When I finally returned, not only mess-free but totally pruney from soaking long enough I suspected I’d set a world record, Bastion and Brick were sitting at the table playing a game of cards.

Brick had knocked on the door to let me know food had arrived about half an hour ago, but it had taken me that long to gather the will to leave my bath – but seriously, it was wood-fired! As in, it stayed hot. Even with all the tech advances of the modern world, there were things I felt I was missing out on in my run-down little apartment, and that bath had just added itself to the list – right under sexy orc muscles.

I pulled up a chair next to them and claimed my plate of roast meat and mash.

“What are you playing?” I asked around my mouthful, hoping the answer would be strip poker. Brick would only have to lose a couple hands and then he’d be butt naked.

“Crazy Ogre,” Brick replied, keeping his eyes on the cards.

“Thanks for healing me back there,” Bastion said, also not letting his eyes stray from the game in front of them. “I’m Bastion, by the way.”

“Yeah, Brick mentioned,” I swallowed my mouthful and took another look at the wood elf. He was fairly pretty, but not in a Legolas kind of way. His features were a bit more pinched, and he just seemed generally a bit dirtier.

Then again, I had been hogging the bath since we’d arrived and he had also almost bled out in front of me so perhaps he wasn’t at his best, even if he seemed to be wearing a fresh set of clothes.

Speaking of which, if I was going to be spending any time in this world, I’d need to upgrade my wardrobe.

“So…” I said, pushing my now-empty plate away from me. “What next?”

“What do you mean what next?” Bastion asked, sounding annoyed.

“What happens now? Is there some kind of… I don’t know, story that happens, or do we just hang about aimlessly?”

Surely if this was my subconscious or some kind of afterlife, there would be some kind of plot or instructions on how to wake up or move on.

“I intend to stay here until I fully recover,” Bastion slapped a card down on top of the pile and grinned at Brick in triumph. “And then we’ll go out and find another job. It should take me a couple of days unless you want to speed the process up by singing to me again. I hear you use very original lyrics.”

I burned with embarrassment and glared at the elf. His attractiveness was quickly being eclipsed by how annoying he was. He was like the total opposite of Brick in so many ways. It was bizarre to think they’d been raised together.

“Singing to you is about the last thing I want to do,” I snapped at him, crossing my arms over my chest, and getting even more annoyed at how my arms squished my voluptuous breasts. They were seriously too oversized to be practical.

I wondered if there was such thing as breast reduction surgery in this world. Or maybe a boob-shrinking potion.

“It was bad luck you didn’t have any succubus slime. That would’ve healed me in an instant and you wouldn’t have had to sing at all.”

I bristled and clamped my mouth shut. There was no way I was going to admit that I had a vial of exactly that in my bag, but I had no idea what it did or how it worked, especially as I apparently was a succubus.

“Bastion, don’t be rude,” Brick chastised him, then turned to me. “He’s just grumpy because he got beaten by that minotaur and we didn’t get the loot we were after. Someone else has probably claimed it by now.”

“I see,” I said, and shivered. I was beginning to miss the warmth of the bath.

Brick noticed and handed me a blanket. “Why don’t you warm up by the fire? Bastion, you should go make use of the bath while it’s free.”

“And leave you alone with her?” Bastion asked, gesturing to me like I was something offensive.

“I’m sure I can defend myself,” Brick said with amusement, standing and stretching up to his full height. My eyes raked up his body again, lingering on every muscle. He must be six foot five or something. I wanted to measure every inch of him with my hands.

“If it was anything else, I’d believe you… but a succubus?” Bastion sneered at me.

“Don’t be racist, Bastion. She can’t help her race any more than I can help mine.”

I looked between them, bewildered. I was missing something here.

“Just be on your guard,” Bastion snapped at him and stormed off to the bathroom.

“Well, that’s the last time I heal him,” I muttered under my breath.

“Sorry,” Brick said, scratching the back of his head. “He had a succubus girlfriend about a year ago, but he got dumped. He’s been salty about your kind ever since.”

