I don’t know how long I cried before I decided to stoke up the fire and run a bath. I felt filthy and wanted to scrub myself raw. The problem was, no matter how clean I got my skin, it was the feelings I struggled with inside me that I really wanted to sanitize.

I felt so strongly about Brick that I would never have believed I could feel that strong an attraction to another person, especially a stranger who attacked me before so much as telling me his name! But the urge I felt to stomp back out there and demand he finished what he started was so strong I had to clench my fists and try not to scream in frustration. It was like a switch had been turned on inside me and I didn’t know how to turn it off, which made me all the more furious.

I latched onto the anger and focused on it. If I was mad enough at him, maybe it would drown out the attraction.

I felt betrayed by my body, hating myself for what I was. I felt like an animal in heat rather than a conscious human being with free will and thought. Between sobs, I sang softly to myself, watching the marks Bruiser had left on my body disappear. I dropped my ripped clothing on the floor and stepped into the bath, glaring at it as I let the hot water seep into me.

A knock came on the door, but I ignored it. I was still too angry to talk.

“Uh, Brick’s girlfriend?” His deep baritone easily penetrated the wood.

I turned my glare to the door, summoning up as much hatred as I could and dwelling on it. If he hadn’t bothered to ask my name before, he didn’t deserve the courtesy of me telling it to him now.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I felt more tears well up and shut my eyes tightly.

“Are you okay in there?” He knocked again. “It’d be good if you could let me know if you can hear me. I don’t want to have to bash the door down to check on you.”

My eyes snapped open. “Don’t come in!”

“Alright,” he said, then paused. “Uh… when are you going to come out?”

“Never,” I said.

“Come on, you’ve got to come out some time,” Bruiser said. “I promise I won’t touch you again. I am sorry. I misunderstood the situation. I… I thought you were into it.”

That was just the problem. I had been. It had felt like a betrayal. Two betrayals. My betrayal of Brick, and my betrayal of myself. I feared to think what Brick would do if he found out – when he found out. There was no way this would be kept a secret, and it felt too much like what Lily had done to Bastion. I felt sick.

Maybe this was why Brick had been hesitant to bond with me. We’d talked about making a life together, buying a house with the spoils of our last mission – but he’d said that bonding oaths were a serious, long-term commitment and I needed to know myself before I decided to make one.

After this, I felt like I didn’t know myself at all.

“I mean, it wasn’t like I was going off nothing. I could smell your pheromones and your arousal.”

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I sank deeper into the bath until my eyes and ears peeked above the water. I felt like I was marinating in shame, and he was only making it worse.

“What level are you?” he asked. Then, after a moment, “And what’s your name?”

I raised my chin out of the water and rested it on the edge of the bath.

“It’s a little late to be asking me that, isn’t it?” I spat.

“Well, Kira just said Brick had picked up a girlfriend. She didn’t tell me what your name was, or anything about you. I assumed you’d be an orc.”

“That’s racist,” I seethed.

“Yeah, well,” I could practically hear him shrug the accusation off. “You don’t see many non-orc-orc relationships. In fact, this is only the second I’ve heard of, and I’ve been around the block a few times.”

I sank into silence again.

“So, will you come out and talk it out with me, Brick’s girlfriend?” he asked, again, making my eye twitch at the stand-in name. “We can’t avoid each other forever. Especially if Brick comes back.”

My eyes narrowed. So, he was nervous. Brick had said they’d been on a team for a long time. Maybe he was hesitant to break a good relationship over some Yoko Ono. Or maybe he was more concerned that Brick might use his axe, Ravager, to remove his head from his body.

I smirked at the thought, but then sobered immediately. Thinking of an angry Brick wasn’t particularly pleasant when I knew he had reason enough to be angry with me, too.

“Emma,” I said, unwilling to give him more than that. “My name is Emma.”

“Will you come out and talk with me, Emma?”

“No.”

I heard him growl in frustration. Good. He deserved to be frustrated.

“You ripped my clothes,” I added.

“Where do you keep your spares?” he asked. “I’ll fetch some for you.”

“I don’t have any spares, you jerk,” I shouted, sloshing the water around me as my tail whipped in agitation. “I don’t have a budget set aside for spare clothing to replace outfits that random strangers decide they want to tear off me!”

“Oh.” Now he sounded embarrassed.

Double good. He deserved that, too.

“What level are you?” he asked again.

I was so mad I wanted to hiss at him. It felt like a rude question – like asking a woman her weight or a man his salary. That old sexist analogy made me even madder. I wanted to punch someone. I’d settle for either James or Bruiser at this stage.

“Please, Emma. It’s important.”

“Four,” I said sullenly. It had been Level Two shortly before I went on that big mission with Brick and Bastion, which had seen me reach Level Three. Then, because for the stupid reason I was a succubus, I got points every time I flirted or engaged in amorous activities – and Brick and I had engaged in a lot of amorous activities. Hell, I’d even gotten five points for saying thank you to Bastion once and it had made me want to wash my mouth out with soap. I’d evened it out by flinging a pair of Brick’s dirty socks at him later that day just so he’d know I didn’t mean it that way and had been extra careful how I’d phrased anything towards him since.

I realized with disgust I’d probably earned points for making out with Bruiser as well and felt the urge to leap into a bonfire. This stupid world and this stupid experience mechanic made me want to find James, tie him to a chair and tattoo the feminist manifesto onto his forehead.

I felt the urge to go home to my world again for the first time in days. I just wished I could take Brick with me… if he’d even still want to come. And then I could find James’ fanfiction, Control-Find any mention of Bruiser and delete him from existence. I’d probably be more likely to win that skirmish than a physical scuffle with him, anyway.

“You’re that low?” I heard Bruiser’s low voice through the door. “So, you really don’t have any control over your powers yet?”

“Shut up!” If I’d known he was going to rub it in, I never would have told him.

“Emma, I know you might not believe me, because you really don’t know me yet, but I am sorry. I’m going out to get you some replacement clothes. Don’t… uh… go anywhere.”

Unlikely. A topless succubus streaking through the woods letting off pheromones in every direction because apparently, she had to Level Up to stop attracting guys?

When he returned with my new clothes, my first stop would be Lily’s library, so I could try to find a book on brewing poison. I’d decide later whether it was intended for Bruiser or James.