As Rose started crying in my arms I feel my heart break just a little. She’s so different from her old mask that it’s startling. How much pain has she always been in if the mere thought that she can love herself makes her break down so much? Rocking her gently I sing a song my mother once sang to me when I was young. She isn’t a child but she was in pain and it feels like the right thing to do.
“~Down in the valley, valley so low. Hang your head over, hear the wind blow. Hang your head over dear, hear the wind blow. Hang your head over, hear the wind blow.~”
After quite a few minutes I feel her breath steady out and see that she fell asleep. Singing all the while, I lay her down in bed and pull the covers over her. She’s a little weird, she can’t stand the feeling of a top sheet, preferring to feel the softer blankets. She’s weird but I still love her. Leaning over, I wipe the last remnants of her tears away and she leans into my touch while asleep. That… that’s so precious! Gods she’s the cutest person I know and I can’t wait for the day she comes to terms with that for herself. Checking the time outside the window it’s mid-afternoon, not even dinner time yet, buuuut maybe it’d be good to get in a little nap. Wait. No. I shouldn’t. Looking back it feels like I’ve been taking advantage of her and I’m honestly disappointed in myself for doing so. She said she doesn’t hate it, but is that just because she’s growing dependent on me? I hope not, but I’m going to lighten up for right now, until she comes to me in her own time. Arrrggghhh but it’s going to be so hard! C’mon Toffee! Stay strong! This is for the good of both of you!
Whelp, since she’s asleep, guess it’s time to read that book I left off on when she got here!
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The market sure is a bit overwhelming. Stalls line the streets, merchants loudly hawking their wares or animatedly haggling, complaining about how they’ll go out of business with the prices people are asking from them while the customers complain about highway robbery and all the supposedly “usual” things that happen in markets day by day. According to Rose, the primary difference between the stalls and the stores is that stores have set prices that are usually a it higher than what you could get at a stall by haggling well enough, but at a stall you run the risk of getting truly ripped off if you’re not careful enough. Also, treating a stall merchant like a store and not haggling will not endear you to the market as a whole, the merchants getting their fun from the art of the deal.
I don’t have a lot of money, but most stalls don’t sell anything like road rations, many focusing on more domestic needs: fresh (and not so fresh) groceries and street food of occasionally dubious origin guaranteed to give you the runs. At least, that’s what Girraghen said before I left.
Wandering around a bit, feeling lost and the weight of the task growing heavier with every step I accidentally bump into someone, sending us sprawling in a tangle of limbs. I manage to catch myself right before I’d fall on them completely but, uh, that might’ve been not the right move. Beneath me is Lexy, her face flushed red with a halo of scattered food.
“I- I- I’m so sorry Lexy, I wasn’t looking where I was going!”
“Um um that’s fine but, uh, could you let me up? Certain people might misunderstand something about our relationship if they get pinned underneath someone as cute as you.”
“Right! Right! Sorry, sorry.” Getting up quickly I offer her my hand and she takes it only to look down and groan.
“Ugghh now I have to clean all this up.”
“Would you allow me to assist you? It’s the least I could do to help after being so rude, it’s my fault after all.”
“Why thank you, my overly formal friend! Here’s the bag, still in one piece at least, and the meat didn’t spill out so that’s a blessing.”
Together we bend over and start picking up the various green groceries from the well-paved streets. Reaching for the last piece of fruit on the ground, I feel a warm touch on the back of my fingers, seeing Lexy had also reached for it. I flinch back instinctively and so does she, the feeling of the touch was electric somehow. Face hot, I recover a bit faster and hurriedly place the apple in her bag and stand back up.
“So, Val, what’re you looking for here? Last I heard you were apprenticing with Master Girraghen. How’s that like? Is he nice? I’ve only ever heard good things about his work.”
“Master Girraghen treats me quite well; learning from him is quite rewarding. I’m actually here because of my next project.”
“Oh? Do tell!”
“I’m going to be making myself some armor. I don’t normally fight with any but I want to see if being able to take some hits is better than worrying about dodging everything thrown my way. With good enough materials, I might be able to keep a similar level of dexterity as I have now. Though I will have to basically relearn how to fight with the way the armor will limit the way I move in certain ways.”
“Sounds interesting! So you’re here to buy materials? If so, you might want to check out the adventurer’s guild!”
“No, actually, I’m here to shop for supplies for a hunting trip to gather the materials myself.”
“Hmm hmm! Maaaaaan, I’ve always wanted to do something like that!”
“Like what?”
“Go on an adventure! See new places! See cool monsters! Fight cool monsters! I want to be more than just a merchant like my parents and I definitely don’t want to end up some stay at home wife doing boring chores all day for some jerk.”
“I can’t imagine doing that either. I’ll warn you though, fighting’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s really dangerous, even more so with monsters for me.”
“What d'ya mean?”
“Well, I was taught how to fight other people, not monsters. I was taught to fight something that wields a weapon in a traditional style, not a beast that’s body is its weapon, nor a more humanoid monster fighting in a style i’m not familiar with.”
“Then if it’s so dangerous for you, why are you doing it?”
