So Steve plays along, doesn't even react when Coulson shows up to escort them to one of Shield's rooms, casually chatting with Bucky about just returning from Tahiti. He brings them up to the observation flat, and handing them each a key just wishes: "Well, have a good night later! If you need anything, there's room service via phone!“ "Thanks a lot Coulson.“, Bucks replies friendly, and the Shield commander responds: "No problem sergeant! Get well soon captain, the team needs you!“, and with that he leaves. Steve just shakes his head, as he opens the door, curious what he will find.

The flat looks like a better hotel room, big windows letting in the last light of the day, easy to clean vinyl floor, plain white walls, but all the furniture in warm wood, making a friendly impression none the less. Steve notices that a couple of used looking dufflebags are placed on a small bench in the short entrance hallway, and presumes it must be their luggage. He enters a bit timid, still taking in his surroundings. "You alright Steve?“, his buddy behind him asks, "Are you still feeling dizzy?“ Steve reaches for one of the walls. He can feel the tapestry under his fingertips, brushing over it. When he takes his hand back to look at it, he notices a fine gray film, like dust caught by the lines of his skin. It's so confusing. He turns to his friend and asks provocative: "Why does everything feel so real?“

Bucky gives him a puzzled look, but picks up one of the bags to take it to a nearby desk and rummage in it, and replies: "Because it is, silly! You can trust me, I know what it feels like, when it's fake!“ Now Steve looks at him with wide eyes. Bucks just unearths a small bag that looks like it contains toiletries, but when he sees Steve's questioning glare, he emphasizes: "It's really okay, Steve! You can trust me!“ "But this is not real, it's just a dream!“, Steve insists a little annoyed, so his friend comes up to him and takes his hands, gesturing towards the chairs at the desk and getting him to sit with him.

Then he explains in a calm and soothing voice: "Look Steve, I understand what you're going through. I really do! I know the feeling of not being able to trust my own eyes, unable to tell reality from the twisted narrative Hydra forced on me with their Faustus method!“ Steve stares at him surprised. Bucky never told him these things before. He only said he'd rather not talk about it, that he wanted to forget it. Steve had tried to get answers from the Hydra data Shield eventually recollected after their exposure, but although that had explained some things, and made him pity his old friend even more, he couldn't have been doing more than scratching the surface of the truth. Maybe, if he plays his cards right, he can get to the bottom of it now, in Bucky's safe space.

So he listens attentive, as his old pal reports: "I get that you're confused, the gas does that to you.“ "Wait, what gas?“, Cap repeats baffled, so Bucks fills him in: "The one they laced the bomb with! Don't you remember?“ Steve just raises his brows and shakes his head, although it dawns on him, that he might mean the beeping from the satellite box in the shed. And sure enough Bucky confirms: "When we got to the signal, and I destroyed it, you held me back from running outside, remember? You had talked to me about the Hydra tank you saw.“

"I didn't see...“, Steve wants to explain, but Bucks interrupts him: "Rhodey found it too, once we knew what to look for! So, you got suspicious, and stopped me from running outside, when the bomb detonated! Because you had seen the wires!“ "Wires?“, Steve now asks, but feels as though he should remember something. "Yes!“, Bucky insists, "That's how you knew the explosives were outside, and that standing right next to the signal was the safest place. That's how you saved our lives!“ His friend gives him a compassionate smile once more, and it's making Cap feel a little embarrassed.

It doesn't help that he is still holding hands with him too, so Steve retracts at least one of them to scratch his neck, musing: "Uh, ahm, but then what's with the gas?“ Bucks gets serious, when he tells him: "They probably wanted to make sure, in case whoever killed the signal wasn't blown to bits, that they'll at least forget about what they found, so the bomb was laced with amnesia gas, and you breathed it in!“, he scowls, "I got some too, but much less, because you held me so close to your chest. And besides, I'm almost immune to it now, because of how often they used it on me.“

Now Steve looks back with compassion, when he sees a shadow forming over Bucky's eyes, but still questions: "You really believe that? You believe, that is how it happened, and that's why I'm saying, this is fake?“ "Well, Stark believes it. He thinks that's why you didn't recognize them first, and believed some horrible nightmare instead!“, Bucky starts to list, "Bruce believes it could also be responsible for the heart attack, because it weakens the mind and body!“ "But you really think this is real?“, Steve repeats, half desperate, and half amused, yet his friend looks him dead in the eye and assures him: "Of course! What else would it be? Steve, you really can trust me on this: This is real! I'm real! And I'm your partner, you can believe me!“

