It’s taking me a while to return to Girraghen’s smithy. Every turn I make feels wrong, is this street right? But what if it’s not? What if I missed the turn three turns ago? Do I go back? Why is this so hard all of a sudden? I always know where to go with Rose here but she’s gone again. Why does she keep on leaving? Does she like Girraghen more than me? No, that’s silly, it’s just that she hasn’t seen him in a long time and wants to catch up. Yeah, yeah that’s all it is. Was it a left or a right here? I guess left.
----------------------------------------
In the end I think I took 3 hours to find my way back to the smithy. Why did it take me so long? Ugh, I’m a mess. Okay Val, you can go in there. No problem, just go in and act like nothing happened. You didn’t have a breakdown in an alleyway, you didn’t wander like an idiot for multiple hours trying to go someplace you’ve already been. Breathe in, breathe out. Okay.
I open the door and am greeted threefold. First by the ding-a-ling of the bell above the door, second by Nat at the front desk with a strained hello and a customer service smile that’s seen better days, and thirdly by the sounds of Rose shouting and Girraghen apologizing through what could either be laughter or tears.
“So Nat, um, how’re you doing?”
“Oh fine, just fine. I have no idea what the asshole genius is saying but I kinda think Master laughing through it is only making her angrier.”
“Asshole genius?”
“Yeah, you’re friend Rose.”
“She’s not an asshole.”
“Was to me.”
“Were you rude to her first? She’s never rude to me.”
“I wasn’t any ruder to her than to anyone else I don’t think.”
“Hmm. Well I can try and mediate I guess, but I don’t know if it’ll be any help.”
“Hah! Good luck. It’s already been half an hour.”
“Wow. Um, what did he say to get her that riled up?”
“Basically called her an airhead.”
“Hmm. Okay, I think I can fix this.”
“May the gods go with you.”
“Thanks.”
Walking into the back I see Girraghen in his office chair doubled over with Rose floating above shouting a mixture of obscenities and a lecture on the behavior of older men towards young women and the failings of modern society. She’s saying it while trying to hide a smile, I can tell from her eyes and her lips twitching. Ok, so this is all in good fun. I clear my throat but that doesn’t seem to do much so I start waving my hand in front of Rose’s face.
“You gods be damned donkey’s anus, how can you not understand that when you talk to a lady of my stature and capability that you keep such disgraceful, malformed, and INCORRECT thoughts to yourse- VAL! You’re back!”
“Ha ha. Yeah, I am. I see you two were having fun.”
“Bwaaahahahahaah whew, oh my stars I cannot breathe! Whew, oh goodness, Mercy look upon me! Ok, ok. Hahahahahaha. Whew. Yes, Valkyrie, we were reenacting old times it seems.”
“This dwarf, with the spine of a hedgehog and the brain of a pig, had the gall to say I ‘had nothing going on between my ears most of the time!’”
“I see. So you spent half an hour cursing at him?”
“Wait what? It’s only been a few minutes!”
“According to Nat, who’s sitting next to the clock, it’s been over half an hour.”
“Oh. Um, sorry old man, guess I got a bit carried away.”
“No no, ‘tis fine lass, reminds me of teaching you.”
“Aw, that’s sweet.”
“Aye, I still have the nightmares!”
“You want me to kick your ass from beyond the grave?”
“No, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
“Good, as long as you’ve learned for now.”
“So, um, can we go back to the lesson now?”
“Oh yeah! Man I totally blanked on that, sorry Val. Yeah, Girraghen, let’s hop to it and train us a new smithing prodigy!”
“Alright, alright, but I cannot neglect my other apprentices. If they’re going to be under me, they’re also going to have to do customer service work as well, just like all the others.”
“Eh, that’s probably fine. Heck, might even be good for Val to get experience talking to people other than me and teacher figures.”
“I can talk to people!”
“Hun, I love you to death, but when you talk to other people it feels like you’re either philosophizing or saying the bare minimum to get by. We need to train your small talk.”
“What’s the point of small talk?”
“To make other people feel welcome and relaxed so’s you can charge ‘em more and they won’t care a bit!”