“I want to. I don’t want to be someone that can only harm people, I want to protect them as well.”
“Well, I know you protected Dad and Emmy from other people, buuuut I guess it’d be good to be able to protect people from monsters too. People that live outside of cities have to be super careful don’t they?”
“I’ve heard so, yes.”
“I see… Hey, Val?”
“Yes?”
“Can. Can you teach me how to fight? Can you take me with you? I promise not to get in the way and I won’t be a burden! I can help you carry whatever you get from the monsters so please? Can I?”
Looking into her puppy dog eyes I felt my heart throb again, like it did back when I had breakfast with her family. It feels like it’s trying to hammer itself out of my chest. My face feels like it’s on fire so I can’t help but look away.
“Um. Um. Yeah, I can do that. But! But, you have to listen to everything I say, okay?”
“No problem there! I’ll do whatever I need to!”
“I mean it! If I tell you to run, you have to run, okay? Even if it means leaving me behind. You’re first priority is yourself, alright?”
“But-”
“No buts. If you can’t follow that rule I can’t take you with me.”
“I- Alright. If that’s what it takes, then I’ll do it!”
“Okay. First off, let me ask you, how much mana do you have?”
“Um? Let’s see… says I have 230!”
“Okay! That’s good. Do you know your affinities and how to cast magic?”
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Umm… what’s an affinity?”
“Okay then, we’ll be putting mage aside for right now. How strong are you?”
“Pretty strong! I help carry the water for the house and I help move the inventory! I can carry three sacks of grain at once!”
“How much does a sack of grain weigh?”
“Uhh…a lot? Yeah, a lot!”
“Okay. Do you have any money you can use to buy some equipment?”
“I… I have some savings!”
“Do you have it with you?”
“No…”
“Alright then, why don’t you go home and grab your money then meet me at Girraghen’s forge, you know where that is, right?”
“Yeah I do! Alright! See you in a bit!”
She took off running, groceries slung over her shoulder. Figuring I needed to worry about this first, I start heading back to Girraghen’s.
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Val’s standing in front of me, back to me, sword drawn facing off against something. Some kind of beast in the shadows, Red eyes burning in an indistinct face. A dark, vaguely masculine voice whispers in my ear, a susurrus telling me to give up, to give in, to lay down and die. Another voice joins the first, feminine and alluring in that sensuous way that reeks of trouble. It tells me to betray Val, to stab them in the back before they grow up enough that they realize that they no longer need me, to bind their hands and chain them to me, to never let them grow apart, to clutch them tight, that they are mine and mine alone and if I can’t have them no one can.
One moment their back is turned, the next their blade is in my heart, Val’s face is so so cold. I know that look. It’s exactly like Robert’s face was when I died. Cold. Soulless. Devoid of any emotion. Val’s green eyes don’t look like mossy meadows or sparkling emeralds anymore. They look like poison. Like what I must have eaten so long ago that melted my insides.
Suddenly, It’s Toffee holding the sword, my avenging angel’s wrath turned on me. She leans in and whispers to me in a voice I know I recognize but can’t associate with the Toffee that said she loves me, only the angel that once stood to protect me.
“How could anyone love a freak like you?”
The voice and face switch back to Val’s, similar only in that I cannot associate it with the sweet child I know, only the monster forged in their father’s likeness.
“Do you truly think I need someone as worthless as you by my side? How can I look up to someone that can only achieve failure after failure?”
Another voice with another face, one I wished I’d forgotten long ago.
“What a son you are. Parading around like a perverted whore, staining our home, our family name, our daughter with your disgusting fantasies. You’re not my child. You’re not even human.”
Again and again, the voice and face changes, cycling through the people I know, the people I loved, the people I sought to protect and the people I wanted to acknowledge me for who I am. Again and again they break me down, punching me in the gut, in the heart, in the brain with their soft words slithering through my ears. All the while the sword remains in my heart, I’m bleeding out, I can feel it. I’m growing colder, so much colder, losing feeling everywhere, becoming a corpse again. Last time it hurt enough that I couldn’t think. This time, it doesn’t hurt as much physically so I can have all the time in the world to think about how much the words are tearing me apart.
Why am I trying to be loved? How could anyone ever love me? I’ve known my entire life, I’m not a person. I’m… I’m not even alive. I don’t think I ever was. Not since I was so young that I can’t remember it at least. I can’t cry. I’ve never been able to cry. I’m hollow, broken, worthless and despicable.
Waking up isn’t instant. It’s not a sudden transition from the dream to reality. There’s no sense of relief that the nightmare is over, no realization that it was just a conjuration of my fucked up head. No. It’s a sickening move, with nothing changing. The sword’s still in my heart, the blood still gone, the words still echoing in my mind, and I don’t know that they’ll ever leave. It’s not a cold sweat, there’s nothing in me to sweat out after all.
Even though I say that there’s nothing in me, why is my face wet?
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Rushing back home I want to skip I’m so excited! Finally! Action! Adventure! Romance! Wait.
