CHAPTER 280

I was asked to recall my Pokemon and instantly Teleported… somewhere in Solaceon that wasn't a Pokemon Center. Upon getting a closer look, I recognized it as one of the buildings the League had set up shop in after the Darkest Day. The worn, wooden floor creaked as Lou whisked us inside and into an unoccupied office of some kind where light filtered in through a cracked window. I was honestly surprised to see Lou so soon, though she'd only taken Ariel with her while Maxwell, Richard and Serena stayed behind at the Lost Tower, possibly to assess the damage. The ashen-haired woman looked even paler than usual, somehow, and her white eyes were tired. Her heavy breaths filled the empty office as Ariel motioned at me to sit down. That Shadow Ball had grazed Lou, but it had taken its toll, it seemed.

My legs were still trembling, when I dragged a chair to sit on. Mathilda's countless faces flashed in my mind every time I blinked, her multiple voices resonating within my skull and her empty eye sockets somehow still staring at me. My throat tightened, but I couldn't afford to break. I had come into the Lost Tower with… a shell of a plan, which had fallen apart immediately but then rebuilt itself again, and most important of all, we had all survived.

"Can… someone bring my Pokemon to the Center?" I hesitantly asked. "They were all hit. My Tyranitar and Turtonator, especially."

By the time I'd been well enough to push my empathy to the back of my mind, I'd already seen they were extremely relieved, but also pissed at me.

"Ariel?" Lou sighed. "Can you do that for her while we speak?"

The ACE Trainer nodded, and I handed her my Pokeballs, save for Jellicent's. She vacated the room after sparing us one last look. Lou turned back toward me, crossing her arms with a puzzled look.

"Why did you go in there?" she asked.

"I thought you'd follow. You always follow," I muttered.

"We tried, but the moment you passed through, access to the Lost Tower was cut off," Lou explained. "And I must apologize for that. This is partly on us. Mathilda is usually cooperative and not prone to aggression, but we hadn't sent someone to check in on her in a while, with Team Galactic and everything else happening. We should have entered with you and not tried to follow." She stopped, grabbing a room-temperature water bottle, and offered it to me, which I accepted. I hadn't realized I'd been so thirsty. "But from now on, try to warn us if you're going to places like this."

I frowned, clenching my bottle. "I didn't have to warn you for anything else."

"The forces at play were in another League entirely, Grace," Lou sighed. "Mathilda and Ruth can't be compared to the likes of Carnivine. They're among the strongest ghosts we're tracking in the region. Without Ruth there, even we would have struggled as a team of five."

"There are others?" I asked.

"There are plenty, but honestly, they pale in comparison to some of the other threats out there, non-ghosts included," she said. "It's a careful balancing act, keeping this country afloat. Many deals have been made."

"I… get that. I get that I could have died," I said. "But I identified that Ruth was the weak link, Lou. I made it work, even if it could have gone terribly. It nearly did." And it would have, had I not given her a half-baked crush to have her hesitate. It wouldn't stick and had definitely faded already by now, thankfully. "I get that you were scared I'd die, and I'm sorry, but I got a lot of information you're going to want to hear."

I told her all about the information revealed about Dusknoir and Mars, and it was almost all new to them, save for a few tidbits. For example, they'd already known that Dusknoir was aggressive, how he fought and they had theorized that the souls inside of him couldn't be freed. Mars having parts of her soul inside of him, however? It explained everything they'd known about her memory loss, though it didn't explain how she'd appeared from nowhere. Jupiter, for example, had been working in an accounting firm before disappearing one day while Saturn had gone through the Circuit twice when he was a child. Mars? There were no traces of her anywhere, as if she'd just appeared one day.

The information about that Dusknoir in Almia was new, too. It was nearly impossible to get information on that region, according to Lou, partly because of how far away it and its neighbors Oblivia and Fiore were from the rest of the world and how their borders were permanently closed off. It wasn't something that would affect policy, but Lou had said information like this was valuable, because knowing which important Pokemon were where was one of every League's top priorities. Ghosts could ebb, Mathilda had said, and that meant that Dusknoir could potentially bounce back from whatever slump he was in. He certainly had the experience to do so. Over a hundred thousand years of experience.

"You're still angry," I noted, staring at Lou. When her frown deepened, I spoke up again. "I'm not using my empathy, you just look pissed, that's all. I was… okay at this body language thing before Mesprit came into the picture too, you know?"

