I Knew it that she would make it."
“She?!” I asked in confusion. “You know the lady in the white coat?”
“Of course, I do. “Mom chuckled barely. “I met her a few days before I set foot in the village, right around the time you were almost born.”
I have always wondered who this lady was back in the village. Only lousy rumors about her being suspicious and reeking of trouble without any evidence to prove it.
I don’t know why, but I unconsciously framed her as my savior since that one cavern expedition. It's just so hard to deny that when I was saved from the brink of death for the second time. It can't be pure coincidence.
Now that I saw her in person, she has proven to be more powerful than I had imagined. Not only surviving the hollowed attack but single-handedly fighting a hollowed Leshin alongside an army on her own.
And there is her artisan battle technique. Aside from her pyromancy skills, that bow/curved arm was very unique. I don’t know, but I feel such a weapon is out of this age. Forged or crafted in such a deliberate method to specifically switch mid-field is fairly transoceanic.
Unless my ignorance is still blinded by the vast capabilities this world has to offer. Then there is obviously something fishy about this figure.
“A nomad?”
“Maybe, I honestly don’t know.” Suddenly, my mother gave me a dejected look. “When I met her first, she kept wearing those bandages and covered her face for the longest I can remember. It was weird but I didn’t mind. She was a nice person, and though we didn’t talk much, I knew she had a good heart.”
As she finished her lines, she kept showing arduous looks, as if she recalled some unfortunate event.
“There was this one time I saw her clearly. When you were just five. I was looking for some medicinal herbs outside the village and near the forest. There, I saw her just about to head inside the forest while wounded and in pain. I quickly helped her and healed her using my magic even though she claimed she didn’t want any. I did it otherwise….”
While Mom was in distress and exhausted from all the recent conflict, I reckoned taking her mind off with a conversation would help her a lot. And myself. Therefore, I kept listening.
“When I saw her face, I was honestly shocked. She didn’t harbor any resemblance to anyone Kin in Lands Beyond. She had carmine long hair and fairly white skin. If it weren't for the dirt that covered her. But what worried me the most was her face. She looked.... very anguished and sad.”
I was confused. I didn’t understand how she came to such a conclusion after only a few seconds of meeting her. Perhaps being outcasted by the villagers is one reason for many. But I feel there is more to her.
“Her reaction was written with guilt and regret. And looked as if she had lost all her tears. I was honestly about to cry from the moment I laid my eyes on her. But she responded simply; “it's fine. I haven't lost hope yet.” Although I remained reluctant. That gave me a sense of relief”
“That's why you always wanted to venture inside the forest, but Winfrey and Margaret always rejected your request.”
“Yes.... They were afraid of her. “Mom took a heavy sigh, filled with sorrow. “I don’t blame them. These days you can't trust anyone. Not even outsiders. But in her case... I don’t know. I felt different. I felt I knew her a long time ago... I wished I knew her name. She never bothered telling me.”
Little information yet enough to conjecture the subtlety just a little. Other than the fact she is foreign to these lands. She is by best terms an alien to society. Especially the fact she chose to conceal her face which further abetted the suspicious persona. No wonder the villagers found her disturbing.
But that can't be really the main reason, right?
“Huh....” I giggled. “That's why that one time when I went lost. You were willing to enter the forest on your own. You were going to ask for help, didn’t you?”
Mom looked shocked at first but quickly chuckled cheerfully.
“Sneaky one, aren't ya, Makas?”
“Learned from the best....”
She extended her hand and started to rub my head as she continued to talk.
“Indeed. I wanted to. But even if she wasn’t there, I would have gone by myself. I am a capable fighter myself, you see. “Mom smirked.
"Sure you are hammer lady." I cackled lightly.
"Watch your mouth, young man." She showed an irritated look but otherwise remained joyful.
“Why did the villagers disown her?” I asked curiously.
She chuckled in irony as she shook her head and said;
“Have you heard the rumor or saying; Never trust a lad in a white rag?”
“No...?” I answered in confusion.
“Simply put, never trust somebody who wears anything but white attire. Because everything that comes out of their mouth is nothing more than one lie after another. Pretending to be a pure and elegant, perfectionist, where they hide their true ugly self.” Mother spoke with detest.
“......” I remained silent and a little disturbed after seeing her giving such a malapropos comment.
The term has its own harmony in meaning and tune. But it's far from conclusive. But coincidentally, it's ghastly accurate.
Those who wear such white attire are doctors, researchers, and scientists. Which alone I can understand why somebody would grow skeptical.
Doctors sometimes lie, especially when it falls on a gruesome condition. sometimes for the good of the patient and other times the opposite.
I, of all people, know the truth of that sentiment.