Cap shakes his head, but the White Wolf puts a hand under his chin, making him look at him, as he hushes: "Remember, when it was me who didn't know what to believe? You were there for me then, and even if I had to doubt everything else: I trusted you! I believed you. And now it's my turn to help and guide you, even if it's only gonna be for a few hours or maybe a day. But you can trust me, Stevie!“ Rogers wants to pull away frustrated, when Barnes suddenly comes close to his face and gives him yet another kiss, on the mouth, shocking him. He stares back at him, as his friend slowly draws back with his eyes closed, then opens them to smile: "See? That felt real, didn't it?“

Steve just nods overwhelmed, and is relieved when his friend lets go of him, standing up to take his things. But Bucks gently brushes over his head when he passes him to get to the bathroom, promising: "So there you go. Just relax and try not to think so hard anymore. You can believe in me.“ Steve is left alone horror struck. 'What the hell just happened?', he asks himself. He understands his friends concern for him, especially if he is so far down the rabbit hole, that he truly believes in his dreamworld. But did he need to shock him like that?

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Cap is skeptical. And so he gets up, and starts searching for answers. Because now he isn't so sure anymore, that this world is fake. Could Bucky's mind, or his own for that matter, really dream up so many details? Or isn't it more likely, that the amnesia gas made him forget some changes of the past, that might have to do with the Infinity Stones? 'That felt real, didn't it?', his friend had asked. Yes, it felt real. 'What if it is?', Steve wonders, looking through Bucky's dufflebag. He doesn't recognize any of the things inside, but they seem to be clothes that would fit his friend, and be suitable to wear under gear. And most looks like it needs washing. He gets what he presumes to be his own bag, and does the same, finding a similar sight. Only that he actually recognizes some of the shirts and briefs as his. He's starting to worry.

Then he starts to scout the room, trying to find something to prove this was either fake or real, not knowing what exactly to expect. He opens drawers and cupboards, finding a knob on one to be loose, and tightens the screw on it. He also finds more dust, a spider trying to weave a web, scurrying to hide when he touches it. And when he moves a closet to see where it is going, he shrieks and jumps away, when he discovers a centipede, slithering away as the last trace of daylight hits it. "You alright out there?“, he hears Bucky calling from the bathroom with a worried voice. It sounds like he left the door ajar. Steve tries to sort his thoughts and giving up his search informs him: "Yeah, just a centipede.“ He hears something like a chuckle and Bucky mumbling: "You still hate those things...“

Steve looks for a light switch, and finding one turns it on, but it only illuminates the hall. He wonders: 'If this was a dream, wouldn't the light switch on, where I need it? Or expect it to be?' He turns the light back off, then on again, just to be sure it doesn't change. But it stays the way a light switch should work. "What are you doing?“, Bucks asks once more, as he probably noticed the hall lights, so he truthfully answers: "Just looking for the right switch. It's getting kinda dark.“ Bucks asks: "Okay. You wanna go to bed early?“ Steve first thinks it's weird to ask him that, but then remembers what he first noticed during his search: There is only one bed in the room. So they would have to share. He doesn't quiet get why they couldn't just get two rooms, one for each of them, but then thinks maybe Bruce was being a bit paranoid of him having some more side effects. Though that still didn't explain why not two beds. And anyways, it's not Bruce who's paranoid, it's Bucky's imagination. Or is it?

Still unsure, Steve just gives back: "Yeah, sure...“, and moves to sit on the bed. At least the night would give him some answers, he believes. Either he'll fall asleep and dream for real, or it's already a dream and they'll just get up again after shutting their eyes. He hears Bucky showering, and so gets ready to lie down. First he just goes under the covers dressed as he is, but it feels wrong, and uncomfortable. So he gets out again, and takes off his shoes, socks, and pants, just dropping them next to the bed. And after lying down once more, still not comfortable, he takes off his shirt too.

He does feel a bit strange, thinking he'll go to lie down with his best friend, just in his underwear. Back when they had to share tents, they were always fully clothed. And even further back, when they shared beds to save oil in winter, they both wore pajamas, and at least he had some rather thick woolen ones, that almost felt like being dressed up. Steve has to smile, remembering how Bucky had gotten him those for Christmas that one year. And how that one time, when it was so cold their shower head froze over, they had to cuddle with each other, and Bucks called him his 'life size teddy bear' to make fun, when back then Steve couldn't even grow a proper beard, let alone manly body hair.