The ACE's shoulders relaxed. "I'm not angry at you. You couldn't have known the issues this will cause, and the information we got on Dusknoir and Mars is still worth it."

"But?" I muttered.

"But we have a powerful ghost on the loose," she said. "From the way you spoke about her, Ruth won't take to an aggressive lifestyle and will most likely live in peace for a few centuries, so we doubt she'll be an issue. Maybe blend into human society for a while and enjoy herself, but it was… easier for us, when she was easily trackable."

"Okay. That's a shitty way to think," I deadpanned.

"The League's job is not to be nice, but to keep our people protected," Lou retorted with a thin smile. "Mathilda will be another issue. She's just lost her partner of a thousand years, so there are two possibilities. Either she becomes a recluse and takes control of the Lost Tower once more, but this time, she becomes an aggressive Domain holder that kills trainers. She might try to extend her range, if that possibility comes to pass."

"To beyond the tower?"

Lou nodded with an affirming hum. "Then, the League will have to put her down by catching her and keeping her locked in a Pokeball, and we'd lose one of the main ways we had of acquiring ghosts. That is a massive liability, so I do not think Cynthia will order this."

Ah. I hadn't realized how important the Lost Tower had been to the League. It was the place that created the most ghosts in the region, and on a regular basis, even if it took decades. The calculus here was simple: the League was willing to let more people die each year if it meant that they kept that advantage. And hell, in a hundred or two hundred years, maybe Mathilda would go back to normal and start working with them again. Cynthia thought in terms of generations, not mere months or years.

"That's an awful way to look at things, but I get it, even if I disagree," I muttered, my eyes downcast. "And it'd be my fault, too."

No good things come without a price.

"And the second possibility?" I asked, biting my lip.

"That she runs out of the tower entirely and chases Ruth. This one would be catastrophic, and she's powerful enough of a ghost to shift where she'll reappear by a significant margin and not just a few dozen feet. Maxwell, Dick and Serena will bring in more personnel in hopes of catching her in a Pokeball if she tries to run, but she could slip through."

"And then, she'd be an angry ghost on the loose," I said. "Shit."

If that came to pass, then she could appear anywhere at any time. Run through cities and kill hundreds before someone intervened, and then she'd be able to slip away again. And again. And again. She was too powerful to be restrained by a simple shroud of darkness. She'd do anything to get Ruth back and drag her to her tower again, because she was insane, and I'd prodded at her and helped free the only being that kept her chained.

Her look softened for a split second. "Don't let it get you down, that is only one possibility, and perhaps she will be more amenable than we theorize. It was a failure on our part. We should have been there, and we can't expect kids to think of every repercussion their actions will have." I let her calling me a kid pass, even if I wanted to retort. "Honestly, that'd be difficult to ask from most adults," Lou sighed. "Do you have any other plans to throw yourself into the territory of another Domain holder?"

"Hatterene, but we obviously won't be fighting," I confirmed.

"Oh, her. She's weaker and relatively cooperative," Lou said. "Nightstalker keeps her grounded."

"And she likes me, so you know, you won't have to do anything. There's also that ancient city up north. Lakhut, I think it's called, or at least its people were. Cynthia didn't tell you?" I raised an eyebrow. "That's surprising. That's one she knows about. Hell, it's the entire reason you haven't sent a team to deal with that Zoroark already."

"She must have had her reasons," Lou said, as if she could not even entertain another possibility. "Speaking of, the Champion will be coming in to speak to you soon. About this Dusk business. I'm certain what you told me is information I'm not cleared to hear."

I grimaced. "Will you get in trouble?"

"Oh, I'm already in plenty of 'trouble' for letting you slip into the Lost Tower unattended," Lou said with a wry smile. I'd never seen her so… soft around the edges. Maybe her near-death experience at the raid had changed her some?

For the first time in a while, however, I was looking forward to seeing Cynthia again. She was the one with the biggest chance of getting Dusknoir killed. She almost had, months ago at the Power Plant when the ghost had seemed like an unsurmountable wall whose very presence terrified me. I supposed I was being a little stupid, given the fact that she'd probably hear this in a report, but I wanted her to get this information as fast as possible so she could have a plan in place before the day was over. I aired out the details to Lou again, but I wanted to learn more about her, so as she accompanied me out of the empty building, I struck up a conversation.