“I see,” my eyes lingered on the door to the bathroom for a moment before looking back to Brick. “So, uh… what did you study at university?”

“I majored in Dragon Slaying, with a minor in Business,” Brick answered as though that was a totally normal string of words.

“I see,” I said, once again feeling totally out of place.

“And you?” Brick asked. “Have you, uh, studied anything? Or done anything before coming here?”

“Accounting,” I frowned. “That’s the question, though. How did I come here? And where is here? There seems to be a pre-existing story… or at least you have back stories. Is this my boyfriend’s hobby world, or is it my own subconscious?”

“You’ve got a boyfriend?” Brick asked, sounding deflated.

“Only until I find him so I can dump him,” I muttered, thinking again of the can and candy wrapper mess that had caused this whole situation. “Or murder him. If I find out I’m in a coma, I’m gonna be so pissed.”

“So, you’re single? Sort of?” Brick asked hesitantly.

“That’s the thing you’re worried about?” I asked him searchingly. “Not the whole other world/coma deal?”

“Well, I don’t really understand what’s going on with you there, but I was hoping that, well…” he trailed off and looked lost for words for a moment before starting again. “I was hoping you might consider joining our team permanently. As I mentioned, it’s hard to find Healers, and your kind is particularly useful, even at Level One. You saw how you managed to put Bastion together again, even with no experience. I know he can be a bit difficult to get along with at times, but I’d look after you. And… and you look like you need a guide.”

“And I should be single because?” I stared at him accusingly, totally aware of the hypocrisy of the implication since I had in fact been lusting over him since the second I first saw him.

“You might not want to join us if you were on your way to meet your boyfriend,” Brick said, but he blushed a deep green. He was actually kind of adorable. A monster on the outside, but a marshmallow on the inside.

“Alright,” I said. “But I need some answers about how this world works, what the heck I am, and how to get my hands on some new clothes.”

“That’ll be our first mission then,” he gave me a roguish half-smile that set my veins on fire. “Luckily, Bastion’s ex-girlfriend lives in this town, so she can answer your questions about succubi. I’m afraid your kind is a bit of a mystery to the rest of us, as rare as you are now.”

A spark of hope flickered in my chest. When Brick had first mentioned joining his team, I’d feared being dragged around on idiotic adventures attempting to slay dragons, but he’d been so kind and caring that I totally believed that he’d help me find my feet.

I asked him some more questions about this world and he answered me patiently. Some of it still didn’t quite make sense to me, but I was starting to pick things up. The swirl on my arm and my satchel was the sign of a Healer, which was how Kira had recognized my class. The currency was a simple system of copper, silver, and gold coins – and Kira had totally fleeced me by charging me a whole silver for an ale, which was worth two coppers at most. And there was a whole slew of different races and animals and monsters that made up this world that I couldn’t even begin to remember.

Orcs, humans, multiple types of elves and dwarves, which were totally separate to gnomes and goblins despite the fact they were all mostly found in the mountains. Feliskin were the catfolk, but they were different to the nekokin who were more human looking but still had ears and tails unlike Kira who fully resembled a cat other than the fact she stood upright, wore clothes and had very human looking hands except for the claws which protruded from her fingers when annoyed.

The description of nekokin reminded me of that stupidly expensive body pillow James had bought off the internet with a picture of a cat-girl on it. I’d wanted to smother him with it when he asked me to cover rent and utilities that month.

I was still trying to wrap my head around the job economy and how to earn money. From what Brick was describing, there were virtually endless missions and quests, but when I asked if I could just get a job working in a shop or on a farm growing food or something he just looked puzzled.

“You can’t farm,” Brick said. “Farm what exactly?”

“Cabbages, chickens, pigs,” I said in exasperation. “What do people eat around here? Kira must get her food from somewhere.”

Brick still looked perplexed. “I mean, I’ve seen the odd little farmlet, but they’re never hiring. That’s not really a job that exists. You’d be better off doing something easy, like guarding a caravan or a courier.”

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“Could I get a job as a courier?” I pressed.