“Dammit it old man! That is not the point! Look, Val, it’s a matter of learning how to relate to other people. Most people don’t want to get to know you through talking about morality or crafting techniques, they do it by talking about little things like the weather, or what they want that little porcelain tchotchke for. It helps to build a rapport, which will eventually open the door to talk to other people about more serious topics. Also, from a business woman’s perspective, having a good rapport with customers keeps them coming back, which helps increase income without jacking prices for no reason just because you might be able to get away with it.”
“Huh. Uh, alright, I can give it a try I guess.”
“You’re a good kid Val, I ever tell you that?”
“Multiple times a day sometimes.”
“Hmm. Must be because it’s true.”
“Alright, enough of that, let’s get to business.
----------------------------------------
“So you made the sword on your hip. It’s a good piece, especially for a first attempt. But I don’t know why she had you start with something so large. Normally I start young smiths off with daggers or kitchen knives, given their proclivities. I feel that you’re a dagger sort of apprentice but speak now if you object.”
“Can I make both?”
“Ha! Good work drive! But which will you do first?”
“Hmm. I already have a weapon, so I think I’d rather have the knife. I’m still learning to cook but Rose told me sharp knives are important.”
“Indeed they are! It’s a safety thing you see. With a dull blade you push harder to make the same cut and if it slips it makes a worse wound that’s harder to heal. Alright, so a kitchen knife. First step! Materials. What do we need for a good knife?”
“Um, metal and wood?”
“Spot on! What kind of metal and what kind of wood.?”
“Probably steel and, um, a softwood that would be easy on the hand to hold?”
“Part right part wrong. You would use steel, which I’ll have you make yourself, but you also need a hardwood, like oak or ironwood, to give the handle durability and yourself a firmer grip. With kitchen knives, control is key and we want to give the chef every advantage.”
“I’ll make my own steel?”
“Correct! That’s truly the first lesson I teach. What is steel?”
“Carbonized iron?”
“Correct! Though there’s a bit more to the steel we’ll use, that being steel that won’t rust. We do that by adding in chromium. The ratio can be imprecise but usually about one part chrome to nine parts regular steel. So what kind of forge do we need to make steel?”
“Um, I think a crucible?”
“Ah, that’s if you want to make regular steel. But, thanks to our resident genius-”
“Thank you, thank you.”
“-we made a forge that can get much hotter using the storm winds to fuel the flames.”
“Right, because fire is a mixture of fuel, heat, and air, right?”
“Also correct! Increase any of those and you get a hotter flame. And hot flame is what we need for steel.”
“Does it have a specific name?”
“Aye! Our resident narcissist named it ‘Rose Steel’.”
“Well what else was I supposed to call it?! Not like you guys have Damascus!”
“The hell’s a dam’s ass got to do with anything?”
“I- fuck, nevermind, I never said anything. Sure, I’m a narcissist, just get on with the lecture before I find a way to kick your teeth in old man.”
“So fiery today! But anyway, I have a stormforge over by the seacliffs, when a storm comes a whipping off the sea I head out and make the steel I need to keep us going. We close the shop on those days and all make what we can. Our local weather mage claims there’ll be a storm day after tomorrow but we all know how accurate their readings are!”
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Wait, weather mage? Since when was that a thing?”
“Hmm, you must’ve been cooped up somewhere for quite a while m’dear! Been about 6 years since the College of Weather was instituted. Every midsize town that can afford to keep one on staff hires a mage from the College to help tell when the weather will take a turn. However, it seems that a third of the time their predictions are off or just plain wrong. They say it’s a natural outcome of their divination magic not being able to predict the whims of gods but I feel they’re just bad at their own magic!”
“I. Huh. And where would I find said mage?”
“Ach! Don’t you go stealing a woman’s livelihood now! She’s a hard working girl and trade secrets are trade secrets!”
“Pfft. Not for long they’re not! You said they’re basically a city official so I’m guessing I’ll find them in city hall. Val! Will you be ok if I take off for a bit?”
“I. Um. Uh. Um. I’d rather you stay?”
“Oh. Well, alright then. We can go find the mage another day I guess.”
