Whole morning and whole afternoon. This is how long Giselle remained silent curled like a cat lying her head on my thighs as I petted her and played with her hair.Lanele was slowly driving the cart toward our next destination. Her eyes were scouting the horizon and only occasionally she turned back to check the condition of dragoness. We knew each other for a very short period of time, yet elfish beauty already grow attached to us, especially to Gis. It was a nice thing - to, for a change, get new real friend instead of enemy or business partner which only waits for the right moment to suck you dry.
Well, she indeed wanted to “use” us, but merely to run away from her “overprotective friends” - to forget that in few years she will have to return to her homeland and live monotonous life as a leader of cult. In future we… pardon me...
I could greatly benefit on knowing the high priestess of Bagora* Forest. Not that I was looking forward to it, quite the opposite, I hoped I would never have to use this connection, still, it’s better to have a tool and never use it than to be defenseless in the time of need.
Giselle shivered a little, stretched her body and raised her head. Her eyes were tired, as if she didn’t sleep for few nights, and who knows - maybe she didn’t. Right now, I was only interested in what she was about to say, in the end she was left “alone” with her thoughts for several hours. Will she be back to her coocky side? Will she still need more of my support? Will she…
* “Zaaariii…?” She said elongating my name like a child that is about t o ask you for a favor
* “Yes, Love?” I didn’t stop playing with her hair
* “I am hungry.”
For a split of second I froze. Then, I almost burst into laugh.
Gisele may be devastated, she may be in state of deepest horror - feeling the end approaching mercilessly and without delay. But she will never, ever, skip a meal.
* “I think I have some ready rations to…”
* “Zaa-rii!... I want a warm dish.”
* “Young lady! We had a deal! To prepare hot food we have to camp and we have already lost plenty of time on our way! No, Giselle, we eat like that twice a day. Morning and at night.”
* “Oh… I see… I think… I think I am suddenly feeling sad again…” She hide her face in palm, but after a moment one of her fingers - previously covering eye - moved aside to check if I took a bait.
* “Giselle, you could never be an actress. You are just terrible at playing roles.”
* “Oh, my heart. It’s broken. So lonely I am! So unloved! Mama would even get up from the bed despite being ill to make me breakfast!” she pouted “... you ain’t loving me as much as my mama, are you? Shame.”
* “Gis, I am doing this for your own good.”
* “Suuure.” she pouted once again.
It was time for me to play my triumph card.
* “Very well. I think we can do that…”
* “REALLY!?” her eyes sparkled
* “It’s sad. We are riding cart for days, that gives us not nearly enough time to move, eating that much would make you put on weight. Again.”
I sighed while picking bag lying next to me as I started looking for some meat.
* “Put on weight?... wait. What do you mean by
* “Oh? You didn’t realize. Well, not that I care, you are still beautiful to me.”
* “Zari… Please, elaborate the subject.” she actually took it seriously! She really did!
* “No. It’s nothing. I just remembered how you acted when I pointed out you got bit fatter for the last time. I am happy that you finally accepted yourself...” I showed her my most reassuring smile. “... Just so you know - no matter what people would say, I would always stay on your site! My big, beautiful love!”
I put some stronger accent on
* “Here, hold this…” I tossed her a huge chunk of soiled and herbed meat “... give me a moment and I will find more. Hey! Lana! Stop on the side of the road. We will have a picnic and…”
* “Lana! Keep driving!” Giselle yelled with tone that made it obvious that refusal was not even taken into consideration. “...Also, take it back!” she forced food back in my hands, or should I say - arms, for she really used bit too much strength.
* “You sure? I can do that much for you, so…”
* “TAKE IT BAAACK!”
* “Ok, I see that you indeed are sure. But I thought you were hungry…”
* “I WAS NOT!... I just… I just wanted to start a conversation! Yes! A conversation! See how my magnificent plan worked out? We are talking. Like, just right now! Ho-ho-ho.”
* “My-my, how smooth of you. I have never expected that one day you would so skillfully outsmart me like that.” I did my best to make my face and tone expressed admiration
* “W-well! M-me neither! You took this bait like a child! I never expected you would be so easy to trick!” she was stuttering more and more as she tried to keep the impression of someone that had it all planned along.