“Um… I don’t think so,” Brick’s eyebrows raised up in the middle until they almost met. “I mean, there’s sometimes missions to deliver a secret message to someone, because they don’t trust the courier with a written letter. Bandits can often waylay couriers, which is why there’s often jobs to accompany them to another town unharmed. But there’s never any jobs to be a courier.”

“Why not? Seems like a waste to hire a whole extra guy when the guy with the armour and axe could just also take the post. Why can’t an adventurer be a courier?”

“Because they already exist? I don’t know,” Brick shrugged. “I’ve never thought about it.”

I grumbled in frustration. If I was in a coma, maybe this was some kind of trick to waking up. Go on an adventure, defeat the big bad boss, and go back to my life working to pay the bills… If given the choice, I was tempted to stay and enjoy the wood bath and the sexy orc a little longer.

But I’d need a way to make money, or I’d be living on Brick’s generosity indefinitely.

“So, everyone just uses the job board?” I pouted. “What about going door to door and dropping in resumes? Has this world never heard of that?”

Brick shook his head.

“Fine,” I huffed. At least this world seemed to have a simple operating system, even if the whole ecosystem seemed to be far too overcomplicated.

“I’m sorry,” Brick said, chewing on his lip nervously. It was an odd expression for an orc to have, but it was kind of endearing. “I didn’t make the rules. If you want to try this ‘resume’ thing, I can try help you, although you’ll have to explain what it is.”

“Even if it meant I wouldn’t come with you as your Healer?” I asked.

“I can’t force you to come,” Brick said, and tentatively reached out to touch my hand. “An adventurer’s life can be dangerous. You must not be under any coercion. If you join us, I want it to be because you want to be there.”

I looked down at his hand, which was so large it totally covered mine. He was so sweet, kind, and utterly mouthwatering. I had no intention of being thrust to the frontline on scary adventures, but I wouldn’t be averse to spending more time with him, and he had already agreed to help me. Besides, from the games I’d seen James play, the Healer class characters usually hung out at the back casting spells and not getting roughed up. I could probably handle that.

I’d just have to not die. If I was in a coma and trying to figure out a way out, I was pretty sure dying here would lead to dying for real.

I looked up to Brick to tell him I’d join him – for now. But when I looked into his eyes, I saw something burning in their depths. He was inches from me, and I could feel his hot breath on my skin, which prickled with anticipation. His hand twitched over mine, before holding it tighter – still gentle, but firm.

I felt like this strange dream had become a trance and all I could smell was his sweat and musk, which somehow made me want to taste him even more.

I leaned in, feeling myself pulled by some magnetic force until there were bare millimetres between us. His expression slackened as I closed the distance, and our lips met in a surprisingly soft kiss. He seemed frozen, and I momentarily feared I’d turned him into stone like some kind of gorgon, but then he seemed to gather his wits and began to kiss me back.

His grip loosened, and I pulled my hands free, running them over the chest I’d been drooling over all afternoon. I felt alive, exploring the rock-hard planes of the muscles my eyes had memorized and the little bumps which indicated old scars from his battles. His skin was leathery and tough, but warm and delicious. He groaned gutturally, and I slipped my tongue into his mouth, tasting him.

I felt possessed; like something wild within me was driving me, and launched one leg over his waist, effectively straddling him in his chair.

I kissed him with more urgency, led by a sudden and uncontrollable lust, when my head suddenly jerked back and I was hauled off Brick’s lap.

“What?” I heard Brick’s voice echo my own dazed thoughts as I stared up at Bastion, who was still holding one of my horns in his fist, glaring at me through long dripping wet hair.

“I told you to be on your guard,” Bastion spat.

“Bastion… It wasn’t like that… She wasn’t…”

“She wasn’t seducing you to make you do whatever she wanted?” Bastion sneered. “It’s not always money, Brick. She’s already weaselled her way into our rooms. What else has she convinced you to help her with?”

“He let me stay here in return for saving you, you ungrateful jerk,” I growled, slapping his hands away from my horns.

“I know you don’t like succubi, but it wasn’t like that,” Brick said in a conciliatory tone. “She’s just… she’s all alone, she’s only Level One, but she’s a Healer. She could be a really useful part of our team. She just needs someone to help her find her feet.”