"You know, you say that you can't get attached to me— or at least Ariel does— but that doesn't mean I can't hear about you, doesn't it?"

I'd already known she was an experiment, according to Cynthia, but that was the extent of my knowledge.

"Curious again?" she grunted. "Unfortunately for you, you won't hear much from me. Ask the Champion, if you need to hear the information so badly."

She opened the door and gestured at me to leave. "It'd be better if you told me yourself, but I see that that's probably never going to happen," I resigned. "I won't ask her."

"Maybe when this is all over and the world's in a good place, I'll tell you as a parting gift," she said. "Cynthia will meet you at that same Pokemon Center you were in after the Darkest Day, and it is where your Pokemon are as well. Have a good day, Grace Pastel. Try to not get yourself killed while we're watching you."

"Uh, you too."

—

The entire Pokemon Center had been empty by the time I arrived, save for a few Nurse Joys going about their days. I didn't know if it was because Cynthia had cleared the building, or because Solaceon was nearly devoid of all trainers after what had gone on during the Darkest Day. Anyone passing through the city didn't dare to stay long enough to get a room. Speaking of rooms, where the hell is she? I wondered as I made my way into the lobby. I nearly missed Aliyah, sitting on one of the soft red couches with Chimecho hanging around her arm. Arceus, she had so little presence that she still managed the jump on me, which was something she seemed to enjoy, with how her lips quirked upward when I flinched. Chimecho was definitely doing something to mask her presence.

"You do it on purpose," I groaned.

"She'll be waiting for you in room 208," my therapist said with a dip of her head. "And I am glad you didn't have me give you therapy in the Lost Tower. I wouldn't have managed to sneak in, this time."

I chuckled. "'Guess there are places even you can't get into."

"I am but a humble therapist with a few tricks up my sleeve, not a trainer," Aliyah explained. "Alas, my job here is done. I will see you tomorrow, Grace."

"Yup. Thanks for the nudge in the right direction."

I limped my way to the second floor and found room 208 with its door already open. It was right next to the elevators, though I couldn't help but wonder if it was significant in some way. Maybe I was giving it too much thought, and she'd just picked a random room. I felt a chill as I approached, and I understood why soon enough. Cynthia sat on the desk, reading reports with reading glasses that didn't fit quite right on her head, looking more imperfect than I'd ever seen her. She was still striking, of course, in a way few people were, but she wasn't putting on the face of Champion today. Her long blonde hair wasn't disheveled, but it wasn't perfect, either. Not as straight and as lined up as it usually was. Her long, black coat had been swapped for a grey t-shirt and cargo pants. The damn Champion was wearing cargo pants! Glaceon sat at her feet, her eyes attentive and locking with mine before I'd even known she was there.

Cynthia's Glaceon was a menace, from the few videos I'd seen of her, though honestly, every single one of Cynthia's Pokemon was a menace. There was no other Pokemon that embodied fear of the cold more than her, despite her small size— smaller than the average Glaceon, and smaller than Sylvi. Even so, she'd taken down Pokemon dwarfing her before she could even get hit once.

And she was also the one making this room feel like the inside of a fridge, even if Cynthia didn't seem to mind. The Champion beamed at me with an expression that looked genuine. It took everything I had, not to delve into what she truly felt. Who wouldn't want to take a peek inside of Cynthia's mind? Restrain yourself, I thought. It was strange, how Cynthia didn't even seem to care about it, though, despite the fact that she knew I was an empath and the full extent of my capabilities.

"Grace," the Champion smiled. "You'll excuse me, I've commandeered this room to get some work done. I've been catching up on problems left to the wayside since prioritizing Team Galactic, and there's no end to it. Solaceon in particular requires much of my attention."

My eyes scanned her stack of paper, noticing a ledger of some kind. Part of me wondered why she didn't just use a laptop for this, but maybe she had her reasons. Or maybe she just liked it better that way. I shifted around, surprised to see that I was nervous, even now. I hadn't seen her in person since Veilstone, and despite all of my changes since then, I couldn't help but want to watch myself whenever she was close. Like, what was I doing with my arms? Was I looking at her weirdly? Cynthia stood up, towering over me, though she didn't seem as tall as she once was, with all the growing Cece and the others had done this year.

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

I was still the same height, though.

