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Dreamboy
Analyzing a dream

Analyzing a dream

Three days go by this way. Shield calls him up to keep him informed on Bucky's progress, while he takes care of the little ones. And uses them to gather informations about his relationship and their domestic lives together. Like playing interview with his kids, asking about their hobbies, his and Bucky's routines, things they did together in this world. Kheial and Roya are all too eager to fill him in on every little detail, happy to recollect his and his friend's past by bringing him some photo albums. And re-telling the story of how they came to live with them, how they made the kids feel safe and loved. And leading by example, by treating each other with so much kindness, that they couldn't but accept the two men's relationship as something normal and healthy. Even though he had nothing to do with it, it makes Steve proud somehow.

He also finds that he feels quiet comfortable, dealing with them as a father. He fought the urge to be bitter about this fake world once more early on, telling himself to just go with it, to save his buddy. And so he can see the joy, the warmth, the happiness, from having his loved ones, old and new, around him, safe and protected. Francis always stays close to him, nudging him whenever he feels himself falling too deep in thought. He can enjoy seeing Peggy and Howard again, when they come over to visit, as they've become something like their kids' adoptive grandparents, spoiling them to no end, with Tony and Sharon as guardians. It's fantastic. And this time, in a good way. Then, once Steve feels like he gathered enough courage and information, to play his part for Bucks, he gets a call from Coulson, telling him he's about to wake up.

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So with a bit of stage fright, Steve gears up and goes to Shield's sickbay, to sit next to Bucky's bed, holding his hand, waiting for him to open his eyes. And he repeats to himself once more: 'I'll do everything I can, to show you, I'll be there for you! You will still have a home and family with me. And I'll give you all the love I can, I promise!' Then he notices how his friend's breathing gets harder, the monitors beeping in closer frequency, his hand twitching in his hold. And then, blinking a few times, the White Wolf opens his eyes again. Even though he knew him to be alright, it still moves Steve, and he can't help himself, raising his free hand to brush over Bucky's cheek, softly calling: "Hey Bucks! Hey, you okay... darling?“ It's still a little embarrassing, but Steve is determined to use as many cute pet names as he can think of. After all, this should be the easiest part yet. Bucks meanwhile still blinks a bit disoriented, first flinching at the touch, but then leans against his hand, and also presses the fingers in his own, huffing groggy: "Mhm? What... Where am I?“

Cap gets his hopes up, and tries to re-assure his friend that he got his husband back, so like he planned he turns the premise on its head, asking: "You're back at Shield with me. How are you feeling?“, and adding concerned, "Do you remember who I am?“ Bucky furrows his brows a bit: "Of course I remember you, punk!“, then smiles, saying: "You are the love of my life, Steve Rogers, who I grew up with. Why do you ask?“ Steve beams back, taking his hand to kiss it gently the way he meant to, rewarded by a grin of his friend. It feels nice to see him back so trusting and happy, but sticking to his plan, Cap then gives him a serious look, explaining: "I need to ask you a few more questions, just to make sure, they didn't get to you, alright? Think you can handle it?“ Bucks stretches in his hospital bed, but nods: "Sure. Shoot.“

Cap starts with some things to fill in the blanks he couldn't get out of his friends or the children, asking some mundane stuff, hoping it doesn't sound too weird. But to his relief, Bucks just answers, sometimes chuckling, sometimes getting serious, even agreeing with the questions, as he'd been manipulated about some apparently domestic little things too. Just so that Hydra had a point of entry they could exploit, if they ever needed to regain control over him, making Steve more aware of his former struggles. Howy and their other friends already revealed some more disturbing details about the Winter Soldier's programming before Bucks woke up, more than Cap ever heard from him. And it still hurts him to think about the gruesome details, making him feel even more guilty for not searching for his friend with all force right after the accident.