Scientists. Sometimes they can be saints and other times. They can become the most malicious and gruesome beings, beating even the demon's nature. And none other than the most suspicious figure stands out are the Inexmine Academy.
The villagers detested that merchant mage who I used to buy books from and who would often from time to time sell his products even when nobody was interested or simply suspicious.
And yet, here is this Lady in the white coat who did the deed and saved my life for the second time.
But why me? Why didn’t she bother to save the other villagers back then?
I guess my answer has to wait for now...
“Quite poetic.”
“And profoundly ingrained. Just like the dogmatic church and the rest who follow them...” Mom spoke with restrained anger that slowly grew wilder and louder.
Here it is again, that revolting temper against the church.
Mom is slowly opening up more than before, especially with everything that is going on. She just can't keep that merry smile.
She knows too well the church won't bother to come and save us...
They never do. And never will.
“Ahm... So, mom... you were a priest-class adventurer?”
“Huh!?... Oh... yeah, I am.” Apparently, her mind for a moment was swallowed in sorrow by the past life as I pulled her back to reality. “I guess you found my little secret... hehe.”
She retracted that appealing motherly smile of hers as she laughed lightly, still continuing to shine that beaming hopeful grin like she always has. But slowly, the is losing its effect.
“I think I had an idea for a while, you told me before that you were going to tell me about your and Dad's days when you were adventurers. And your magic skills, no question...”
“Look at you, Sir detective, being all perceptive.”
She said that with content, complimenting while being sarcastic.
“Hehe.... yeah, guess I am....”
Seeing her regain her lively spirit does bring a sense of pleasure and calmness.
It's been a difficult journey for both of us; moments like these restore one's spirit like energy drinks.
At least for her, I am still the same as usual, but it was less troubled than a few hours ago.
I only smiled back in return.
“Sorry, I didn’t tell you sooner, Makas...” She knelt down her head in abjectly.
“Oh! No, no, it's fine, mom, really.” I reacted submissively back, trying to restore the cheerful mood again. “In fact, I kind of understand why you would hide such a secret.”
She looked back at me, and this time I bowed my head as I spoke reasonably;
“Having such amazing power would, without question, grab the attention of the village and only stir troubles. Be it admiration or resentment, it's not something you asked for, since all you want is a peaceful life...”
The possible outcomes of her identity being revealed would be significantly strenuous. Like asking her to protect the village from bandit attacks, exploration and hunting, and their healing puppet play. Things she is basically unaccustomed to and unfair, at least that’s what I presumed.
I had a sense that Mom was hiding something from me, aside from my father's identity. Her background especially, I only know that she is originally from the Republic City and she detested the church. Anything more than that was a blank page; I never asked her what she did, who her parents were, how she met my father, how he died, and why she came here of all places in the world.
“Besides... I already caused enough trouble for both of us back there as the freakiest kid in the village....”
“Stop saying that, Makas!” She said that with a little fury in her voice. “Even if my identity were to be revealed to the villagers, that wouldn't stop me from achieving my goal... raising you like any other child...”
“...... Yeah... ahm sorry......” I apologized with contempt.
“It's okay,” she said quietly. "But you need to stop looking down at yourself. it won't help you..."
A moment of silence passed between us; she spoke up;
“The reason I didn’t reveal who I am wasn’t for the possible rumors or the attention.” She cut mid-sentence while looking down in distress. “It's just brought back bad memories......”
I only listened in silence, hearing the tale for the first time. One that stirred my curiosity for a long and let her speak her own mind;
“The Republic......” She looked up at the night sky. “People always say you should have at least some sense of patriotism. But I never did for the Republic or the church....”
She sighed, restoring her posture, and said;
“Back then, I was born into poverty. Mom and da... I mean your grandparents and I lived in the subterranean parts of the Republic City. They called it the Blighbrooke District. A really troublesome place... Our financial income was bad, your grandparents had to do... bad business in order to gain as much gold as we could.......”
She wasn’t my mother for the time being; she was now a poor girl who went through a traumatic experience. To her, I was like her friend or rather some deity who could hear her complaints and hope for a better end.
“For me... all I wanted was to have a peaceful family...... where we could eat together, spend time together, visit the market together...... spend time in our home as a family...... so in these dark times, I prayed to the Maidens. Felt helpless to do anything with how weak I was before....”
The crickets began to chirp, and the night deepened. It was only nature and the unannounced peril before us. I kept silent and listened.
“Over the years, I developed myself a healing power, around the age of seven. This is when I decided to work as a healing priestess in one of the Assayer Church monasteries, making a few gold pieces to support my family.... it did help just a little, but it was better than doing nothing......”
It's obvious in her eyes and tone that she wasn't thrilled with the idea of working for a church. Especially when you have to do it against your will.