* “Gis, we will make a camp in two or three hours. And tomorrow around the afternoon we should already get into the city and buy a proper meal… not those scorched wastes that Zari feeds us with!” Priestess turned around to support dragoness “... And Zari, I know what you did just now. Not cool.” She hissed in my direction, but her eyes were shining trying to hold laugh.
* “Say whatever you want, I have just defended our food supplies. Gis is a stress-eater. In an hour she can eat more than five grown-up man could eat in a whole day.”
Last part I sade much louder.
* “NOT TRUE!” Gis punched me in the arm
* “Remember when we were in Red Mountains? During the celebration in Queen’s halls?”
* “That was quite a feast! How could I forget that…” oh, her face proved that she was just re-living the memory in her head
* “Do you remember the roasted pig?”
* “R-r-roasted pig?” oh, she does remember.
* “Yes, the same that you ate alone leaving the whole platoon in shock and awe?”
* “T-t-that was a very small, very thin, very un-meaty piggy….”
* “That was a beast that weighed over 500 kg before being butchered. The cook said that he never prepared such huge piece of meat in his whole career… and he was working in his job for roughly 200 years...”
Gis got red all over her cheeks and ears and did everything she could to hide her embarrassed face from our sight.
* “You have no idea how much troubles you cause me back then…” I started massaging my forehead
* “W-w-what kind of troubles?!”
* “You have impressed the whole army! You could eat, you could drink, and you lead the squad to the bloody battle! Few of them wanted to propose to you… I had to remind them that you were already taken. Now, try convincing drunk dwarf that hitting on someone’s girl is the bad idea…”
Now, after scolding her gluttony we praised her other valors, with this she would still be happy and not-pouty for the rest of the day. That’s how you play it - take notes, boyz.
* “Yeees? And how did you convinced them?” Gis really loved to hear stories, especially the one which are more or less directly referring to her.
* “I… could have smash few bottles of liquor on heads on those more eager…”
That actually did happen!!! Sort of.
* “Zari, are you actually admitting that you are jealous of me?!” Gis purred visibly content.
* “What kind of question it is? OF COURSE I AM!...” I wasn’t even kidding “... well, you don’t give me too many opportunities for that, in the end people usually feel respect toward you and me and they don’t bother us much, but every time someone crosses the line I have to intervene.”
* “How?” this time Lana got interested in this particular subject
* “Depends on situation. There was such annoying brat in one of the guild’s branches… spoiled little shit. Let’s just say that bastard never expect it to hit him.” I said proudly
* “Wait, aren’t you talking about that nice, but naive noble that suddenly rushed out from the guild while talking to me?”
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
* “Never underestimate the curse of diarrhea!”
* “Now, you are just pulling my leg!...” Lana laughed cheerfully “... there is no way that someone could be THAT childish and…” she saw our expressions “... wait, you are serious.”
* “Well, as much as I share your point of view here… I think that what Zari did for me was quite sweet.” dragoness decided to defend my actions.
* “Honestly… the two of you…” priestess just shook her head in disbelief “... let me just put it this way: you really are worthy of one another.”
We answered her by showing our most silly smiles.
* “If someone would've told me one month ago that one of the most fearsome warrioress and the Oracle of Mother would act like you two… No, forget what I just said.”
Is that a good moment? Looks like a good moment to me!
* “I totally understand what you are saying! If someone would’ve told me that the next High Priestess of Elfish nation would be spying on us while we would be having sex, I would doubt that person sanity too!”
* “She did WHAT!?” Gis almost jumped
* “T-t-t-that not true! I have no idea what…”
* “Remember the nights of three moons? When we were hit by that carnal desire? We were polite enough to find secluded, quiet place where we wouldn’t bother anyone, but you decided to follow us.”
* “Lana? Reeaaally? And here I thought you were such a nice, sophisticated lady.” A tone of disappointment could be heard in dragoness words.
* “That was an accident! ACCIDENT, I TELL YOU! I just had to clear my thoughts and I started wandering around the forest and…”
* “... and you decided to stay there for how long? Pardon me, but you didn’t turn around on place and walked away.”
That was bluff on my part.
* “T-t-t-this is… I mean…”
Bingo. Looks like I hit the mark.
* “Lanele. I… We are friends ok, but there are some matters that will make me feel uncomfortable…” Gis resumes with as calm tone as she could muster.
* “I am telling you… YOU…!” She pointed at me “... YOU ARE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!”
