I woke up in a room I have never seen before. Am I not home? Oh, of course, I am not. Mister Angel took me away. Why is… Why is room moving? Up and down, up and down? Am I… on a ship? I am surely am! I am traveling! For the first time in ages I am near the sea, no, I am on the sea! I looked around.
Mister Angel was near me again, but he didn’t yet notice that I am awake. No matter when I would wake up, he is always somewhere close. His gaze is so concerned, is my condition that bad? Of course, it is. I am dying. He said that to me himself, no directly – he said that my body is looking for ways to keep us much energy to keep me alive by forcing me to fall asleep. It would literally mean, that the longer I am asleep, to closer to death I am. Maybe one day I wouldn’t wake up at all? It may not be actually bad. I have been a burden since… always. I was never as smart as sister, as strong as sister… every teacher in the house would tell me to try being as good as sis. And I was admiring her. No matter how busy she was, she would always look after me, help me in studies, fencing, courtesy studies… until I got ill.
It is almost as if my life was a curse for everyone around me! They had to take breaks from self-studying just to look after me… Or maybe because I couldn’t get any closer t level of my sisters, Havens decided to erase me? So I wouldn’t stop my sister’s progress? That what I though. Until Mister Angel came. If he himself came, it would mean that they didn’t forsake me, right? Right?! Yet Mister Angel… he looks… weaker? There were black shadows on his eyelids, eyes themselves were bit red. For a moment or two, he would look in nothingness, before shaking his head, clapping his cheeks and healing me again. A small pot was attached to the ceiling on two elastic stripes. They would keep it in the same position even as the ship was moving…
The door opened and somebody come inside. I shut my eyes pretending to be sleeping.
* “Zari, how are you?” a woman – the one called Morgana asked
* “This is some kind of fucking joke!” he hissed angrily “No matter how much I am looking, I can’t find a source! All I can is to reduce the effects of her sickness. It’s like with weed. I can keep tearing out leafs, yet as the root remains and it would eventually make the upper part re-grow…”
* “I was asking how are YOU feeling…” he said nothing “… Zaaaarii. When was the last time you slept?”
* “I slept plenty…”
* “Today?” silence “Yesterday?” silence “Day bef…”
* “Morgana, may I ask you what is your business here?”
* “You are burning your herbs. The smell can be sense on the whole ship. That’s what happens when you use fire run within pot and forget about it…”
* “FUCK! Couldn’t you start with that?! I need them to improve her condition…!”
* “First you would improve yours.”
* “Her state is much worse than…”
* “Listen. I hate you. You are arrogant, insolent, show barely respect to anyone!” that’s not true! He is polite, and gentle, and… “But… I need you. You seen to have knowledge, connections, resources and skills needed to help me restore my powers… this is why I will help you. Move away from the pot…”
* “You know alchemy?”
* “I assure you, much, much better than you. And you will get your dose of stamina potion too… I am just sad that we don’t have secretion of…”
* “Giga-Araneae?”
* “You know it?”
* “Yeah, I cooked it and used it… once”
* “…Or twice? I bet you used it more. How long you stayed awake?”
* “Day or…”
* “Zariel Whiteraven!”
* “A week.”
* “Are you always pushing your luck like this? You, dear sir, are an idiot. Utter fool. After saying how evil you are to everyone you encounter, why are you doing so much selflessly for everyone around?”
* “Selflessly? I am getting my share…”
* “Who are you trying to convince? Me? Yourself? Or that kid that pretends to be sleeping?”
Ouchie. Crap. I opened my eyes
* “I…I…I am sorry! I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know how to behave so…”
* “How are you feeling?” he stopped me right away. With his palm he put his palm on my forehead “Fever seem to be partly gone…” he then put one of his finger on my neck “Blood pulse is also faster… Noticed anything? Are you thirsty? Hungry?”
* “N..No.”