"Hi," I said, forcing myself to sound confident. "I guess I should just talk to you about the Lost Tower, now? Or did Ariel tell you while I was walking here? She was around here somewhere, and I assume all of the ACEs know by now."

She gestured at me to come closer, and I did. "I heard a little about it," she said. "But let us speak of what actually matters, yes?"

Did the fact that I'd fucked up with Mathilda not matter? I expected at least a reprimand, and my shoulders relaxed without my knowing.

"Dusknoir and Mars."

"A split soul…" Cynthia muttered. "Not unheard of, really, but her functioning that well after the fact is quite an incredible feat."

"They said their old trainer's soul was split in a hundred and eight," I said, leaning against the wall and hugging myself for warmth. Glaceon was still staring at me in silence.

Cynthia clicked her tongue. "Glaceon, don't be so capricious."

The ice type whined, but in a second, it became warm again, as if Sunshine was here with me, or if heat had been allowed to return to my skin. Warmth, from an ice type? No, it was something else, like she'd sucked away all the cold in a split second, leaving only heat. From my reading on the subject of physics, I wasn't sure how that was even possible when warmth and cold had to do with the kinetic movement of molecules, but I was too tired to question whether a non-psychic could affect the world like that.

"Thanks," I grunted.

"One hundred and eight," Cynthia said. "A significant number. One with power."

My eyebrows creased with curiosity. "Why that number?"

She smirked. "We do not know. There are myths and stories, of course. Some say that the first number of ghosts created at the dawn of the appearance of Pokemon was one hundred and eight, and significant events like these hold weight, as Hatterene has taught you. Stories hold power, no matter the type."

I nodded, noticing the little burst of passion in her eyes.

"Spiritomb are built from one hundred and eight. Always one hundred and eight. It can be a split soul, one hundred and eight full ones, or a mixture of the two. It is the number, that is important. At least that's all the knowledge of it that remains," she explained. "They differ in how they act and function. A soul split that many times will fight with itself, but far less than so many different souls shoved into a single keystone. They don't pack as much of a punch, either, but they're just as difficult to take down, in other ways."

"So their old trainer turned themselves into a Spiritomb?" I scoffed.

"Supposedly, he was an ailing man in search of eternal life," she said. "He failed miserably, of course. He succeeded in becoming what he wanted, but that is not actually him up there."

"You told me, a few months ago," I whispered, "that they were echoes."

"As are all ghosts," she nodded. "But let us move on to more important matters. The Dusk."

I couldn't read her— not anymore, but the fact that she didn't show even a sliver of surprise at the revelation that a Legendary ruled over the Dusk made me suspect that she'd known, in some way.

"I did know," she confirmed as if she could read my thoughts. "Though it being the concept of Distortion is new to me, I will admit. I wish I had enough time to study what it meant in full—"

"How did you know?" I interrupted.

"Oh, I know plenty," the Champion said. "I am the highest authority in all of Sinnoh. Who else would know, if not me?"

"I just… it seemed like such a big revelation," I said. My fingers still clenched with a mixture of dread and curiosity, when I thought about it. "You didn't know about the fact that the Legendary represented Distortion, and you just… take it. Like it doesn't even matter."

The blond woman shrugged. "I've grown used to it, it really is that simple."

"Sometimes I wonder how you sleep while knowing all of the skeletons in the world's closet. All of the things that could end us in an afternoon if something went wrong."

Cynthia stared at me, her mouth still stretched into her usual smile, but her eyes turning expressionless. "Best not wonder about that too much, Grace. But the killing of ghosts, I had an idea for given the new information we got. Something tells me," she exhaled with a tint of excitement, "that actions would have to be taken on the other side."

"In the Dusk?"

"Mathilda told you, didn't she? That they feed themselves on scraps that Distortion leaves in the Dusk to sustain themselves and regenerate. What I'm thinking is, what if, Grace, we cut them off from those scraps?"

The idea took a few seconds to sink in, but she continued.

"Granted, we wouldn't be able to do so unless we had a particularly cooperative ghost, and even Fantina's team would not be willing to cross that line, I would bet. And…" she trailed off, looking toward the huge pocket of her cargo pants. The room grew tense, for an instant, and then it passed as fast as it had come. "neither will they."

"Well, if ghosts that close to you aren't going to help, then I think your theory's a lost cause."