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But he also throws in some things he already knows, to make his questions be more expectant, so he asks him about the date they married, and then the proposal. It makes his heart ache again, when he hears his pal swooning over how his dreamt up self proposed to him in the most romantic manner. How it moved Bucky that he would choose him. He even does Steve the favor of telling him how he first confessed his love for him. Again, a dream come true for his childhood friend, who thought: "That you could never see more in me than just a friend. I thought I'd have to watch you come back from the war as this superman, that all the ladies adore... and I was so surprised to see you were still single in this new world.“, Bucky's eyes start to water, "And then you punk went on to confess how you were saving yourself for me, when I asked you about it.“

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Steve has to control his emotions, and just gives his friend a re-assuring smile, as he explains: "And then you turned away, because you thought I'd be appalled and not want to talk to you again for being queer! When in fact I had longed for you to say those words for almost a century! You made me the happiest man alive that day. And then again, when we were standing at the altar and I heard you say: 'I do'! I love you so much!“ Suddenly Bucky is in tears, and Steve hurries to take him into his arms, hugging him tight to assure him: "And I love you, Bucky! Oh baby, don't cry, I'm still here! And I'll always be there for you!“

He really means it, and when his friend hugs back, both holding each other, the fuzzy warmth is spreading through his body once more, and he welcomes it. He can even get himself to give Bucks a peck on the cheek, and it feels rewarding, when his friend seems to relax, sniffling away the tears and murmurs: "Yeah. Like we promised. Till...“ "The end of the line!“, Steve joins in, and it warms his heart when he pulls back to see his friend beam at him touched, and brush some hair behind his ear. They both gaze into each others eyes for a while, and Steve can feel himself blushing for it, but seeing Bucky's happy smile is so worth it for him, he just keeps rubbing over his back and shoulders re-assuringly. Apologizing: "Oh, sorry love, I'll be more careful!“, as Bucks hisses when he comes against his left arm. Steve is glad he did internalize needing to heal it.

But instead of answering, his buddy just keeps beaming at him, skipping from one eye to the other. Leaning in closer. And closer. Steve can feel his heart beat faster, blushing even more, as he realizes what Bucky wants to do. But although it is a bit cringy, he also feels himself get a bit curious, and so also leaning in, he tries to relax as much as possible, when his friend gives him a soft kiss on the lips. It's so gentle and warm, it feels kind of nice to Steve. And willing to do his part, he holds Bucky's cheek, softly stroking over it, while he kisses back shy. When his friend opens his mouth, to suckle on his lips, it sends shivers down Cap's spine, and he shakes a little, but he pulls himself together, focussing on the rather pleasant touch, and tries to mirror Buck's movement, giving back the intimate touching, and gathering a pleased sigh from his friend. Somehow this kiss feels rewarding to Cap, pleasant and thrilling at the same time. But he's still trying to control and distance himself from it, focusing on his mission's goal: giving Bucky a feeling of welcome and security.

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Steve does his best to play the part of a good and caring husband. And finds that it isn't that much of a step up from their time as roommates. He already figured out their daily routine, their interactions with their friends, their work flow. And notices how he fits right in with them, even enjoying it, although it is fake. Or perhaps, because he knows it is. Like when they actually do go to Stark's fondue and poker night, and end up stripping for Peggy and Sharon, making Tony smirk. And then blush, when Steve really goes all in to even drop his briefs, bright red, but somehow feeling like he has a jester's license to do as he pleases. And though it send more jolts through his body, he can actually laugh at Bucks pinching his cheeks and everyone making racy comments. He even catches himself pondering, if things really could ever be this way, this calm and happy, with his friends in the real world.

Cap feels how he is falling in love with this world, with his home, his children. And he wonders, if maybe, just maybe, he is falling in love with his partner too. As all the kisses and cuddles feel more and more natural each day, even welcome and comforting instead of awkward and scary. But then again, he didn't have to go the last step yet. Somehow, either one of them was too tired (he wasn't faking it the two times Bucks had approached him), or the children would interrupt, just as the smooching got a bit more intense. Steve was also afraid, that his partner might want to do it with him in the shower. And some of their encounters had been rather close.

They did end up massaging each other with soap a few times. It had actually felt very good, and intrigued, Steve might have let it go further. But even then, before he or Bucky could move in to rub the other down, there would be some noise, a set alarm reminding them to move, or knocking of their kids because they needed them, or there was someone at the front door. And apart from that, his spouse seems to be more of a harmless cuddler in bed, never moving lower than his stomach, when they kiss and hug each other good night. Which Steve also enjoys by now. The first night had been excruciating, as he had to act calm, while he was so tense at not knowing what would come next. But since then, he can't help but actually feel safe and protected in Bucky's arms, as he drifts off to sleep.

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