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Chapter 44

Dexter's POV;

I looked over the memories I got from my clone and then opened a link to Kura-chan. 

°Looks like Yuugao was deeply saddened by the death of Sarutobi. She hugged the stuffing out of my clone. He hasn't said anything regarding his death and I think she noticed°.

°Understandably so, she is still an ANBU. However, she doesn't know of his involvement in your infant years, nor what he allowed to happen in other cases. The thing I fear is that she won't accept the fact that he was in a position of leadership°, replied Kura-chan.

°Yeah, a leader has to accept that things such as these are unavoidable. But the problem lies in just that, most things he did were avoidable. Uzushiogakure wasn't going to break the alliance, everything from then on was bad planning.

Well, the things he did with Minato and mom were okay. Better than the option of forced breeding°, I agreed. Yuugao was too good to do the necessary bad. The difficult part was in staying on the acceptable bad side. It's a thin thread to balance between being acceptable and unacceptable. Yet, everything can be discussed and is good or bad only for the viewer. At the end, only the winner or masses decide what is good or bad.

I'm not good with this act of balance as well. I tend to just kill those who might harm me or simply annoy me. It got better over the years, but I still seldom grant mercy. Not something liked by the people.

Anyway, I stopped the inner rant and philosophy problem and turned over to matters that were more important, like going out and basking in the sorrow or the villagers.

°I like that, let's do it°, agreed Kura-chan and I put a face mask, the same as Kakashi's, on. This way no one would notice my broad smile whenever I saw someone, I remembered from my orphan years, mourning.

They were still trying to get the dead out of the rubble. The destroyed part of Konoha was just that, destroyed. Most houses that weren't already collapsed were in danger from doing so.

It was during this walk that I learned, or more like confirmed, two things of the state of my mind.

It was when I saw how a father cradled the broken body of his child in his arms. He was silently sobbing and a woman was hugging him from behind. At first, I felt some guilt for not stopping this when I had the knowledge of doings so. And that there would be much more to die in the coming years.

But then the guilt vanished, and once I saw that it was a boy it was gone in an instant. I always knew that I felt more if women or girls were being hurt. It was also mostly the only thing that made me helping them.

But that I felt nothing when I saw a dead and crippled boy was somewhat confusing and I knew that I should have been worried about the fact that I wasn't worried about this.

I sat down and began to think. I realized that I wouldn't be much concerned or saddened even if it was a girl, lying there in his arms. It was just one more dead human under the many people I actively or passively killed in my life.

I tried to think myself into his position and it somewhat worked. I think I would be sad if it was my girl, but the fact that it wasn't stopped any and all concerns regarding the girl's death after only a few seconds.

°What troubles you, dear?°, asked Kura-chan suddenly. I must've had loosened my grip on my thoughts for her to listen in.

°I'm not feeling much about the death of innocent. No child that died yesterday was involved in the torture that their parents did to me. Many adults that died weren't as well. And yet, I find myself not caring about their death longer than a few seconds.

I also found myself not the least bit caring about the death of males. I never liked to kill women or girls, but never had this problem with males°, I explained.

She stayed silent for a moment, thinking about a possible answer;° I think that is because you are fundamentally a sexist°. I frowned deeply at this statement. I thought myself of treating anyone equally, at least anyone I didn't like.

°You might not have noticed it, but you are more friendly and more open to women. You even let them do much more to you in direct contrast to what you would have allowed any men or boy.°

°True... but that shouldn't be the answer for my uncaring behavior towards any being that is male. I don't even like male animals°, I conceded.

°I think it's not the male human you don't like, it's the whole gender, it would certainly explain why you are so ready to change into a woman°, she further said.

°Also true, men are just ugly, harry, not very soft, and aren't very usable during sex after the first or second round. I also don't like their voice and body built°, I listed. Damn, I really don't like men.