“But over the years, I would take on new shifts ordered by the higher-ups to become.... an adventurer. Given how many Healers were taken to the battlefield against the White Imperials during the early days of the war. I was lucky not to be among them but as an adventurer. Which didn’t change how hard my job was...”
She took a heavy sigh, resting after speaking just barely breaching the tip of her tail.
“I.... was really a coward... hehe....” She tried to brush it off with a small laugh but didn’t seem enough to cover her pain. “I was considered one of the worst and most weakened healers out there. Placed among worse party members, I barely did a good job and as a result, got the lowest reward, barely enough to buy bread to feed my family....”
“And the church just left you like that?!”
“You think that’s bad? You don’t know the truth, Makas...” Mom spoke with sorrow.
I was honestly shocked by such a development. Just moments ago, she smiled so wholesomely as it faded into this obscure melodramatic notion that translated her true emotions. Her hatred against the church.
I wonder what truth she is about to reveal.
“But I wasn’t all alone. “For a moment, she reverberated back to her joyful spirit. “That’s when I met your father....” she smiled while looking down at the necklace he gave her.
“Your father, named Galatus Ashcor, was a proud, strong, admirable, kind-hearted, and a little dense head Knight of the Assayer Church. They nicknamed him the Lance of Power. So far that in the future he would become the sixth rank High Knight of the church. therefore, He was well respected by his men, the people, the guild, the higher-ups...... and... me....”
She said the final sentence while blushing happily.
“One day, I was doing a dungeon raid against a surprising demon horde with a barely good party. I tried my best to save them but eventually, only I was left to rot down there. I saw them being mutilated and transformed into horrible things. As a healer. I blamed my weakness on my own, for my lack of faith and confidence together. But that moment, your father saved me in the last minute......”
The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
Her sorrowful tone started to fade away, and she began talking like it was some kind of a tragic romantic fairy tale, which I weirdly enjoyed listening to.
“During our dungeon run, your father and I worked together. Trapped inside that maze cavern, and I remember it vividly because it was near that giant mountain spawned by the Red Emperor in the early days. Anyway, while we were there, we fought our way together. We got to know each other. I came to know the reason for his fighting......”
She knelt her head down in anguish.
“He didn’t fight for religious causes like those overly obsessed cultists or political matters. Instead, he wanted a better future for the children to come. He wanted to give them hope, a chance to live, a chance to make friends and have a family...... he wanted a life that everyone in this world deserved and those who failed to be presented such opportunities...... something he didn’t have as a kid.”
She gave a scarce smile.
“After confessing my reason as well...... At that moment, we both knew exactly our goals were similar. We both wanted something, I for my own while his for many.... yet the theme was family......”
(Family...... huh.... can you really bring that dream into fruition when the whole world chose to cower in despair?)
“After we got out of the cave...... we started to bond a little closer over time. I would see him more often in the church, and he would invite me to his missions against the demons mainly. I never did participate in the ones against the White Legion.” She looked away for a moment. Clearly stating her dislike of human homicidal wars. “But still. I enjoyed spending time with him. I looked up to him. And might admit, fell in love with him. After all, I was a bit of a maiden.”
“Young love?” I chuckled.
She laughed off. “Yeah. But it wasn’t simple love that brought us together....”
This is where my mother began to shake and tremble in fear as she bowed her head, recalling the past trauma.
I quickly held her hand, calming the anxiety down. She eventually took a heavy breath and said;
“It was something worse....”
----------------------------------------
"One day, I was tasked with yet another dungeon raid alongside a few parties of good adventurers. It was a simple cleanup mission of low-ranking monsters. Little did we know that we fell right into the trap of the infamous clown demons..."
"'The Firest traitors...'" I muttered.
"'The one and only... The Dark Elves.'" She sighed heavily as she continued. "They have a habit of kidnapping humans and doing all kinds of horrible things to their prisoners, ranging from torturing to mutilating them and... other stuff."
I exclaimed in despair, fearing the worst. But just then, Mom stilled my anger away.
"Don't worry! Don't worry..." She laughed lightly as she rubbed my head. "Thankfully, nothing happened to me. But I can't say the same for others." She quickly retold the tale while revoking the same dreadful face.
"When I woke up, I found myself tied to a chair, where a sick Homunculi was about to drug me with the weirdest substance. Thankfully, my Intuitive fighter kicked in, and I fought back the Elf by using a spell called 'Huff of the Holy Spirit,' a spell your father taught me. I managed to break free but alerted the guards nearby. My fear escalated when I tried to sneak my way out, and I learned that they were keeping at least a hundred prisoners inside the cavern grounds and planning to transport them through a demonic gate to the demon realm, where the odds of being saved are none."
