Three days passed in a flash. Rose and I have been working on the talismans most of the time, she truly is a genius when it comes to making just about anything. She says that this branch of charm making is one of her weak points but you wouldn’t know it from watching her work. Everytime I hit a block she’d be there with a suggestion on how to improve it. Granted, the whole process is a lot of trial and error on top of the occasional trip to town to buy some of the less rare reagents.
In the end, we got her corporeality up to the point that as long as she didn’t suffer a high impact or what I would classify as a decent amount of pressure, nothing would pass through. Towards the end of the three days before Leaf arrived, Rose was working along-side me, taking over most of the more advanced processes such as speeding up the paper making as well as making the ink. She left most of the scribing to me, saying that “the characters required aren’t normally compatible with my brain. I can read them but writing them is a whole other matter entirely.”
She still wants to increase their efficacy, that way she can smith and such like without her hammer flying out of her hand on every strike. It’s gone unspoken but I think she also is afraid that if she doesn’t perfect the charms she’ll never be able to “be real” again. I’m still awfully concerned for her but having something to do and being able to work on it hands-on seems to have improved her mood quite a bit. She hasn’t been able to give me a true smile yet but sometimes while working I’d look over and see her face at peace, or so it seemed to me.
But distractions aren’t enough to help her move past her wounds, which is exactly why I wanted her to talk to Leaf.
Midday on the third day, as we’re hanging the newest talismans, I hear a polite knock on the door. Opening it, I see a short girl quite unlike anyone else I’ve seen before. She had ears pointed yet longer than an elf’s and eyes that were entirely a dark, forest green with golden pupils that seemed to radiate a light of their own. Despite this, her most defining characteristic I’d say was her hair, which took the form of innumerable flowering vines that reached to her waist, blooming with a myriad of colors. She kept it in a high ponytail. Overall she felt like something out of a fairy tale and I unconsciously took a step back.
Letting out a small sigh she held out her hand and said “Pleased to meet you, my name is Leaf.”
“Um. Toffee. Sorry, I simply wasn’t expecting your…unique appearance.”
“It’s like you’ve never seen a dryad before.”
“I, um, haven’t?”
“Oh! My apologies. Most of my clientele is significantly traveled and well versed in the small communities on the fringes of the empire. However, that’s neither here nor there. May I assume you are Rose, my client?”
“No, I’m Toffee. Rose is inside. Please, come in.”
“Thank you.”
As I usher her into the front room, I notice Rose has left her position hanging talismans and seems to be struggling with a window, trying to force it open. However, that window is the one that sticks the most and I usually need a crowbar to open it.
“Rose! Don’t you dare try and run away!”
She turned around quickly with a bit of a guilty look on her face.
“I’m not necessarily trying to run away. I could be opening this window in order to feel the breeze! It’s a beautiful day outside and I won’t let it go to waste!”
“Ahem. Pardon me. I believe it was mentioned just now but are you my client, Rose Brubaker?”
“I. Um. Yes.”
“Alright. Pleasure to meet you, my name is Leaf. Do you have a private room where we won’t be overheard? I greatly value patient confidentiality and most of my clients feel the same.”
“Yeah, yeah, we can go to the lab. Sorry if it’s a bit of a mess, I, uh, kinda forgot you were coming. I was so caught up in work that it slipped my mind.”
“That’s alright, but please, lead the way.”
With that the two walked into Rose’s lab and shut possibly the most secure door in the world. It doesn’t have the curses active right now but it does have so many different locks and locking spells that it would take a master thief days on end to crack. It’s keyed to Rose’s mind, so as long as she wills it to open it pops open.
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After 3 days Girraghen seems to have a good idea of what I know and what I need to improve on. Namely my smithing and smelting skills. When I showed him The Thorn again, he remarked once again on the blade’s mediocre quality while remaining mildly flabberghasted at the quality of the handle and other finish work.
“How long’ve you been training in these other disciplines?”
“I started carpentry when I was seven.”
“And you’re now?”
“Thirteen as of this past spring.”
“It’s impressive work nonetheless. When did you start smithing?”
“Um. A few weeks ago? And it was really only the one week.”
“Alright. Novice it is then. She taught you how to smelt metal from ore, how to form a blade, and how to finish one. Now, usually, the smith isn’t the one to finish the weapon as it requires disciplines that we don’t tend to learn. However, I’ll try ta give ya practice with it as well. I can provide ya with basic materials but ye’ll have ta fetch any specialty materials ya might want ta use. If ya do, I’ll walk ya through how ta use em. Sound fair so far?”
“It does. I thank you once again for teaching me.”
