Dexter's POV;

*SMACK*”Ouch, how come this stick hurts so much? It's just a stick!”. Da hit me again with his stupid stick. This brittle little piece of wood hurts more than one of Tsunade's love taps.

“Dexter-chan, that was wrong again. It's remarkable how fast you were able to sense Nature Chakra, but you have to take less inside you. You're always overcharging your system”, warned Da for the hundreds time.

“I know, but it's so ridiculously easy to absorb”, replied in annoyance. Feeling Nature Chakra or Mana was easy enough, I did it all the time in my first life. I was also aware of it in this one but knew that I wouldn't be able to control it without training and didn't want to risk turning into a statue.

Turns out I'm still able to feel Mana and somewhat control it, it's just that my control is so bad that I'm always overcharging my system. The moment I start Da smacks me and punches the Mana out. Otherwise, I would have been a fox stature long ago.

“You have to focus you're taking at least 30 times as much Nature Chakra as is needed. Seriously, it's said that humans have a hard time even sensing Nature Chakra and here we have you. The moment the spores of our mushroom touched you you've sucked Nature Chakra in like no tomorrow.

And the sitting still work is also already done, how have you done that, to begin with?”, said Da and then proceeded to smack me again.

“Sitting still was easy to learn, Kura-chan is able to sense every muscle in my body, I simply made a few hundred clones and let them work on it, while Kura-chan made sure to inform me whenever one of them moved”, I explained and tried again. This time I managed to last three seconds before Da smacked me.

“Again, too much. How are you even able to do that? It's as if Nature Chakra and you are long term friends, only that your body doesn't know that”, he grumbled and gave me another smack. My head must look like a fucking punching back to him, with how often he smacks me. *SMACK*

See?

“Well, at least you make progress. I think it will only take a month or so for you to turn down the intake rate of Nature Chakra”, he said in defeat. I grumbled something in agreement and tried again, only to also get smacked again.

“At least you won't have a problem with activating Sage Mode”, mused Da two weeks later. I still had problems with not taking too much Mana inside me, but for now, I at least managed to get into Sage Mode and then stay in it for a few minutes until my body automatically starts to absorb Mana again.

“I mean with the speed you can suck Nature Chakra in you could be in Sage Mode after not even a second”, he continued with speaking and smacking the hell out of me.

“Anyway, let's stop for now and eat some”, he finished with a final smack and I stood up from my position. Da and I then walked back to Da's den where I was allowed to stay for the time I was training.

Da and Mo are really nice foxes and beat the toads in every aspect. They are fluffy, have sharp teeth and their food is way better. They also only eat one thing, chicken. They only have chicken on their menu and I love it.

“We're back, sweety is the food ready? I think Dexter-chan is salivating”, shouted Da from the entrance and I wished the saliva, that was dripping down, away.

What can I say, Mo's chicken dishes are delicious.

“I'm in the kitchen, my Mr. Cuddle”, came from inside. Da vanished in a burst of speed, leaving me to follow at a more leisurely pace. Da can fight my base form in Taijutsu easily and only looses after the third Gate or my Bijuumode, but the moment he sees or hears his wife he gets all cuddly. He even purrs when they rub their muzzles against each other in a bastardized kiss.

“Sit down Dexter-chan, food is ready”, called Mo over her laughter. I did as instructed and waited patiently. Soon after Mo and Da came also inside the dining room and put plate after plate of delicious food down.

We began to eat and I had to chuckle at the difference that was this Sage Mode training and that of Naruto.

“What got you this amused Dexter-chan?”, asked Mo.

“Did I tell you that I once got the offer to sign the toad contract?”, I asked back and they shook their heads in no.

“Well, Jiraiya, a ninja from Konoha offered me to sign the contract. At that time I already had signed the fox contract and wasn't going to break it for some slimy amphibians”, I said and earned a chuckle from Da. He often told me how he likes to prank Pa, the sage toad, or stories about their rivalry.