"So, you decided..." I spoke out.
"Yes, I decided for the first time to act on my own, something I was inspired to do by your father," she said, looking regretful as she spoke those words. "Little did I know how much of a fool I was. I was so focused on doing something good or heroic for the first time after many years of being a useless, no-good priest. Being the weak spirit I was, I was at the same time the perfect trap."
I looked in confusion as she explained.
"Makas..." she sighed in pain. "They are horrible people in this world. And as told by many, demons are considered the worst. But I believe humans can be even worse, for they are the projection and, therefore can invite the same demon's mythology into submission. I was one such victim to such a cause."
I began to feel overwhelmed by that statement. I had never seen Mom showing such a deep and profound persona. She always saw hope on an ever-dark road, without a drop of hesitation against her goal. She always believed. But this time, it's different.
"I became possessed by the demon of desires, as they named it. Slowly, it leached into my ears and into my soul, whispering to be a heroic, useful maiden, only for him to grant him his own desires."
At this revelation, I was shocked, not at my mother's horrible truth, but at how she reacted. She almost gave no sense of emotion, but I could tell she was enraged with herself.
"I then sneaked my way to the Demon gate and, under the demon of desire guidance, rather than helping the prisoners, I changed the runes on the gate into an Oblivion one, and just like that, the infamous demons of Inferno barged in and wreaked havoc on the cavern, killing everyone on sight—the Dark Elves and the..."
She knelt her head and started crying tearfully, lamenting the horrible memory and the sin of her past that would forever haunt her dreams.
I didn't know what to do other than stay silent. I held her hands but didn't know what else to do.
"You don't have to continue, Mom," I said sorrowfully.
"I must, Makas... I must," she continued to cry as she spoke. "Because you must know the truth. You can never be whole without the truth. I knew it very late..."
She retracted as she wiped her eyes with her tattered robe and smiled back again dolefully.
It was painful to look at.
In this World. it is said that once a man becomes inflated with the demon curse. They have almost no hope of returning back. And the odds chances of a cure are simply based on luck which Humanity found no remorse to tolerate. therefore, the best option is to eliminate the infected before it takes him and others away. A terrible fate not only for the guilty but the meek and innocent.
Truly, there is no escape from the inevitable end. Regardless of what you are and what have you done.
Perhaps, this is justice in some way. Evil or not, we are all consumed by our own desires. our own demons. Only for us to join their ranks.
"Anyways, after I recalled and saw the nightmare before me, a mere moment before I could collapse out of madness and regret, your father, like the knight in shining armor, emerged and saved me, alone. Leaving the cavern and the unfortunate to be buried there... I hated him at first for saving me, even going so far as..." She looked back in shock as she was about to utter her anarchic thoughts. "Let's skip the dark parts and focus on the matter."
"I was at my limits," she said, looking down in agony. "I was in a complete depressive state and buried in guilt. I didn’t even want to live anymore, except your father wanted the opposite."
I could see her eyes starting to redden as her tears started to fall lightly.
"Your father said I deserved better, and this whole shroud of demon possessing was nothing of my fault. He kept saying how I was dragged into this mess on purpose and purposefully planned."
"Planned?!" I asked angrily.
"Yes... turns out, the church planned this all in the first place."
My eyes grew cold and numb as I heard those words. I kept silent as I heard the whole truth.
"The church was using selected weak faith like me and other priests, paladins, purposefully downgrading their spirit and pressuring people like us to be better and whatnot. Without any effort on their turn. But your father and I later believed there was something going on. something more to their methods. Then, they would throw us alongside the innocent like adventures of the Adevnetuers guilds who, by the time and still, is at odds with the church, thus blazing the conflict even more. This further loaded our minds with burden and guilt, provoking us even more to—"
"To become their bomb shell yourself, to become a demon. "I spoke on her behalf. Furrous and Sullen.
"Pretty much... yes," she nodded. "Their plans were legislative. They had no good intentions, only for their own. Your father managed to learn this horrible secret on his own, and there he made his way to find me at the last second, saving me..."
"And then put yourself and others at risk, mainly, killing the adventurers to their benefit..."
"Makas, please stop speaking like this," Mom begged in tears. "You don't have to—"
"Who planned all this?" I asked, growing more and more apathetic and unconcerned about Mother's worries.
"Makas, please!" Mom shouted in dysphoria as she pulled and hugged me. "Please, don't be like them! Don't turn into one of their spawns! I beg you, Makas! Please!"
(Fool of you to assume that, Freia. I have always been like this.)
She wasn't the first to foretell me such a horrible tale, and neither was she the last. I have heard many in my past lives and seen humans suffer a fate worse than death. While indeed they aren't as impactful as this one, the weight isn't my concern. Because I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I have had my share of pain for such a long time to the point I grew numb and therefore grew numb to all.
