“It’s time to wake up,” I hear my father say.
Bleh.
“I’ve already let you sleep in fifteen minutes. You need to get breakfast.”
Man, fuck this. Fuck school. I just wanna stay asleep.
“I can tell you’re awake. Be out soon, okay?”
I hate this. I need a holiday or something. Two months until spring break…
I push myself out of bed little by little. All of my limbs feel like lead.
As usual, Dad is sitting in the living room watching TV. As I’m heating up my waffles, I try to ignore the fresh new horrors on the news, but fail to.
Tennessee passed a law requiring that people use the bathroom listed on their birth certificate. Ah yes, stop trans people from using the bathroom. That’ll stop human trafficking! Good job.
A district court is blocking the president’s executive order which would’ve allowed illegal immigrants under 31 to apply for work visas. Why block that? There’s only upside to the people affected and no downside to anyone else. Evil.
Some counties in Texas are banning books about black advocacy and queer issues and from public libraries. At this rate it won’t be long until that happens here.
I can’t take it anymore and just eat in the kitchen. Man, I really should’ve stayed in bed this morning.
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Nova, Ashley, Zoe and Ruth are already in the library when I get there. Charlotte usually comes later, and I guess Kevin is probably hanging out with his new girlfriend.
When I get to our area, Zoe stands up and greets me with a hug. I take a seat next to Nova on the bench.
“We had just been talking about our local government,” Ashley says upfront. “We think there’s a good chance that they’re going to go along with the bullshit going on in the rest of the state at some point. If this happens, we may need to intervene directly just to save our own skins.”
“We just got a new major after the last election, right?” I ask, trying to rack my brain on what the guy’s name is.
“Yes… my uncle,” Zoe says meekly.
“And, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you of the kind of things that flit through the brains of her family,” Ashley says crossly.
“Oh shit. That’s right,” I say. “It was a Parker, wasn’t it?”
“Okay, wait a minute,” Nova interrupts. “What exactly is it we’re thinking they might do?”
“We don’t know exactly, but I’m sure they’re gonna try something,” Ashley insists. “I mean, you’ve been paying attention, right? The state’s response to us blowing the cover on that human trafficking operation is to try and link it to the LGBT community. What a bunch of bullshit. The club in Austin had nothing to do with LGBT stuff. But I guess because a single teacher at our school tried to make a pass on some female students, that means there’s this big conspiracy. How stupid are people that they believe this shit? Do they even know anything about what happened? I swear, everyone in this fucking country is a dumbass. They have the brains of a fucking goldfish, they’re…”
“Ashley… take it easy,” Zoe says, patting her on the arm. “It is totally unfair, but we have to keep our heads here.”
“To be more precise, there may be restrictions placed upon how public institutions like schools and libraries can engage with the topic of queer issues,” Ruth explains. “Our principal already vetoed my proposed gay-straight alliance club, and some counties have restricted libraries from carrying books about the subject. These are certainly bad, but not an immediate threat to anyone. That said, it does indicate a backsliding of public opinion on these topics that could escalate into worse behavior. Still, let’s not freak out until we know exactly what we’re up against.”
“I think things are already escalating,” I say. “Remember that man who shot people at a gay bar in Austin? That’s not going to be the last one of those if this rhetoric continues.”
“I was referring to direct actions taken by the government itself,” Ruth clarifies. “We don’t yet know the extent to which they will act, and what that will look like. And remember, the federal executive branch is on our side. We’re currently living under the first US president in history to endorse the legality of same-sex marriage. Even if it’s only through executive action, he could take steps to undermine Texas’s actions if he deems it goes too far. “
“Right, because Congress wouldn’t go along with anything going against Texas on this,” I say. Republicans made massive gains in Congress in November’s elections, and currently control both chambers.
“I’m not counting on them to save us,” Ashley says disdainfully.
“Nor should you,” Ruth agrees. “But it’s important to keep a holistic view of the situation in mind.”
“Let’s not let all of this political stuff ruin all our days,” Zoe suggests. “We still have seven hours of school to get through, and there’s nothing we can do right this moment. Let’s all plan to discuss it more after school, and put it out of our minds for now.”
“Solid advice,” I say, sighing. “It’s not going to do us any good to kill ourselves over it now.”
“Yeah,” Nova says. “I mean, nobody really answered my question, so it sounds like we’re fine for now. Wanna Smash, Anja?”
“Always,” I say, grinning as I pull out my 3DS.
“Well, I’ll go try and get something done, then,” Ashley says. “I find that’s the only way I can really get my mind off of things.”
“I’ll go with you,” Zoe says quickly. The two of them skitter off for a computer, as I pull out my 3DS, hoping to take Zoe’s suggestion to heart.
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It’s a lovely morning for soccer practice. It’s about seventy degrees [20 degrees in Celsius] and the sky is clear.