* “I am not lying tho.” I admitted, yet pushed the guilt back on her.
Oh, I am most likely going to regret this, but whatever.
* “Giselle…” I said with serious tone “... Jokes aside. It’s not easy for me to say that, but… If Lanele is THAT interested maybe… we should just, you know, invite her to our bed or something…”
* “SAY WHAT!?” Lanele yelled
* “SAY WHAT?!” Giselle followed
~ “SAY WHAT!? ATTA BOY! ATTA BOY! NOW YOU'RE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE! Need help? I know great charm-spell, giving it to you would be against the rules, but who cares?!” Lust followed
* “Look! I don’t like it too! But… If the alternative is having Lanele sneaking next to our door and window every night… Or we could just pair her up with someone at nearest inn. She is quite a beauty, so I doubt we would have problems finding her a partner, the only problem is that she is quite prude and I doubt she would agree on sharing the bed with some total stranger…”
* “THAT’S COMPLETELY OUT OF QUESTION!” elf yelled waving her arms
* “See? She doesn’t like that idea either. So we have only our-bed-option remaining…” I completely twisted and misinterpreted her words. On purpose, of course.
* “THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!”
* “Lanele… are you really that desperate?!” True sadness was almost oozing through the warioress’s aura.
Wait, is she actually considering it? Crap. No-no-no-no. I just wanted to tease them! If that would happen our whole relationship would turn awkward! Not to mention possible politic! She in the next ruler of Kingdom! I DON’T WANNA BE DRAG INTO POLITICS!
* “... No, I am sorry Lanele. I… I can’t do this. Sorry. What I share with Zari is something intimate and I would prefer it to stay this way.”
THANKS GOD
~ “OH NO! Come'on! We were so close to greatness! We were THIS close!”
With eyes of my mind I saw Lust showing with her fingers how
* “I am telling you that… Wait! Zari is doing it again!”
* “Trust me, I was the one risking the most here!” I hissed in response. Bah, I didn’t even lie “...I am rather relieved that Gisele turned this offer down. Crap! I started regretting even mentioning it after I have merely finished speaking!”
* “Good! That’s good… good… Wait, why did you start regretting? Hah? Something wrong with me or what?” Aaaah - here we start. Lanele is a woman and she didn’t fail to show her feminine side. The annoying-feminine-side.
* “Really? That’s what you want to do? You want to argue?”
Gis started laughing
* “Hmph!” Lana Hmph-ed at me. The ultimate answerw.
Whatever.
* “Better watch the road and keep driving. Tomorrow we will find you some nice, fat, hairy, dirty, drunk sailor to keep you company.”
* “Do that and I will use you as an offering to the sacred oak...!”
* “Your majesty.” I ended after a moment.
* “What?” she asked confused
* “You didn't add
* “Hiding behind your position now! How low! Be a man and take responsibility for your actions!”
Oh, she actually was furious.
* “Eyes on the road, acolyte.” I mocked her again.
The acolyte was a term for both - lower rank worshiper or/and for the student. High priestess could call the archdruid the acolyte, the archdruid could call the shrine keeper the acolyte and so on. Oh, and apparently I could use this term toward everybody.
And on the side note: that term is used either when you are lecturing someone… or pointing out the difference in hierarchy, something like “know your place”. Lanele was a smart girl, she had no problems in telling which one I mean just now. This is why she throw a hateful glance at me.
* “As you wish, Oracle. May you have long and interesting life.”
Interesting life, you say? A very nice way to say fuck you. I would love to hold a longer conversation with her. Damn, I must say, she indeed is a very interesting person. Don’t get the wrong idea! She was educated extremely well, she read more books that I would most likely ever be able to! I could learn so much just by having a basic conversation… and I am simply interested how this world works. Right now I only know basis of all important subjects. History? Barely few legends and myth. Politics? Only who is a ruler of every greater nation and who wages wars against who. Religion? Ok, here I more or less know what is going on, for, you know, I am quite in the middle of whole mess.
But art? Music? Philosophy? Though I may not appear as if my tastes in art were gifted in any way… I do love art. Especially surrealists, grotesque and horror. Hieronim van Aaken, Beksiński, Max Ernst, Salvador Dali… Oh, if they had something similar here…
* “Ok, what’s your problem now?”
Annoyed elf asked without even turning around.
* “I beg your pardon?”