“Thank you.”
“Now then! Tangents aside, let’s see how you hold a hammer!”
----------------------------------------
Ow. Ow. Ow. My arm hurts so much. I can’t believe it’s been 3 hours of non-stop hammer swinging. He says I keep holding it like a sword when I need to hold it like a tool. Is that all I’m good for? Fighting? Natasha says that I’m dangerous and I know I am but is it that obvious? Should I leave the Thorn somewhere? I wish someone could give me answers but they all keep telling me to think for myself.
“Alright! Since Girraghen’s done torturing you, let’s go over your magic practice! Have you been circulating your mana regularly?”
“Um. I. Yes?”
“Gonna take that as a no. Alright, so get back into the habit of doing that. It’s slow progress but steady progress I promise. But, since we have the time now and have nowhere to be really, let’s teach you the second method of mana increase!”
“Oh right! You said that there were multiple methods.”
“Indeed I did! The second most common method, though one I have difficulty with, is termed Mana Oscillation. Essentially what you do is take your mana and push it out in a bubble around you without any other purpose than to be a bubble. Then, you start breathing deeply and try to manipulate the mana to flow with your breaths, basically expanding and shrinking the bubble at the same time you breathe while keeping a steady rate. Uh, think of the difference between DC and AC electricity.”
“What?”
“Ah fuck. Sorry, bad analogy. Um, uh, fuck me ok. You know how blood flows through your body, leaving and returning to the heart?”
“I think you told me about that before?”
“Yeah, so blood does that. That constant flow is also called circulation and it’s the same as Mana Circulation. Now think of your heart beat, constant and steady. It can increase or decrease but it stays the same for long periods of time. If we’re not doing much of anything, we have what’s called a resting heart rate which is like, the slowest it’ll get normally. Here, feel your pulse. Feel how it goes in pairs with space in between? When you feel it, that the heart contracting, or for a breathing example, taking a breath out. The space in between is when the heart re-expands, sucking the blood back in, or breathing in. When you do that you’re jumping between, or oscillating, between a positive and negative value. This is all to help you visualize. Did you get any of it?”
“I. Maybe?”
“Good enough! Now, try it. First, imagine pushing your mana out slowly and steadily.”
Hmm, the only visual that helped remotely was the breathing one, because I can see my chest expand and contract. If we take that as the basis of the exercise, then the first bubble might just be a deep exhale out. So, breathe in to grasp hold of the mana, and out!
“Hey, great job! That’s a damn fine bubble!”
“Please be quiet this is hard.”
“Oops. Yeah, yeah, fair. I’ll just float here, quiet as a mouse.”
Ignore her for now, ignore her for now. Ok, ok. Now that it’s out, we have to keep it from going back or leaving completely. Oh god this is hard. I feel it trying to fall out of my grasp like wet soap. The harder I hold it the quicker it seems to start leaving. Ok, calm down. Light touch, hold it steady, hold your breath and hold it steady. Cool, ok. Now a little in, a little out, little in, litt-oh fuck that’s a lot out! Damn damn Get it back get it back!”
“Aaand it’s gone. Man, good first try!”
“What do you mean good first try!? I failed completely! It’s all gone and I’m here!”
“Whoa! Ok, get back to breathing regularly, in and out, nice and slow. Can you do that for me?”
What does she mean breathe regularly!? I am, I am, I am, wait, no, I’m hyperventilating, but I can’t stop it. Breathe normally? Have I ever done that before? I can’t remember. I can’t remember how to breathe! Oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgod.
Wait, wait, I’m slowing down. What’s going on? I try to focus my eyes on something and there’s Rose, chanting slowly. I, I feel something in me that feels…not wrong but not mine either. It’s flowing through me slowly and it feels like everything in me is slowing down too. Right, in and out, in and out. The blood stops rushing in my ears and I can hear what she’s saying.
“Mandynox, Font of Magic, please hear me and help Val. Please hear me and help Val. Mandynox, Font of Magic, please take my magic and help Val if that what it takes. I want them to be calm. Please this is scaring me so much help them calm down.”