"Don't worry yourself about that, I was just informing you about it since it was you, who faced Dusknoir at the Power Plant, so I figured you'd be emotionally invested in this revelation. Your friends will learn of this at a later date."

Legendaries, of course she wasn't brainstorming with me. I was some kid who lucked her way into relevance with powers, and she was Cynthia. She had just been trying to put me at ease. I deflated, biting my lip as she moved on to the topic of Mars.

"Wait! Before that, um… look, I have this problem," I sighed. "I was planning on asking Ruth and Mathilda about… locating ghosts. Three Gengar that raised my Electivire. Due to the circumstances, I couldn't. Not when I was trying to keep Mathilda from lashing out and Ruth just left a few moments after the battle ended."

"Three Gengar who raise children? Sylvestia's?" she prompted with a frown.

"Sylvestia? Who's that?"

"The previous Hearthome Gym Leader. She was before my time, but she owned three Gengar who are known for this sort of thing," Cynthia said. "Though finding them when they don't want to be found is a hassle."

I leaned forward, uncaring for the fact that I was asking for a favor. "Could you help? This is really, really important to him. Please."

The Champion drummed her fingers against the desk. "I'll see what I can do. Now, about Mars…"

—

There wasn't much to do now that I was alone, and Cynthia was gone. My Pokemon were all at the Center, and Buddy was relaxing in a bath I'd drawn for him, lazy as he was. I was planning on leaving as soon as everyone got better, and on apologizing to Honey for missing the opportunity to find his parents. He hadn't expressed disappointment in the Lost Tower, but that had probably been due to the fact that the adrenaline from the battle had still been pumping in his veins until I recalled him. At least I had another way, now, despite the fact that it was less likely to work than the old one. I'd wanted to keep up studying Byron, but I was snapped out of my thoughts when I read a single message.

Cecilia and Chase were back in Canalave.

I shot up on my bed so quickly that I hurt my leg.

"I'm fine!" I preemptively groaned so Jellicent wouldn't worry. "Holy crap."

I hadn't really planned anything for this, which was stupid. Of course, they were going to be back eventually. Apparently, they'd gone into the abandoned mines of Falkirk to train against all survival instincts. I wanted to say something, but honestly, I was the last person that should have been lecturing people about getting into meaningless danger. The Steelix had been angered and fought them while they'd been sleeping in the city's ruins, and they'd fought him off for a few minutes until Cecilia used her Voice to get him to slither back into his cave and leave them enough time to fly off.

Both she and Chase were about to challenge Byron, though Cecilia would be going first as soon as her team was healed, and Chase second.

She had a Hydreigon, now, and he had evolved without any issues like Sweetheart had. Her Scyther had evolved into a Scizor, too.

"Arceus, she's using her gift far more liberally than I ever thought she would," I muttered under my breath, surprised that the idea had worked. I would have thought that the rage issues would return as soon as the hour was up— and they had, but only in a manageable fashion, given that Chase also helped to extend the length she had to speak to Hydreigon. They seemed to be working together far better, now.

In all of my thinking, I nearly forgot to send them a 'welcome back' message. Swallowing my nervousness, I began to type and—

"Gah!"

I dropped my phone on my face as soon as it started vibrating. She was calling me already? Oh Legendaries, I wasn't ready, I wasn't, I wasn't. My heart caught in my throat, and it became hard to breathe. I couldn't answer, because if we spoke, then not telling her the truth would feel wrong. To pretend that nothing had happened, and to just talk to her as always? I couldn't, because that'd make me feel like I was taking advantage of her. Like when we'd been hanging out at the start of our journey and half-flirting, but she hadn't known I'd been a lesbian, and I felt as if I'd been taking advantage of her. The same, twisted feeling wrapped itself around my chest and squeezed.

Was I ready? It needed to happen eventually, and there was still no way I was telling her while she was face-to-face with me. I wouldn't be able to resist peeking at her emotions to look at how her image of me changed, and if it did in a substantial way? That would absolutely break me.

There wouldn't be a better time than now, or at least that's what I repeated to myself: to stop flaking and putting it off. Excuses sprang up in my mind, like my confession affecting her Gym Battle, or her friendships due to the fact that they'd hidden this information from her, but I pushed through and told myself that it would never feel like the right time, and if I waited for too long I'd end up not saying anything at all. By the time I'd found my resolution, though, the phone stopped ringing, but instead of letting me breathe out a sigh of relief and giving me an excuse to procrastinate, Cecilia called again. This time, I braced myself and answered.

