CHAPTER 289

It was my last day together with Cece.

Come tomorrow morning, she'd be Teleporting back to Pastoria and me to Jubilife, so we'd wanted to enjoy as much time together as possible, as we had throughout the week. She'd gone to pick up supplies for our impromptu picnic we'd decided on when traveling the edges of the island to get me used to walking again, but since the entire League was a no-fly zone and traveling in the skies with groceries without Princess' fine psychic control was a recipe for disaster even if we did get permission to fly, it would take a while for Cecilia to come back. In front of me was a massive cliff that overlooked the ocean, and I could see Sunyshore in the distance, the city overtaken by a pale, blue hue because of how far it was. The smell of the salty air filled my nostrils, and the soft sound of the waves battering the rocks below felt somewhat soothing. Relaxing, even.

I was a little sad this would all end tomorrow, though there was part of me that said I deserved that.

All of my Pokemon were with me, save for Princess and Honey who were still at the Pokemon Center back in the city. Sweetheart had to be told a thousand times that she shouldn't cannon ball down into the cliffs below because it wouldn't end well, even if she'd gotten better with Surf lately. Still, she loomed over the edge with Sunshine by her side, who was telling her that the entire world was theirs to conquer. The dragon type would often look back at us, or more precisely at Mimi with a suspicious eye. He still didn't trust them, considering what their previous form had done to us, though instead of being rude, he mostly ignored them and brushed them off whenever they tried to approach. Mimi was far too curious to let that stand in their way, however. It wasn't really my place to tell Sunshine not to feel like this— we were all still shaken by the near-death experience in that sinking building. For the first time, my team had watched me give up and prepare to die, and they wouldn't recover from that for a long time, but it was worse with Turtonator. He was a dragon, and my decision had been antithetical to who he was.

So yeah, things were a little awkward between us, and I was still figuring out how to fix it, because apologizing and saying I wouldn't do it again wasn't working very well. For all dragons and fairies disliked each other by instinct, the fact that they both held grudges was undeniable. They just had… different ways of going about them. He thought me weaker, now.

Maybe I was.

I bit my bottom lip and watched Mimi silently munch on a metallic screw with an eerie silence. Snacks were one of the few ways I'd found to distract them from their lust for exploration. They were still being hidden, so I couldn't have them wander around aimlessly, even with Buddy or Angel there to watch over them. The former had actually plunged into the ocean below earlier, which was why Tyranitar had wanted to follow him, and Tangrowth was too busy observing the new baby of the team. The last time he had tried touching them, Mimi had squealed in displeasure and tried to eat his vines, which despite them being too weak to do what Melmetal was capable of (the metal hadn't even managed to burn through one inch of Angel's vines), it had sent a good message and now the poor grass type was considering how to approach and trying to quell his jealousy of Jellicent being allowed to approach Mimi at the same time.

You are sad about the Enforcer again, Claydol chimed as they hovered above me. Analyzing potential methods for mood elevation. Suggestion: engage in recreational activities or share positive experiences with us. Please confirm desire for assistance.

The psychic blinked, one of their six eyes focused on Sunshine while one was staring intently at Angel, and the other two at me. They were getting tutored by Slowking in the realm of barriers and offensive psychic powers and making good progress in that regard, though they were still confused about Gym Battles and the like. Angel squirmed, apologizing that he'd been too focused on Mimi to figure out that I was worrying about the 'enforcer'. Meanwhile, Jellicent was advisor. Claydol had plenty of denominations to hand out to the others, because calling out people in my 'court' by name was wrong, according to them.

"I'm fine, thanks," I smiled thinly. "It just reminds me of how we used to be, him and I. Or maybe that's an exaggeration."

Claydol hummed in affirmation, returning his full attention to the last Pokemon in our posse. He had kept an eye on Cecilia's Hydreigon at all times. The mass of scales and muscle hovered a dozen feet or so away from us as he tried to keep his hands under control. Zolst was a lot smarter than he had been when his consciousness had been divided in two, and despite there being lingering wrath at the edge of his skin ready to be triggered at the most minor of inconveniences, and him having red eyes full of anger and continuously twitching, he was also kind of cute, in a way. Every time I looked at him, I couldn't help but imagine him wearing little hats and bowties on each of his heads. Cecilia had left him here for us to bond with him, but only Angel and Sweetheart had done any talking, and it hadn't gone well due to how out of control his hands were. Their eyesight was really bad, so they lashed out at every movement they noticed and tried to bite at it. People kept saying they weren't sapient, but I'd be a fool to deny that they could feel things.