Rose. Rose I’m fine. Wait. “Rose. I’m, I’m ok.”
“Really? Oh thank goodness. Also, thank you Mandynox. You had me worried there Val. You haven’t broken down like that in a while, what’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“I know it’s not nothing. Please tell me if you can.”
“I can’t.”
“Alright, just know that at any point if you can talk about it I’ll listen. I’m here for you, ok Val?”
“I. Yeah. Yeah, I know.”
But you haven’t been there so much recently. I know you have your own things but I want to be with you all the time like we used to. It hurts when you’re away. I’m…I’m scared of myself when you’re not here. What if I hurt someone on accident? I’m dangerous and only you can keep me sane. I want to tell her so much but when I open my mouth the words stick and it hurts a lot.
“Alright. Maybe let’s put a pin in this one for now. Here, let’s find a place to meditate and practice circulation, ok?”
“Yeah, yeah okay. Where would be a good place?”
Rose smirked and pointed up.
“Up on the roof. It’s good to have a few sensations to focus on and roofs like the warmth of the tiles and the wind in your face. At least, I find it relaxing, the dichotomy of the heat under and the cool above. Also helps me focus on the flow between fire and wind mana, though maybe you’d get more out of feeling the sun on your face and the heat from the tiles, the flow of fire and light maybe?”
“Whatever you say Rose.”
----------------------------------------
I took Val up on the roof to meditate, I hope it helps them get their mind off whatever’s worrying them so much but that never really worked for me so I’m just grasping at straws. If I had the ability to manipulate things I could probably make some medicine to help them but that would be a long and potentially dangerous process, not least because I am not actually qualified to prescribe mental health medication. Also because I’d kinda be winging it based on a few skills and spells I have, one of which lets me determine the effect of an ingredient or medicine on its own. I would have to trial and error my way into the right combination.
I’m also not a therapist, which is probably the best way to help them but, uh, I also never went to therapy. Not like my parents would shell out for their “disgusting devient son’s” mental health or anything crazy like that. The closest I got was a conversion camp and that was, uh, the opposite of helpful as you might expect. Though I swear I knew a therapist at one point in game. They were really nice to talk to but I feel like if the therapist complains to you about their problems while you complain to them, it’s not therapy it’s just being friends. Gods what was her name again? Hrmmm… fuck I’m blanking. Let me message Toffee. Oh wait, Val first.
“Alright, find a place that you feel comfortable to sit down on first.”
“Hmm, there’s a kind of flat area over there…”
“Sounds like a plan then. Next, find a pose you can stay in for a while without hurting yourself or anything. Ok good, now close your eyes and focus on the things around you. Are the tiles warm?”
“Yeah, they feel really nice.”
“Is the breeze cool?”
“Mhm.”
“How about the sun?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok. Now, look inside you and feel your mana. Can you feel the different elements?”
“I. Um. There’s a lot of heat but even more than that there’s a lot of…um…sunlight in me.”
“Great, imagine holding one of those in each hand and slowly start to push them, fire from below and sunlight from above, rotate them gently throughout yourself. Nice, easy cycles, around and around. Once you’ve got it going, all you have to do is give it a little push every now and then. Focus on what you’re feeling and let the cycle fall to the back of your mind. Don’t worry if it stops, you can always start it again.”
Val seems to be concentrating, but not straining, and it looks like their mana is flowing smoothly. I see them starting to treat each element differently, which is a lot harder for the smaller trace elements. Seems like it’s ok to talk to Toffee now.
Chat with Toffee:
Rose: Hey Toffee! Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Not dead yet?
Toffee: Nope, not in the slightest bit dead. Fit as a fiddle in fact. But what d’ya want boss? You never chat idly
Rose: Haha, caught me, um, this might be a weird question, but do you remember the name and hopefully have the contact details of that scythe wielder that was also a therapist?
Toffee: Scythe wielder? Therapist? Um, shoot, let’s see. Going off that vague as all get out description I’m guessing..wait, pronouns?
Rose: She/her.
