CHAPTER 23

“ce… Grace! Grace!”

I snapped out of my stupor and stared sluggishly around the cave. I blinked, noticing that my eyes were extremely dry. Denzel was shaking my shoulder, calling out my name while Frillish and Eevee looked over with worried gazes. I swallowed.

“I’m fine, that was just… wow,” I muttered.

“Are you hurt? Did you get hit by a Zubat?” My friend asked.

“That Golbat… that Golbat isn’t supposed to be here isn’t it? It’s too strong to be in this cave,” I rambled. “What is a Golbat doing here? What are the Rangers doing…”

“Right now we need to get Jacob out of here. And ourselves too. There could be more Golbat around here,” He said, glancing behind his shoulder.

“Jacob?”

“That’s his name,” Denzel said, pointing at the trainer who had lost his Starly. He was on the ground just like me, still crying and muttering to himself.

With a weak nod, I slowly stood up and took a breath. Denzel grabbed Jacob’s arm and dragged him up.

“No, no! My Starly!”

“It’s dead… we can’t do anything about it,” Denzel said.

“I—I want to bury it. I live in Floaroma. The flower fields will be great for him to rest.”

We approached the Starly’s corpse and lurched, covering my mouth to stop myself from puking. The bird was unrecognizable. He had missing feathers, bones protruding through his bloody corpse and his body was horribly deformed. Jacob held out his Pokeball with his head hung low and returned his companion.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry.” He cried. “If o—only I hadn’t t—tried to catch that Golbat, you would still be alive.”

We stayed silent and allowed him to grieve for a few more minutes before we left. An hour later, we were back outside on route 204. In the distance, we could see Jubilife city in a blue hue because of Earth’s atmosphere. We could also see all of the first half of route 204, which was a magnificent sight. Unfortunately, the mood was somber, and we spent no time looking at the view. Jacob was opening up more and more to us now, and he was venting, cursing himself for being so stupid.

“I was just training Wooper in the caves until I saw that fucking Golbat,” He spat. “And I’m so fucking dumb, I figured I could catch it because the Pokemon here are usually weak, and then I would use it to beat Gardenia. I was fucking wrong, like always.”

Denzel and I mostly just nodded or gave him grunts of approval when he finished saying something. I personally just didn’t want to say something rude— it was hard to know what was insensitive or not around a trainer who had just lost a Pokemon. If I told him that he shouldn’t ever underestimate evolved Pokemon, would he nod and agree, or would he blow up at me? There was no way to know, and so I stayed silent. Denzel probably thought the same thing, and Jacob didn’t seem to mind at all. He probably just wanted anyone to listen.

“I always fucking slip up. Forget to buy potions before leaving to train, or get lost in the Arceus damned woods all the time. Starly was the one who would lead me out…” Jacob trailed off with a sniffle. “He… he was my first Pokemon. He loved me, trusted me, and I failed him because of my own self-confidence issues. Fuck.”

I glanced toward Denzel, wondering if this is the path he could have gone on if I hadn’t spoken to him after his loss to Chase. He had attacked that group of Budew, and he might have done more senseless things like that. I shuddered when I imagine Eevee, dead and mangled like that Starly was.

“I was shortsighted. No, I still am. I still hate how weak I am, and I thought I’d be able to get a shortcut by catching that Golbat. When I saw that people were getting their first badge already, I started doubting myself.”

“But you have months to get all the badges. Hell, even if you fail, you have years of attempts still,” Denzel finally said.

“Champion Cynthia did it in a year—”

“You can’t compare yourself to Cynthia. It’s good to strive forward and have idols or people you want to catch up to, but you have to focus on yourself,” I interrupted. Seeing someone compare himself to someone so great was hurting me. “It’s too late now, but you can take it as a lesson for the future. Never forget about Starly. Use this tragedy as a lesson.”

“I wouldn’t forget.”

“Good. And Jacob?” I asked.

“Yes?”

“It’s good to cry. To let it all out. But the fault doesn’t only rest with you. Rangers should have taken care of this, but they didn’t.”

As we got closer and closer to Floaroma, flowers began to adorn the fields around the route. They came in all colors, stretching for miles, and miles beyond the horizon like an ocean. Jacob stopped and started digging a hole with his hands until I handed him my small spade. He made a hole small enough for a Pokeball, kissed it, and apologized one last time before burying it. Denzel tapped him on the shoulder as he cried. It was another hour until we reached Floaroma, and Jacob kept getting weaker and slower. The town reminded me a lot of Twinleaf— except that there were roads for cars. The buildings were spaced out to let nature grow in between them, and the center of town had a small concentration of buildings along with the Pokecenter. Jacob was immediately taken to the human wing. The main threat was poisoning, and not the Zubat’s bites themselves. A few hours later, a nurse came back to us and said he’d have to stay for a few days, but that we could visit whenever we wanted.

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Denzel and I checked in our Pokemon that had fought and booked two rooms. Floaroma still had a surprising amount of trainers who were still training— of course, that number was nowhere near Jubilife or Oreburgh. Trainers from here were often dealt with a dilemma during every Circuit: take the long trip to Oreburgh or train in Floaroma until they were confident enough to tackle Eterna Forest. I assumed most of the people who were still here were going to do the latter, and that had also been Jacob’s plan until… until his Pokemon died.

