“Oh man, I needed this,” Jane said, chowing down on one of Crazy Sadie’s skewers.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding,” Arthur said. “These are amazing.”

“Told ya.”

We were fresh from the Light Dungeon, having teleported back to the city center gazebo, where we found the real Lancelot waiting for us. He had respawned there only moments before. We’d all used a lot of mana and were very hungry, so I told everyone I’d treat them to some of Sadie’s finest. Most people had gotten theirs already, and it was just me, Arthur, Morgan, and Jane left at the food cart.

“What’s it made of again?” Morgan said.

“War pig,” Jane said through a mouthful of meat.

“Hey Sadie,” I said after swallowing a big bite. “What is war pig, anyway?”

She examined me with one eye as though I was the crazy one. “War pig’s war pig,” she said. “What else?”

“Yes, but what kind of creature is a war pig? What does it look like? I’ve been in the forest a few times and never came across one.”

“Well, it’s big. And sorta snot green. Gots a snout and tusks. Big tusks. Usually carries a big axe.” She shrugged. “It’s a war pig.”

Wait a second. Big axe?

“Sadie,” I said. “Did you say axe?”

“Uh huh,” she said. “Big axe.”

Big axes. Big tusks. Oh no.

I reached into my inventory and pulled out some charcoal and paper then quickly made a sketch. It was pretty good, but then again I’d picked up the drawing skill along with a host of others when I became the Great Architect. I showed it to Sadie.

“By any chance do they look something like this?”

Sadie gave me a gap-toothed grin and tapped the picture with a gnarled finger, leaving behind a greasy smudge. “That’s a war pig, uh huh.”

“Oh dear,” I said.

“What is it?” Jane said, licking the juice dripping down hand from the skewer.

I showed her the sketch.

“That’s an orc,” she said.

“Uh huh,” I said.

“Orc,” Sadie said. “War pig. Same difference.”

Jane stopped licking her hand and scrutinized the meat on her skewer. “I’m eating orc?”

“Uh huh.”

She considered the skewer for a bit longer, then shrugged and tore a strip of flesh off with her teeth. “Orc tastes good,” she said as she chewed and wandered away. Arthur and his sister followed, leaving me to settle the unsettling bill with Sadie.

“Well well well,” an unfortunately familiar voice said.

“Hello Kiki,” I said without looking. “What brings you out of your parents’ basement today?”

“I was going to lead my team to conquer one of those dungeons outside the wall, but it seems like I found something much more fun to play with inside.”

“Is that so?” I said, sliding Sadie a few gold coins. That was far more than the cost of the skewers, and Sadie rewarded me with a suspicious glare. I ignored her and turned to face Kiki.

There she was in all her gyaru glory, blonde hair in pigtails sprouting from the sides of her head like twin fountains, and sporting a garish new outfit that made her look like some sort of lewd Christmas elf. Meanwhile, her team arrayed themselves behind her, looking equal parts intimidating and confused, and I was suddenly reminded of the Gorgon and her Flesh Golem lackeys. I recognized a few familiar faces among them: Jonah, the thug I’d learned how to brawl from the hard way; Derek, the weasel-faced one with the shadow ropes; and the wonder jerks, Chuck and Greg. Notably missing from the entourage was Jason, the guy who’d joined her before we asked him to join us.

I guess he decided he didn’t want to be part of her gang after all. Good for him.

“Where’s your team, Daniel?” Kiki purred, oozing up to me before grabbing my arm and rubbing against it. Not that long ago, that gesture would've rendered me mostly useless, but I'd been hanging around with Jane and Sigrid and had developed a much thicker skin when it came to that kind of teasing. “Oh right, you don’t have one.”

I nibbled on my skewer. “The joke’s on you Kiki. I am on a team after all.”

Her brow creased in a frown. “Since when?”

She let go of my arm and and bounced back a step, her eyes focusing over my head. She’d just used All Shall Be Revealed on me. Then those brown eyes under those long fake lashes went big and wide and her glossy pink lips opened in a tiny, silent “oh.”

“Something wrong?” I said.

“Like, WTF dude! What’s with all the skills? What are you, some kind of cheater?”

“It’s impossible to cheat,” I said. ”System won’t let you.”

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“And what’s this Team Player jazz? Where have I heard that name?”

Derek spoke up. “Isn’t that the team that cleared the dungeon?”

In the time it took for her to process my Status, a few seconds at most, Kiki’s expression transformed from playful confidence to puzzled confusion to open envy to roaring rage. Impressive range.

“What the hell?" Kiki shrieked. "How did you clear a dungeon?”

I couldn’t help but wince at the condescending emphasis she put on the word you.

“Of course I’ll tell you, Kiki. You know, seeing as how we’re such close buddies.”

She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Ha ha. So where’s your team, then?”

“It’s just me.”

“You’re a liar.”