Toffee: Hmm. I don’t remember any therapists but I remember Julia Featherheart, from the Night Reapers guild. I think you did a few jobs with her. Besides that, the only other she/her scythe wielder I can remember is, um. Had a sky blue hood, wore a lot of frilly dresses that I feel wouldn’t do well in melee combat, um, her name, her name.
Rose: Take your time.
Toffee: Oh hush up. Um, goddess she had like, a scythe 4x bigger than her. It was really good quality, um.
Rose: Oh! Tatiana was her name!
Toffee: How did I jog that one loose chief?
Rose: Um. I remember the order. She told me, and I think I quote, “Make it so ******* big. LIke make the biggest scythe you think I could wield and then double it. **** me up with it ok?”
Toffee: Oh my god I remember now! You came back here swearing about needing more materials and I was like “What do you need?” and you said like “APPARENTLY 3 FROST GIANT’S WORTH OF BONES I GUESS!”
Rose: God I made it out of frost giant bone? Man, really should’ve used either water serpent ribs or, hmm, yeah an adolescent… green dragon’s bones. Wait, no I remember now, I did it because she was not just a scythe wielder, but also was a spellblade focused entirely on ice magic.
Toffee: Wow boss, you remember all that shit?
Rose: I may in fact be a crafting nerd
Toffee: I didn’t say it, but you’re right
Rose: Anyway! Do you have Tatiana’s contact info?
Toffee: Let me check
Toffee: Going through the guild list, the Night Reapers are based in Castle Mort in Count Larkfield’s territory. But, boss, most people you hung out with are, um, missing.
Rose: Missing? Since when?
Toffee: Um. They seemed to start going missing around, um, five years ago? It was big news, like, four of the largest guilds just disappeared all of a sudden. Like, no sign of the members anywhere. I swear I told you about this already.
Rose: Um. Maybe you did? I’ll fess up, I have no memory of you doing so.
Toffee: Hah, sounds like you. But that’s why I was so surprised to see you were back! There’s only like, one other client of yours still around.
Rose: Really? Who?
Toffee: Um. Sylvanatas Greenwinter.
Rose: Who in the ****?
Toffee: Oh come on, don’t say that. He was a super repeat customer. Every time you made nature mana boosters he came and bought out the entire stock. He also always asked if you were available and I always told him no.
Rose: Oh right! The Elven Stalker! I erased him from my memory!
Toffee: Wait, stalker?
Rose: Yeah, he’s the reason I learned how to disguise my face in crowds. Everytime I went to the Elven Capital Yggdrasil he would find me immediately and ask me on dates or invite me to parties. He didn’t seem to be that strong but I was still terrified of the man. That’s why I gave you that standing order to give him what he wanted and make him leave immediately afterwards.
Toffee: I…I see. Not to be insensitive Boss, but why didn’t you ever tell me about it?
Oh god it’s not like I can just say “Cause I thought you weren’t sentient at the time!” Fuck um, think Rose!
Toffee: Hello? Boss? I’m sorry if that was a bad question, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
Rose: Um…no it was just something I didn’t want to trouble you with.
Toffee: I see. Boss, just so you know, I wouldn’t have been troubled by it. I’m here for you no matter what you need, ok? Just come talk to me whenever. I know you can handle yourself physically but if you need emotional support I’ve got your back.
Rose: Thanks Toffee, That means a lot.
Toffee: No problem! Oh right! You said you needed a therapist, yeah? Guess who knows someone who knows someone?
Rose: Could it be my employee of the year 10 years running?
Toffee: Yes indeedy! Although that title means somewhat less when I’ve been your only employee for those 10 years.
Rose: And I didn’t fire you once in that time!
Toffee: Fair enough! But yeah, here, let me talk to Katie who knows Leaf.
Rose: The therapist's name is Leaf?
Toffee: Yeah? And? Your name is Rose and I go by Toffee who gives a flying fart what someone’s called?
Rose: I was just surprised is all, ok! No need to jump up my *** about it!
Toffee: Fair, sorry, but I’ll head off first. Ttyl!
Alright, so, therapist get! Well, soon anyway. Hopefully Val likes them and can open up to them. But why does Leaf’s name ring a bell? Eh, who knows.