“Well, I just imagined what I would have had to eat if I were training Sage Mode with them, probably insects and disgusting things like flies. Mo's chicken is a trillion times better. And foxes are better. Way fluffier and less slimy”. I finished with a nod and then bit back into the chicken leg that was in my hands.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

“Simply delicious”, I said with a smile and looked over to Mo. She was smiling fondly, while Da made a victory dance.

“Haha, just you see Pa, my apprentice is better than yours and also knows what is good and what not”, hollered Da in victory.

“He will be so angry when I tell him on our next drinking party, you're already better than this child Jiraiya”, he further said.

“You shouldn't bring Jiraiya on the table, he died recently. One of my clones was with him when it happened, they got ambushed by Konoha and Oto Ninja and he died in the attack”, I said mildly. Da stopped his victory dance and sat back down, gone was his party feeling.

“How did he die?”, he then asked.

“I don't know, they flooded the whole town with toxic gas and my clone died shortly after. The last he has seen of him was when he jumped out of the house”, I lied.

“I see, seems like I have to visit the old toad sooner rather than later”, muttered Da. Now with the mood down in the basement we finished dinner and went to bed.

“Good Dexter-chan seems like you finally got a handle on the amount of Nature Chakra”, praised Da a month later. “It took you longer than first thought, but was still faster than anything I have ever heard”, he further said.

“Thanks, Sage Mode feels good”, I said. I haven't perfected Sage Mode like Naruto, or more like it, I don't want to. The incomplete form is way cooler. My finger nails become razor sharp claws and my incisors get sharper and a little bit longer. I get black eyeliner and not orange ones and my eyes would have changed as well if they weren't already slitted. But they are now orange and not blue.

A downside was that I could only control ten clones, blood clones included if I want to be in Sage Mode. Any more and I will loose the control over my clones or the Sage Mode. The later would result in me becoming a stone statue. So from now on ten clones and no more.

“Here is your Sage Coat”, said Mo happily. The coat was black and had red fox tails on the bottom. They created the illusion of fire when you look at them from farther away.

“Thank you Mo, and again thank you for your wonderful food”, I said truthfully.

“Don't mention it, it makes me happy if you like it”, she said with a small blush.

“Good, then off you go Dexter-chan, summon us from time to time. I could take a little walk once in a while”, laughed Da. He then clapped me on my shoulder with his tail and waved me off.

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Uzushiogakure; Uzukage Tower, Office of the Uzukage.

With a poof of smoke, I was back in my village and scared Daichi and his wife. They were doing it on my table. My table! That is where I want to do it with Kura-chan!

“Please tell me that you are at least cleaning it when you've finished?”, I asked with a sigh. At least they aren't too ugly, the Uzumaki bloodline made sure of that. But hell, they are my grandparents.

“Dexter, you're back”, stuttered Mira. She kept her bare back to me so that I wouldn't see her bare chest and probably also bare legs. Daichi was still in front of her and I could only see his head and some of his chest.

“You see Dexter, this isn't what it looks like”, began Daichi.

“Yes, you aren't banging your wife in my office on my table. Damn, I wanted to do that with Kura-chan”, I shot back.

“It was for the nostalgia”, he defended weakly.

“Great, so my table was already defiled? Remind me to buy another one, the table I take Kura-chan for myself has to be a virgin”, I rambled and left the office.

“Don't mind me, keep going, but clean your mess”, I shouted while walking out. The secretary looked at me with a red face, obviously knowing what happened.

“Does that happen often?”, I asked her, she was revived and the secretary before Uzu was destroyed the first time.

“Once a week”, she said in a small voice, “They always forget to activate the silencing seals”, she added and I could see every sign of arousal on her. Damn, this village is full of perverts.

“Well, your boyfriend will surely be happy when you get home”, I laughed and she got redder.

“I'm single”, she whispered in disappointment.

“Then take the day off and hunt yourself one, a clone of mine will take over for you”, I grinned and made a clone.

“But Uzukage-sama, I couldn't”, protested the now clearly embarrassed young woman.

“You can and you will, you're pretty. I'm sure you'll find someone”, I said a little bit more forceful and my clone pulled her out of her chair. She let out a small eep sound and found then herself standing while my clone took her place and began to work.

