An obsidian wall towered over us and seemed to be the final obstacle between us and the dark spires that I assumed were the base of the most powerful necromancers. Well, the last necromancers since most of them had seemingly perished in the Necromancer Wars.

A good reminder not to start wars unless you were also willing to lose them.

As we closed the distance between us and the wall, it seemed to look even higher, with a large gate that exuded power and ill intent. It curved strangely out at the top, and I wondered again how much of this world had been designed by the AI robot James had been using as his underwriter.

The university in the Citadel had likewise looked beautiful and artistic, but had made little architectural sense.

At the foot of the gate, we saw two figures: one large and one slim. My heart leaped into my throat. They were alive!

“Bastion! Bruiser!” I gasped, barreling towards them.

Brick got there before me, crushing Bastion in a hug with a painful cry of relief before dropping him and leaping onto Bruiser to pound him into the ground. I left the two warriors to their wrestling and approached Bastion. Although my initial reaction had been to run to them, I now felt an overwhelming wave of anxiety.

We’d been hunting them for days, but they’d left us without so much as a goodbye. And now Bastion was staring at me with an expression that was equal parts grief and dread.

“You’re here.” His words sounded wooden. Defeated.

“How could you?” I felt my lip starting to wobble and I felt dangerously close to crying. “How could you just go like that? Without even saying goodbye…”

“You weren’t supposed to come,” he shook his head, looking back at the gate in front of us. “This place… It’s too dangerous for you, Emma. You could die.”

“So could you,” I sniffed. “What would you do without me here to patch you up again?”

“I never… I never expected to live past this mission,” he admitted. “I wanted you to live. You and Brick. I wanted to give you that chance. To live a happy life and be safe.”

“Are we going to get married now?” Jackal waltzed up and asked. “Everyone’s together so we can get married now, right?”

“What?” Bastion looked between us. “Him too? You’re seeing this moron as well now?”

Jackal seemed unaware he was being insulted, distracted as he was.

“It’s a misunderstanding,” I shook my head, “He just… And we haven’t exactly had much time to iron things out, chasing after you as we have been.”

“I never wanted you to chase after me,” Bastion said, crossing his arms and glaring at me. “You were supposed to be tucked away safe and sound in the Citadel. You didn’t abandon your intelligence plan for this, did you?”

“Nightfall and I put our heads together, and we figured out an efficient way to get through it faster,” I said. “But I’m not moving on from this. You left without saying anything. You can’t imagine how worried I’ve… we’ve been. You can’t imagine what you did to Brick.”

Bastion gave me a long stare, then shrugged and turned his shoulder on me. “Well, it seems my efforts to keep you safe have been a waste, anyway. We’re at a dead end here.”

Brick had managed to get Bruiser in a headlock, and they were both grunting and growling with exhaustion, but my patience had reached its limit.

“Brick, that’s enough!” I snapped. “Unless you want the necromancers to come out and find we’ve already beaten each other up, you need to stop right now. We need to save our energy.”

Brick dropped Bruiser, who scooted away from him and rubbed his neck.

“Hey Emma.”

“Don’t ‘Hey Emma’ me, you asshole,” I snapped. “This was all your idea, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. Well, me and Bonaparte,” Bruiser said, sounding completely unrepentant. “But time was of the essence.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to contain my rage. “You should have come and talked to me first. We need to work together. You need me.”

“I doubt you’re going to get past this gate with your flirting abilities,” Bastion sniped. “Or did you think you could ask it nicely to unhinge its latches? It’s the ultimate defense, protected with necromantic magic and guarded by their slaves. There’s no way in.”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I glowered at him.

“You want to get past the door?” Jackal asked. “Is this the part of the date where we start killing people?”

I gave Bastion a look of exasperation and turned to Jackal, trying to explain as simply as I could what we wanted.

Yes, we wanted to get through the gate, where yes we might have to kill some people, but those people might be all powerful necromancers and no we weren’t getting married today or at any time in the foreseeable future but no that didn’t mean I was mad at him. I just couldn’t fall for someone who could barely follow a conversation, even if they had rock solid abs.

Jackal squinted at me, and I was pretty sure he was only taking in every other word.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, wishing his intelligence stats were just a point or two higher. Then I froze, realizing I had something that would do exactly that.

I fished around in my bag, avoiding the several hundred cinnamon rolls and potions bottles that all somehow fit within its confines, and retrieved my Adorkable Glasses.

“Jackal, can you put these on?” I asked.

“Is this a wedding gift?” he asked, placing them on his face. His happy-go-lucky smile faded a smidge. “Emma? Are we… we’re not getting married today, are we?”

“No, honey,” I sighed. “Let’s go over this again.”

I explained the situation to him again, and he listened and frowned.

