Then one day, they get their chance. Roya and Kheial are at a sleepover at Clint's, and there is no reason to get up early the next day. So, nervous how and when else his friend might make a move on him, Steve decides to be the active one and make it happen. Bucks is busy installing a new faucet in the kitchen, one Steve had picked out to make cleaning large bowls and pots easier. Since he was also the one to take the dogs for a walk, he had told his husband: "Okay, I'll just take care of it when I get back, and then get changed.“ The first time he had announced something like that, Steve didn't understand, but he caught on pretty fast, that Bucks would just warn him this way, in case he wanted to start a wash, so he might wait to take Bucky's things too. But while he is occupied, Steve takes care to prepare himself for whatever they might do.
He had felt so humiliated, trying to research how gay sex worked, and it had frustrated him, that he couldn't really ask anyone for help. He didn't want to use the internet, as he feared what he might find, but searching up on books in the library also didn't help much. Until he discovered some manga by accident, written for teens, where two guys got together and wanted to make love for the first time. He didn't want to question, how or why that part of the library even existed in Bucky's mind, or if his own subconscious picked up something like that.
Regardless, he was thankful when the comic book had fallen of a return table, opening right in the middle, depicting in a rather graphic way that two young men were about to become one. And so, shy, ashamed, but also a little intrigued, he had stolen the book. Actually nicked it without scanning it, passing the security doors right when he knew that an elderly lady was leaving with her unscanned pile of books, setting off the alarm. And started reading it in secret, locked inside the bathroom, where he kept it hidden in the hamper. It had shocked him a little, but it actually helped him, since the protagonists had to discuss some of his problems as well, showing him solutions.
Though sadly not for all of them, and he still turns red whenever he remembers how he had to play ignorant towards Bucky, when he needed to unclog the toilette on the second floor, wondering which of their children might have flushed a carrot down the drain. So although he didn't get to really practice beforehand, he at least knows how to make an enema with some warm water, if he wants to be sure to feel empty and clean. And that there literally is no such thing as 'too much lube', and that foreplay is vital, if you want things to go smooth. At least when you're untrained.
Thus, once he takes care of the first part, and feels more comfortable, he goes on to prepare the bedroom for some action. He is glad that Bucks, or his other self, must be a bit shy about being watched, or looking at photos of their kids while making love, because their portraits overlooking the bed are framed by some drapes, that can be shut to blend them out. Steve closes them, as he does the one's in front of the windows, also hiding the other pictures stacked on the windowsill. In their old place, some scented candles on the dresser give the room a soft glow, and the faint smell of roses.
Steve blushes a bit, again wondering if he isn't overdoing it, but since they own such things, he might as well use them. Scanning the room one more time, and seeing everything in place, fresh sheets on the bed, some towels hidden behind the pillows just in case, lube and massage oil ready on the nightstand, Cap takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly, to calm his nerves, telling himself: "It's alright, you can do this! You can do this. It's gonna be nice.“
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He still jolts a little, when the door opens, and his husband enters, only wrapped in a towel, looking to change into some new clothes. Surprised, he stares back and forth between Steve, covered loosely by a dressing gown, and the scenery, and furrowing his brows he asks: "Uh, honey? What's going on? Did I forget an anniversary or something?“ Steve just straightens himself up, bridging the gap between them, and pulling his friend closer to him, he softly hushes: "No. But I would like to show you my gratitude, for always taking such good care of me! I want to give you a massage!“ And he gently rubs over his shoulders and arms.
Bucks flinches a bit, as his left is still a little tender, but he doesn't pull back. Instead, he leans into the touch, and hugging his friend, starts to kiss him in an adoring manner, not too passionate, but still taking his time, tickling him with his beard. "Still feels a bit weird!“, he hums, when he lets go, brushing thru Steve's facial hair. Because Cap, very cleverly, had started a challenge with his husband, about who would keep his beard the longest, hoping to help his friend adapt better, when they would go back to reality. Steve just smiles back, hushing: "A little. But I like it. And you look really hunky this way!“ He kisses his friend back, trying to calm down some more. After all, this tender touching now feels okay, even comforting, because Bucky is so kind.