No matter how many times you shed your tears, no matter how many times you cry for someone to hear you, no one will ever save you. They will do nothing but simply watch and pretend to lament, like everyone these days does. They will watch you as you drown yourself in an ocean of despair and everlasting pain.
Pain isn't a matter of preference; it's a must from where I see it.
But one thing hasn't changed: those who thrive on pain and glorify it as artisans in works of fiction, are the ones I despise.
Who are you to pass judgment on pain and suffering for others? A god?
(If there is no one to judge you, and certainly, if God won't, then I will!)
(Hold on! what am I saying?! what is going on?! Mom?!)
But seeing her tears fall, one drop after another, brought back some fragmented memories of the old world.
"Stop throwing yourself like that!"
"Why?! Why did you save me?!"
"You don't get anything! About anyone but yourself!"
"You are as stubborn as ice... you never cared about Youske-kun! or others or how they feel!"
"Why push us away?!"
"People like you don't deserve to live in this world."
"Huh?!" I was quickly brought back to reality as the last words in my head shook my spirit. Only to notice how my mother, Freia, was hugging me tightly as she cried.
Instinctively, I felt as if I had stabbed her heart. Not knowing what to say, I answered;
"Mom, I am... I am sorry... I just... lost myself there. I grew angry..."
She raised her head and looked back at me, still hugging and smiling with difficulty;
"Please... Don't ever lose your way, Makas. This path won't get you anywhere. And it won't promise you a thing, only a darkened end. Of all people, I don't want you to suffer that...I know how angry you are, and you aren't alone. Thousands of other voices are demanding justice and vengeance. But vengeance takes everything from you. And I mean everything..."
(But vengeance is all I did and all I had...)
(The voice! it's back again!)
"I was so angry against the church then. I wanted to burn the whole monastery to ashes," Mom said angrily. "But your father told me that if I did that, I would just rob away the innocents who still return to the church as a monument of hope. And further seed the corruption that is plaguing this land, diverting my wish further away."
"Playing into the enemy's trap," I said in anguish.
"Exactly!" She smiled as she backed off for a moment. "See?! You are smarter than that! Don't resort to such nefarious thoughts. You deserve better!"
"Do we, Mom..."
"Of course! Because you aren't alone!" She chuckled for a moment. "Even in the darkest times, there is a moonlight of a good omen. There are others who are willing to lend a helping hand in times of need. That lady in the white coat is no exception. And your father was my moonlight... and now you are mine."
She shed her last tears away as she gave a humorous smile, saying;
"And because of you, I found my way back."
"How...?" I asked inquisitively. "How can you have hope after everything, Mom?"
"I don't. I just know. Because if I hadn't, you wouldn't be here today."
----------------------------------------
Mom's embrace was warm and comforting, yet my heart remained heavy with the weight of her revelations and my own. Her story was a tapestry of pain, betrayal, and lost hope, and I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of anger against this injustice. The world she described was a cruel and unforgiving place, where the powerful preyed on the weak, and even the church, an institution meant to protect and guide, was corrupted.
As I stood there, wrapped in my mother's arms, I felt a burning desire to kill them all. to take their life away, their hope like they did with my mother and many before her.
After a while, we separated, and she wiped away the tears that had welled up in her own eyes. It was a lot to take in, and I needed time to process everything.
Worse of all, I didn't cry. not even one tear fell. I remained indifferent and collected.
"After that whole incident, your father took me back to the city and hid me in a secret tunnel, which served as his escape room from his mansion."
"Dad was born from nobility?"
"Yeah. Surprisingly, because he harbored no noble-like behavior like the rest. In fact, he hated such a life, a main reason why he resorted to adventuring like any other." She grinned for a moment. "Your father hated the system the Republic used to divide itself among the people—the poor against the rich, commoners and nobles. That's why he went so far as to join adventurer's guilds, which mostly consisted of commoners and students from the academy. Eventually, he joined the ranks of the High Knights of the church, the second-highest in military power. His rank among the Knights was the sixth. like I told you so."
"What a grandiose title," I said ironically.
"Indeed," she laughed lightly. "But your father had a good heart, more than anyone I knew."
"Maybe..." I nodded reluctantly. "What happened to him?"
"Well, let's go back a little. As I remained in hiding, I rejected the idea and was still committed to helping your grandparents, who were still waiting for me to return. Your father didn't want to and was willing to send his own allowance to support them. I didn't want that and certainly didn't want to just hide in cowardice. After everything had happened, I was motivated by a new goal—to help the victims' families who lost their lives during that dungeon raid and the ones before since they didn't have any source to gain a salary. Your father eventually gave up and went along, still on the condition I would work in shadow."