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Cap's still gazing at the ceiling, reminiscing the past, when he hears Bucky exit the bathroom, muttering a bit muffled: "I thought you'd join me.“ Steve looks up to see Bucky drying his hair with a towel, and quickly focuses on the ceiling again, when he notices he's naked. 'He's probably getting some fresh clothes to wear.', he thinks, wondering what he meant with joining him. "Did you go through my things?“, Bucks asks concerned, and Steve answers guilty: "Yes, sorry. I... was looking for something.“, he suddenly finds an excuse, “I couldn't find my toothbrush!“ "Well, duh, I already put our things in the bathroom, of course you couldn't find it!“, his friend gives back puzzled.

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Steve meanwhile furrows his brows: 'Our things? Did we have to build pairs on that mission, that bunked together, or what?' Or are they perhaps even still sharing rent in this dreamed up world? If it is a dream. But he soon gets his answer. Cap feels the White Wolf getting on the bed, and looks over to see his friend is still naked, and crawling towards him with a cheeky smile. Steve scans over his body confused, wondering what kind of weird 'let me shock you, this is real' kind of prank he's up to, but then it gets worse, as Bucks purrs: "Well, never mind, I got something else you can put in your mouth, if you like!“

Cap starts to sweat. His friend is slowly coming closer, glaring at him with lust, gnawing on his lower lip, and although Steve doesn't want to look, he sees that he's also getting hard. Outside, thunder is growling in the distance. Steve's face is starting to grimace into a tortured smile, as he's too scared and shocked to know what to do. When he tries to protest, opening his mouth to stutter: "Uh, I, ah...“, Bucks grabs his growing erection, and moving his knees up to Steve's shoulders gets excited: "Oh yes baby, open wide!“

And that's when Steve realizes that something has been absolutely wrong this whole time! 'Stop hiding in the bushes with your boyfriend!' 'your high school sweetheart' 'Save the smooching for home' Bucky holding his hand. Giving him kisses. Coming out of the shower: 'I thought you'd join me!' 'Our things.' Only one room. Only one bed. Bucky talking for both, when Stark asked them to visit. 'There is only one Widow, no need to make it two!' Bucky holding him tight, over and over. 'Just in case this is it, remember: I love you!' There is a flash outside, as the realization hits him: They are a couple!

'Oh my fucking God!', Steve thinks and quickly covers his mouth, as Bucks is trying to get closer with his penis. Another thunder roars, catching the brunette's attention, and Steve hurries to say: "I don't want that!“ Bucks just turns around with furrowed brows, asking: "Oh, really? Not today?“, but then backs down a little, only to bring his face closer again, and hush: "Or... do you want me to soften you up a bit first?“ Steve looks back in shock, but with the embarrassed smile still stuck on him, so maybe Bucky mistakes his reaction, because he attacks him.

Even though it isn't violent, Steve could well do without it, shouting: "No! Stop it!“ "Make me!“, Bucks gives back with a grin, as he pulls back the covers, sits on Steve's legs and starts tickling him without mercy. He wants to fight back, but the White Wolf seems immune to those touches, and he doesn't want to punch him. At least not yet, but when Bucky moves to lie between his legs, pushing his erection against his butt, and putting his arms in a tight grip around his body, pinning Steve to the mattress, he reconsiders it, struggling more. Then Bucky suddenly calms down, looking into his face. Steve stares back uneasy. His friend says: "Really thought I'd lose you today, punk!“, gently petting over his hair. And then moves in to kiss him again.

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Although Steve's popularity among the ladies had drastically increased since the serum, he's not had a lot of experience with them. Not at relationships in general to be honest, and also just little with short flings or just making out with someone. So he doesn't have that much material to compare this kiss to. But it does remind him of several. When that blonde had just dragged him into a corner by force, and started to smooch him, back when Shield merely was an idea, and not an organization. That had felt a bit like this, forcing it on him. Scaring him a little, but surprising him more.