Oh, I’m not at soccer practice. I quit, remember? But I came to watch the girl’s varsity soccer team practice. Not for any pervy reasons! I’m here to support my new girlfriend, Hannah.
We met at club soccer tryouts for Div. II. I saw a girl who was insanely tall, she must stand at six feet, and who had long hair in the prettiest shade of auburn I ever saw. Mason encouraged me to go talk to her, to help me get over… stuff. Turns out, we have a lot in common. We both care about sports and staying healthy, and have been sharing fitness advice. We talked about our favorite sports teams, and I found out she grew up in England when she kept on saying “football” when she meant soccer. We even got to talking about some more serious topics, and found a fair amount of agreement. She likes our president but despises our governor, and supports legal abortions, gun control and legal same-sex marriage. She also thinks America should copy Britain’s healthcare system and be less chauvinistic on the world stage.
She’s also a remarkable soccer player. She plays forward, and moves with incredible speed and purpose. She clearly intimidates the other girls, and isn’t afraid to use that to her advantage. When she sees an opportunity, her big brown eyes will glint with aggression, and she strikes the ball like a lightning bolt. Though I play midfield, I try to pay attention to her technique to see if there’s anything I can learn from it.
When practice is over, she comes to the stands and leans over the railing towards me, grinning. “I thought you’d be at practice too,” she says.
“Nah, I’m not doing school soccer anymore,” I say. “Long story, I’ll tell you later. You’re a great player, by the way.”
“What a gentleman you are,” she says. “Wanna walk to class?”
“I’d love that,” I say. I climb over the railing and take her sweaty hand as we head first to the locker rooms, then into the school.
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I decide to introduce her to my friends during lunch that day. After changing out of her practice clothes, she put on a slick gray jacket over a t-shirt, red lipstick, and a pair of diamond-shaped earrings.
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“Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Hannah!” I tell them. “Hannah, this is Ashley, Zoe, Ruth, Charlotte, Nova, and Anja.”
“I know you!” Zoe says. “You used to go to our church!”
“Oh yeah. I don’t really go to church anymore,” Hannah says dismissively.
“We don’t go to that particular one anymore either,” Ashley states.
“Damn, you’re tall,” Anja states. “Ashley, is she taller than even you?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” Ashley says.
“Stand next to her!” Anja urges.
Ashley sighs in an irritated way, but does it. Sure enough, Hannah clears her by a few inches. Ashley hastily sits back down after a few seconds, looking embarrassed.
“Damn!” Anja says. “You must be the tallest girl in the school, other than maybe Charlotte.”
“You two met at soccer tryouts, yes?” Ruth inquires.
“Yeah, for div. II,” Hannah says. “You guys do sports at all?”
“A bunch of us are in marching band,” Ashley explains. “Which is a sport, contrary to popular belief.”
“I used to play soccer with Kevin, but my asthma’s too bad to do it anymore,” Ruth explains.
“Ah. That’s too bad,” Hannah says flatly. “Maybe you should try swimming, I heard that’s good for people with asthma.”
“Hey! That’s a great idea!” I say. “She knows all kinds of stuff like that.”
“So, what other stuff are you into?” Anja asks.
“Oh, I love Harry Potter,” Hannah explains.
“Hey! Aren’t you really into that too, Anja?” Zoe asks excitedly.
“Not as much anymore,” Anja answers. “Percy Jackson and Hunger Games have kinda taken over as my obsession recently.”
“Ah,” Hannah says curtly. “Well, it was nice to meet you guys. I better go and find my girlfriends before they kill me. They’re so needy! Later”
“Damn, Kevin, you’re part of a harem,” Nova comments, as I slip into my usual spot next to Ruth.
“She didn’t mean that kinda girlfriend, dingus,” Ashley retorts.
“Mad that you’re shorter than someone?” Nova taunts back.
“So, what did you guys think?” I ask, cutting across Ashley and Nova.
“She’s hot,” Anja says slyly.
“She seems cooler than her sister, at least,” Ashley says. “Gretchen’s kind of a bitch.”
“I understand why she wouldn’t want to go to our church,” Zoe comments. “I wonder if there are any better ones in the area?”
“Not quite sure if I can recommend the Catholic church at the moment,” Ruth says.
“I’m not becoming Catholic. Fuck that,” Ashley declares.
“Well, anyway. She seems perfect for you, Kevin,” Anja says. “I know you like your girls tall. It’s just too bad she’s British.”
“What’s wrong with being British?” I ask, frowning.
“Uh, hello? I’m half-Irish.” Anja says, as if that settled the matter.
I look at Charlotte, who’s been totally quiet this whole time. She’s only picking at her food and seems stressed out.
“Hey, something wrong?” I ask.