“And you think you’re the one to do that?” Bastion asked stiffly.

“Actually, I was thinking of Lily.”

Bastion looked even angrier than ever. “I don’t want to see her.”

“It’s been a year, Bastion. And she needs another one of her own kind to tell her how her powers work.”

“And you want her to learn from the she-devil herself? She’ll just come and play the same tricks on you.”

“She won’t.”

“She will. That’s what their kind do.”

“That’s racist Bast, she can’t help what she is.”

“You can’t help what she is either. She won’t change for you.”

I looked from brother to brother, trying to follow the tennis match of subtext, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was behind the heat of Bastion’s anger. Maybe he really just loved Brick despite being a complete jerk, and didn’t want me to break his heart like this Lily had done to him? It seemed presumptuous that Brick would allow his heart to be broken. It wasn’t like we were in love; we’d barely just met. People had randy one-night stands all the time. Didn’t they?

I frowned. Maybe things were different in this world.

It seemed counter-intuitive, when confronted with huge breasts, loincloths and rock-solid abs.

“I’ll take her,” Bastion announced with an air of finality.

“Bastion, I know you don’t want to see Lily. I really don’t mind,” Brick argued.

“No, I’m not letting you go in there. At least I’m on my guard against succubi. I won’t let them trap me with their wiles.”

The brothers stared at each other, and I felt the tension in the room grow as thick as mud, but they didn’t continue the argument.

“It’s late. We should take her in the morning,” Bastion said, looking sharply between them. “Now, I’m going to go dry my hair and I expect you two to be at least two feet apart when I return.”

I watched him storm off towards the bathroom once more, before looking back to Brick.

“He’s acting like I attacked you or something,” I frowned. “But that was… I mean, that was consensual, wasn’t it? You kissed me back.”

“Yeah,” Brick flushed, and scratched the back of his head. His topknot was lopsided, evidence of our passions which seemed to have passed more swiftly than I wanted them to. “I mean, of course I would want to, and I’d kind’ve hoped eventually we might - but I shouldn’t have done it. You’re still learning about who you are and all that, and you can’t help your drives.”

“My drives?” I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, succubus… uh… have a reputation for seduction and insatiable sexual appetites,” Brick answered, looking extremely embarrassed. “Lily can probably tell you more than I would ever know.”

“What happened between her and Bastion?”

“He fell for her charms and was totally in love with her, but there’s a cultural difference between elves and succubi,” Brick frowned. “Elves are monogamous, whereas succubi are polyamorous. Usually. There are some cases where things are different, but that’s the stereotype, and it kind of rang true with them.”

“So Bastion thought he was going to be the only one for her, but Lily cheated on him?”

“More or less,” Brick shrugged. “He came back from a long mission and found her with someone else. Multiple someone else’s, actually.”

“Rough,” I said, feeling sorry for Bastion despite myself. That would be a pretty hard thing to work through.

“So, elves are usually monogamous, succubi are normally polyamorous,” I searched Brick’s expression, looking for an answer I wasn’t sure I wanted. “What are orcs?”

“Well,” Brick cleared his throat, looking embarrassed. “I was raised in elvish culture, so I share some of their values, but there is a lot with me that is out of place. Orcs are not attractive by elvish standards – or most race’s standards, excluding other orcs. But an elf-raised orc is not a particularly attractive prospect for most orc-raised-orcs either.”

I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. “Are you telling me you’ve never… That I… Was that your first kiss?”

I’d never been anyone’s first kiss before.

His nervous nod was answer enough. I ran a hand down my face. No wonder Bastion was defensive. I had practically attacked him.

“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “If you’d like a do-over for your first kiss, I can give you something a little better than that.”

“I thought it was rather good,” Brick grinned at me, making me laugh.

“Still, I’d like to give you another if your brother won’t murder me for it.”

On cue, the bathroom door slammed open, and Bastion came out, his hair looking more under control. He looked at us suspiciously but seemed content with the physical distance we still had between us.