For the longest time, no one said anything, and even if it was probably like five seconds, it felt like two hours to me. Two awkward, long hours. It was as if she hadn't expected me to actually answer, and I thought she'd speak first.

"Hello?"

There she was. My ears tingled at the sound of her voice, and my cheeks warmed. My throat suddenly felt dry despite the fact that I had drunk water recently, and my heart started pounding in my chest, as if it was my first time meeting her again.

"Cece," I hoarsed out. "Uh, sorry. That was a weird sound. I—"

"I missed you."

I was smiling, wasn't I? "Me too. I'm sorry I haven't been… available. And that I dropped off the face of the earth without warning for a while after I visited my lake."

"And I'm sorry for taking off after the raid," she said. "I should have been better about this, shouldn't I?"

"We both should have, I think," I sighed, sinking in my mattress. "Did— did the expedition go okay? How's Chase?"

"Oh, he's off studying Byron like a madman," she said with a beautiful laugh.

"Chase? Studying?" I snorted.

"No Gym like the eighth to change your ways," she said, with that little upward inflection she did when she was smiling. "We had a few close calls, but… before we get into it all, I wanted to talk to you about… well, you know. Are we alright?"

She was the one asking if we were okay? I was the one who should have been asking that! And I couldn't believe that she was getting into this already. I couldn't possibly answer yes, could I? I wanted to at least speak to her for an hour or two, before having to rip off the band-aid about… well, everything. To make this moment last for as long as possible.

"I hope so," I muttered. "I want to be. But listen, I have something to tell you."

There was a little bit of hesitation in her voice. "What is it?"

I opened my mouth—

Nothing came out.

Coward, I screamed at myself. I hit the side of my bed, accidentally clipping my knuckles on the wood and hissed in agony as I clenched my fist.

"This is— this is too hard. I need to send this through text," I sighed. "I'm sorry."

I waited for sign of affirmation, and she finally agreed after a few agonizing seconds, despite the fact that I could tell she wanted to hear it from me.

Taking a deep breath, I began to type.

'I don't know how to begin this. There isn't really a good way to begin this, really. I just hope you won't hate me by the end. I've done things that you should know before we start talking again, and you need to understand the full extent of the gift Mesprit handed me.

I guess I'll go in chronological order. That makes the most sense to me, I think. Do you remember, how for my battle with Maylene, I told you about the fcat that I intentionally pushed her buttons to have her bloww up? That was true, but I hid an important momnet from you, and I'm sorry. When I was preventing Infernap e fcrom being swapped out, I intentionally drew out her suffergin to hurt Maylene. Way longer than what was needed. Princess coukd have finished her off in barely five seconds, but it went on for nearly thirty if I remembr right. I guess I could say it was to push Maylene in the right direction and have her change her wsays, but that doesnt excuse anythuing and I should have found anther way. She was just a kid that was overwhlmed and needed help. I regret it today, and I want to apologize, but there's no way she'd talk o me ever again. You were disappointed in me when I told you half the truth, I couldtell, and this makes it worse, so I'm sorry for hiding it from you all this time. I'll have to tell the others too.

I've been hiding what happened at the end of the raid from you and Emi. You left early, so you didn't hear, but—

My fingers hovered over the keys, and I had to force myself to keep typing.

—you know already that we killed him, but you don't know about the way he died. I cut boht of his legs with my hatchet and then I watched Mira's Haunter torture him until he evolved. You know what that implies. That's why Mira's been weird lately, if you noticrd. It didn't afdfect me as muchas her. I'm lying, it didn't affect me at all. I didn't care and I still don't. I just don't want you to hate me for it. I'm sorry. The others know about this except Emilia. I'll tell her too.

This one is less bad. its not something I've done wrong, so please don't give up on me and keep reading. When I sent that text about Mesprit having made me an emppath, I said I wasn't ready to tell you all everything. Along with what I told you, I can also rewrite emotions however I want both temporarily and permanently, and I didn't want to tell you because I knew you wuld freak out and I was scared you wouldn't talk o me again or would never trust me, but I learned to turn it off. If i put it at the back of my mind, then I can't notice. Id never do anything to you, and I'd never look without your permission. I've been working with my therapist about this and I don't peek anymore. I wanted to tell the others, but you should come first.'