And then Peggy's kiss, just before they parted ways for nearly seventy years. His adrenaline had been pumped, getting ready to fight, and so although it felt good, he couldn't really focus on it. A bit like now. And Nat's kiss on the escalator, to hide from Crossbones. He was again surprised by it, and although it wasn't unpleasant, he would not have opted for it freely. Just like this time. He suddenly realizes, the only time he took part in kissing someone more or less actively, was when he had given Sharon a thank you kiss for helping them out, while he saved Bucky in Leipzig. And even then had he felt pressured to do so, because he knew she liked him, and was risking so much for him. He did it more for Bucky than for himself.

And now he's holding still, trying to figure out what to do, or say, or even feel, while his childhood friend, his best buddy in the world, the last person on earth that knew him before he was Captain America, is kissing him with a passion that not a brother, or a friend, or a comrade would use, but a lover. Someone who loves him. And wants to make love to him. 'Why? Why does this happen, how did we get here?', Steve asks himself, 'When and why did Bucky decide that this is what we are?'

If this is a dream world, he could have anyone as a partner: Sharon, Natasha, Peggy, Maria, Pepper, Hope, Helen, even Wanda or Shuri, if he wanted to. But he takes Steve instead. A man. And his best friend. Steve still tries to deny it, but when Bucks lets go of his lips for a second, so he can take a deep breath, he flicks his tongue over his mouth, and then slides it in, to kiss even deeper, with more passion, more lust, more desire, even moaning a little, grabbing him tighter, and pressing his pulsing erection harder against his rear.

It scares Steve. It scares the living hell out of him. He feels lost, helpless even, although Bucky loosens his grip, to pet his hair and his sides again. But then he starts to hump him, and Steve shakes from fear and nausea. Bucks actually notices, breaking the kiss, but only to whisper in his ear instead: "You alright Stevie? Are you feeling cold? I can heat things up for you, don't worry!“ He gives him another kiss on the cheek, then adds lascivious: "Ready to feel me inside you?“ 'OH HELL NO!!!', Steve thinks in a panic, and just then, lightning strikes something nearby, dousing the dim lit room into a flash of light for a second, and the bang is so loud, you can feel the bass.

It startles both supersoldiers, Bucky quickly getting back up on his knees, and Steve crawling out from under him, trying to get out of the bed. But his heart is beating like crazy again, so he just sits on the edge, holding his chest, trying to catch his breath. Next to him, Bucky seems to be doing the same, gasping: "Holy shit, that was loud! Good God, is Thor fighting with his brother again, or what?“ Steve might have laughed on another occasion, but covering his face with one hand, he just tries to think of a way to get out of the situation. He even considers waking up. If that's possible. But this could never be real. Ever.

He's torn whether to try getting out, although he dreads the panic and pain he expects, as he has enough of that already right now. Or getting them both out, if it worked this time, as it would lead to a ton of awkward questions and revelations for the two of them. What to do? The White Wolf puts a hand on his shoulder, making him flinch, but he just starts to massage him and hushes: "Aww, it's alright Stevie, it's just a thunderstorm. It's gonna pass, right? At least the roof isn't leaking.“ Cap has to smile.

Back when they lived together, the flat they could afford had a leaking roof, and it would be dripping water every time they had a storm. The bad weather would trigger Steve's arthritis, and he would be uncomfortable, or even in pain from it. And his buddy would massage him. His back, his legs, his hands... whatever was hurting, Bucky would make sure to make the pain go away. It had felt good, knowing he cared so much, and because he was so gentle. But now Steve wonders: 'Did he just do that, so he could be close to me? Is this, what he feels for me?' He doesn't really want to think about it, wants to pretend it isn't true.

Then Bucky whispers again: "So, Stevie, wanna ride my thunderbolt? I promise you, it'll be hot!“ Steve sighs. He just keeps his eyes covered, ignores the hot, wet pole pressed against his back, tries not to think about anything, but quietly hums: "No. I don't want to. Not today.“ He wants to get up, and when he feels his friend holding onto him, he tries a different approach, gathering his authority, standing up straight and shouting: "Back off! That's an order, sergeant!“ There's another growl of thunder, more distant now, just after he says it.

