What if Elvis is alive, your roommate, and you were an officer in an alien invading military? What if he went on a crazy journey in prison and on the run. All this and more await. This started as a shitpost based on a joke from a TTRPG campaign my friends an I are playing. It is written through the POV of voicemails, police reports, and journal entries. all action successes were decided by dice rolls. It's been a labor of love and absurdity. Hope you enjoy!