"Actually, Claydol, Angel, what do you think about putting hats on Zolst?"

Bringing two masses of vines together, Tangrowth clapped as his eyes shifted into a smile.

Hydreigon possesses a triadic cranial structure, therefore enabling accommodation of three hats, the psychic answered. This is a flawless plan, my King.

"So we're all in agreement," I said, grinning. I was wearing the sun hat that Mira had given me for my birthday in Sunyshore. I grabbed the hat and felt at the straw with my hands, feeling the sun bear down on me and the wind kick up my hair and dress. "Why don't we give it a try. Mimi? Are you up for it?"

Beside my thigh, the steel type let out some kind of metallic burp, a dissonant symphony of chimes as they patted their stomach. Eating metal always made them grow slightly larger, though they'd return to their smaller size after an hour or two, which I assumed was… digestion? Either way, Meltan agreed with our ploy, and I carried them in my arms as I stood back up. My ankle was doing very well, and in another two weeks I'd be able to walk without a crutch, but my fingers still hurt almost as much as they had the day Lou died, and that was fine. Good, even. Mimi crawled onto my shoulder, pretending not to be scared of the huge dragon we were approaching while Claydol whispered some threat assessment into my mind that I'd long learned to ignore for friends, and Angel skipped ahead of us with cheerfulness that was infectious and kept my mind off of Lou.

Hydreigon growled as he turned toward us, hands snapping ahead. Even if he recognized me, his eyes narrowed in suspicion and scanned my other Pokemon. Mimi squealed, instantly wrapping around my neck and transforming into a necklace that looked more like a thick, neck torc than anything else, as if Zolst wouldn't be able to tell they were a Pokemon. We were still working on her disguises, though a bracelet worked the best for now.

"Zolst. Sorry for bothering you and your… hands," I hesitated before presenting the hat to him. Claydol threw a fit when one of the heads nearly chomped my hand off. "You see, since you aren't busy, I've had this idea of you wearing this hat—"

The dragon's nose flared in indignation, and he told me to go play my childish games somewhere else.

"You know, before your evolution, you would have eaten the hat instead," I faked-sighed. "Now look at you, all high and mighty. I have to say, it does fit you, though."

Angel happily nodded, trying to sneak in a headpat that was instantly burned by a stray ember coming out of the left hand. A wave of hot air slammed into my face, and I squinted until something shimmered ahead of me and the temperature returned to normal.

Apologies for delayed barrier implementation, my King, Claydol communicated with a comically large buzzing sound and erratic patterns in their eye.

"Nah, you're good. Zolst is a friend…"'

I didn't finish my sentence, because apparently me saying that Zolst's new look and temperament fit him had pleased him quite nicely, which was why one of the heads had managed to sneak in a stream of fire in the first place.

And yeah.

Hydreigon could purr.

Granted, that purr would no doubt have countless trainers shake in their boots if they weren't used to it, and it was more of a growl than a purr one would expect from a Glameow, but there was no mistaking that pleased daze, his wings undulating as one and the slight amount of drool dripping from all of his mouths.

"Hey, if you don't like the hats, maybe you'll like hanging out with Sunshine and Sweetheart instead. Seems like you'd mesh well and… share your strategies about world conquest."

Hydreigon let out an agreeing grunt, his still-clumsy flight causing him to knock into Angel, whose vines drooped at him being ignored.

I grabbed one of his vines, almost forgetting not to press my hands as tightly as they would wind and instead caressed him. "You'll make friends too, no worries." I paused as more vines wrapped around my legs. "He was easier to approach when he was a little dumber, but under there, he's still a kid, you know? Try praise, next time."

Mimi unwrapped from my neck, sliding down my arm in liquid form as they sent waves of assuredness at me as if they hadn't been terrified. I patted their golden gear with a finger and returned to the picnicking blanket Cece had bought us. Even so, Tangrowth made a bed of vines for me because it was a lot more comfortable and what I'd grown used to throughout the months. A message from my Dad buzzed on my phone, and I confirmed that I'd be there tonight after I made sure that Princess and Honey had been correctly transferred to the Pokemon Center closest to our apartment.

I was largely cured of my mercury poisoning, but Princess was still struggling, and so was Honey with his hand. They'd recover, of course, but… Arceus.