“I don’t like these,” he said, fingering the glasses. “Things feel… complicated.”

“Things are complicated,” I shrugged. “Whether you understand them or not.”

“But you don’t love me, do you?”

I shook my head. “I barely know you, Jackal. Give it time and I’m sure we’ll be good friends.”

He gave a defeated sigh. “But you still like me, right? You must like me if you want to be friends.”

“You have lots of good qualities,” I hedged. “So yeah, I like you as a friend. I just don’t like you as… as more than a friend.”

“But you want to get past that wall? I can use my mermaid shout,” he said. “It smashes everything.”

“Okay,” I said. “We’ll give it a try. Have a look if you can find a weak point to aim it at. If there’s a join in the metal or a gap.”

Jackal gave me a slightly lost look, then nodded and walked off to look at the gate. I watched him go, completely aware that Bastion was still staring at me.

Nightfall put his hand on my shoulder. “That was good of you, to help him understand. An unwelcome truth is better than a pretty lie.”

I gave the dark elf a pained look. “I just wish I’d thought of the glasses sooner.”

“We should give him some distance in case the whole wall comes down,” Bruiser said, gesturing to where Jackal was inspecting the wall.

I nodded, and we moved back towards the grim suburban houses on the edge of town to watch Jackal do his trick. Like succubi, mermaids had magic woven into their songs, but while they could heal, they tended to prefer using their powers for destruction. I could almost imagine them sending powerful blasts out towards boats, cutting holes in the side of them and watching sailors drown.

I’d heard wonderful tales in the past of superstitious sailors throwing romance novels in the ocean before a voyage to soothe their moods – and always a volume one, in the hopes they would be spared to toss in the next volume on their next trip. Sure, maybe it was a bit crazy, but if I was a mermaid, it’d be enough to bribe me.

Jackal found his spot, braced himself, and let out his scream. He sounded like a heavy metal singer, his whole body pushing out the roar as his knees bent and his arms flew back. The vibrations were a visible shimmer, slamming into the wall and sliding across its smooth, curved surface and up into the air. The wall remained unmoved, but Jackal was sagging with exertion.

I jogged over to him and rubbed his back.

“Thanks for trying,” I said. “It was worth a shot.”

I heard a creak from above us and looked up. A gnome popped its head out of a small window above us and stuck its finger out at us in what could only be the gnomish equivalent of flipping the bird.

“No way yer gettin’ in here, ya grindin’ losers,” he laughed at us and then stuck his tongue out.

“Who’s that?” I blinked, surprised and a little repulsed.

“Necromancer slaves,” Bastion sneered. “Sold out their own people to save their own hides. They’re despicable.”

I had an odd moment when I felt like I was Dorothy at the gates of the Emerald City in The Wizard of Oz. Jackal was my scarecrow in need of a brain, Nightfall was my tinman who had been in need of a heart… but I didn’t think any of my companions could possibly be considered a cowardly lion.

I shook my head, trying to rid it of the cluttering thoughts. Perhaps Bastion was wrong, and my flirting could get us past the wall. Success was all based on statistics rather than realistic likelihood. But my charisma was only 18/20 and this might be my one and only chance.

“Jackal, what’s the buff on your tiara?” I asked hurriedly. Back in the Citadel he’d been spending all his cash on stat boosting accessories in order to try and woo a girlfriend.

“+2 Charisma. Why?”

“Can I have it? Quick?”

“Will you like me less?” Jackal asked hesitantly.

“Of course not,” I squeezed his arm. “Please?”

He handed it over and I placed it on my head just as the gnome was finishing another round of raspberries and was about to close the window. With a charisma stat of 20/20 and my Charm, Seduction and Persuasion abilities, I would be guaranteed success no matter what I said, so long as it was flirtatious and he could hear me. It was something I hated the very idea of, that my sexual appeal was powerful enough to override their natural behaviour, but in a situation like this I wasn’t beneath using it to my advantage.

“Wait!” I called out to him in a panic.

The window opened further, and the gnome poked his head further out to sneer at me. “What’d’ya want?”

“I want you to open the door, you sexy thing!” I called. “Can you let me in you… uh… cutie-pie?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Bastion gave me a disgusted look, but the gnome’s expression went slack.

“Ok baby,” the repulsive creature grinned. “Come up and give papa a smooch!”

I visibly shuddered as Bastion looked at me with distaste. “You really did that. That’s a thing that happened. You flirted your way into Necromancer Heights.”

Cogs started screeching, and the door began to rise slowly, allowing us to see into the grim concrete area beyond.

“Got us in though,” Brick said, clapping me on the shoulder. “Pretty and practical.”

“Just be sure to crack his skull with your axe before he gets close enough to touch me.”