After we went to the local Ranger station and warned them about the wild Golbat, I went into my room and collapsed onto my bed. I was too tired to take a shower, but too scared to sleep. Starly’s death had been a grim reminder for me that even though Pokemon were incredibly strong, they could still be killed in the wild. It wasn’t like trainer battles. There were no rules, no limits, no means a wild Pokemon wouldn’t go through to win and feed itself.

“It had to be a Golbat…” I whispered before catching myself.

A trainer had just lost his starter, and all I could think of doing was complain about being scared of Golbat. It hadn’t even attacked me. And yet my entire body just shut down as soon as I saw it. I never understood the meaning of fight, flight, or freeze until that very moment, and apparently, I was a freezer. That would be terrible if I ever found another one, but hopefully, Denzel would be able to get me to snap out of it. It’s not like we were going to go through more caves anytime soon anyway.

Eterna Forest, though…

It was an area with no traversable roads, and full of wilderness. It was extremely easy to get lost, with very few landmarks to use. The Rangers had set up some checkpoints, which were just signs that basically said ‘you’re on the right track.’ There was an incredible amount of Pokemon living in it, and they were mostly grass or bug types. The forest was one of the most infamous places in Sinnoh because trainers would enter and never come out. Eventually, their corpses were found weeks or months later, having been gnawed to the bone by the wildlife. Honestly, I was more terrified of going through there than in any cave other than Mount Coronet. It was possible we’d spend weeks in there, with no contact with civilization.

But at least there wouldn’t be any Golbat.

I stretched on my bed and turned over, looking at the window. Even in the city, the fields of flowers never ended. They swayed in the wind like a single connected being.

“It’s beautiful out there,” I whispered. “Like a dream.”

Not wanting to fall asleep, I finally got up and took a cold shower. The frigid water woke me up, so I changed and quickly went back downstairs after calling my dad and mom to let them know I was safe and sound. Calls with mom had been a bit awkward and uncomfortable ever since she told me she loved me. It was too fast, and I was nowhere near ready to say it back, but she thankfully took the hint and followed my lead when I acted like it never happened.

Denzel was already in the lobby waiting for me when I got there.

“Yo. Want to explore town?” He asked. “Not much to do until we get our Pokemon back.”

“Sure, I could use a distraction.”

We spent the next two hours browsing different shops. Floaroma was obviously known for its flowers, but they were also famous for the quality of the berries they grew and their net export of clean energy thanks to Valley Windworks. The city wasn’t inhabited by many people, but that power plant was absolutely massive, meaning that they could sell energy at a profit to other cities. I bought a few juicy-looking berries for Togetic and Frillish, and we ate in a small casual restaurant in the town center. Soon enough, we took a break and laid down on the flowers.

“You still don’t want to talk about it?” He asked me.

“About?”

“About your problem with Golbats,” Denzel clarified as he picked a purple flower. He put it in his hair.

“Cute. But no, there’s nothing to talk about. I have a phobia of Golbat, so what? Plenty of people are scared of a Pokemon in particular.”

“That goes beyond phobia, Grace. You couldn’t even function for two minutes.”

“You and Frillish were here to protect me, and Togetic would have been too if I hadn’t put her back in her ball. It was fine.”

“You keep saying that word. Fine. It’s like you’re trying to convince yourself,” He accused me. “I told you Pokemon Centers have therapists, and you didn’t even ask about it when we were there. You have huge bags under your eyes because you can’t sleep—”

“So what’s your point?!” I said, raising my voice. “You think a meeting with a shrink will fix me?”

“—And you’re easily irritated because you’re tired. You told Jacob it was ok to cry, but have you?”

I flinched, finding his words to cut deeper than I ever thought they would. “I—I cried when we went to the police,” I said with a trembling voice.

“You did, but is that enough? You’ve been bottling up everything, haven’t you? Isn’t it hard?” He asked in a soft tone.

“I told my Pokemon—”

“But humans are different. You haven’t talked to anyone,” He continued, touching my shoulder. “Not me, not your dad, your mom, or any medical professionals.”

I could feel the dam begin to break. First, there was a single tear, and then a deluge as I cried into my hands. It felt awful, but also liberating in a way, to let myself be weak for a moment. To act with no restraints in front of my friend. I must have cried for a good twenty minutes, drawing stares from strangers, who must have been imagining a very different situation than what was actually going on. I didn’t care.

“That felt good, didn’t it?” He said, looking at me.

I let out a teary chuckle. “I’m a mess.”

“I didn’t bring any tissues for you, sorry,” Denzel said with a smile. “Are you going to get help now?”

“I will. Sorry for making you worry,” I said. “I’ll talk to Nurse Joy about it as soon as we get back. But Denzel, I have a question.”

My friend looked at me.

“What about you?” I asked worriedly. “Are you ok? Sorry for never bothering to ask.”

“I don’t know,” He breathed out after a pause. “To be honest, I think I’m just better at hiding it. I'll talk to someone too if that helps you get help.”

I nodded. “Then let’s get back. And hand me a flower, will you? The same one that’s in your hair.”

And so, a girl with a face that looked like hell and her friend walked back to the Center with matching flowers in their hair.