When Steve comes round, it takes him a little to understand where he is. Waking up in a hotel room, unsure how he got there, he remembers dreaming about his mother, his childhood, even school. It's been forever since he last dreamt something like that. Then he remembers how he had promised himself, that that would tell him if he was still immersed in the dream tank Shuri and Tony had built. But recollecting how Bucky had behaved last night... What he wanted to do with him... Steve shivers, thinking: 'It just can't be real. Maybe it's because Hydra messed him up so much, his brain is able to form such a detailed world, we can't tell it apart from the real one.'
Then he hears a flush and after a minute, while he's still trying to figure out how to deal with his friend, he exits the bathroom, just as naked as last night, but smiling at him: "Oh, did I wake you up? I had hoped I was stealthy enough to let you sleep in.“ He crawls back into bed with him, making Steve grab the covers with new tension. But although he mutters: "Well, since you're awake... wanna cuddle up some more?“, when Steve sees him looking at him with friendly eyes and a genuine smile, he relaxes and returns just as sincere: "Thanks, but I'd rather just get dressed and go home.“
To his surprise Bucky just grins and agrees: "Okay, then let's go!“, to get back up again and turn to his bag. Steve quickly gets out too, and acts normal, as he searches his own bag for some clean clothing, but has to realize that the only pants left are the ones still lying crumpled next to the bed. He'd nearly forgotten about them. 'As if it were real.', he thinks again, looking around puzzled, and seeing the closet still tilted to the side, the way he pushed it last night. "Something wrong Steve? You still having trouble to focus?“, Bucks asks compassionate, so he just states: "A little. I'll just shower to clear my head.“
He turns to move, but his friend puts his arms around his middle, only holding him loosely, but Cap flinches all the same, especially as his buddy offers: "I could join you! You know what they say: Save water, shower with a friend.“ He chuckles, but Steve tries to brush him off: "You already showered last night, you don't need to go again.“ Yet his friend simply whispers in his ear: "I would if you had gotten me dirty!“ Steve gulps and nervously cries: "I'm sorry, I couldn't, that's just not...“, but Bucky quickly turns him towards him, assuring him: "Hey, hey, hey! It's alright, I'm not mad at you, it's okay!“, he gives him a stern look, "I guess the lightning triggered something for you, but that's really okay, you don't have to shame yourself! You don't always have to be big, strong Captain America for me, you know that!? You can just be my little Stevie, and that's alright!“
Steve stares at him surprised, and Bucky hugs him tight once more, repeating: "You don't ever have to be ashamed in front of me, honey, you know I love you! I'll never look down on you for feeling unwell, I never did! Remember?“ Rubbing his arms he draws back again to look into Steve's eyes with a smile, while Cap is left speechless. Even though the familiarities still confuse him, he is now able to focus more on what his friend looks like saying them. And he's surprised when he realizes how relaxed he is.
He should have noticed before, but his own adrenaline was clouding his mind, so he didn't see that the tension that somehow always radiated off his friend, is lifted, and he's just his happy self. His old self. Even when they had been fighting with the Howling Commandos, Bucks would be able to just open up to others, relax, enjoy, not care about tomorrow, only live in the moment and savor it. That's how he always cheered him up, looking on the bright side, believing in himself, and believing Steve, even if he got him into trouble sometimes.
Not like the new Bucky. The one that Hydra had used and abused for so long, he had forgotten what it felt like to be human. What it felt like to trust others. Believe in himself, instead of doubting his every move, double checking everything. Steve realizes that he is standing in a room that isn't his home with him, in front of clear windows, naked, without ever having searched the perimeter for bugs, or bombs, or hidden assassins, as he usually would. Even after Shuri's treatment had helped him so much, he couldn't take Steve's word for it that everything was fine, even scouting the safe houses from Shield, or the rooms in Wakanda, although T'Challa's trusted guards were at every corner. Even his face looks different. The lines on his forehead are much smoother, as if the frown that sat on it as his default expression isn't a normality. And he understands it's not. Not in this world.
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Steve's eyes water and he smiles, wondering how he could have missed it. How he could overlook that for some reason, he got his old friend back. And then he gets it, as Bucky again leans in for a sweet peck on his lips, just to hug him anew, reminding him: "You don't have to prove your worth to me! Never had to, never will.“ A little embarrassed, and overwhelmed by his feelings, Steve has to hug back, and grabs Bucks tight as he feels the tears trying to burst through. It all takes him back so much, that when his friend assumes: "I love you the way you are. And I know that you love me.“, Steve nods helplessly: "I do.“, while thinking: 'Just, not quiet like that.'
