“What do you mean it’s covered?” Sigrid said. “Wasn’t that a distress call just now?”

“The whistle message was only to let us know there was an attack on the village,” Petal said, seeing the confused faces of the others. “It wasn’t a call to action to come help. As Daniel said, village defense is covered.”

“You two are starting to piss me off,” Jane said. “You’re playing with us and enjoying it far too much.”

“You’re right,” I said. “Sorry.”

“So spill, elf boy. Why aren't you freaking out right now?”

I raised two fingers. “Two reasons: one, we were prepared this time. Every elf who remained in the village was on high alert, armed and ready. And I do mean every elf."

"Aren't all the elven guards here in the city?" Kay said.

"Most of them, but you have to remember that all elves receive warrior training from a very young age, and every one is a capable fighter. They’re like Fremen. Even the elves who aren’t proper soldiers can hold their own in a fight.”

“I see,” Jane said. “And I saw the Dune movies so I know what you’re talking about.”

“You should read the books,” I said.

“Meh, I ain’t got time to read. So what’s reason number two?”

“Even though they can hold their own, I’d rather they not have to. I've learned to stop overestimating Players and anticipated something like this might happen, but I wanted to ensure minimal casualties on both sides so I left behind a little supplementary defense force.”

Petal snorted. “Little?”

“What did you do this time, Daniel?” Sigrid said. She sounded worried, like I was always causing trouble or something.

“Nothing much. I just boosted the village’s defenses with a few monsters from the labyrinth.”

“A few,” Petal said. “Right.”

“Look, I didn’t want to have to fight against Players again, even scum who would stoop to a cowardly sneak attack when they thought all they’d face is a bunch of civilian elves. I wanted to send a message.”

“There is no such a thing as a civilian elf,” Petal said.

“I know that, and you know that, but those other Players don’t. That’s what makes their actions even more unconscionable.”

“Are the elves really that tough?” Chika said, eyes shining as she looked at Petal.

“Lemme put it this way," I said. "Pit any little elf kid in the arena against any Player you choose, and I’d bet on the kid.”

“What if it was you?” Sigrid said.

“Huh?”

“What if you went toe to toe with an elf kid? How young do they have to be for you to beat them?”

“Are they old enough to hold a knife in each hand?” I said. “Then I’d probably lose.”

Petal scoffed. “How can you say that?”

“You’re right,” I said. “As long as they can hold a knife in just one hand.”

Petal shook her head slowly. “That’s not what I meant. I do not understand your humility,” she said. “I have trained you personally and I have fought beside you, and I would say your current prowess is enough to qualify you for a position in my Guard unit. Plus you have your magic abilities. Given that, I think you might even beat me if we fought for real.”

I gaped at Petal. “I think you have the wrong idea.”

Petal looked confused. “No, I think you do. Why be so modest? Strength is good.”

“It’s not modesty,” Jane said. “This guy actually believes the shit he says.”

Finally. Someone gets me. Of course it’s the protagonist.

“One question, Daniel,” Sigrid said. “How’d you know that some Players would try to steal your dungeon away again?”

“What?” I said. “What do you mean steal away?”

“Um, isn’t that what you were worried about?”

“I just thought they’d want revenge for being shot with arrows every time they tried to get past the wall before it came down, or for the last attack debacle. Or maybe that they hated me so much they’d want to attack me through my dungeon. It never occurred to me that they’d be after dungeon control.”

Sigrid’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

“Jesus, Daniel,” Jane said. “I don’t play your games but even I figured that’s what they were after.”

“Is it even possible?” I said. “Hey System, is it possible to gain control over a dungeon controlled by another team?”

System: Control over dungeons is an important game element

“That doesn’t really answer the question,” Sigrid said.

“Plus: duh,” Jane muttered.

I was used to System’s evasive way of answering questions by now, but it was still frustrating.

“Okay, System,” I said, “how about this: how do you gain control of another team’s dungeon?”

System: Dungeon control transfer occurs when the conditions for transfer have been met

“System’s pretty dodgy, isn’t it?” Sigrid said, looking exasperated.

“You mean it’s a bit of a prick,” Jane mumbled.

“It gets like this when you ask it about something important,” I said. "And be careful what you say, System hears everything and is known to hold grudges."