°I also know that you somewhat wish to have a daughter, that you would pamper her and raise her as your little princess. However, the thought of the slightest chance of having a boy stopped you from having any child to begin with°.

°I... never thought I would be able to love a son, so I never tried. I didn't want to bring something into the world just to discard it for being male. So I adopted a few girls in my second life, but always wanted a girl of my own blood°. I often tried to set myself in the position of a new father and was happy whenever I thought of having a girl and felt nothing when it was going to be a boy.

°So I'm a sexist and even a feminazi for my dislike of men?°, I then asked.

°No, you don't have a problem with them around you, or even when they are in a position of power, you just would choose the company of women over any male. I think it's more of a physical preference. It might be in the extreme, but is still only based on the physical view. This does not mean that you aren't able to get close to a man, just that you would never place him equally to a woman of the same closeness. You just don't like to be near them°, pointed Kura-chan out.

°You also have very little emotions towards anyone, regardless of gender, that isn't in your very small list of people you like. As of now, there are only three people on that list°, she further said.

°And what do you think about this?°, I asked. It was true, I don't care if everyone on the whole planet would die, as long as Mom, Yuugao and Kura-chan weren't dead. I would even be able to let the first two die if it means to have Kura-chan at my side.

°Dex-kun, I already knew of this. I know all about you since the first time the link between us was opened. I watched every memory, every emotion and every thought you had. It only stopped when you were able to shield your thoughts from me. And even these shields were mostly down since you stated your love to me. Something that is and will always be a shared feeling between us°, she answered in a love filled tone.

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°But I have to admit that the current relationship between us would never have been possible if I stayed in a male body. I could have become a friend, nothing more. Even if you choose to be a woman. You would have parted ways after giving me a body way more easily. You would even guaranty that this body would be weaker than your own, just so that you could kill me in case I betrayed you. Something that would not be a problem for you if I was a woman.

It's really strange, being betrayed by a woman would sadden you, but you would accept it. The same wouldn't be the case with any male. You would do anything to get them back and give them a cruel and painful death. You are paranoid towards anything male.

I also think that our relationship would break down if I decide to fully change into a man. A penis during sex would not be a problem, if you're a woman at that time, a penis is just something to stimulate a woman, you see it like any phallus formed object. But the whole thing permanently, body, voice, and mindset, would change your view of me towards that of a friend.

You are so extremely disinterested in the male body that you can't even begin to see them as cute, beautiful or sexually attractive. This is regardless of age or real attraction. Anything with the body of a male is not important to you.

You are the only one who accepted my view on the world, other than my father. Not taking the form of a man is a small price to pay if it means to stay with you in our relationship. The fact that I agree with you concerning the body of a woman helps a lot too. I just ask you to sometimes take the form of Dexter during sex, I love it to be filled to the brim and held by your arms°. She finished her honest thoughts and very true estimation on my mindset with a giggle.

°I'm really a hypocrite, aren't I? I once told Lilia that she would have to accept my female form as well. And here I'm not able to accept your possible male form°, I chuckled none humorously.

°Indeed you are, but I already told you that I don't have a true gender. You want to be a woman, while I don't care as long as I can stay with you°.

°I'm sorry, it seems like I don't love you unconditionally°, I then said in an earnestly meant apology.

°Very few would be able to, I can only do it because I am more drawn to your mind than to your body. You, on the other hand, need both, the mind and body, to love someone.°

°I love you°, I replied and stood up from my sitting position.

°Sure, as long as I stay female°, huffed Kura-chan playfully. I always knew that I wasn't the most emphatic person, nor that I was in any way caring for random people. The fact that I don't feel anything towards males wasn't troubling me.

I can live with very few people close to me, none of them needs to be male. They only have to somewhat accept me, the fact that Kura-chan does so fully and even goes along with my one sided mind regarding genders was true bliss.

Giving her the D, rather than the P sometimes wasn't a problem.