It was so much, still.

I flicked another screw toward Mimi to keep them from wandering toward the ocean while Claydol told Angel one of their many stories— this time a child's tale about the life of an iron ore, first melted into steel to slay its foes, then a shield to protect his user, than as support for one of the homes closest to the King's castle. The moral of this tale was that our true purpose may evolve and change as we journey through life.

Beyond Lakhutia's obvious obsession with iron, it resonated with me some. Or maybe I was just trying to latch onto anything that made a sliver of sense.

There was a pulsating throb in my fingers. A call to action.

Better distract myself with something, I thought, grabbing my laptop. "Hey, Angel, how do you feel about being on typing duty?"

The grass type eagerly nodded, and I had him look up Denzel's Gym Battle again.

The loss had been a close one, which I knew could feel so much more crushing than there having been a wide gap. My best friend had progressed leaps and bounds and pulled tricks and moves out of his sleeves that I knew would be too much for me, and at this point I wasn't sure if I'd win against him in a straight-up six-on-six.

And yet it hadn't been enough.

There wasn't a lot of training time left, and Honey wouldn't be able to participate in the fight before the Red Chain. The decision to make, then, was to try to figure out if I could still win in spite of that with Claydol.

Yes, my King? the ground type said when I stared up at them.

"Don't worry about it, it's nothing."

Acknowledged.

Honey not being there screwed with my plans for Rain Dance and Thunder, though Buddy was good enough with learning despite being lazy with training most of the time for me to be confident he'd be able to learn it if he needed to. Claydol's offensive powers would be nowhere near good enough to break through Byron like I was planning on doing, but that didn't mean they would be useless. Lingering barriers like Slowking was capable of and manipulating the ground could have me shape the arena just like I wanted to, and they were already good at that despite not even having Ancient Power yet! The knowledge was just prebuilt in their head!

Plans would have to be adjusted. One could not just transplant a strategy that had been made to work with a different Pokemon and hope for the best, and already, it was taking shape in my head.

But,

Was it feasible?

I moistened my lips and let the first thought that came to my head answer. Yes. Feasible, yes, but harder, especially when Byron would know ahead of time about Claydol.

Honestly, maybe I just wanted to get a normal fight again. A good old six-on-six without lives on the line, just my Pokemon and I having fun instead of having to fight tooth and nail to hope to survive the next five minutes. Training was nice, but it wasn't real. It didn't get your blood pumping as a real battle did. There were no stakes, Pokemon held back, and most of all, you were fighting yourself.

And if I was being honest with myself, the feeling of having to wait for however long I'd need to and keep my team ready until Team Galactic was dealt with (meaning I wouldn't be able to challenge the Gym) would have me feel like I was falling behind, and I hated despite knowing how childish it was. Already, Lauren and Barry had won their eighth— the former just two days ago with a better performance than Barry, and it was at times like these that I regretted never fighting her. We weren't rivals per se, or at least we wouldn't be until the Conference, but I had still looked up to her for months and wanted to reach her level. I would have watched her fight more than the twelve times I'd already done so, but Byron was the one I needed to study.

She and Barry were undeniably more talented than I was.

"Looks like I've come back at a bad time," Cecilia said. "Is everything okay?"

I hadn't even noticed her sneaking up on me. "Thinking about choices," I muttered, turning toward her— "Holy, you got so much."

Slowking was carrying the majority of the groceries, though Croagunk carried a bag on her head, balancing it with a careful arm. Cece wore one of her many high-waisted skirts, this one with a plaid pattern, and she paired it with a fitted, tucked-in dark top that gave her a chic look.

"Well, our Pokemon have got to eat, don't they?" my girlfriend playfully noted. Her eyes drifted across the cliff, where she saw Hydreigon hanging out with Turtonator and Sweetheart. "I knew keeping him here was a good idea."

Slowking coughed, placing every bag down on the blanket. Talonflame's idea, the psychic corrected. She still hasn't come back?

I scanned the horizon. "Nope. She could be above, like, Veilstone, for all we know."

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"She'll come back," Cecilia said. "She always does."

Since Talonflame had broken the sound barrier, she had learned to enjoy flying above Sinnoh on her own for hours on end and letting the wind carry her— Cece's hand touched my cheek, turning my face as she leaned in to kiss me, and, uh, wow, that was still as amazing as the first one, huh? Better, even, but less clumsy. My heart still fluttered in my chest every time our lips touched, despite having dated for months.

