As we were getting closer to the city I would start wondering how should I deal with one specific problem. With Kim, to be precise. First things first – he was just like me, just a little bit dumbeee… less clever. I would love to keep his existence a secret from all the parties… but then again. I have to keep him close. By keeping him close I mean near or even at the guild. And that means that with a day or two of delay everyone would learn that a new kid appeared among adventurers. In the very guild that recently stopped recruitment due to a problem with nobles. And that this kid has some relationship with Zariel the Raven, the alchemist, the political tool, the freak.
And very quickly few “friendly” individuals would appear trying to help him out with most basic activities, in the meantime asking about his connections with me. I was out of “good options”, for there was literally no way of protecting him from every possible political interaction, because of that I was forced to chose a “lesser evil”. Or, speaking bluntly, I will just keep my pup close to me and bark at everyone that would come too close.
But, how will I explain this to Giselle? I decided to do the same thing that every grown-up male would do while confronting his mad girlfriend. I was about to hide Kim from her as long as possible, lie and postpone delivering this information for as long as I could. In the end, that’s what adults do while dealing with problems! Run away from it or pretend it does not exist!
We stopped in front of a guild. Before entering, I turned around and faced Kim.
* “Do you remember what did I tell you?”
* “Don’t talk with strangers, pay attention to those asking too many questions and that I should be informing you about every suspicious person.”
He ended.
* “… Aaaand?” He missed one tiny detail
* “Don’t kill people.”
* “Good boy.” I messed his hair with my hand. He accepted petting with a soft smile “… now, remember the plan?”
* “Biiig brooo! I don’t wanna! I feel bad in closed spaces!”
* “It’s temporary. Just a few minutes, can you do this for me?”
* “I guess…” he wasn’t happy about the thing that was coming next.
In front of him, there was standing a barrel, big enough to fit a small person in it. Guess why I mentioned that fact? Of course, because I was about to smuggle him in.
With groans and snarls of displeasure, he eventually fit inside. Seconds after that I raised the barrel of the ground and walk into the guild entrance on the back alley. I said my greetings to a few staff workers, avoided a few adventurers that tried gaining my favor by licking my butt, and finally reached the reception desk.
* “Hi. I would like to rent another room. Can be small, not too small and…”
* “Why? Is something wrong with the one you are occupying with lady Redwing?”
* “No, it’s fine, I just need a small storage room to…”
* “The guild has its own storage, you are free to use it, just have to tag everything you would deposit or withdr….” The time was important
* “For fuck sake! Woman! Let me put it in simpler words! ME want ROOM! For one person. One bed. One table. Me posses money! Me give you money. You give me key. No storage! No deposit! ROOM!”
Kim twitched in the barrel, unfortunately, the movement was noticed by the worker.
* “Sir, did you bring in some dangerous animal? You will have to report it and sign the document saying that you take full responsibility for any damage that this creature would cause and…”
She was just doing her job. Following the procedure. I knew that - I have lots of respect to the people working in customer service… but….
* “I. Beg. You. I will sign everything. I will tag everything. I will walk it on a fucking leash, feed thrice a day and clean poop in case it leaves it on the corridor… but I am a little time-sensitive so could you…”
* “ZARI!...” I heard a roar from the corridor behind me. Literally a roar.
* “Never mind. Too late.”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
* “YOU LEFT US ALONE AT THE CAFETERIA! While you were away a chandelier in inn section fell off the ceiling, poor Blanka almost died of cardiac arrest! AND YOU THINK WE WILL BE COOL ONLY BECAUSE YOU PAID FOR DRINKS AND COLOSSAL RAW STEAK?! “ Giselle was marching toward me at a fast pace “…We indeed are, it was delicious. Feel free to vanish more often, I would just love to know where are you going, you know, in case you were kidnapped again.”
Perfect. She is in a good mood.
* “Come on, join us Zari! We are really having a blast!... I mean, Lana and I do, because Blanka keeps sitting in a corner watching every chandelier with suspicion asking when you would return…”
She grabbed my arm with intentions of dragging me to the table they were sitting at.
* “I would love to, but I have to deal with one last thing, I will come in a few minutes! I promise! I just have to…. Carry. Thing.”
Her gaze fell upon the barrel.
* “What is in it? Definitely not alcohol, the prices in guild tavern are ridiculously low, so buying it elsewhere would be pointless…”
SINCE WHEN ARE YOU THIS INTELLIGENT?! HA?!
* “I believe Mr. Zariel brought some dangerous animal in…” staff worker said without being asked
* “I believe Madame Receptionist SHOULD NOT OPEN HER FUCKING MOUTH NOT ASKED!”
Great. I am yelling at a minimal wage worker. A moment or two and I will ask to see a manager. What have I become? Later I will apologize her, yet lecture to not interfere in other people business.