“See you tomorrow Maki”, I said and left the tower. On my way home people were greeting me and welcoming me back. It was nice to be home, but I won't stay for too long. There are still 6 Bijuu out there for me to suck dry. B and Yugito will be the most troublesome, they are protected by their village. The six tailed slug will be easy, he's a missing Ninja and in Kiri, a fox has already located him and is watching him for me.

The others will be easy as well. The four and fifth tails are wandering Ninja and the seven tails is hated by her village. She is also the first one I will visit, I might even be able to take the Chakra and then offer her a place in my village. But then Akatsuki will not be able to take her. Well, Fu was a likable character. I'm sure Akatsuki will think of something without her.

I reached my house and opened the front door.

“I'm back!”, I shouted and walked inside my living room.

“Welcome back Dex-kun, how was your training?”, asked mom. She was sitting in a comfortable chair and read a book. Tayuya was also there, she was on the couch and working on her sealing homework.

“Good, I got Sage Mode down, it's epic and the foxes are epic. Did you know they only eat chicken?”, I said and sat down next to Tayuya.

“Must've been heaven for you”, said Tayuya absent-mindedly. Seems like she was having problems with deciphering a segment for a seal that can seal away water Jutsus up to B-Rank.

“Yes, it was heaven, what happened while I was gone?”, I said with a smile and leaned back. Tayuya will ask if she doesn't know any further, any comment now will only lead to insults. She got better, with all the hits she gets, but she is still foul-mouthed if she's angry or annoyed.

“Konoha is back up and demands money from Suna for their invasion. Suna doesn't want to, not with Orochimaru as Konoha's ally, they say that he killed their Kazekage. For now, it's a standoff but that won't last for long. Daichi got word of some skirmishes between teams of Suna and Konoha in the Land of River.

We think a few month are left before war fully breaks out”, she explained and I nodded at all points.

“They will invade the Land of River and then move in from there, Iwa might come from the top and take a part of the cake for themselves, but they most likely won't attack Konoha.

Something else?”, I then said and mom nodded happily.

“Yes, Hayate finally proposed to Yuugao, she said yes. Their wedding was planned to be when you're back. Are there some plans you have to do or can we start to arrange the ceremony and follow up party?”, she said excitedly.

“Is that so? Well, I have to do something in the village of the Waterfall, but other than that I'm free. Tell me the date and I'll take a day off. If you'll excuse me, I have to go, something came up. Oh and I will be in Waterfall after that”, I hurriedly said and left the room in a fast jog.

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Omake:

The Shovel Talk:

I walked into the living room of Yuugao's house, Hayate was sitting on the couch, learning some seals.“Hayate?”, I asked sweetly. He looked up at me and then at the shovel in my hands.

“Yes, Dexter-kun? Is something? And why do you have a shovel?”, he asked.

“I think it's time for the Shovel Talk”, I replied, still in my sweet tone. He turned pale.

“Listen Dexter-kun, I have no intention to....”, he began but I stopped him by wagging a finger.

“Shhh, listen. No one interrupts the Shovel Talk. Not you, not I”, I began and he nodded frantically.

“Good. Now, can you see this shovel?”, I asked and he nodded again. “You see, I'm quite good with a shovel. It can be used for many things, like plowing the field, and one of its use is also to bury your enemies. I will give you this shovel and you can always ask me to help you with its usage. Be it to plow the field for food for Yuugao-nee or other kinds of use. Especially if it's something that concerns the worries of Yuugao-nee.

However, and this is a large HOWEVER, if I only hear a whisper of Yuugao-nee not being happy, then I will use my skills with the shovel on you. So take this shovel wisely and think about what you do in matters concerning Yuugao-nee. Because remember, I am skilled in the use of a shovel”, I explained sternly and in full seriousness and with as much killing intent I can give him without him killing himself.

I then gave him the shovel and left the room. Yuugao-nee passed by and saw a pale and slightly trembling Hayate sitting on the couch with a shovel in his hands.

“Is something honey? And why do you have a shovel?” she asked.

“No dear, everything is fine, is there something I can do for you?”, replied Hayate and I left the house with a satisfied smile. I love the shovel talk.