* “You were staring at me with dull eyes. It’s creepy.”
* “Did I?”
* “You did.” Gis embraced me with her arm around my neck. Let’s just say that her grip was bit “too loving”.
* “I was just wondering… Do you have any education in art.”
* “What kind of question is that!? Do you want to offend me even more! F’course I do! it’s like basic of…”
* “You wouldn’t mind sharing your knowledge with me later? i don’t have any proper education on that field, bah, I doubt I would be a good partner for conversation at all, but…”
* “You aren’t mocking me again?” she was quite suspicious after our last exchange of words.
* “Wait! Since when are you actually interested in art?” Giselle also was rather alerted by my sudden burst of sensitivity toward art
* “Since when? Since always. I just barely have time to study the subjects I love...I believe that medicine, business, alchemy, engineering are noble pursuits necessary to sustain life, but love, poetry, beauty, music… is what we stay alive for. Yet this world, no, every world, is so obsessed with finding greatness, with making yourself better, chasing perfection that in moment you actually find it… you have no time to cherish the moment….” i got lost in my thoughts and started monologuing without noticing “... look at them. Doesn’t matter - humans, dwarves, elves, beastkins. They are all the same. In their stupidity, self-centeredness…Living their little, boring lives deprived of any greater purpose. Surviving isntead of living, waking up, doing same things over and over and over again, puting on themselves bondages - chains, unwilling to not only break them, but to even see them! They are all so very free! They just pick their belongings and go - into unknown! They are like birds that only need to spread their wings to reach the skies. No matter world, realm, universe or reality. They will all continue to waste their possibilites and gifts! Living in nightmarish loop of…” I snapped back “... I think I have just told too much.”
* “About what other worlds and realites you have just spoke?”
Lana asked.
* “I… once saw through the veil of reality. I saw different dimensions, different worlds. All different yet same to the core. Don’t ask me more questions about this matter, please, it was like a twisted dream that I don’t fully understand. We talked about it - it made my eyes explode.”
Well, I didn’t lie. I just told a different truth. Truth that was not related to the question she asked.
* “I see… well, I most certainly don’t mind having a conversation… maybe in some bigger city we could rent an alcove in library? But hey! One thing at the time! I still remember your previous request! By doing ten things at same time you will finish none! It’s better to exceed at one subject than to be mediocre in hundred! Giselle! Take the reins!”
~ “LANELE! DON’T!”
* “With pleasure!” Dragoness released me from her grip and almost jumped at cartman’s spot
~ “SHE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!”
* “Lanele, pardon my words, but your driving was waaay too boring! I will show you how to drive! YihAAA!” she hit the horses forcing them into galop.
* “I hope it was worth it, Lana.”
* “Maybe this time it won’t be as bad as…”
* “Hah! Sorry!” Gis yelled.
This is not going to end well.
* “Back to our Elvish-language studies! Last time we covered the basis of
* “SORRY!”
* “Whatever. Now we will focus on
Lanele was a dedicated teacher, she even treated such half-assed lectures given in not-optimal conditions seriously, she really wanted to teach me something, but because of Dragoness's driving "skills" each time something disturbed our lesson (that happened every 3-10 seconds) a single vein on her forehead would start pulsating faster and faster. After ten minutes I was afraid it was going to break causing internal hemorrhage. That, may Aira bless it, did not happen.
The two ladies kept torturing me on multiple levels of my existence (both physically and mentally) for next few hours - till the dusk, when I fed the she-devils with some extra large portions of food (I double checked if the portions were both large and tasty). Remember boyz - your lady being nasty to you? Feed her. No questions, just food. It’s not safe to ask: what you were doing whole day!; it’s somewhat safe to ask: how was your day, babe; and it’s very safe to ask: Don’t you want another glass of wine?
Trust me. I checked it many times in multiple situations. Works every time.
* “That was good…” priestess sighed massaging her belly with content smile after she devoured much more than she usually does “... now, as we have replenished our strength we can study some more. You know, studying before sleeping gives best results!... Or so I was told. Let’s check it!”
B..B..but… Works every time!... 100% success ratio!... Leaving me at peace…
My whole worldview has just collapsed.
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* Not sure if location's name is right. I can't check if it's right as... hehe... I am kinda wirting this chap in place I shouldn't be doing that thus i don't have access to my file with locations and such.