They hold each other for a while, and Steve actually welcomes the fuzzy warmth that spreads through his body, until Bucky pinches his butt, saying: "Well, ya better get your sweet ass in the shower, or we're gonna be here all day.“ But as they part, he only smiles at him, so Steve just nods smiling back, and sees that he gets into the bathroom. He locks the door, puts his things on a free shelf, and then relieves himself. He feels a bit awkward, although he knows nothing humiliating will happen with his body in the tank. Bruce had made sure he'd be prepared to stay in longer, just like he did with Bucks. But it still feels odd.
Once he flushes, and moves to wash his hands, the handle is pressed, making him flinch again. Then his friend calls: "Honey? Did you lock yourself in?“ 'Dear Lord, what does he want now?', Steve thinks with dread, since he's now also completely naked, and gives back timid: "Yes?“ "Well, will you let me in, so I can brush my teeth?“, comes back amused, but a little concerned. Cap sighs, unlocks the door, and makes a move to get in the shower and out of the White Wolf's reach, turning his back to him, as not to give him ideas. It frustrates him a little, that it's a modern shower with a glass door instead of a curtain to hide behind. Though he tries to shake the feeling. After all, they had shared bathrooms before. Even showered together. And it was fine.
But now when he hears Bucks enter, and locking the door behind him too, he gets tense once more, praying: 'Oh God, please no!' He slowly turns, but his friend is just helping himself to his toothbrush and some paste. When he meets his eyes he smirks understanding: "It's alright, I know it helps with the paranoia. Just make sure you tell me if it gets worse.“ Rogers nods with a relieved smile, touched again by his friends old familiar consideration, and wants to turn back, but Barnes asks: "Are you gonna let it grow?“ "Huh?“, Cap furrows his brows, turning completely. Bucks rubs over his five o'clock shadow, saying: "You usually shave before you shower. Do you wanna grow a beard?“ Steve rubs over his chin and actually feels a slight stubble. Now that he knows it's there, it annoys him, but he's not sure he wants to get back out, next to Bucky. Yet when he sees his old buddy just tend to his teeth, he decides to risk it, hoping he'll keep his hands to himself.
He stands next to him, and Bucks even scoots over to give him more room, so Steve relaxes, and takes the razor. It's not the one he's using at home, but it is a model he'd choose. And it doesn't look brand new. 'How long has Bucky been in this simulation?', he wonders. While he's getting rid of the little hairs on his cheeks, Bucky spits out the toothpaste, then looks at the mirror to rub over his teeth with his tongue, and smiling at himself. Still so calm and relaxed. And happy. Then he looks at Steve in the mirror and remarks: "Thought so. Although it'd be interesting to know, what you look like with a beard!“
Cap halts and looks back puzzled, claiming: "You've seen me with beard!“ Bucks looks back a little confused, but then smirks: "Aww, come on Steve, that could hardly be called a beard!“ Rogers raises his brows, wondering how much more beard he would have to grow then. And suddenly it hits him, staring at his face in the mirror: He doesn't have a beard! And he didn't even question it, just like he did with Bucky. Why didn't he notice? He remembers, he asked Shuri if he needed to shave in order to go under, but they had assured him it would be fine, as it would start to grow again anyways. Even though he was supposed to come back within a few days, tops.
But Bucks had seen him with that beard! It was the last he had seen him with, while he held his hand, as he went into the tank. How could he forget that? 'Did he erase that from his memory?', Steve asks himself. Just then Bucks rests his head on his shoulder and puts one arm around him. It's a bit awkward now, since he knows of Bucky's true feelings. If he had done this before, which he probably wouldn't, he would have just thought it was cute of him to be so friendly. Something friends can do. Close friends like them anyways, and times have changed for the better. It is okay for men to show affection to their friends, and Steve is all for it. However, thinking what Bucky might be feeling, touching him like that, makes him uncomfortable. It simply wasn't supposed to happen. But then his friend says: "Just look at us.“, smiling at him.
He looks so happy, it nearly breaks Steve's heart. He almost feels like apologizing to him, for not being able to give him what he needs. He would want so much to make him happy, to keep this happy Bucky by his side forever again. The way they had planned it, the way they had promised each other. Till the end of the line. Then Bucky turns to him, kisses his shoulder and hums content: "Ah, I can't wait to get home!“, giving him a cheeky grin. "Uh, yeah, me neither!“, he tries to reply confident, and smirks nervous. Bucky just plants a kiss that tastes of toothpaste on his mouth, and opening the door, gives him a firm tap on his bottom, reminding him: "Well, get your cute butt in the shower then!“, as he leaves.
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