"Want anything to drink while Slowking, Angel and I prepare sandwiches?" she asked, slightly out of breath. "We brought drinks."

"Whatever juice you have, queen of my heart," I teased her. As it turned out, Claydol's designation had stuck these last few days.

Well, teasing wasn't really right when she owned it and flicked her hair back. Legendaries, what I'd give to see her shy and flustered again like those first few weeks. Angel jumped at the opportunity to help with the food while Sweetheart started looking back from the cliff over and over, knowing that she'd get fed soon, and Hydreigon drooling was difficult not to notice.

"You were looking at Byron again?" Cece said, unpacking the groceries. Ham, bread, butter, cutlery— where had she gotten cutlery? Had she asked in one of the Pokemon Centers? Actually, I didn't even want to ask. "Find something to exploit?"

"Mostly, I was trying to figure out if I should challenge him before the Red Chain or not," I muttered.

Red Chain. The words had weight to them, and everyone within ear-shot save for Mimi froze for a moment before returning to what they'd been doing. Croagunk had decided to wander off toward Sunshine, who had been helping her train recently, and Cecilia released Scizor to join her. Turtonator admired anyone's desire to get stronger faster, and she certainly had the drive. Lehmhart was next, of course, and Sweetheart challenged him to a fight right away— a fight that we had to stop before this entire cliff collapsed into the sea. Instead, he decided to wander off to look at the Lilies that the League was full of and named after, each of his steps shaking the earth.

"Well, that depends on how many days you have," Cece hummed. "I'd give myself a week's buffer so my team could get healed… just in case."

I pulled on Mimi's tail so they wouldn't stray off the blanket while they ate their screw. "That's doable, and it wouldn't have to be rushed. I think that at this point, if Claydol is brought up to speed, a win is doable if I don't fuck up."

Cece unwrapped some ham. "Well, that is a given. It is not power or experience your Pokemon would be lacking, that's for certain, but you have to think about how Byron will counter you as well."

I nodded. "Hmhm. I mean, I already figured out that he'd pull out unexpected stuff, but what else am I weak against?"

Planning had always been my forte, and even if I'd gotten good at improvising when things went off the rails, Denzel was far better at it than I was, as was evident in the video currently playing.

But the Gym Battle couldn't just be that. There would be more to it.

"Well, I'd say there are issues of tunnel vision," Cecilia said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"You usually go all in on something," she shrugged, producing around a dozen packets of cheese. "What kind of cheese do you want? Roquefort goes really well with this."

"Uh, Cheddar."

An amused look passed over her face. "Come on. Take a risk for the first sandwich, at least. Remember when I had you taste—"

"Okay, yes, a thousand different things that I ended up liking. Point taken," I laughed. Claydol somehow scanned through the cheese and detected that there were 'no poisons' in it.

"As I was saying… you hone in on one plan— like lava with Volkner— and then you look at the variables— the points of failure that you might be able to salvage by looking at the pool of Pokemon available to that specific Gym Leader, and it's worked out so far, but…"

"But?"

"This is Byron, and this is the eighth Gym Badge," Cecilia declared. "You're exclusively known for your planning, but what if everything you planned is rendered null within, let's say, the first Pokemon? Your entire strategy collapses in front of you, and you're scrambling to pull something together for the rest of the fight? By the time you've figured something out, you're half a corpse bleeding on the floor— behind in swaps, Pokemon, and even if you try to claw your way back to a win, swinging, thrashing, screaming, at the end of the day, you're cornered. Nervous. You start losing your cool, and you slip once, twice, thrice until you're right at the edge of the cliff and you can't afford to slip anymore and I have you."

There had been something in her sharp, brown eyes, when she'd said this. A predacious, hungry look that told me she'd imagined this before.

It was, um, quite attractive.

Even Mimi shivered, shrinking back with a mewl and crawling behind me while Angel and Slowking worked on preparing more sandwiches.

"Then, I lose," I exhaled.

My girlfriend paused. "At least that's how I'd beat you in a serious fight, but for that I'd have to know what you're planning in the first place and Croagunk still has a lot of catching up to do."

In the distance, she was sparring with Sunshine and Scizor, and though they were obviously going easy on her she could actually keep up with Scizor's speed and dodge everything Turtonator threw at her.

"This is something a Gym Leader like Byron should reasonably be able to do," I whispered.