“Romance? Do- do I like Val? She’s really pretty, and she’s so nice, and she’s strong and smart all at once. But, do I like her?! Come on Lex! Snap out of it! This is about action and adventure, romance can come after!”
Thoughts sorted out… sorta, I wonder… I haven’t been to the baths in a while cause Mom and Dad keep telling me to watch Emmy and carry this here and clean that and ugh. Do I smell? Oh god I must. And Val was so close she must have been able to smell it. Oh god does she think that I don’t care about hygiene? What if that ruins my chances!?! What do I do what do I do what-
SMACK
Both cheeks aflame, I’m back out of it. She didn’t say anything, didn’t even look like she smelt anything. It’s fine, it’ll be fine. She’s a smith’s apprentice to begin with! She probably sweats more than I do! But. But she did smell really good, like smoke mixed with flowers. Oh man, that’s probably creepy to think, that someone smells good, right? No one says stuff like that! I can never tell her that. Okay, okay, we’re here, it’s fine, let’s just drop the groceries, grab the bank, and off we are. Action! Adventure! Ro- Nope! Excitement! Yeah, that!
“I’m home! Anyone here?”
There might as well have been crickets chirping. Huh, guess they’re all out too. Weird that little Emms isn’t home but whatever. Dropping the bag in the kitchen, placing the meat and other more perishable stuff in the ice box, I run upstairs and pulling up the floorboard where my treasures are hidden. My diary, my box of rocks I like, the hawk feather that landed on my head when I was eight, the four leaf clover dad preserved in glass for me. The bracelet grandma left me. And finally, the bag with what’s left of my allowances from the past five years. It’s… less than I’d like, buuuut a girl’s got to have fun! I’m not the best with money but I’m not the worst. Not like Sandy Clarke. That girl’s constantly mooching when I know that her parents give her more than mine give me. Whatever, I’ve got no time for fools, I’ve got an adventure to go on!
It, uh, helps that I’m going on an adventure with basically the girl from my dreams. But I can’t think like that!
Grabbing the pouch and carefully replacing the board in the same direction it was in before I took it out, I’m off! Waitwaitwait. If I just leave without telling anyone, they’ll get super worried, right? Buuut if I go and tell Mom and Dad, they’re gonna to tell me not to go! Guess it’s note time!
“Dearest Mother and Father,
It is with great joy and some sadness that I must let you know that I will be traveling for an unknown amount of time with our family’s friend and savior, Miss Valkyrie. She has agreed to teach me the way of the sword and in turn I will assist her in her endeavors on a hunting trip outside the city. I believe it to be a wondrous opportunity for the advancement of my education and career and hope that you too will see it in this light. Tell young Lady Emerald that I will return with gifts from the wilderness and perhaps lands far away in due time. I will be safe as houses with my boon companion to watch my back as I face off against the monsters that threaten our peaceful life here in Fellpoint.
With warmest regards and unending filial love,
Lexandra
“Pfft. Hehehehe, man I wish I could see the looks on their faces when they read this masterpiece of the written word! Elegant! Flowing! A little bit wordy, I’ll admit, but! My handwriting is perfect and I know it. I spent SO LONG getting it just right. It’s a true showing that I’m an adult now and can make my own decisions, thank you very much!
Placing my note on the table on top of the bag of groceries to make sure they see it when they get home, I’m off like a shot to Girraghen’s!
“ADVENTURE HERE I COME!!!”
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Looking over the gear I’ve made so far, I think the best fit for Lexy is either a spear, easy to learn and use even at lower strength levels, or a slashing sword. Any bludgeoning weapon is out as well as thrusting swords, not to mention any polearms or greatarms. Though I don’t have many of either of those, my best weapons are the new sword on my hip and a rapier I made as a test. It’s light, can be used to either slash or thrust, and requires dexterity more than strength although strength does help it.
“What’re you up ta Val! Thought I’d sent ya off already! Don’t tell me yer switchin’ up fighting styles right before ya set out! That’d be a disaster and a half! BWAHAHA!”
After jumping out of my skin from Girraghen’s slap on my back, I catch my breath enough to reply.
“No, I found a travelling companion like you said I should, but I need to outfit them. I figured if I gave them a weapon I made, it would cut down on initial costs for equipment so that we could focus on buying her armor.”
“That’s great! Glad ta see ya take my advice for once! Is she coming here ta get kitted out or are ya just gonna pick for her? I’d recommend against that last option. Never put a weapon in someone’s hands without givin’em other options. They need to find the one that works and feels best for ‘em. Now that’s not ta say we can’t give ‘em advice away from foolishness. Kid as thin as a stick comes in wantin’ a Zweihander? Imma try an’ gently dissuade ‘em.”
“Um, yes, I already invited her over. She shouldn’t be too long behind me.”
“Great, great. I’ll help you two pick what works best for her.”
“Thanks Girraghen, that would be great.”
“Bah, don’t mention it. Wouldn’t want either of ya kids to die cause the weapon wasn’t right. Oh! Right, do they have any experience in combat?”
“Um. No. I was planning on teaching them while we travelled and having them stay back in most fights.”
“They may not appreciate your consideration, but that’s probably the best plan.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”