'He's always gentle. He'll be considerate now, too!', Steve assures himself yet again, and when pulling back, smiles at his partner, demanding: "So, care to lie down?“ Bucks smirks, and pointing at the towel on his hips, asks: "Do I need to be naked?“ Steve almost went to blurt out a No, but catches himself, and giving his husband the most cheeky grin he's capable of, replies: "Oh yes! That's a requirement! After all, I'd like to relax even the really deep tensions. And that requires touching your whole body.“ He can even get himself to wink at Bucks, hoping it didn't sound too over the top. But the White Wolf just drops the towel, and moving to the bed hums: "Well, I don't want to argue with that!“, and looking over the nightstand adds: "I kinda have an idea, where this is going.“ Steve gulps, but follows him, feeling his heart beat faster, and cursing internally: 'We haven't even started yet! Relax!'
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He ushers for Bucks to lie on his front, taking the oil to start on his shoulders, and making conversation: "Remember how you used to massage me, whenever I got sick from the bad weather?“ Bucks gets into a comfortable position, humming: "Mhmm. Yeah, your darn arthritis. Sometimes it wasn't that easy to make sure my hands were warm enough to heat up the oil, so it wouldn't chill you.“ Steve is thankful he said that, as he was about to just pour it on his back, and so quickly fills his right hand instead, putting the bottle back, and musing: "Yeah, that flat was a real mess. Always cold and wet.“, as he slowly starts rubbing over the skin with slick fingers.
When Bucky just hums content, he pries: "But it did give us a reason to cuddle. Even back then.“ Now his friend turns his head a little, asking: "You enjoyed that too, huh?“ Steve has to admit: "Oh yes. It did feel nice. A little awkward sometimes. But you were always so soft and warm. And I felt protected.“ He has to swallow a bit, thinking how he never took the time to think about this before. It was just so... wrong. It was okay for two men to share a bed to keep warm. But they were not supposed to be friendly with each other while doing it. That was just unheard of. Or rather, the stories he did hear about such men back then, were full of accusations and speculations about their supposed tainted souls.
He moves to cover his friend's back, rubbing and kneading his skin, reaping in more pleased grunts and huffs from him. But then Bucky confesses: "I sometimes wished, you'd take things further back then.“ Steve, getting more oil, almost ends up pouring it on himself, but just spills some on his sleeve instead. He tries to hide it, as he lies: "Oh, really? Me too! Yes, I... I sometimes wanted us to be naked, when we cuddled.“, it sounds stupid to him, so he quickly adds, "But I could never say that, that would just have sounded weird. Ya know, cuddle to get warm, but take off the pajamas?“ To his relief, Bucks only chuckles: "Well, we can both be naked now!“, and since it doesn't matter anyways, Steve takes off the dressing gown. Then his friend tells him a little quieter: "But you could have said it anyways! I would have gotten you warm, Stevie!“
Cap starts at the shoulders again, to gather his courage, and tries to joke: "Well, you too. I mean, we both wanted it.“ "But I didn't know that. And I would never, ever have told you, Stevie!“, Bucks emphasizes. Cap moves lower, asking intrigued: "But why not? I mean, sure, neither did I, uhm...“ Just then, Bucky turns to face him, and looking into his eyes he insists: "Yes, but I didn't want you to think, it was because of your body! You were so frail, Stevie, everyone mocked you for it, but I wasn't after you, because you weren't as 'manly' as other guys!“, he looks serious, "I would never have made the first move, while you were like that! I wanted you to feel proud, and comfortable, and safe with me! I couldn't have lived with myself, if you'd have thought, I was just biding my time to go down on you, and that that's all I see in you!“