“I told ya las’ time not ta worry ‘bout it. I see it a doin’ a favor for an old friend. We’ll get’cha ta being a master in no time! Or, well, at least a journeyman level. Alrighty then, let’s get down to business. Now, we’re gonna be working with iron to start with, so go find me some ore to smelt.”
“Yes sir!”
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“Ugggghhhhhh”
“Rose? Are, are you alright?” Toffee asked me with a look of concern on her face.
“I am so fucking exhausted that I feel like I could go to sleep.”
“And that’s unusual, correct?”
“Um. Yes, Ms. Leaf. It is. I, uh, am dead as you might be able to notice. The first time I slept in 8 years was a few days ago when I ran of mana.”
“Hmm. I’ll try to keep that in mind moving forward. But, just so you know, you are not abnormal for feeling tired after a first therapy session. Many of my clients find it emotionally draining.”
“Yeah, yeah. Um… Thanks.”
“For what in particular?”
“I dunno. Listening? I guess? I know I’m real fucked up so I guess thanks for not running away screaming when you don’t even know me.”
“Rose, it is my job to listen to my clients when I don’t even know them. That’s one of the reasons for therapy: to seek an unbiased outside opinion and use that to help frame your problems. Let’s meet again next week shall we?”
Stolen novel; please report.
“Yeah, yeah that sounds ok.”
“Alright then, I’ll take my leave. I’ll be sticking around in town though so if you find yourself in need of my services before the arranged time, come to 636 Yawgtree Avenue, it’s the office I’m renting while I’m here.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Excellent. With that, I hope you both have a pleasant day and hope that the next session goes as smoothly.”
Leaf takes her exit, softly closing the door behind her. I float listlessly over to my favorite chair and sank into it a little too far and didn’t have the energy to correct myself. It felt SO NICE to be able to just… rest. To feel exhausted and be able to do something about it besides just waiting for it to go away. After that first night here, Toffee had INSISTED that she cast sleep on me every night because and I quote “You desperately need to turn off at some point and this is the only way.”
Toffee wandered over and placed a hand gently on my shoulder and leaned in close enough to be personal without being overbearing and spoke in a soft voice. “Are you sure you don’t need anything from me?”
“Just hanging out would be nice, but I think I’d like to think some on my own. But having you nearby would help I think.”
“Of course. Hang on just a sec while I grab something to do.”
She left the room and it was me and my thoughts for a bit. Normally when I sit with my thoughts I try everything in my power to avoid them, run from them, banish and bottle and throw them in a closet and lock the door. This time was a bit different. Leaf had given me a bit of homework: to try and sit with myself and think about all the shit. She said that if I started to stew and was miserable, to stop and talk to Toffee or someone else. Not that I had anyone else to talk to though but the sentiment was nice. I guess…I guess I could talk to Val, but… I left on such a bad note that I’m worried they’ll never want to talk to me again. What if I ruined everything, cut off my only family because I was too fucked in the head to realize what they were trying to say to me.
I wandered back to my death, seeing Robert across the field from me, Ythene in hand and pointed at me, all while I slowly, painfully felt my insides liquify or whatever poison does to someone. I quickly pulled the shutters closed on that memory, feeling the bone deep terror of that moment resurfacing. Trying to distract myself, I focused on other sensations and sounds and found myself listening to a quiet “click clack”. Turning towards it, I see Toffee with a knitted shawl around her shoulders, knitting away and counting stitches.
It’s a soothing sound, a sound of creation and quiet focus. As I focused on it and on Toffee’s hands I felt my head nodding and my eyes unfocusing, letting the sound wash over and through me. I heard a distant voice, as though coming from underwater, or maybe I’m underwat-
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As soon as I noticed Rose’s focus on my knitting and her head nodding I figured she was done thinking and was ready to sleep, poor girl. Still knitting, I cast Sleep on her again and watched her slip into her world of dreams. Hopefully she has a good one though last night she woke up panicked. I pick her up out of the chair, still feeling light as a feather, and walk her to the bedroom, laying her on the bed where she sinks into it just a bit. After getting into my night clothes, I lay down next to Rose and join her dreaming.
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Surprisingly, I dreamt of Toffee, holding me in front of the fireplace, logs burning merrily, mug of tea in my hands and blanket wrapped around the two of us while a blizzard raged outside. Taking a slow sip of tea I taste a hint of ginger and honey mixed with the green tea, the spice perfect to dispel the chill from outside. Leaning back into her chest, I look up into her eyes and feel the breath catch in my throat. Gods have her eyes always been this pure a shade of purple? Royal, with small gold flecks dancing as her gaze shifts to me. She looks down at me and smiles and I feel my heart melt into my shoes. This…this isn’t normal, this can’t be real. Somehow I’m dying but it feels so nice that I think I don’t mind it so much this time.