“Let me try. System, what are the conditions for dungeon transfer?” Sigrid said.

There was a bit of a delay in the response. Then:

System: Dungeon control transfer conditions have not been met

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

“So what does it take to meet them?” Sigrid said, exasperation giving way to mild anger.

I put my hand on Sigrid’s arm. “Give it up. Trust me, it’ll just keep running you in circles. One of those observers once tried to answer one of my questions when System avoided doing so, but that's against the rules so they ended up getting muted for a while. System only reveals what System wants to reveal when System wants to reveal it.”

“Fine,” Sigrid said. “If you say so.”

“Hey Daniel,” Kay said. “If you didn’t want to fight Players, why did you put both your dungeons against them?

“Yeah,” Jane said. “How does thoroughly crushing them jive with minimal casualties?”

“I left what I thought ought to be enough to discourage anyone from actually starting anything so there’d be no fighting.”

Sigrid narrowed her eyes. “What exactly did you leave there?” It sounded more like an accusation than a question.

“Let’s see, there were some centaurs—”

“I know what those are!” Jane said.

Petal rolled her eyes. “Some, he says. More like a full platoon.”

“How many is that?” Chika said.

“Thirty-six.”

“I’d say that is a bit more than some," Jane said.

Petal nodded. “Plus I saw them practice. They are nearly as good with their bows as we are, and can shoot while galloping.”

“You really did call in the cavalry this time,” Kay said.

Sigrid was still regarding me warily. “Was that all you left? Anything else?”

“Some,” Petal said with a playful smile.

“I left a few lamias—” I said. When Jane opened her mouth to say something, I quickly added: “You know how centaurs are horse on the bottom and person on top? Imagine something that’s a person up top, but a giant snake on the bottom.”

“Sounds nasty,” Chika said.

“Are they nasty?” Jane said.

“Exceedingly,” Petal said, her smile widening.

“Nice,” Jane said.

“You’d like them, Jane,” I said. “Their women are way nastier in a fight than the men.”

“Did you leave any women lampios or whatever?” Jane said.

“Lamias,” I said.

“Whatever.”

“He left only female lamias,” Petal said.

“Figures,” Jane said. “Pervert. Are they good looking?”

“They are not unattractive,” Petal said, “if a bit slithery.”

“Ha,” Sigrid said.

“I didn’t think there were any male lamias,” Kay said. When that received a few surprised looks, she added, “Arthur and Morgan aren’t the only ones who like mythology.”

“I bet he didn’t leave any of his Doppelganger harem,” Jane said.

“Actually, he left the Doppelganger named Alice in charge, and...shhh, Daniel’s getting upset,” Petal said.

“Uh oh,” Jane said, then mimed zippering up her lips.

I waited to make sure they were finished. “I also left a flock of harpies—”

“What are those?” Jane said, too fast for me to preempt.

“Half human, half bird, now look, are you interested in this or not?”

“Yes, I’m sorry,” Jane said. “I’ll stop. I promise.” She drew a cross with her finger over her heart. “Just, did you leave anything that wasn’t half human and half something else?”

“Don’t blame me. The ancient Greeks seemed to like hybrid creatures. The labyrinth’s full of them.”

“Got it,” Jane said.

“Well that sounds like a decent deterrent force,” Kay said.

“That isn’t everything,” Petal said.

“There’s more?” Jane said.

“Remember the marble statues that guard the room with the three doors?” I said. “I sent about half of them. And the cyclops — big guy, one eye, not too clever but strong as heck — and what else was there...?”

“There’s still more?”

“The minotaur,” prompted Petal.

“Yes, of course,” I said, slapping my forehead. “How could I forget him?”

“Half person, half cow,” Chika said, smacking her fist into her open palm. “I’m still ticked I didn’t get to fight him.”

“He’s back?” Sigrid said. Her face was grim.

“Yeah, I let him respawn. What’s a labyrinth without a minotaur, you know?”

Sigrid glared at me. “The Minotaur is back. The one who very nearly killed me,” she said, sounding more than a bit threatening.

“And didn’t he literally kill the last dungeon master?” Kay said. She avoided meeting my eyes, but I couldn’t help but notice she kept glancing over at me throughout the whole conversation.

Did I actually have sauce on my cheek?

“You think that was a good idea?” Sigrid said.

Yep, definitely threatening.

