Behind the Town Hall there’s an alley that doesn’t seem like it gets a lot of traffic. There’s a pair of big crates here, empty and deteriorating but big enough to hide myself behind and between. With my back against a dirty brick wall, sitting on the cobbles that smell like mold and mildew I have my head in my knees sobbing like I’m a fucking baby. Why does it hurt so much? Why can’t I get his words out of my head? What am I missing? Is there some part in my brain or my heart or my soul that just, isn’t there? Did Robert fucking excise the part of me that I needed to make the right decisions? To not feel this way? I’ll fucking kill him if he did. I’ll kill him even if he didn’t. But, would that be the right decision? I can’t tell anymore.

It hurts. There’s no more fire but the burns are still there inside. I was cold and now I’m colder but my tears feel hot on my face and cold on my arms. I don’t want to cry anymore but everytime it stops I remember the words he said, that I’m broken. That I’m wrong. Should I not have helped Mr Trunor and Emmy? No. No Rose agreed to help them. Rose killed the Captain. Even if I’m wrong, Rose isn’t. Should I just let her do the thinking for me? I thought I could live without her at least a little bit but maybe I was wrong. Would she let me do that? It’d be nice to not feel this way and if all I do is what she tells me maybe I won’t feel like this anymore. I keep hearing this stupid bell somewhere and I wish they’d stop ringing it.

“Hey kid. You look like shit.”

Who’s there? Wait.

“Wh- who’s there?”

“I am. I knew Tomorrow’s words hit you hard but didn’t think it’d be this hard.”

“They won’t stop. I keep hearing them and they hurt.”

Chieftess Natasha sighs and slides down the wall to sit next to me. She’s holding a sandwich and seems to think about something before speaking again. “Alright. What about it hurts?”

“Inside, where the ugly was.”

“Oookay. Sure, we’ll go with that. But why does it hurt, kid?”

“He said I’m broken. That I’m no good.”

“When did he say that?”

“You were there! You heard him!”

“Nope. I heard him but I didn’t hear that.”

“What do you mean?”

“He said ‘You lack what you need’. He also said he lacked it too. Is he broken?”

“No.”

“Right. He might be one of if not the best man I know. That’s why he’s so good at punching people in the gut, with his fists and his words. He hit you hard but only as hard as he thought you needed.”

“I didn’t need this.”

“Sure you did. You’re what, 11?”

“13.”

“Sure, 13. You’re only 13 and out for the blood of 17 men? Who didn’t even kill anyone that you know of, just roughed them up a bit. Now should they be punished? Of course. Did you already punish them like Azalea said? I lean towards yes but the verdict might still be out on that one. But do they deserve to die? I can’t see that. A life is not so cheap a thing.”

“What do I lack then?”

“I think what he was getting at was a lack of empathy. You didn’t see your face in there but there was a lot of anger. You also haven’t heard those men speak. They aren’t monsters, they’re people. However detestable they may be, they’re still people. But even then, I’m not sure that’s exactly what he meant you lacked. It might be, on second thought, a lack of perspective. When you get that angry you stop seeing the then and only see the now. The reason we all decided what we did is because we know what the Duke does when his authority is challenged. He leaves behind salt and ashes. If we killed those men we would have killed not only them, but the 5000 or so other souls in this town. It’s not easy making decisions for other people, but you have to keep them in mind and most importantly, keep yourself out of it. That’s what he was talking about I think.”

“I really thought I was right. I really thought I knew what would be best. But it was so ugly inside.”

“Ahhhh. Yep. That’s why it hurt so much. The uglier it gets the worse it feels when it leaves you. It’s not there anymore, right?”

“Yeah. I think it’s gone.”

“Good, that’s good. It’s a tough thing to get used to but it’s necessary. Letting it go, that is. It’s especially necessary for you. You can’t let that ugliness dictate your actions moving forward, it’s too easy for you to hurt someone the way you are now. Noone should be as young as you and carry that much responsibility, but the world doesn’t operate how it should most of the time. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“That I’m dangerous?”

“Well. Yeah, basically. But there’s more to it than just that. You’re dangerous, but only if you let your anger and hate and whatever else take control and dictate what you do. It’s learned behavior, you see. It’s easy to just let loose and kill who you think needs killing for one reason or another. The worst part about killing is that it gets easier the more you do it. I learned that the hard way, So did Tomorrow. The way he puts it, it got so easy he found it hard to do anything else. He learned though and you can too. He’ll also tell you that he’s learning still, and that’s true I think. He has a lot to learn and unlearn. You do too but you’ll get there.”