“If you say so. Now if you’ll excuse me...” I brushed past her, passing so close that the soft fur trim of her outfit tickled the skin on my arm, and walked straight into the middle of her gang, heading toward where my friends were. The lackeys at the front stepped aside to let me through.

“Nobody move,” Kiki snarled, and they stopped getting out of my way.

I was surrounded by Team N3m3sis.

I gnawed a chunk of orc — actually, let’s keep calling it war pig — off my skewer, and waited.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me everything you know about those dungeons and how to solve them,” Kiki said from behind me.

I looked straight ahead. “Move,” I said. “Please.”

“You really think we're gonna do it just because you asked?” Kiki said.

“He said please,” Sigrid said.

The members of Team N3m3sis in front of me turned to look behind them, and saw all of Team Maple Leaf plus the Round Table standing there looking unimpressed.

“If you want to start something,” Morgan said, “we are more than happy to oblige.”

I turned around to face Kiki. “What’s it gonna be, Kiki?”

“Is this your team?” she said, her usually rosy face going pale. “Why are there so many?”

“I told you, my team is just me. These are my friends. We've been through this before, you really should try getting some.”

Kiki surveyed them. As I would expect of the heroine and her powerful supporter, Jane and Sigrid were right there at the front of the pack, standing up for me as they always did for one of their friends, defiant looks on their faces, but I was surprised to see Morgan right there beside them, supporting me with a loaded crossbow in her hands. I saw Kiki's eyes linger on the three women, then focus back on me.

“You think you’re hot stuff now, huh,” Kiki spat.

“And you think you’re smart,” Jane said. “Only one of us is right.”

I saw the muscles in her jaw working as she glared at me, no doubt gritting her teeth and biting back some kind of spiteful remark, then without word or warning she turned and started stomping away. After a few steps she glanced back over her shoulder. Her eyes met mine for a brief flash before she looked away. “Well come on!” she barked at her cronies, and they all started to follow her down the street.

“She’s a piece of work,” Arthur said.

“Tell me about it,” I said.

“I think she’s kinda hot,” Andy said.

“You think everyone with boobs is hot,” Bruce said.

“Yeah, you’re not wrong,” Andy said.

“But she’s a crazy person,” Nina said.

“Yeaaaah,” Andy said, a distant look in his eyes. “So you just know she’s a—”

“She’s amazing,” Kenji muttered, watching her flounce away.

“Kenji?” I said. “Seriously?”

His sister rolled her eyes. “Ignore him. He’s got a thing for tsunderes.”

“Tsundere? Kiki? For real?” I said. “I mean, I get the tsun part, obviously, but...”

Chika put her hands on her hips and flipped her hair out of her face, a near perfect imitation of Kiki. “Are you really that dense?”

Sigrid snorted. “He absolutely is.”

“One more orc skewer, please,” Jane said. She was already back at Crazy Sadie’s for more.

“I think I might have one too,” I said. “Hey Jane, can you get me one?”

“Jeez, just because he’s Master of the Light or something he thinks he can boss everyone around,” she said, but then she added, “make that two, please, Sadie.”

Suddenly, Jane startled like she’d received a mild electric shock or seen a moderately-sized spider, then whooped.

“I got me an observer here!” she yelled. “Wants to reward me for being so entertaining in the maze.”

“I’ve got one too,” said Arthur. “Only my reward is for being effective. Effective?”

“Meh,” Jane said. “I’d rather be entertaining.”

“My observer just called me cute,” Lancelot said.

More and more people spoke up. Seemed like everyone was getting rewarded by observers for one reason or another.

Except me. I got no observer windows opening up.

Then—

System: System thinks you should know

Okay, that was not what I was expecting.

I used my skill to sneak away from my friends unnoticed, not too far, just far enough that nobody would hear me. “What should I know?” I mumbled.

System: System thinks you should know it was System’s smell

Was I supposed to know what was going on? System smelled?

System: System added enhanced sensory elements to the dungeon to improve Player immersion

System: It was System’s smell

“Do you mean what Stratos was talking about at the end there, about how it seemed more real now with Daedalus’ stench and all?”

System: Affirmative

I got it. I’d worked in enough crappy jobs under enough crappy bosses to recognize when someone wasn’t happy that someone else was taking credit for their work. I didn’t have a full handle on the dynamics between System and Stratos, but I was getting a better idea.

“Good job, System,” I said. “We relied a lot on Kenji’s senses to guide us through the maze, thanks to those enhanced sensory details you made. Grandma’s flowers, you know?”

Nothing happened. Nothing but radio silence from System. I’d just begun to wonder if I’d said something wrong when Jane bamfed in front of me with a grin on her face and a skewer in her hand for me. System finally flashed its response window while she was shaking the charred orc flesh in front of my face. I barely noticed that the System message was there before Jane started hauling me away and I accidentally closed the window. As a result, it was only there for a fraction of a second, but it was also only a very short message. Short enough for me to read it before the window closed and it vanished forever.

System: System knows