“I think that last patch made the ale more potent,” I slurred, my head lolling over Bruiser’s hairy shoulder as he lumbered into the forest as I lay on his back. “Might’a made you bigger too. Were you always this big?”
Bruiser snickered, but due to my Animal Speak ability it sounded human even though he was in his bear form.
“You’re cute when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk, I’m just tispy. Tispy. Tispy.”
“Tipsy, you mean?” I could hear the chuckle in his rumbling voice. “Face it, Emma. You’ve never been able to hold your ale.”
“Ah, shaddup. Whatdyou know anyway?”
“Fighting words for a healing class succubus who can barely hold a sword straight.”
“Eh, what do I need to use a sword for when I’ve got you and the guys anyway?” I yawned.
“True enough,” Bruiser said, his voice a little softer. “Would you like to stop and rest a while? There’s a clearing up ahead, and we’re not in a rush.”
“I am a little sleepy,” I admitted. “You’ll keep me warm?”
“Always. It’s nice to see you having a proper rest. You’ve been working too hard recently.”
“Hard not to when the fate of the world rests in my hands. Hey, do my hands look weird to you? I never realized I don’t have fingerprints here. Do all Newtopians have smooth fingers?”
I felt Bruiser shift beneath me, his shaggy coat receding into his natural body hair as his muscles retracted and changed into his human form. My chin rested on his shoulder, his hands gripping my thighs to hold me in place as my arms wrapped around his neck, waving my digits in front of his face.
“I’ve never noticed. I suppose so.”
“Maybe we should patch them in, might finally get rid of the damn thieves’ guild.”
“No more work talk, darling,” Bruiser said, lowering me to a bed of thick moss near the base of a large tree. “It can all wait until morning.”
He opened my satchel and pulled out a large blanket, tucking me in tightly.
“Iss hard to stop,” I yawned. “’S’always so much to think about.”
It had been months since we’d discovered the truth about Newtopia: that it had been created by an AI modeling engine based on the questionable and often contradictory content of my ex-boyfriend James’ fanfiction files, which he had been writing since he was about twelve years old. Not only was the source material ill thought out and poorly written, but the modelling engine was created by another person altogether – James’ mentor and friend, Dave, who had played around with his stats, gone totally crazy and ended up being shot in the head with his own gun by yours truly.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
What followed, as we grappled with the responsibility of discovering sentient life in a broken system had been months of dry research and maths, using all my accounting experience to make the most terrifying excel spreadsheet that ever existed.
Even drunk, the little boxes and formula still swam before my eyes.
“Do you need more ale?” Bruiser asked. “You look like you’re thinking again.”
“If I have any more, I feel like I’ll throw up.”
“Maybe not then,” Bruiser gave me a considering look. “Would you like a massage?”
“Mm, that sounds nice.”
Maybe then I could start to forget the fact that if I got the farm to population ratio wrong, people would go back to eating zombie-meat stew that hat a 2% chance of poisoning them. Or if I calculated the run-off of fertilizer from those farms incorrectly, I’d poison the waterways and kill off all the merfolk, water nymphs and selkies.
Bruiser untucked the bottom of my blanket and pulled one of my feet into his lap, peeling off my shoes and kneading his thumbs into the ball of muscle.
I let out a long sigh and let my eyes drift up to the canopy of trees. I loved coming here, deep into the natural landscape of Newtopia with Bruiser. He always felt more at ease in the woods, and by extension I found it easier to relax as well.
I felt a shiver run through me, and this time I wasn’t sure if it was due to my drunken status ailment or if it was another patch. It was easier to see them when there was a clear view of the sky, as the clouds would pixelate for a second, give a little jiggle and fall back in line.
It had become a familiar sight, as Nightfall had scheduled in regular fixes, timed to coincide with regular spawning in of cart loads of foodstuffs and general goods into the towns until such a time as we could get a circular economy worked out.
“No thinking, Emma,” Bruiser reminded me, his breath tickling my feet as he planted a kiss on the sensitive sole. “Behave yourself, or I’ll have to resort to more drastic measures to distract you.”
“What kind of measures?” I asked, my toes twitching as his short-cropped beard tickled my ankle.
“I’ll think of something,” he said.
My shallow gasps seemed loud in the quiet of the forest compared to the tinkle of shifting leaves.
“Not so fast, my goddess,” he easily shrugged off my attempts to pull him on top of me – his 20/20 strength stat overshadowed my meagre 5/20 by so much it was almost pitiful, though he was always gentle and conscious of it.
Giving in, I lay back again. I felt the pores on my neck open on reflex, and allowing my succubus pheromones to plume out over us both. Bruiser tightened his grip and let out an animalistic growl, his eyes dilating.
His tongue laved over the sensitive skin behind my knee and I let out a giggle, squirming beneath him. I’d come a long way in becoming comfortable with the effect my pheromones had on others. Being unable to control them when I’d first landed in this world, when my level was about as low as my understanding of Newtopia, had been unnerving and at times terrifying. But of all my boyfriends, Bruiser was the most appreciative of the hypnotic effect they had. Be likened it once to being in heat, and as a shifter with a close connection to nature he loved how it heightened his senses.
We’d been together so long now I struggled to remember life before him, and he knew my mind so well he often knew what I needed before I did.
This whole retreat had been his idea as well, an opportunity for me to kick back and enjoy the peaceful world we spent all our time developing. The rest of the guys had agreed to hold the fort and keep everything running while Bruiser was tasked with giving me a thorough stress detox. We’d already made love several times before I’d even started drinking, and I thought I would have run out of orgasms by now, but he had a way of teasing them out of this succubus body I inhabited in this world.
I reached my hand up and took hold of the thick tree roots surrounding me as he thoroughly excavated every thought from my head like he was clearing termites out of a log.
Colours danced above me, flashes or red, blue and silver in the canopy of green above me as I felt another orgasm ripple through my body, tearing Bruiser’s name from my lips in a breathless gasp.