"I've given this a lot of thought. I know Chase, Lauren and Denzel have too."

"And you're just telling me?"

She snorted, rolling her eyes as she plastered that foul-smelling cheese onto the bread. "Come on, Grace. You would have figured it out eventually."

"Huh. Well, if you'd need to hit me with something completely unexpected, but also not so weird that it starts to make you throw. Something that leaves no room for error and catches me off-guard the moment the battle starts, so basically, one of Byron's actual Pokemon."

It would be nearly unprecedented for a challenge, but it fit, and with how versatile all of Byron's Pokemon on his personal team were, having a consistent strategy against them was tough, even with no prior setup of the terrain. His Bastiodon had only applied a few tricks against Denzel, but that was a fraction of what he was actually able to do and it had only been so to give Denzel a chance to win. I'd need to expend switches and most likely give Byron an early lead to take that Pokemon down and that was if he didn't switch before them going down.

Yeah, again, it fit, and the worst part was that even if I saw it coming, it was still going to fuck me over.

"Say," she asked, tilting her head. "How would you beat me?"

"Hm?"

"In a hypothetical scenario where Croagunk is a Toxicroak and at the level all of my other Pokemon are at, of course, so it doesn't end up being a five-on-six."

She blinked expectantly at me, her hands slowing over the sandwich with her fingers twitching slightly. She brought one of them up to brush her hair behind her hair before she remembered that her hands were dirty, so instead, she awkwardly dropped it on the picnic blanket and shifted in place.

"Why're you smiling like that?" Cecilia huffed.

"I'm not smiling."

"You are. Claydol, is she smiling?"

The ground type's eyes glitched out. Unable to answer question out of fear for my well-being.

A fine move, my friend, Slowking said. Learning to ignore their flirting and complete lack of restraint gets easier with time, trust me.

This has been noticed in my short tenure as a bodyguard, Claydol said.

"Gosh, you guys just ruin the mood," I groaned, staring at the sky.

"You can always tell me later in your room," Cece said.

See what I mean? Slowking sighed.

Claydol let out a 'cheering' sound and their pupils turned to upside down 'U's. Implementation of newfound knowledge anticipated for enhanced service to my King.

After another minute, she finished preparing our food.

"Here," Cece said, shoving the sandwich forward. "Slowking, Angel, I'll leave you in charge of further distribution, since it doesn't look like you'll be needing us anyway?"

Leave it to us, my lady, Slowking answered with a smug smile. Between his psychic powers and Angel's vines, they were making a dozen sandwiches at once, and I lamented the fact that it wouldn't be enough to satiate Sweetheart. Her evolution had her constantly hungry, especially when she was growing.

I sniffed at the food and wrinkled my nose. The ham, lettuce and tomatoes were fine, but that cheese was ugh. Still, I bit into it, and—

Good.

"See? Legendaries, you should trust me with food once in a while. I have quite the experienced palette."

"No neef do brag abouf it."

"By the way, about that show you talked about, you better wait for me to continue the seventh episode…"

—

It had been around one in the afternoon when we finished our picnic, and we were back in my room, though anything Slowking would have made fun of was already done. In the end, we had stayed until Talonflame had showed back up all excited to tell us all about a Staraptor she'd befriended and raced near Mount Coronet, after which Cece told her to stay away from that mountain next time. She'd been lucky the Staraptor she had met had been alone and friendly, given the fact that he could keep up with her speed. If it had come to a fight, Talonflame might not have made it back, and she needed to understand that just because she could go at the speed of sound didn't mean she should roam around Mount Coronet like she was invincible.

So yeah, that had been a scare and a half.

Aliyah and Cece's therapist had shown up in the middle of our picnic date, which they had been quite apologetic about, but at the end of it, Aliyah had asked me to meet her at this exact time for reasons she hadn't wanted to say while I was having fun.

So yeah, I was dreading what was to come. Cece was lying with her head on my shoulder with her phone in hand, sometimes texting in our group chat, sometimes studying Crasher Wake, and others just browsing the internet. I did have one of her shirts on that I was going to ask to keep when we went our separate ways again because it smelled like her. It was way too big for me though, so I'd only be able to wear it in my rooms.