* “And what’s the problem?” Gis asked, “… if he took it, he took it, I am more than sure that whole guild of skilled monster hunters could deal with it once it would go on rampage…”
* “I… this is… I…” receptionist forgot tongue in her mouth.
Giselle over talked someone! With valid arguments! The world must be ending…
* “Ok. We are taking it in. I guess our room would be sufficient until you would prepare a separate room, would it?”
* “I… I guess…” the lady behind the counter became awfully submissive in Gis’s presence.
* “It’s settled then!” She raised the barrel off the ground.
* “Hey! What are you doing?!” I tried protesting
* “Just helping you out! You did plenty already, so just take it easy and rest so…”
Wait, wait, wait…
* “Who are you and what did you do to Giselle?”
* “Ha-ha. Very funny… I was talking with the girls quite a lot and… you know… Lana said I should appreciate you from time to time… So I am doing it. Right now. Feel appreciated already!? It’s getting on my nerves!”
Now, she finally sounds a bit more Giselle-ish.
* “Thanks, love, but I can carry it myself…”
* “I don’t want to even hear about it!”
THIS STUPID STUBBORN DONKEY!
Nonetheless, I was forced to let her carry the barrel to our room on the higher floor. Of course, she wouldn’t be herself if she wouldn’t hit every possible corner with the barrel. Poor Kim, hang in there, kid!
Eventually, we managed to get to our room, where Gis would gently… SLAM THE BARREL ON THE GROUND
* “Phew! Finally here! Now, what is inside!...”
She stretched her hand toward the lid.
* “GISELLE DON’T!...” she froze in space stopped by her instincts and muscle memory. “… I would really appreciate if you would not open it.”
* “Why? What’s in it?”
Crap. Crap crap crap. Think, Zari, think! She is overly nosy, if I would pick her interest or try discouraging her from opening the barrel, she would definitely open it.
* “Something I will show you later… It’s just…” her eyes widened, her tail twitched excitedly.
NO GOOD! I REPEAT “NO GOOD”! It picked her interest even more! Abandon thread! I repeat abandon…
No, wait! Never retreat! Counterattack!
* “You were talking about appreciating me, weren’t you!? Appreciation is a form of respect, and I would really like you to respect that ONE thing I ask you to do. Or actually, not-to-do. Gis, please, I will tell and show you everything. All I ask you for is a little bit of time. You see, this matter is difficult for me too. I need to calm down, gather my thoughts. Once I would know how to deal with it, you will be the first person I would inform. I am not asking for gods-only-know how long, just a few days, bah! Maybe hours!”
She was slowly claiming down, with uneasy expression, but still. She was about to let go.
But then, Kim sneezed.
* “Zari… that wasn't sneezing of an animal.”
* “Giselle. Please. You already heard what I wanted you to hear. If you could just…”
But she couldn’t. During my monologue, she sat on the bed. Now, she raised up.
* “… Giselle?...”
She turned toward the barrel.
* “… Giselle, don’t!”
And started walking to it.
* “… Giselle, you will jump into the wrong conclusion! AGAIN!”
And opened the lit. Kim’s head popped out “phewing” almost drunk with fresh air.
And then he looked at Giselle. And Giselle looked at Kim. And Kim looked at me, so I answered his gaze with mine as if telling him “everything is fine, she is not an enemy”
Gis looked at me with confusion, I answered her with “don’t even ask” stare and sigh.
And then Kim and Gis gazed back at each other.
* “Zariel Whiteraven. I formally request information regarding our current situation.” Giselle did her best to remain calm.
* “Papa. Who is that huge woman?”
* “Who are you calling huge!!! WAIT!? PAPA?! Who are you calling papa?!”
* “Big Zariel is Kim’s papa!”
The two of you, please, stop, before things would turn awkward!
* “Ah, something bad must have happened to you and Zari helped you, and as you have nobody else you started calling Zariel as your papa, right?”
Kim nodded
Praise the gods! It all turned out better than expected…
* “… Zari also said that Kim was made using his essence, this is why Zari is Kim’s papa….”
* “I see! I see! Essence, you say…” she was very cheerful answering the child “… essence, you say?” the realization, as always, hit her with few seconds of delay. Her expression darkened too “… Zariel. You have one last chance to explain this situation. Wage your words, for it may cost you your life.”
What could I say in this situation? Of course, I made the situation much, much worse with a bad joke.
* “Giselle, when two people love each other very much, and once they are ready to make a family, a magical Dodo bird comes to bless them with children. Congratulation, he has your eyes.”
Well, Kim’s eyes were far from Giselle’s. You know, that’s not the only difference. His eyes were blue, her green. His hair was blonde, her red. His hands were tiny, her fists quite huge.
I could tell because the last mentioned were getting closer to my face at high velocity.