Hi, everyone.

So… Here we are.

I owe you all an apology for such a long silence. I definitely did not deal with this in the best of ways. The fact is that, the more time passed, the harder it became to reach out to you all.

I am sorry for disappearing for so long.

So, what happened?

Let's begin from the beginning. When I posted the first chapter of this fiction I was already suffering from depression and alcoholism, although as a high functioning alcoholic. I am apparently also a bit of a narcissist and have a tendency to ignore problems and run away from difficult situations.

(All that definitely did not end up reflecting on a certain character by the way.)

Back then, I was avoiding the issue and I kept going without ever admitting I had a problem. Problem that I was pretty good at hiding from others too.

That all changed a few weeks after I posted my last chapter when I had a fight about a completely idiotic issue with most of my closest friends, all at once. Something so insignificant immediately seemed like it was something irreparable to me.

Two days later, on the 2nd of December, I almost killed myself. Luckily, suicide hotlines are a thing and I managed to convince myself to call them before actually going through with it.

That was quite the wakeup call. I could no longer hide from myself my own issues.

On that same day, I talked about it with two of the friends I had had a fight with. They listened, they helped me convince myself that I needed a professional, and that I had to talk about it with my closest family too and they supported me through every single one of those steps.

I sincerely wish you all to find friends who are as good as the ones I have the luck to have.

From there, I stopped going to university, although I officially dropped out only later into the year at the beginning of autumn. I started going often to the gym, going for long walks with the doggo, going out with friends more without destroying my liver, you know, the usually recommended things.

I was still a long way from being back on my feet though. I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life, for one thing, and I was barely helping my father with his job here and there, doing little more in terms of work.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

Most importantly for you, I found myself unable to write. Or, rather, I found myself unable to continue writing this story, for two main reasons.

First, I was afraid, quite a few months had passed as I tried to get, you know, less suicidal, and in that time I had posted absolutely no chapter. The more time passed, the more I felt getting back to posting becoming a heavier and heavier weight, afraid of the reactions. Stupid, I know, most readers would have definitely preferred late inconsistent chapters to nothing at all, but hey, if my brain wasn't a little bitch we wouldn't be here right now.

Second, I finally understood my protagonist a bit more, after admitting to my own problems, and, while this didn't change where I want the plot to go, it made me want to take her more seriously than I had done up to that point.

For a reason similar to the first reason that prevented me from posting, I also stopped managing the pledge, which is now officially gone along with the WriTE subforum.

I did not completely disappear from Royal Road though, I am still technically a part of the staff, although not a site admin (so don't come to me with any issues, there are support tickets and reports for a reason). Since I was no longer going to university I actually managed to help a bit more last year. The leveling and experience system and the new reports and support system are the children of my ability to write down ideas in a somewhat useful way and Kana's ability to make them into something much better, for example.

Anyways, come summer, an idea of what I wanted to do with my life started to form. I then spent the summer in a seaside village where my uncle lives, working in a cafe in the morning and helping looking after my younger cousin the rest of the day (by the way, you don't really appreciate parents and grandparents until you have to wake up at 3am to go to work at 4 every day and your mid-afternoon naps are interrupted by an hyperactive 8 year old). While I was there, that idea started to consolidate.

Autumn came, I dropped out of university (I was studying oenology before, for anyone who's wondering) and joined a navigational officer course for the merchant marine. It was one of the best decisions I ever took in my life. Not only was studying no longer something that filled me with anxiety and dread anymore, but it became something I even enjoyed at times. I even became the students representative for my year.

Ok, rambling over. Let's get to the part that you all really care about.

When are we going to see more of Fortuna and her adventures?

The honest answer is, I don't know. I initially made various plans. One was to start writing again during the summer of this year. Another was to write while I was on board ships, to then post lots of chapter in one go once I returned on land.

But I don't want to make promises that would only put more pressure on me and run the risk to end up in the same situation again. So, yeah, I don't know.

One thing I can say is that I don't intend to drop the story as of now. There is a lot of stuff I still want to tell, and the story I have in mind is pretty fucking massive (the stuff I've written up to now will probably end up being something like a tenth of the total length, if and when I'll ever finish the story).

While I work up the courage to return to this story, I decided to write a few things to exercise my writing, so that my next chapter won't be a dip in quality from the last ones, and also because I want to get confident again with my writing. I'll let you know if anything good comes out of it.

I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear after so long, but I wanted to be honest and not spout bullshit and excuses.

If you still like this story, just keep it in your follow list. One day, while you'll be picking your nose half asleep in bed, you'll open the list and see this cover right there at the top, with "Chapter 53" written under the title.

Thank you all for your support,

Oinos.