I slipped away and said I'd be back in a bit, changing into something more appropriate and had Meltan wrap around my wrist. The rest of my team were in their Pokeballs, but they threw a fit every time I put them in there, so I had resigned to letting Mimi stay out at all times. They felt tight around my wrist as I walked toward the elevators. Even with my crutch, I was walking faster than before, and the pain from the mercury poisoning was completely gone, so I was the fastest I'd ever been.

Which was still slower than walking's pace, but being able to feel independent again had me smiling the entire way through. Aliyah was waiting in some sort of office two floors above mine with a doctor— not a nurse. There was something strange in Aliyah's look— not exactly harsh, but worried, and that in turn worried me as well.

"Um… is there something wrong? With my recovery?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Sit down, my dear," Aliyah said. When I did, she turned toward the doctor. "Pauline."

Huh, another Pauline. I'd never seen her before, just the nurses.

"When one of the nurses changed the bandages on your hands yesterday, we noticed that they weren't exactly healing quickly enough. There was barely any progress."

My stomach dropped like a stone.

"Maybe you've been moving them around in your sleep, but that wouldn't be enough for what we saw," the doctor slowly said. "Your fingers showed signs of irritation, and—"

"That's enough," Aliyah softly said. "Leave us, please."

Irritation flashed across the doctor's face, as this was clearly her office. My mouth felt like it had been sewn shut, and my feet like they'd been tied to the ground. The doctor quickly paced out of the room, and Aliyah sighed.

"What happened?"

"Nothing!" I blurted out. "I guess I was grabbing too much stuff, I'll— I'll stop."

"I asked about that. Grabbing wouldn't have been enough, nor would have any activities of daily life."

"Look, can we— you—" I stopped, my shoulders slumping as I sagged in my chair with a heavy breath. "Okay, I— I press them together sometimes, but it's not that bad."

"From how slowly they're healing, it does look bad. It would be like you're applying as much force as you can, and not just once or twice. Repeatedly throughout the day."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"I'm not admonishing you," Aliyah murmured. "I'm mostly angry at myself for not catching this sooner."

"Catching what?"

"The fact that you're self-harming."

I scoffed, ignoring Mimi's angry chime on my wrist. "I'm not."

"Oh, but you are." My therapist shook her head, gently grabbing my bracelet-free wrist. "You're willingly causing yourself pain and making your injuries worse."

"That's a really straightforward way of putting it."

"How would you put it, then?" she asked. "Go on."

"Well, sometimes when I'm having too much fun, I… uh, I get these thoughts about Lou, and it makes me realize that I shouldn't be smiling or laughing not even a week after her death, because then it's like I've forgotten. So I squeeze my hands together to get me back to what I should be feeling." Stopping, I looked at my bandaged fingers. "I got these right after she died. While she was dying, terrified and alone."

"You and your symbolism," she dismissed. "Listen to me, Grace. There is nothing that makes self-harm a good thing, and nothing that would make someone deserving of it. Nothing. In fact, you know it's wrong, otherwise you wouldn't have tried to avoid the topic with half-truths. I'll… this is the only way you've self-harmed, correct?"

"...yes."

Her eyes drifted across my wrists and arms again, though they found nothing there.

"Very well. We know what triggers your self-harming, but I can't be by your side at all times, Grace. We're going to have to focus on this from now on."

"I haven't even done it much today. I can stop—"

"You can't, and you won't. Not without help. We'll need to figure out an alternative outlet for your grief. Can you stay here for another hour and a half so we can work on this right away?"

"I— I'll have to text Cece about it."

"Do so," she sighed. "We'll use your room, so she'll have to vacate for the time being. If I were you, I would tell her about this, but I will not force you to do anything."

"I'll… I'll tell her."

Damn it.

—

"So? What is it?"

Cece had evidently fallen asleep in the short time I hadn't been here. We'd spent a lot of late nights talking, cuddling, watching shows or battles, and it was taking a toll on her more than me, considering my sleep schedule was always fucked and hers was actually normal. She rubbed her eyes and stared up at me, still sitting on the bed with her purple pajamas.

But none of that mattered. I was just trying to stall. Aliyah was waiting just beyond the door, and even though she had told me repeatedly on our way here that there was no shame in keeping this a secret, I didn't want to hide things from her anymore even if I knew it wasn't wrong.

I'd have to tell my team, too. Only Mimi knew, and that wasn't right.

I crouched, my eyes downcast as my hair drooped toward the floor and hid her face from me. "Listen, um, this is a big deal, and I know you're going to freak out, but don't freak out."

"Well, now I'm more worried."