* “No good. You need to drink, especially as I boosted your metabolism! Crap. We need to keep you hydrated… Wait a moment I will go for some w…”
As Mister Angel was busy, woman called Morgana grabbed piece of wood from behind her backs and hit him in the back of his head. He fell unconscious on the ground.
* “it is so refreshing!” woman said “I can both have my revenge as I am going a good deed by putting this idiot to sleep…” she looked at me “… my little pest. For next few hours I will look after you. Right now I can’t use magic, but my alchemy should be on completely different level than that kid.” She looked in the pot “… yet he is doing quite good. Anyway, you better be grateful, lamb.”
* “W..Why are you helping me?”
* “Oh, each of us has different reason. But that kid over here…” she kicked lightly mister Angel “…must have a reason of his own. To us he said that he would use you as hostage, to keep your sister away, to your sister and father he said pretty same thing with pointing out that this would help them get rid of bonds with church… But I think that he is just naive and actually wants to help you, despite the fact that he would never confirm it.”
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* “M..my sister? Hostage? What do you mean?”
* “Do you know who your sister is?”
* “A greatest paladin! An example to follow! Kind and strong and beautiful… she protects the weak…”
* “And hunt witches…”
* “That’s because they are evil…” she smirked
* “Your [Mister Angel] is witch too, you know?”
… Lies… she is lying!
* “No… he is not…”
* “He is healing you, is he? Have you seen what colors his spells are?”
* “G..Green…”
* “And what was color of spells of priests?”
It was white.
* “Your sister captured him, put him in a cage, carried to castle of inquisitors where he was tortured for couple of days. See those red mark around his fingers? His nails were pulled off. Also, if he would take his cloths of you could see quite few scares and burning marks. Anyway, as soon as that idiot would wake up, ask him about his reasons to help you, but before that, ask him what does he think about what is good and what is evil. And now, turn around, I will rub this ointment in your backs, should prevent bedsores…”
As miss Morgana was taking care of me I managed to fall asleep, wake up and fall asleep again, all this time Mister An… Mister Zariel was still sleeping. Yet after few more hours I was awaken by angry voice of Mister Zariel.
* “… But really? Log in the back of head?”
* “Would you go rest if I would ask you nicely?”
* “If you would say that you would replace me, then yes!”
* “…Oh.”
* “Oh, indeed! Damn! My head still hurts!”
* “Don’t be such a whiny bitch! Man up! Ok, you slept round eight hours, should be more than enough. Drink this potion, should keep you working for next day or two. My job here is done, so I will take my leave. Ah, food for both on you on the table.”
The door shut behind a woman
* “I fucking hate this woman…” Mister Zariel said quietly “…Thanks, Morgi.”
He approached me, put his hands on my chest one more time and warmth once again entered my body. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was still but tired, but in his eyes a happy sparkles burned and corners of his lips were bit curved in shy smile. In the end he is a human too… and humans love when they are taken care off…
* “Mister Angel…” I asked shyly
* “Sunshine, I will tell you once again, I was called by many names, but angel isn’t one of them.”
* “…Why are you helping me?”
* “Hm? Oh, that’s a long story and…”
* “Do you hate my sister?”
He looked confused for a moment
* “Morgana and those big mouth of her… To be honest? Yes. I bloody hate her and that fake purity.”
… how can someone hate sister?
* “So… you will take revenge on her?”
* “No. It is impossible for me. All I can do was to take away the only reason she was attacking me – you.”
* “I…I am the reason you got hurt?”
He patted my head
* “Partly. It’s complicated.” He smiled “You aren’t guilty, my love. You are just pawn in game of those bigger than us. We all are. If you have to blame someone – blame the church. Church that didn’t manage to cure you despite pledging otherwise, the church that is using your sister and family as they please, the church that ordered capturing me… I just noticed that I am trying to blame everything on Church, just as your average witch…”
* “You really are one…” no, it can’t be true. Please, everyone just not him! “M…Mister… Miss Morgana told me to ask you about your definition of what is good and wrong…”
He looked at me considering something before answering
* “I am afraid that you may not… comprehend it, sunshine. All your life you were raised in different believe.”