The family of three was already gone, probably burying their dead child. I still felt nothing for the boy, but was was happy to have spoken about it with Kura-chan. A quick scan of the Chakra signature of my Genin team and I found Lee with TenTen at training ground 5, so this was where I went. Lee was a good example for a male friend. Rufus might have been to0. I somewhat like both of them, but would get over their death fairly quickly. Even did so in the case of Rufus. Might be why I never revived him. He's still in my inventory, I just don't care to revive him.

He wouldn't agree with what I plan to do, he was too good-natured to accept war and death like I do. The fact that he stayed with me even when everyone else told him not to proves that.

And again, I might have done it if he was a girl. The mind is something strange....

“Hi guys, what's up?”, I asked both other Genin in greeting. Lee was doing push-ups and TenTen practiced her sealing skills for some of her weapon attacks.

“Hi Dexter-kun, we were training. Guy-sensei told us to get a day off, but neither of us could sit still. The invasion is just too fresh in our mind”, replied TenTen with a weak smile.

“Yes, we need to become stronger, so that we can prevent anyone trying to do the same!”, agreed Lee. He increased his regime and then started to do push-ups while doing a handstand.

“Yeah, times like these make you think about yourself and the future”, I replied and TenTen agreed, not knowing that she wasn't agreeing with what I really meant.

“Yes”, she said and then stopped for a moment; “Dex-kun? Do you want to share what happened to you during the invasion? We were separated early on”, she then asked.

Lee now stopped his workout and had tears in his eyes;” Speaking helps, I had to see how a group of Kusa Ninja killed a family. They quickly regretted killing them, but it didn't revive the dead”.

“I'm lucky to not have seen something like that, I helped with the evacuation”, said TenTen, she then hugged Lee in a friendly manner.

“Well, I tried to pursue Sasuke, he was following Gaara. I lost them pretty early on and went back to the village, the fight was mostly over when I reached the wall. Many enemies fled in my direction and I had to hide a few times. I wasn't forced to kill anyone, nor have I seen someone dying”, I lied without showing anything. Both quickly believed me and we started to spar.

We just finished, when Guy and Jiraiya came with a shunshin.

“Hello my YOUTHFUL Genin!”, shouted Guy in greeting.

“GUY-SENSEI!”, shouted Lee right back.

“LEE!”, replied Guy. They then run up to each other and started their hug of doom. The same hug that created a beach with a sunset behind them.

Kura-chan already cut the link before I spoke to TenTen, but not all of us had the possibility of escape. TenTen was banging her head on the floor and Jiraiya was trying to shield his eyes and ears with his hands. He had not enough hands so summoned a toad to put its tongue into his ears.

The toad, however, wasn't blind and deaf, so it promptly de-summoned itself. This made him follow TenTen's example, he too banged his head against something solid and hard.

I, who was immune to their antics, was laughing hard at the mental pain that hit Jiraiya.

It was a good five minutes later when Guy and Lee broke their hug. TenTen had hit herself unconscious and Jiraiya was bleeding out of his ears and eyes. The inhabitants of this world are funny.

“Ahem, it's good to see my youthful students aren't hurt”, said Guy after revitalizing TenTen.

“This here is Jiraiya-san, he's one of the Legendary Sannin and will go with Dexter-kun on a mission of utmost importance”, he then said and gestured to Jiraiya.

The man in question started his introduction dance and expected someone to clap after finishing it. Lee did so, TenTen went back to banging her head on something solid and I continued to laugh.

“Well, anyway. Dexter-kun, you are ordered to accompany me on a mission to retrieve Tsunade Senju. My old teammate”, he then said after an awkward cough.

“Urgh, do I have to?”, I asked and looked at Guy-sensei.

“I might even teach you an A-Rank Jutsu”, offered Jiraiya with a what for him seemed suggesting tone.

“Not interested, I would rather train my Eight Gates”, I replied.

“You are able to open some of the Eight Gates?”, asked Jiraiya stunned.