"How did you manage all that? Sounds like a bit of a commitment."
"It's all worth it when you see the families' smiles and answer for my penance." She gave a sad expression as she explained. "See, even though it's true the church was involved in the mess I was caught in, I was still partially involved in the loss. My hands, though clean, were stained in blood and regret. Something you can never simply forget so easily."
"I can relate," I muttered.
"What's that, honey?"
"Nothing," I said, "I said you have a point, just..."
Mom looked worried for a moment but eventually shook off warily.
"Anyways, your father was willing to donate some of his own banking allowance and send it to charity, though not publicly. Otherwise, the church would have caught him. And that's where I come in."
"The secret messenger."
"That's what I was!" she laughed. "Who would have thought from a priest to a semi-thief I would become? Never liked the church teachings anyway."
"Not a fan of the Five Maidens?"
"No... I believe in them," she spoke with content. "But I think it's high time we set our differences aside with the whole world."
"That said," she shook off her distress and spoke cheerfully, "That way, your father and I started this secret order of ours. Well, not so much of an order since there were only two, but we named it nonetheless, Wildfire. Cool, right?"
"Is that a spark of love or a spark of rebellion?"
"And there we started our 'forbidden romance,'" heheh...."
"Guess the church wasn't fond of the idea of love," I said sarcastically, further motivating her spirit.
"Yeah, they were very specific about the 'no love' condition rule, but mainly because his family desired him to marry someone else from the nobility. That's why our love was a secret, concealed from everyone. Outside, we lived as comrades in arms and secretly as husband and wife."
"Talk about a bold move, you guys are sure both heretics."
"Hahahaah.... Yeah... Yeah, we are..."
She let out a boosting laughter, a feature of hers I hadn't seen in quite a while. It helped me distract myself from the despair wrapped around my mind.
"See... Your father changed me... he gave me something I lacked all along, courage. And to commit such acts in a strict environment was one of the many steps I never thought of doing."
She quieted down for a moment, recalling those beautiful yet dark memories of hers.
"Even your father has changed over time... for most of his time, he didn't think of himself, he always acted for others, putting himself at risk for their protection. He was stuck in an everlasting cycle of fighting, as he never had a wish of his own... as a healer, I played a role in that... For the first time, he had a wish of his own, to have me by his side forever."
She took off her necklace and leaned her head closer to it as if hugging it to seek comfort.
"I... wholeheartedly accepted him... because I myself wanted him by my side as well..."
She teared up a bit as she smiled while looking down.
I had no idea that her background was so tragic enough to shed a tear of any listen. However, I didn't flinch... for I was but another of her many misfortunes...
"We lived together and fought together. Aside from the fact that I had to hide from the face of society, these were some of the happiest moments I ever endured. For the first time, I felt I had redeemed myself as I helped everyone. The happiness continued to grow when I was impregnated with you, Makas... and your father was more excited than I was."
(Little did she know. She brought but another curse...)
"Your father wanted to spend time with you playing catch, showing you the city, teaching you about the history of the world, showing you the world, teaching you how to swing a sword... although you seemed to already know a bit much, hahah." She smiled and laughed softly at her comment. But then quickly, her smiles faded as she looked more dejected and heartbroken.
"But that happiness didn't last long... When they found him..." she muttered grievously. "This all changed when the one and only Lord Tyroth, the current hand of the king, framed him for theft from other houses' finances for his own amusement, among whoring, drinking, and drugs..."
"What the?!"
"A trial was held, meanwhile, I tried my best to search for the truth. His lawyers proved he indeed didn't do any of those self-immoral-indulgence acts but failed to prove that he didn't steal other houses' money, which nonetheless convicted his trial as guilty."
Mom quickly covered her mouth in vexation as she continued;
"But I never learned the truth. I was so defenseless in his case. The only thing I could do was protect the poor families who used that money for their benefit. But even that I failed... They were eventually found out and convicted of fraud. And suffered the same fate your father did."
"Oh god..." I looked in horror as I reached the conclusion. "Mom... did they..."
"Your father..." She wept once again, brushing off her tears as much as she could. "And your grandparents... and the families' parents... were... were immolated..."
Mom covered her face; her eyes began to tear once more. At this point, she must have wept so many times. And no one ever heard her cries or screams.
Such a scene reminded me of that world. When it seemed all hope was lost, and the world screamed for anyone to hear. None showed up. Not even their precious gods. Not even anyone cared.
To the world. This one specifically, mom was another lost soul who was doomed to suffer as the commoner she was.
(In the end... we are all monsters. We are no different from one another. For we share the same demeanor as the old ones. The strong eat the weak, and the cycle is repeated once more.)