“He’s not so bad,” I said. “Really! If I can be honest, from what I can tell Daedalus wasn't very nice to the dungeon's monsters, so maybe he had it coming. And besides, when the Minotaur fought you he was only doing his job.”

“But now he’s under your control, right?” Sigrid said. “You can control him. Right?”

“Well, controlling a dungeon does not necessarily mean having complete control over everyone in it. NPCs have wills of their own that must be navigated, especially the Boss-rank ones like the Minotaur. We negotiated an arrangement.”

“What kind of arrangement?” Jane said.

“An amicable one,” I said.

“Should I ask what exactly an amicable—” Sigrid said.

“Probably not,” I said, suspiciously fast.

Sigrid glared at me a bit longer, then she sighed and her look softened. “I’ll give you this one. I just can’t stay mad at you when you look like that.”

“Look, if you have a grudge with the Minotaur, you can take it up with him whenever you’d like. In fact, you can go fight the monsters in the labyrinth anytime. Don’t worry about killing them, they live in a contained dungeon so they’ll respwan.”

“What about the ones that are not, well, you know...contained?” Jane said, glancing at Petal.

“The elf village is a different kind of dungeon, so the rules are different. Which is why I wanted to prevent any casualties, if possible.”

“Unlike the Minotaur and other unnatural creatures from the magical place, if I die, I die,” Petal said. “I will not come back, I will return to the Green.” She looked around at us. “Like any other normal being.”

It was at times like this that the NPC AI didn’t feel quite as real. Whenever we Players started to talk meta-game they translated it into ways that made sense to them.

When we referred to ourselves as Players in front of Petal, she heard that as a name refering a specific group of humans who only recently settled in the city. To her, the Light Dungeon or labyrinth meant a magical place that I happened to have a strong influence over, similar to how I had a strong influence over the forest and her village. And when we said monsters, well, thankfully she didn’t take the word literally, or personally. All she heard was a basket term for creatures who could come back after they died.

Petal understood that the various beings from the magical place that I’d left to guard her village were unnatural creatures who could come back, so it wasn’t such a big deal if you killed them. Unlike the elves, who for some reason could not respawn. I assumed that was a game balance mechanic: an army of immortal elves, all fighting with group-augmented dual knife skills, would be a devastating and potentially unbalancing force. That was probably why there were so few of them too.

“I think I get it,” Jane said. She mimed lifting a box from in front of her and moving it to the side. “But putting that aside, the force you left behind does sound like a bit of overkill. You sure you’re not just showing off to impress someone?”

“Who would I...?” I said.

“You’re forgetting one of your unnatural creatures,” Petal said. "You know." When I looked confused she put her hand on her head and wiggled her fingers.

“Oh yeah. I also brought back the Gorgon.”

“What the hell?” Sigrid said.

“My goal was to use overwhelming force to intimidate anyone who dared attack and make them think twice about starting something, and there ain’t nobody who can intimidate like the Gorgon.”

“That is true,” Sigrid said. “Still.”

“I’m going to miss having the grotto to myself, but I need the dungeon fully stocked and she’s a powerhouse, despite how easy it was for us to beat her.”

“You call that easy?”

“She turned Lance to stone,” Kay said. “Even after you killed her.”

“Yeah, well, like I said. A powerhouse. She’s also not so bad once you get to know her. You’d be cranky too if the only ones you ever had to talk to were nearly mindless golems who had no mouths to talk back with.”

“You make a good point,” Sigrid said.

“Also, the elves are immune to her stare – I am too, now that I’m Great Architect — so she had a blast actually getting to interact with people when I brought her to the village.”

“You know,” Kay said, “people only know how strong the elf soldiers are. Having the monsters from the labyrinth as the forest's first line of defense has the extra benefit of hiding just how strong the normal elves are too. That’ll make for a pretty nasty surprise for the first bunch who fights with them in earnest.”

“Like Fremen,” I said. “But let’s hope it never comes to that.”

“So what exactly did the whistle say?” Jane said.

“Only that the attack came as Daniel anticipated,” Petal said, “and as expected his little defense force gave them second thoughts so they turned back before a full scale fight broke out.”

“You mean they actually turned tail and ran away?” Jane said.

I laced my fingers together and cracked my knuckles. “I love it when a plan comes together.”