Ajax lies still on the ground. He doesn't understand what is currently happening. He cannot blink his eyes, nor can he move them around. He cannot inhale or exhale, rather, he cannot even feel his lungs right now. However, he doesn’t feel that worried about this, considering that he doesn’t need to breathe in order to continue living.
He tries to pick himself off the ground, but his body won't respond to him.
What is… What is happening? Why am I just… lying here? What just…
He doesn't remember something crucial to his current situation. A memory of pain.
He had felt agony. Torment. A pain so supreme that he… cannot even remember it now, along with a few other important things. A mind wiping pain inciting delirium. Somehow he feels an afterimage of that pain, and because of this, he can at least understand that it is the reason he is in this current state. Or at least it is a reason.
But… why was I in pain? Who inflicted that pain? What am I even…
Regardless, right now, Ajax cannot feel anything. He cannot feel anything. He cannot feel anything. Why can't he feel anything? Not just pain but sensation. It's like he's stuck in his own head, a prison of thought with limited sensation. However, he isn't blind yet, nor is he deaf.
He can still see ahead of him and his eyes are still open. He can still hear the crackling flames surrounding him. Where did the flames come from? He doesn’t remember. It is also the reason he can see Shaula at the entrance of the hallway right now in his line of sight. He can see her face, the face of his best friend, twisted in horror.
He’s never seen that expression on her before.
Shaula? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Where is this right now? You're… Why are you making that face…
She's looking directly into his eyes from across the hallway, making herself over to him slowly. Even though he cannot move his eyes back and forth, his eyes are currently facing her for whatever reason. He can see her trying to say something.
But, she looks like she's moving too slowly. He can perceive her anxious voice, but it is deeper than he thought it would be. Slower. The pitch of her voice is lowered as if he were watching a video of his friend before him in slow motion.
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She's calling my name, isn’t she? What's wrong, Shaula? Why do you look so… scared? I'm right here. I'm fine. Aren’t I? But, I can't answer you for some reason. I can see you. I can hear you, but… what's… Is this a dream? Am I dreaming?
Ajax can also hear the crackling flames in the background of her anxious words. But, the sound of the flames is distorting as well. It doesn’t sound like fire should sound anymore. It's too slow, its pitch too deep. The crackling of embers, at least what he assumes that sound to be, is delayed and a bit muted.
The fire scares him. It is as if… No, everything around him is wrong. This isn’t how reality is supposed to be. He feels fear. It is… as if he’s about to die. His mind is finally losing its grasp on reality. Either he’s dying or he’s slowly entering a state of inescapable insanity. Either option scares him. But, the fact that he cannot move at all makes him believe that it is the former.
He’s about to die and he’s hearing the fires of hell waiting for him. They sound like hell’s chorus of demons laughing at him. Laughing at the inevitable.
Everything is slow right now and it is only getting slower and slower. The flames are getting more distorted and ugly, Shaula’s words more terrifying to hear. He doesn't know why it came to be this way, but his mind is forcibly stretching time out as much as it can be stretched. It's all slowing down around him. It's only slowing down more and more.
Why? What is… What is this? What state am I in? I can't move my body… I… I can't… think…
Ajax starts to feel sleepy, but not exactly. It isn't as if he wants to sleep. It's as if he wants to… to…
He doesn't remember.
He doesn't remember his prior moments, his immediate desires or goals. He can barely even remember what's been happening today. Is it morning or evening?
He cannot remember.
What city is he in? What did he do before bed last night? Why is Shaula crying in front of him?
He simply cannot remember.
His desperate, painful actions in order to escape Orin. His decapitation. His pain and sadness at not being able to stop the man from hurting him even with everything in his power. His fear.
He cannot even remember his fear. He can only remember important things. The faces of his parents. The smile and laughter of his sister. His first day of school. His acceptance into Lower Dietrich University. The first time Shaula, his dearest friend, had told him that she loved him as if he were her own brother: a family member that didn’t make her want to kill them or kill herself.
Only important things. After all, he's about to die, his life flashing before his eyes.
This… This can't be it, right? This… I'm not dying. I'm not. I'm going to live. I am. I… can tell. I know it. I know it in my deepest parts. I… I cannot die. It's not possible for me to die, a fact as certain… as the sun in the sky. Fuck…
Ajax believes he cannot die. But, where does that belief come from? It has to be something he truly believes deep down or… it could be a way that his mind is trying to force him to process his impending doom. Denial of the inevitable, of death. He curses his own base weakness as a person.