"Mom... stop. You don't have to continue... I... I get it." I spoke with a profound tone, concealing every rage I stored in. "I am sorry... I am really... Sorry."
"What?!" Mom looked back in shock. "What are you saying, sweetheart?! You aren't at fault!"
"But if it weren't for me... you might have had a chance to save those unfortunate prisoners. Even saved Dad... You could have stayed there and begun something-"
Mom grabbed me and hugged me once more as she spoke softly.
"I may have failed in saving those families. I may have condemned the innocent souls to death and misery... and I may have failed your father... But whatever happened or will happen. I will never regret having you, my son. My sweet Makas."
"Wh... what?!"
"You are everything to me. And to your father, who was so happy when he heard I was pregnant and chose your name. Hope for a better life than we did. A symbol of a new tomorrow. And I will never doubt you, my son. We love you so much and only wish you the best. You will make friends. Have a family, maybe a daughter. Who will also love you so much."
I didn't utter a word. I simply stood and remained silent as Mom continued to hug me.
For so long I wandered around aimlessly searching for the meaning of my life
Time had washed away all my memories leaving me with an empty lapse inside
Who am I and what is this desire in me?
As son? A hope? Or a demon? A destroyer?
(What I have done to this poor mother..............)
(I don’t deserve any of it...... I destroyed your life....)
----------------------------------------
"Well... that’s kind of the gist of the story, sweet but heartbreaking end." Mom finally recovered, smiling as contented as she always has.
I remained in silence, grasping the details of her depressive story and my current role in her life – not as her son, but as a cursed man hiding behind the walls of her alleged son.
I was supposed to be her blessing, but all I ever became was her cursed child.
She rubbed her hand against my head and kissed it while leaning on me.
"What happened... how did you escape?" I asked indifferently.
"I was saved," she looked saddened. "The families who were convicted of misusing the nobles' investments didn’t even mention my name. They kept silent about me, which made me feel all the more horrible. But if I were found out... I feared the worst for you. A thought I didn’t even dare to entertain. Not even any parent would. You wouldn’t understand..."
She sighed as she continued speaking.
"When I was all alone again, I did feel hopeless and aimless. But all I had in mind was providing you with at least a home. Somewhere you can eat and live happily. This is where old man Tudor came in," she chuckled. "That long-bearded wizard popped out of nowhere to fulfill his promise to your father. Little did we know, your father learned in that academy, and Tudor was among his distinguished allies."
"Just because he was in the academy?"
"I think it's more than that. I honestly don’t know," she shook her head in dismay. "But because of Tudor, I was able to escape the city unnoticed and leave the kingdom in safety, eventually making my way alone to the western lands, where I settled in the same village only a month before you were born."
"Wow... you made it all alone?" I asked curiously.
"Not really. A few Night Elf scouts helped me along the way, which was shocking on its own. But because of that, my faith in humanity was restored again."
"Just like that?" I asked with disbelief.
"I know, I know... sounds very dramatic," she smirked wholeheartedly. "But when the Elves, for some reason, helped me get back on my feet and led me safely to the western lands, I was filled with a belief that our world isn't truly as bad as it sounds. It gave me a second chance. This happened before when I met your father and when Tudor helped me. All of this made me see the ultimate truth."
"..."
"Companionship," she smiled happily, looking up at the darkening sky. "Even in the darkest of nights when you feel the whole world has abandoned you, there are always others to find. It’s a matter of belief and time. Friends and family will always be there for you, even when you feel you never had any. There is always going to be a chance. You just have to look really hard. That’s something that the Night Elf priest taught me, and she believes that one day, the world will unite for a common cause, be it for Maiden’s salvation or something greater."
"..."
"The Legendary Infinity Slayers did that when the world seemed hopeless against the Red Emperor, and now here we are."
When the world had no heroes and no gods to save them, the Infinity Slayers rose from their graves as God Slayers and Demon Harbingers, to face the might of the Red Emperor and his legion, alongside the night elves, the lesser Titans, and even Orcs. With The Infinity Slayers harnessing the dark gifts of demonic power and a fated end. Together, they made the impossible quest and defeated the Red Emperor and his forces. Only, they didn't save the world as legend proclaims. Humanity believed they destroyed the world order and threw it in the chaos that we thrived in.
"I am sorry... Knight... for not meeting your father..." she said dismally.
"Yeah... I am sorry too..."
"What are you apologizing for, silly?" she said sarcastically as she pushed me lightly. I was startled for a moment. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me, second only to meeting your father."
"Hah... Yeah... thank you, Mom..."
She simply smiled cheerfully as I did barely.
"At any rate, you have your father's tenacity, young Knight."
"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.
"How you fought that hollowed one? Like it wasn't your first time."