“What are you thinking?”
“Um… That I may have died again?”
“Pfft, no silly, you didn’t die. I think you might just be happy.”
“There’s no way this is just happiness.”
Leaning down and kissing my forehead, making my stomach do ALL KINDS OF WEIRD THINGS, she whispered in my ear.
“I think we both know that you feel something besides happiness, but happy is definitely there in spades.”
“Um, um, um, um…”
“Yes?”
“What…else, is there besides just happy?”
“I can think of a few things, but why don’t we just enjoy this time together right now, ok?”
“I. Um. Yeah, sure, I can get behind that.”
“Great! Now, if I could get a sip of that tea, that’d be lovely.”
I just kinda…relaxed? Deflated? Collapsed into her chest while offering up the tea like a divine offering, one that was quickly accepted and appreciated. She gave it back and wrapped her arms back around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder, humming a soft song that I swear I can almost just remember.
This feels so…amazing. Just, comfortable, cozy, relaxed. My hyperactive brain all focusing on the various things making me happy and it just… all feels like such a dre-
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-am. Fuck. Wait. No. Was it a dream? I still feel a lot of the warmth I felt in the dream…And the gentle pressure of Toffee hugging me…Oh. Because she is. Somehow I ended up back in bed and she’s asleep behind me, holding me close and humming the same song she sang in my dream.
“What’s that song?”
“Hmm?”
“The song you’re humming, what is it?”
“It’s a song my mother sang to me when I was a kid. It always made me feel safe whenever she sang it, I…wanted the same thing for you.”
My heart started racing a little bit after realizing some of the implications of my dream. Did I…like Toffee? See her as something other than a friend? If I did she was going to get so squicked out when she found out. Like, I’m fucking gross and a horrible person that abandons people the second something starts to go wrong for me and I used to be a boy and if she likes girls and I’m not a real enough girl for her what’ll I do when she finds out oh godsohgodsohgods-
“Rose! Please, stop thinking whatever you’re thinking right now. It’s ok, you’re here, you’re safe, it’s all okay.”
She’s holding me tighter, arms partially passing through but still enough that I can feel the intent. I feel my back getting kinda wet and is she…crying? Oh gods I made her cry. I’m terrible. I’m THE WORST friend ever. She’s been so worried sick about me and obviously she can read my mind enough to know when I’m thinking shitty fucking thoughts like that.
Taking in a shuddery breath I start to turn around to face her. “I’m. I’m sorry, Toffee. I’m just…sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry for doing nothing wrong! It’s just, you can’t keep thinking about yourself like you’re terrible, or the worst, or WHATEVER you were thinking. Every time you do, you freeze up and start shaking and it’s really scary for me because I- I just don’t know what I can do to help you. So please, let’s just get started with the day and who knows? Maybe working on the talismans will help you calm down. I’m sorry I can’t help you more. I was really hoping you’d have a good dream but I guess that was too much for me to ask of the universe.”
“No no no! I actually had a really good dream!”
Her eyes light up, amethyst seeming to glow with her joy, tears forming a lens that slowly leaks off to the sides. “Really? You’re not just saying that?”
“No no. It was really nice, and you were there!”
“Really? Now I’ve got to hear about it!”
“We-” Oh gods no. How on earth do I tell her about the dream without letting her know what it was about?!?
“Yeah? What were we doing?”
“Um. Um. Um.” I couldn’t feel my face heating up because no blood but I did feel everything else about the process of blushing.
“That good huh?”
“What!” I meant to be nonchalant but it came out way more as a squeak than anything else.
“Hmmmmmmm, okay. Okay! I’ll keep this in mind.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“Oh nothing.”
At that she stretched out like a cat and ohmygosh she’s so pretty and, and, and, um. Wow. She stopped and looked at me a little quizzically and I looked away really fast but I still heard her small chuckle and could I just die already? Mercy? Want to finish me off already?
“That would be delightful for me, but I’m afraid dear Valkyrie would be beside herself so no. Thorn though you are I cannot smite you for good just yet. Ask me in a few years and I’ll clear my schedule.”
Aaaaand like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me I remembered a very important fact I had learned over the last few weeks: The gods were SUPER real and had a penchant for LOUNGING AROUND IN MY HEAD. Now that all the joy had been washed away by pure terror I got out of bed and followed Toff to the kitchen where I heard the magical sound of the coffee maker working, identical to the day I’d made it. Say what you want but I make things to last.