I was tearing up, by the end, barely holding myself together as I pushed 'SEND'. There was no undoing it, now. No going back in time or convincing myself to type this up another day or to put it off. I put my phone in sleep mode, placing it under my pillow, because I didn't dare to see what she'd answer with.

Instead of texting so I could digest her answer in a manageable fashion, she called me again after around three minutes. I didn't answer. I couldn't. Instead, I asked her to send it through text, and she started typing. I braced myself for an instantaneous, scorching rebuttal, but instead she took her time, which let the tension I felt shoot up. I had no right to complain, though. Not when I'd taken my time to formulate my text too.

'I don't know how to process this, but writing my thoughts out will probably help. At the very least, I'm relieved you felt open enough to tell me all of this and to be honest with me. I'm no angel myself, Grace. I've done my fair share of wrong and had plenty of impulses I've had to force myself not to act upon with my newfound gift.

I do believe that you went too far in both of these instances. I can't help but think back to the battle with Maylene and wonder how I missed this, but I will not hold it over your head. I do believe that you should apologize despite the possibility that you'll be ignored, but I won't force you to do anything. Your way of battling is something I find very endearing about you, but I think this crosses a line that should not be crossed. Your intentions were one thing, but I believe the road to hell is paved with good intentions, you see. It's been one of the problems I've been dealing with, these past few months.

Edward Backlot gets no pity from me. Not after seeing him get all those people killed. But I do worry about the fact that you dealt him wounds yourself and watched for so long. I'm still giving it some thought, but an entire afternoon is a staggering amount of time to watch a man get tortured. Even ten minutes would be too long for me, Grace. I understand now that Mira got a Gengar out of it, but I would rather you two just have finished the job and done it quickly instead.

Typing this out makes me realize that I'm a monster, aren't I? I can't get myself to care enough. In fact, I care more about what you did to Maylene than this, somehow, but at least I know it isn't right. You do too. Had I stayed, I might have been able to convince you and Mira not to do it, but I needed space, and for that I'm sorry. I won't break up with you over this, and I won't ask you to change who you are, but I'll need you to at least try not to do this again. What I've realized is that each one of these actions leads you to another extreme. If I had caught the issue with Infernape, then I doubt this would have happened.

So long as you promise me not to do something like what you did to Maylene again to another trainer, I will forgive you. Not forget, but forgive. And that isn't me inviting you to omit the truth again.

Regarding Mesprit, I trust you, Grace. Did you think I would flee? I will admit, there's a degree of uncomfortableness, but you trusted me with my gift, didn't you? There will be boundaries, but you seem ready to respect those. If you breach them, I won't give you another chance. These are very simple. One, always ask before looking at my emotions unless we're in a high-stakes situation and you have to use your powers in full. Two, never, ever touch them.

No matter what. I'm serious about this. I would rather die than cross that line.

Can we call, now? I'm sorry if I'm being selfish, but I want to hear your voice. Really badly.

I wiped my eyes, ignoring the relief that I felt that she wasn't leaving me. Cecilia had drawn hard lines in the sand, both with my behavior and my powers. I was planning on following these before she talked to me regardless, though having her say it to me made it feel more real. Heavier. I didn't deserve her. I told her to wait ten minutes so I could gather myself before calling, but it didn't even work, given the fact that I cried when she talked again anyway.

"Grace…"

"I'm okay," I sniffled. "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you. I'm just as bad as you are, really," she sighed. "But we'll hold each other up, won't we?"

"Hmhm. Can I say I love you yet, or is it too soon?"

She let out a wet chuckle. "You can say it. I'll say it too. Can we video call?"

"Cece, I look like a mess."

"You never look like a mess."

I placed the phone on speaker, pulling it from my ear. "Okay. Oh, and don't get angry at Chase and the others for hiding stuff from you, please," I asked. I turned on my phone camera and saw her, as she did me. We stayed silent for a few seconds, taking each other in.

My girlfriend smiled. "I would have rather heard it from you than anyone else, so you don't have to worry."

"So… what's this about that Steelix? Oh, congratulations about Scizor and Hydreigon, by the way. Do you have a new name for him…"

I really didn't deserve her, I repeated to myself. But I wanted to be selfish, just this once, because she'd already made me forget that I'd almost died today.