“Bast, could you go tell Kira we’ll stay until the end of the week?”

“Why can’t you go tell her yourself?” Bastion asked. “Or send the girl?”

“She’s dreadful at negotiating, and I still need a bath myself,” Brick said. “Go on, it’ll only take you two minutes. Five if you want to try flirt with her for a cheaper rate.”

Bastion made a disgusted grunt and marched out of the room, shooting a parting glare my way.

Once the door shut behind him, Brick looked back at me with a shy but curious smile. “You mentioned a second kiss?”

My lips twitched in amusement, and I crept closer to him, placing my hands on his broad shoulders. I felt that animal attraction stirring in me again, but I pushed it down. I wanted to give him a first kiss to remember, something sweet and nice. The kind of memory someone in the Harry Potter universe would call upon to summon a Patronus. The kind of memory that would make Peter Pan fly. The kind of kiss that would let this orc know exactly how much of a sex-bomb he was, despite having grown up around totally oblivious elves.

I reached up on my tiptoes, but I was still too short by three inches. Dang it. This was not as smooth as I’d hoped for. So much for succubus wiles and seduction.

“You’re gonna need to sit,” I whispered.

“Oh, okay,” Brick said, and returned to the chair he was sitting on earlier.

I looked at him sitting there expectantly and it brought to mind a groom on his stag do. Which would make me the stripper. Suddenly I felt off-kilter and nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Brick asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, feeling my lip wobble. I was not going to cry. “I got nervous. I… I don’t know what you expect from a succubus. I was all confident before, but I…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Brick said, his voice sounding soft despite its depth. “I don’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to kiss me. I never expected you to in the first place and I consider myself extremely fortunate to have received even one. So, thank you.”

Indecision warred within me, but then I heard Bastion’s steps on the stairs, and I knew I only had about thirty seconds to make my mind up, so I swooped in and kissed him. It was gentler this time, and no tongue. A chaste, soft kiss like the kind you’d give your boyfriend under the bleachers. The kind of kiss that was a cipher of mixed emotion and attraction.

I gave him one final peck on the cheek as I retreated just as the door opened.

“I really like you, Brick. And I think you’re very attractive,” I whispered to him.

“Seriously?” Bastion stood with his hands on his hips, giving me a stare I could only describe as judgemental. “Two minutes alone and you’re back at it? Brick, you need to keep your distance from her. She’s dangerous.”

“I’m not going to hurt him,” I glowered.

“Maybe not physically,” Bastion said, crossing his arms. “But are you in love with him?”

My jaw dropped. What a thing to ask! “You can’t just put someone on the spot like that! I only just met him!”

“We’re just getting to know each other,” Brick said neutrally. “Leave her alone, Bast. She hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“That’s debatable.”

“We should get some sleep. We’ll start early in the morning, before Lily’s business opens for the day.”

“What’s her business?” I asked Brick.

“She’s an outfitter,” Brick explained. “Like a combination seamstress and armourer. You can buy most kinds of clothing from her, whether you’re after adventurer gear or civilian wear.”

“Oh! That’s exactly what I need!” I clapped my hands excitedly, my tail swishing behind me.

“Bit of a waste of money, if you ask me,” Brick shrugged, and I looked appreciatively over his bare torso once more. Now that I knew what he felt like, he was all the more irresistible. “I think you look fine as you are.”

I wrinkled my nose. He was sweet, but his fashion sense was all wrong.

“Break it up, you two,” Bastion said. “I’ll be in the bed in between you, succubus. Don’t try any funny business.”

Brick rolled his eyes at his brother and reached out to brush a large thumb gently across my cheek. “Get some sleep. I’ll go have my bath and I’ll see you in the morning.”

As he disappeared through the bathroom door and I was left alone with a wood elf who hated me, I felt more alone than I had since I’d arrived in this godforsaken place.

“To bed, succubus,” Bastion pointed to the bed they’d designated as mine.

I shot him a final glare and nestled in under the covers with wicked thoughts of sneaking into Brick’s bed in the night just to spite him, but all my intentions were quickly lost to slumber.