Then, there was silence. Knowing how to start hard conversations wasn't really one of my strengths. Usually, I avoided them until I couldn't worm my way out of them any longer. I heard Cece get off the bed, and she lowered herself to my level, grabbing my wrists and touching our foreheads together.

Fuck… she always grabbed the wrists, didn't she? Because she hadn't wanted to hurt my hands.

"You can tell me anything," she softly spoke. Her breath tickled my face. "What's wrong?"

"It's my hands. I—" a sniffle interrupted me. "I've been pressing them together a lot when thinking about Lou. More times than I can count. The doctors found out, and they told Aliyah, and now she wants to give me another session today."

Cece's hands had frozen around my wrists while I had spoken, but I didn't want to look at her, so I couldn't gauge her reaction until I heard her start sobbing.

"I didn't… notice," she forced out through the sobs. "I didn't notice."

"No one did!" I yelled. "It's— it's not on you! I was hiding it really well, and… and… I'm sorry."

We cried together for a while, knees against the floor without saying another word. I didn't know how much time had passed when she wrapped her hands around me and hugged me tight, like she was scared I was going to disappear. I did the same, feeling comfort in the shape of her back and the crook of her neck.

"Loving you hurts, sometimes," she said.

I know, I thought. "I'm sorry. Thanks for keeping up with my bullshit."

"You helped me when I needed it, when we met," Cece said with a sad, tear-filled chuckle. "And I was a mess."

"I guess the roles have switched," I said.

"Thank you for telling me this. I— do you need me to do anything?"

"Aliyah's got it covered, I think."

"Even when we leave, I'm going to text you every day and ask about this. You know that, right?"

"Hmhm."

"Please don't lie to me about it. I know you're still capable of it."

"Hmhm."

She inhaled, and then unlatched from me. "Let's talk about this when you're done with Aliyah. Unless you don't want to?"

"We can talk about it."

Cece smiled. "Okay."

She left the room soon after, and Aliyah entered.

—

It hadn't gone that well.

It hadn't been a catastrophe either, but I could tell it had been our worst session yet. Maybe I was just used to them having been relatively smooth with no hiccups before, but this one was slower, more deliberate, and often got stuck in ruts where I'd try to justify myself and get on the defensive.

It was the first time someone close to me had died. I couldn't just wave it away and pretend it hadn't happen so soon, or at least that's how I felt.

As for my Pokemon? Even though I had planned on telling them anyway, Aliyah had suggested it as well so they could catch me in case I ever tried pressing my hands together when I was alone on the road to prevent as many opportunities for it to happen as possible. Mimi hadn't really understood, and Sweetheart was a little of the same. All she knew was that me hurting was bad, and needed to be stopped. Angel mostly cried for me and tried to cheer me up with flowers and dancing, which had somehow worked a little. Claydol hadn't really reacted, but they had suggested that self-harm was bad and that I should stop in a monotone voice.

The worst of it was me getting scolded by both Sunshine and Buddy. Never had they yelled at me this loud, and I hadn't even had the strength to talk back because I knew they were also beating themselves up for not having figured it out earlier. The concept of self-harm was completely alien to both of them, so it hadn't been their fault, but I knew they were screaming more out of self-guilt than anger. It had gone on until Angel swooped in to save me and said that screaming wouldn't help and that they needed to be gentle with their words.

Cece and I had spent the rest of the afternoon together, and she'd kept looking at my hands repeatedly the entire time. When the sun started to set, we both started packing everything we'd strown about in the room and shoving them into our backpacks. My piano looked mighty useless now that I couldn't play it without feeling pain, so I was probably going to leave it at my Dad's apartment when I got there and pick it back up after my hands healed.

They need to heal, I repeated to convince myself. I wanted them to.

But now, it was time to leave. She would be going to Pastoria, and I Jubilife. Two Kadabra had been brought to our room, one of which was impatiently waiting for us to finish our goodbyes so he could get back to whatever he was studying while the other tried to calm him down.

It mostly involved a lot of hugging. Of feeling each other's skin and warmth for the last time in a while.

"Say hello to Maeve for me," I softly said. "She's been alone in Pastoria for a while."

"I will. You do the same for the guys in Canalave," she said.

I stood on the tiptoe of my good foot to kiss her one last time, and then it was over.

Just like that, she was gone, and a few seconds later, so was I.

When I opened my eyes, I was in the middle of Jubilife.