🌟

Cap hates this. He hates pulling rank, he hates putting others beneath him, especially Bucky. But he just has to do something to make him stop, and talking it out right now, when Bucks wouldn't listen to him earlier, doesn't seem productive to him. So he simply stands with his hands on his hips, trying to control his breathing, and figure out, how to break up the situation. He thinks he's got it, when he hears his old comrade answer: "Oh. So that's how it's going to be. Captain!“ But it sounds like he's smiling, and so Steve turns around uncertain. Bucky looks back with a cheeky grin, stroking his erection. And then turning his back to him says: "But don't worry, Sir, I can follow orders!“

Steve is confused anew, but then gulps as Bucky goes down on all fours, sticking his butt high up in the air like a cat, presenting his hole and spreading his legs, to start moaning: "Although I know you're gonna have to punish me! Don't you?“ Then his friend strikes his bottom with his right hand, and yelps: "Oh I'm such a bad boy! You're gonna put me in my place, right Cap?“, then spreading his cheeks more with both hands demands, "Well, mount me, you stud! Show me who's boss!“ Steve has to suppress a scream, thinking: 'Oh shit, no no no no no!', and covers his face with his fanned out fingers.

Outside the thunder gets louder again, but Bucky just slaps his butt once more, and moaning takes his left hand in his mouth to suck on the fingers, half turning to Steve in a seductive manner, but with closed eyes, thus not seeing his horrified stare. He slaps himself again, and taking the fingers out, groans: "Oh Steve, please! Ah, fuck me!“ Then sticking the hand between his legs, moving towards his hole, begs: "Oh, yes! Breed me like the dirty bitch I am!“, and slides a finger into his anus, to let out another loud, lust filled yelp.

That's when lightning hits the building, screeching and booming like an explosion, walls shaking, a blinding flash scorching the eyes, and then after a flicker, the power goes out completely, so the room is suddenly pitch black. It's only then that Cap is able to hear his own voice, repeatedly shouting in panic: "No, no, I can't, I can't, no! Please no!“ He covers his face with his hands, and stumbles backwards, trying to get away from this nightmare. Then he feels hands grabbing him, and without opening his eyes, he tries to fight back, halfheartedly when he touches the bare skin of the other man who wants to hold him.

He starts to cry overwhelmed, begging to be left in peace, but the soft cooing of the other slowly reaches his ears: "Shshsh, it's me, it's me, it's Bucky! Shshsh! Shshsh, Stevie, you're safe, I'm here! Shshsh, you're safe with me, I'm here! Bucky is here, shshsh...“ Steve calms down a little, as his friend gently embraces him, pulling him towards him again. He still stutters: "No, no, please, I don't want to.“, while Bucky shushes him and goes to lie down on the bed, pulling him down and on top of him. Steve yelps: "No please, I can't do it, I can't, I don't want to!“, but his friend hugs him closer, and covering them both with the blanket, hushes: "It's okay Stevie, you're safe! You don't have to do anything, I'll protect you!“

There is a more quiet rumble outside, and then a hard rain sets in. Bucky still coes and pets his friend, assuring: "You're safe, just breathe Stevie! Listen to my heart, everything is gonna be alright!“ Steve still trembles, and lying on top of his naked friend feels wrong, but his soft touch and the warm body help him relax, as does the rain. And when he does rest his ear on Bucky's chest, hearing his friends slow and steady heart beat, it takes him back to a happier time. Though it wasn't happy back then. Steve was sick with pneumonia, and his mother was deeply worried for him, desperate because she couldn't stay home in fear of losing her job. And then Bucky had volunteered to do it. Take care of him, keep him warm, keep him safe. Keep him alive.

"Thank you, Bucky! God bless you!“, his mother had said touched. Steve remembers her voice. And Bucky's high pitch back then, returning: "It's okay Mrs. Rogers, I just want Steve to get well again!“ He had stayed with him. Even lying in his bed, to warm him with his body, holding him on top to not interfere with his breathing, covered by a heap of heavy blankets, hot water bottles next to them. Bucky must have been sweating buckets, but didn't complain, just kept still to help him get warm. Gently petting through his hair, telling him stories, sometimes reading to him. Always assuring him everything would be alright. "I'll protect you!“, he had whispered.

The way he does now. "You're safe Stevie, I'm here! I'll always be there for you!“, Bucky promises, and gives him more kisses on his scalp. Steve can't take it any more. It feels so wrong and yet so right. He just cries, holds on to his friend, the way he had done when they were boys and he just trying to find comfort. Holding onto life. Bucks keeps cooing, shushing, kissing and petting him. And through those soft touches, along with the rain and the beating in his friends chest, Steve drifts off into sleep.

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