"Oh!... ahm yeah... I acted instinctively," I stuttered, recalling that moment brought great distress.
"How did you light up your sword?" she asked curiously.
"I had the Tree resin in one of my pockets, stored in a flask. As you already know, it’s a flammable substance, so I covered the dagger with the resin and lit it up using the matchbox..."
"Wow! That’s... just... amazing, Makas!"
"I could have just used the matchbox and thrown it at the smoker, but there was no guarantee he was going to die from it. So, I had to use the dagger to make sure I finished him off completely... besides, I was worried you were injured and needed more time to plan the next move. So, again, I had to make sure he was quite dead."
She just looked at me astoundingly, stunned by my battle analysis. Honestly, I was too...
But still, how I reacted earlier brought me an even greater sense of doubt about myself. How I turned into a killer more than a fighter.
"Anger is a powerful weapon, Makas," she spoke studiously as she closed her eyes. "But always remember, there are stronger weapons than rage: the will of man and human resolution. Because only then do your confidence and intelligence become unmatched. The self and the world become linked, and with it, the one becomes all. As they say, the strength of a thousand voices is peerless in the eyes of the Almighty."
I grew speechless at her quote, her indomitable spirit facing every kind of evil and injustice that walled off her future without hesitation. Commitment and an unshakable sense of desire that shall never waver.
Is this humanity?
I wish I had this strength, such resolve against the dire of light, against human will.
Can such strength shake off the will of the old ones that much? Or is it some fantasy that burrows in our minds to escape the everlasting shower of pain and suffering?
Whatever it is, it sounds so... hopeful and prudent.
"I am proud of you, Makas," she said cheerfully as she kissed my head again.
I simply accepted her praise in silence, which was odd since the moment I killed that hollowed earlier today, her face was swollen in fear.
"You know, you showed me something today, something I had forgotten long ago," she broke the silence as she said hesitantly.
"Oh?!... What is it?"
"My courage... I completely forgot I had that," she raised her head, looking back at the compacted trees. "The first time I had it was when I wanted to help my family and the adventurers but failed miserably. The second time was when I married your father and became the unfortunate victim of the lost raid, but it ended in melancholy. The third time was when I decided to take care of you on my own and raise you to be a courageous and intelligent son... and it worked well."
She had overcome so many obstacles to reach this moment.
"The fourth time was when I held my power again against the hollowed ones. Looking back at it and the journey we made thus far, I reflected on the past me. The very reason I am still alive and you as well was because I had courage all along."
"You always had courage, Mom, just like when you confronted Marcus back then when I went missing."
"Oh!... Yeah, I completely forgot about that... Hehe..."
"You just weren't aware of it... the fact that you came along and took the risk of walking down that village... was proof you have courage more than any soldier on a battlefield."
"Now that I think about it... Yeah... you are right," she only smiled as we both looked at the fire, fading away.
"You have my consent, Makas..."
"Huh!? What are you talking about?"
"To become an adventurer..."
"I never said I wanted to become one."
"Yet you are already acting like one."
"It's... it's just instinct, Mom... anyone in their right mind would react the same way..."
"But not everyone has the courage to do so!" She grinned cheekily.
(Courage huh?... was it really courage? Or something else?)
I took a deep sigh and said truthfully.
"For the time being, I have no intention of becoming an adventurer... I still have a long road ahead... so, I will figure it out in time..."
"Look at you being Mr. grown-up, eh?" she teased.
"Please stop... Mom..."
"Can't do! Hehehhe," she lunged herself and started to play with my hair, wiggling around.
I tried to resist at first but ultimately surrendered. Seeing her like this was worth more than a treasure of gold.
"This is nice," she said happily as she wrapped her arms around me, inclining her head against mine. "Thank you, Makas, for being my son, for being part of my life."
"Me too, Mom," I said faintly as I held her arm, providing comfort.
While my mother's spirit was restored, mine was buried under a pile of regret, agony, frenzy, and disgust.
All of her words about how happy she was when her child was born into this life when she sacrificed everything to take care of her child when she lost everything she held dear, yet her child was the only bridge keeping her intact.
This was all about her son... the son she assumed was hers and her husband's blood.
HER SON!!!
And all she got... was me...
A man who once lived and died before, who witnessed all kinds of life experiences, who was impersonating someone else’s identity, who had a death wish, who robbed the wishes of others, who is a liar, who is a fake, who is a killer, who is cursed, who is mad.
I... I am...
Suddenly, I felt a tingling, needle-like feeling running down my cheeks.
"Ehkkkk! It's freezing!" Mom froze. "Looks like the fire is dying down. What do you want to do next, adventure Makas?"
The fire isn't dying down... the storm is approaching...