* “Please…”
* “I believe that there is nothing completely good nor bad. If someone tells that something is good, he means that this is good for him. It is good from his perspective. Tell me. Are demons evil?”
* “Yes!” How could anyone claim otherwise?! “They have been attacking human’s continent since the dawn of time, bringing darkness, blood and death!” I wanted to keep talking everything I know about demons, but Mister stopped me
* “Why are they attacking you?” Pardon me? “What is their purpose?”
* “…They just do it… because…”
* “They are evil?” I nodded “That’s what they told you to believe? Sunshine. Human’s continent is rich – it has forest and rivers and lakes and lot’s of food. More than enough to feed the whole continent. Of course, there are people who are starving, but humanity, as race isn’t threatened. Demons, on the other hand, are living in harsh country. They have almost nothing to eat. NOTHING! The whole cities are starving. Their only possibility is to attack. If they would win, they would take part of continent – build farms that would probably improved their condition. If they lose – they would have less mouth to feed. For them this is the only way. Human’s could easily trade with them, as demons have lots of metal resources and great technology – they can make armors on pair with dwarves. Yet humans refused to do so to keep them weakened. Who would be evil from this perspective? But then again, demons are strong – if they wouldn’t be weakened they could easily conquer other races – so human are simply preventing such possibility to occur… Sunshine, world is much more complex. Stories about something being purely good or purely evil are made by people with power to keep crowd under control. To redirect their anger. To keep then united. Tell me, am I evil?”
… you aren’t. You can’t be. I don’t want you to be!
* “I… I don’t know!”
He smiled widely
* “Exactly, pet, exactly. It is confusing. I am sure I did many bad things, bah, I think about myself as evil quite a lot! But, for me and for those I treasure my actions were good! I helped them, and I would do so again, and again.”
* “Why church told sister to hunt you down, sir?”
* “I have no idea. I was enjoying my life in the forest, trying to not end as gryphon’s dinner, when inquisitors attacked me. I have never meet them before. To be honest, I have even hired spies to find out why they personally want me dead, yet right no useful information was send.”
* “Why are you helping me?
* “I told you, to…”
* “Why?”
* “I am trying to answe…”
* “Why? No church. No sister. You are… trying too hard. Doesn’t matter when I would wake up, you are always here! I already feel much better! You are exhausting yourself to the point when Miss Morgana needed to hit you to make you rest! So…”
* “Because you are weak and pathetic…” he said that with such a gentle, soft voice. It wasn’t insult “… because as I am looking at you I see myself. I know how it is to be weak, so weak that you can’t get up from the bed, that easiest tasks are almost impossible…”
It can’t be. He is so strong! So confident! It is impossible!
He hugged me. Tightly, yet no painfully.
* “It’s ok…” he whispered “… it’s ok. You. Are not a burden. You. Are not guilty of your state. You. Are not unwanted. Raise up and shine my little star. Prove everyone that though you were good for nothing wrong. Fight with that, whatever are the odds. I can help ease your pain, but I won’t erase it completely. Don’t surrender. There is still so much of world to see! So many dishes to eat. So many friends to find.”
* “But it’s… it’s so hard…” why am I crying? “… I don’t want to! It hurts! It hurts so much! I just… I just want to sleep!”
His hug became even tighter. It was so warm, I felt so same, so needed. I never wanted to leave his arms again!
* “You may be whoever you wish to be, as long as you won’t run out of motivation. I will keep doing my part, but you have to promise me that you would keep struggling. Will you promise it?”
* “Please… make it stop. MAKE IT STOP!”
* “I will, but I won’t do it on my own, I need your help. Will you help me, helping you?”
* “… If we can stay like this little longer…” I cried in his arm
* “I am going nowhere. Pet.”
For the first time ever, I actually get the idea that maybe I somehow my condition could get better… if he would be the one helping me, then truly – nothing is impossible. Thank you, my angel.
The next day we were supposed to reach shores of Neira