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Steve stares back in surprise, turning red when he sees Bucky's determined face. Part of him had wondered, what it was that attracted his friend to him, and he really thought it might have to do with his former figure. Then the White Wolf turns to lie back down, and Steve hurries to continue his massage, even though his friend returns to close: "You know, sometimes I think it was for the best, that we only got together after the serum. That way noone could say, that I did it out of pity.“, he shrugs, "But yeah, if it had come from you first, I would have pleasured you any way possible, even back then!" Steve has to blush more and his friend adds: "And I would have saved myself for you too! Maybe I would still have gone out with girls, just so noone suspects something. But I would never have slept with any.“
Cap gulps uneasy, thinking how he had hoped that maybe Bucks could live with an open relationship, where they shared as much physical contact as Steve could take, and do the real hardcore sex with some more than willing women, just like old times. Even if it irked him. He moves to cover Bucky's rump, and concludes: "So you never missed it?“ The White Wolf hesitates, but then explains: "I don't miss it, no. It's not like it was disgusting. Sometimes it even felt quiet nice. You know, it's not such a huge difference physically to how I make love to you!“ Steve has to force himself to keep the pace, as he massages Bucky's bottom. At first, because he just wants to brush over it quickly. Then, because sliding over his cheeks with his hands actually feels rather nice. But now he's too swift, and so while rubbing through his crack, his thumb gets stuck.
"Steve! Alright, so there is a physical difference sometimes!“, Bucks laughs, as his friend quickly pull it back out, stuttering: "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that!“ "Yeah right!“, Bucks gives back with a grin, "What was that about you wanting to relax the 'deep' tension?“ Steve returns a sheepish smile, a little unsure how to move on, when his husband proposes: "Hm, want me to return the favor, punk?“, raising a brow. Steve turns dark red, thinking: 'Oh. Oh, okay, this is it, okay, relax! You can do this!', and replies with a forced laugh: "Ooh, sure! Bring it on!“ "Well then, let's switch places!“, his friend grins, getting up, and gesturing for him to lie down instead.
Cap complies, trying not to stare too hard at Bucky's junk, showing clear signs of arousal. He's able to relax a little, once his buddy starts rubbing his back, comforting the tension, just like old times. Steve can feel himself calm down more and more. And the soft, slick tickle over his bare back and bottom even send some pleasant shivers down his spine, making him twitch. Cap keeps trying to cajole himself: 'See, this feels nice! It's gonna be pleasant. And after all, I do love him! So we'll just make love, and that's fine. Right?'
But suddenly Bucky turns very frisky, rubbing against him with his body, and lies on top of him, hushing in his ear: "Oh Stevie, do you want to feel me inside you?“ Steve nods embarrassed, a bit horny, but still scared, assuring himself: 'It's gonna be fine, he loves me! He's gonna make love to me, it'll be okay!', believing his friend will be gentle, caring, or that if it hurts, he can take it. But his spouse, getting louder and meaner, demands: "You want that? You want me to fuck you? Fuck you, really hard and deep and long, yes? That what you want?“ "Uh, yes, oh-off course!“, Steve stutters overwhelmed.
Bucks asks him to go on all fours, keeps pressing with dirty talk, painting more and more violent pictures in his mind: "Oh, I'm going to fuck you so hard! You're going to scream. For hours! I know how to drag it out, you wont be able to walk anymore! I'll leave you panting on the bed, and I'll just come back, whenever I want to fuck you again!“ Yet Cap doesn't back down, just nods, shaking and begging: "Oh yes, oh please, do me! Take me, you hunk!“ His thoughts are racing: 'Please, I just want to make you happy! I can do this. It's gonna be alright, he's just talking dirty, he doesn't mean it! It's gonna be nice. Once he's in, it's gonna feel good. It has to!' Then with lube in his hand, tickling over Steve's scrotum, pressing gel against his anus, Bucks asks again: "You want me?“, and Steve yells: "Yes! Yes, fuck me, Bucky! Fuck me, please!“, while grabbing the sheets tightly, closing his eyes, bracing himself in overwhelming panic.
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