She tousles my hair which feels weird. It’s annoying that now I have to fix my hair but it’s not all that bad of a feeling. She stands up and stretches. At some point I stopped crying and just listened to her. So I’m not broken, but I’m dangerous. I’m not a shattered pot, I’m not a cart without a wheel, I’m…I’m.

“So I’m a rabid dog?”

“Pfft. No no no. You’re not rabid by a long shot. If you were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and we wouldn’t have had the last. No, you’re like… like a dog that’s been kicked a lot. You snap at what you think is trying to kick you again and worry it till it can’t anymore. You just need to learn how to differentiate and to calm down when the time comes. You’re not necessarily wrong to think that way I don’t think, I don’t know what you’ve been through but I don’t think people who’ve had a comfortable life have the drive to be as powerful as you are. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.” She ran her hands down her face and continued. “It’s. It’s like this, okay. Return what you’re given, kindness for kindness, hate for hate. But try not to do lasting harm if you can help it. No one should be judge, jury, and executioner and no one as young as you should be any of the above in my opinion. Protecting people is a good thing, don’t ever think otherwise. But there are degrees of retaliation. Cutting the ankles of those men so they couldn’t run? Unacceptable to me. Putting them through a death march because you felt you had to hurry, unacceptable to me. Protecting Trunor and Emerald? Worthy of praise.”

So I’m not rabid. I’m… I’m hurt is what I am I think but that might go away. Where’s Rose? Why isn’t she here? Oh yeah, I ran away while she was thinking. I shouldn’t have done that, she’s probably worried.

“I’m sorry for being so much trouble Chieftess.”

“Oh, no. You weren’t that much trouble. You’ll learn and you’ll grow and you’ll be a great person one day I’m sure. Just keep your head up.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“Thank you. I have to go find my friend now.”

“That old dwarf, yeah? Master Girraghen yeah? Go for it. Who knows, you might be better at swinging a hammer than a sword.”

“Yeah…Girraghen, of course. I will take my leave now.”

“Yeah, yeah, scram kid.”

----------------------------------------

“Master, why are you wearing those weird glasses all the time now? They’ve got to be the worst fashion statement I’ve ever heard of!”

“Nat, you can’t be telling me that these aren’t the height of fashion! BWAHAHAHA nah, Nat, I’m kiddin’ ya. They’re magic glasses, let me see and hear a friend of mine I haven’t in a long time.”

“Yeah right old man, like you have any friends.”

“I take offense at that, I do. I have plenty of friends, they’re just not around to visit anymore. It’s why I was so happy to get the chance to see her again.”

“Oh it’s a her, is it? Has spring come for you old man?”

“Oh gods no! She’s much too young for me. Also, she’s even more stubborn than I am! Any decision made takes 3 hours and 4 arguments! Nay, she’s a fine friend but would be horrible as a partner.”

“Alright, sure, I’ll believe you for now old man. But anyway, will I be able to meet this mysterious friend?”

“I s’pose it depends on Rose. When I knew her previously, she jumped between single minded focus on her crafts and single minded focus on expanding her clientele. Though now she might be a bit starved for conversation so she might be all for talking to ya. Speak a name and they shall appear! Rose! Welcome back! But where’s young Valkyrie?”

“Heya Girraghen, I, uh, lost Val.”

“Lost them? How on earth did you manage ta lose them?”

“I got lost in my head, ok! Gosh, lay off man. It was really stressful and now Val’s gone and I need to find them but I didn’t know where they went so I came back here to wait for them. I’m like, 80% positive they’ll show up. I sent them a message so they should know I’m here waiting for them.”

“Ah, well, I s’pose that’s how it goes. Either way, come, sit down as much as you can and meet Nat!”

“Pfft. You must be going soft in the head Girraghen, you know she can’t see me.”

Girraghen passes his magic glasses to Nat who puts them on dubiously only to gasp in surprise and fall off her stool. Well, I suppose I am amazing.

“Hiya! Name’s Rose! I’m this old codger’s first apprentice.”

“GAAHHHH GHOST WHAT THE HECK!”

“Oh hush up, not like I’m gonna eat your soul or anything.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO EAT MY SOUL!?!?”

“I said I’m NOT going to do that. Honestly, some people. This is why I let Toffee do all the talking to people.”

“Ok, so, so you’re not evil, yeah?”

“In what sense? In the tabletop game sense or in the traditional story-book sense?”

“What?”

“Um. I’d say I’m inherently selfish but I don’t eat babies or kick puppies or anything like that.”