“Yes, Dexter-kun here, is able to open five gates”, answered Guy proudly.

“Damn kid, that's good. But it's not as good as the Jutsu I want to teach you, it's a Jutsu that even the Fourth Hokage needed to learn for three years. I myself took more than four months”, he said and patted his chest in self-praise.

Minato didn't need three years to learn it, he needed the time to invent it. That's totally different.

“Ugh, fine, when do we go?”, I conceded. Now that Naruto isn't alive anymore I'm kinda forced to go with him. He knows about me being the Jinchuriki of Kura-chan, so he wouldn't accept a no. It's not like I couldn't just switch with a clone.

“Today, in two hours, meet me at the southern gate”, he said and vanished in a cloud of leaves.

“That's so cool! You get to meet Tsunade”, gushed TenTen the moment he was gone. Right, I forgot, TenTen was a fangirl of Tsunade. Good that she doesn't know that Tsunade sees me as her grandchild.

“Yes, cool isn't it?”, I replied without enthusiasm. “You heard him, I have to go. Just hope that Yuugao is home. A letter isn't as good as a hug”, I said and then left as well.

She wasn't home, in place was a letter of her own. She said she was on a mission and probably won't be back for a few weeks. I packed my things, made a blood clone for later and wrote a letter of my own, stating that I was on a mission with Jiraiya.

After that I left the house and walked to the gate, Jiraiya was already waiting.

“There you are kid, finished with your business?”, he asked with a wink.

“Yuugao-nee wasn't home. Let's get this mission done, I don't think we will find her. Tsunade is as much of a Sannin as you”, I said and began to walk.

“Damn right she is”, he said proudly.

“That wasn't a compliment”, I replied without looking back and heard someone falling down.

“Damn you kid, I told you Hanzo was praising and not mocking us”, shouted Jiraiya. He was now jogging after me.

“Keep telling yourself that”, I replied.

“Stupid kids and their none respect to their elders”, he muttered. He then caught up to me and beamed one of his supposed cool smiles at me.

“Look, this is the technique I want to teach you, it's called the Rasengan and is one of the strongest Jutsu of the Fourth Hokage”, he said and created a Rasengan in his palm.

“A blue ball, cool”, I said unimpressed.

“Damn right it's cool”, he said, not noticing or caring about my sarcasm.

“This bad boy will shred anything it comes into contact with and can stand up to any other close quarter Jutsu”, he further praised and showed this by shredding a tree.

“The Eight Gates are better. Guy-sensei can even throw fireballs by hitting the air when he has opened the sixth gate”, I said, still not showing any form of being impressed.

The Rasengan was cool and useful, just not in its base form. Guided by a Chakra thread and it got dangerous. Add an element and it got fatal, but the base form wasn't so strong.

“Well yes, but the Eight Gates are damaging your body, the Rasengan only needs training and some Chakra”, countered Jiraiya. He forgot to mention that one tiny ball needs the equal amount of Chakra a fresh Chunin has. It would also give you heavy Chakra burns if it's not used correctly.

“Fine, it's a basic Chakra training, can't be too complicated”, I conceded.

“Don't get a big head, mister I am so good. This isn't some easy peasy Jutsu”, scolded Jiraiya.

I just started to form a Rasengan and made it fail after the second step. It was a bulging blue ball, before exploding outwards. The damage was quickly healed by Kura-chan.

“See, can't be so hard”, I answered and left a slack awed Jiraiya behind.

Five hours later we were in a small town and Jiraiya went off for his information gathering. Meaning he was looking for some whores.

It was the same town that we were in, where Akatsuki visited Naruto for the first time, it was also the same room. And it just so happens that someone also knocked on the door, the moment I was alone and inside it.

I henged into a shoe and let my blood clone open the door for me, on the other side stood Itachi and Kisame.

“Hello Dexter-kun”, greeted Itachi.