“I. Okay? So, um, first apprentice, huh? Wha-what happened to you?”

“I died. Thought that was obvious.”

“I meant how you died!”

“Ohhh. Yeah, not telling.”

“Whaaaat that’s no fun!”

“Yeah, well, neither is dying. Don’t particularly care to remember it often. But anyway, if you’re gonna be calm from now on, my name’s Rose.”

“Right, sorry, name’s Natalie but you can call me Nat.”

“Righto Nat. So how’d you meet short, stout, and grumpy over there?”

“Oh, that. Welll, I heard he trained like ‘the greatest smith of a generation’ so I figured I could do one better. So I came and bugged him for a while until he caved. Said he didn’t want any more apprentices after the last one. I told him he’d better make time for one more and wouldn’t you know it, old man’s not half bad at teaching. Seems to have a knack for it. Though it’s weird, I thought he’d only ever taken on a single apprentice before me.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“Wait. What? No. No way. No way you’re the greatest smith in a generation!”

“Why can’t I be? Well, at least, I was. Again, kinda dead for 8 years.”

“But that’s crazy! You don’t just get to meet people like that! They exist in stories and not in real life or whatever! No way you’re that good anyway.”

“First off, fuck you. Secondly, if you’re gonna be a negative Nancy about the whole thing, take the damn glasses off. I don’t have time for assholes, ok kid?”

“But you’re younger than me!”

“Dead. For. 8. Years. You don’t age as a ghost numbskull.”

“Oh, yeah, fair. But yeah, fuck you too, prove it.”

“Prove what?”

“That you’re the greatest smith of a generation! I want to see it!”

“How the fuck am I supposed to hold the fucking hammer idiot, I’m incorporeal.”

“I mean, we have glasses that let me see and hear you, I’m sure we can make you ghost gloves or something.”

“That’s stupid. It doesn’t work the same way at all The glasses work off of sensory affecting enchantments, essentially fine-tuning your senses to be able to perceive the ethereal plane. Gloves that a ghost could wear would have to be made out of, hmm, probably a blood-quenched silver-mithril alloy with a lining made of weirwood fibers, probably stud the knuckles of each finger with a Dead Onyx or a soul gem of some kind, use a super conductive material to trace a circuit covering the hand meeting at a pair of nexuses on the back and palm. Would definitely need to do the work at the night of the new moon, ideally on the winter solstice but that might be asking for a bit much. Like that’s for high-performance extreme precision instrumentation. Just doing it on the blue new moon would suffice for most practical purposes. That’s all not even taking into account the enchantments. You see, we’re gearing this shit towards primarily soul magic as the ghost is the ethereal manifestation of a soul postmortem. Now why did we use Dead Onyx you ask? Why, because we need a connection to the physical realm and a mixture of earth and dark gives us the bridge we need. The weirwood lets the soul kinda soak into the inside of the gauntlet, the blood-quenched alloy allows for a highly conducive magical contact between the soul-infused weirwood and the outer network of earth-dark magic coating the outside. Works as a semiconductor, allowing a connection while still providing enough insulation to protect the soul. I would enchant it with-”

“Stop stop stop! Holy fuck what the hell!? I said one thing that you said was impossible and now you’re giving me detailed instructions on how to make it?! Who the hell are you?!”

“Yeesh, so rude. I’m possibly the greatest crafter the world has ever seen and that’s not an exaggeration.”

“BWAHAHAHA! I see you’ve found Rose’s charm, eh Nat?”

“Sir! She’s a genius!”

“Thank you.”

“Why does she have to be such an asshole about it?”

“Hey! I take offense at that remark. Between the two of us, you’re a much bigger asshole than me!”

“HA! Rose, well, she’s a special kind of person. Hard to get along with but great if you can manage it. Also, can be too smart for her own good, but most of the time she’s not got anything going on between the ears if you catch my meaning.”

“Nat. I need you to give those glasses to my old friend right now.”

“Um. Are you going to hurt me if I don’t?”

“I should think that would be obvious by my tone of voice.”

“Um. Yeah, alright then. He-Here you go Master, she, uh, wants to talk to you.”

“Ach, I seem to have hit a nerve. Nat, be a dear and watch the counter for me. If I don’t come back in 3 hours just know that I’ve perished and I want to be buried with my tools.”

“Alright Master. Also, if you die, I’m changing your will to say I’m your sole inheritor.”

“Fine, fine, just make sure to give something to the others.”

“You done with your last words old man?”

“Yes Rose, I suppose it's time to face the music for my unfortunately true remark about your nature.”

“Oohoohoo, you’re in for it now.”