“Yeah… I uh… um… well, I was gifted a can of soda this morning, and now I kinda… gotta… pee.”
“Oh. Well, you can go, then,” I say.
“It’s not that simple,” Charlotte says. “In the current climate, if I go to the girl’s restroom, I’ll probably be called a rapist and expelled. But if I go to the boy’s restroom… well, how do I say this…”
“Maybe Nova and I can go stand guard and make sure nobody else bothers you,” I offer.
“Would you do that for me?” Charlotte asks, giving me big, pleading eyes. “Thank you so much…”
“Ain’t nobody gonna fuck with us,” Nova declares. “And if they do, just piss all over them. Establish dominance. That’ll show them.”
“Uh, well, don’t do that,” I say. “But, we’ll stand guard for you.”
So Nova and I do just that. We take her to a lesser-used bathroom in the English wing and stand outside to make sure nobody goes in after her. Before long, she emerges looking highly relieved.
“Thank you guys so much,” she says. “You’re lifesavers.”
“You’re welcome,” Nova says, looking proud of himself.
“No problem. But I gotta ask something,” I say as we walk back to the cafeteria. “If you can’t use the women’s bathroom, and you can’t use the men’s one, how do you normally use the bathroom?”
“Uhhhh,” she say. “I… don’t?”
“You hold it until you get home every day at school?” I ask, surprised.
“Yeah,” she answers.
“But that’s impossible!” I protest.
“I just don’t drink any fluids until I get home,” she explains.
“But you must be so dehydrated then!” I exclaim. “That’s no way to live!”
“Well, it’s that, or a choice between peeing my pants, being beaten up, or being expelled!” Charlotte responds, looking suddenly peeved.
“Whoah! I- uhh, I’m not saying it’s your fault!” I console quickly. “But… that’s unacceptable. You can’t be healthy while drinking that little water. Can’t they just let you use a staff restroom or something?”
“Why would they?” she responds bitterly. “Nobody likes me.”
“What? That’s bullshit!” said Nova. “You’re good at art. That makes you instantly cool.”
“Well, nobody in art sits near me but Kevin,” Charlotte explains. “Well, okay, Alison and Nessie used to sit with me, but Alison moved away, and Nessie is homeschooled now.”
“Well lucky thing I’m in your class now, right?” I say. After quitting soccer, I had to pick a new elective and ended up in the same art class as her. “But seriously, we gotta work on that hydration thing. We’ll always be willing to stand guard for you. Right, Nova?”
“You gotta do what you gotta do,” he agrees sagely.
Charlotte giggles, seeming in better spirits. “You’re so fixated on my hydration. It’s… charming.” She beams at me, before suddenly catching herself and trying to act natural again. I act like I didn’t notice anything. She’s much more like her usual cheery, wacky self for the rest of the lunch period.
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I make a stop by our local public library on my way home from school. After entering, I walk past the children’s area and straight to the tall maze of bookshelves that make up the nonfiction section. I decide not to be shy about which books I pull out, given that for all I know, this may be my last time being able to do this.
The librarian, Mr. Campbell, greets me with “Ah, salutations, Ruth!” as I dump my books onto the counter. He’s a man who always brings an upbeat attitude, whether times be light or dark. He has curly dirty blonde hair, a pair of square-rimmed glasses, and wears a white suit to work. He scans each of my books- one about queer history in America, one about the contemporary pride movement from Stonewall to today, one about the impact of current discriminatory legislation and how it’s been challenged in courts, one about a police killing Ferguson, Missouri and how it’s led to a larger social movement scrutinizing the behavior of police officers in major cities, one about the repression of queer people in 1930s Germany, and one about the role of spirituality in Native American activism.
“Is this all for a school project, or just intellectual curiosity?” he asks as he scans the books.
“Not for a project, exactly,” I explain. “But a few of these have themes I wanted to touch on in my NHS speech.”
“Ah, good for you!” he says.
“Did I hear you say you’re in the NHS?” a voice says.
I look to my right to see a corpulent man I don’t recognize with a long, brown beard wearing a neat button-up shirt and tie, as if he came here straight after work.
“Yes,” I answer.
“My daughter’s in that too. Do you know Bethany?” he asks.
“Doesn’t ring a bell. Sorry,” I say.
Mr. Campbell finishes scanning, and I scoop my stack of books up with my arm.
“What are you studying?” the bearded man asks.
“Civil rights, broadly,” I answer.
“I just hope everything we have here is appropriate for children,” he says. “I’ve heard a lot of stories about some pretty… strange things being put into schools and libraries.”
“I wouldn’t have checked it out to her if I thought it inappropriate!” Mr. Campbell ensures.
“I’m fifteen anyway,” I say. “I think I’m old enough to by and large make my own decisions about what I want to read.”
“Well, not if there’s pornographic material in it,” the beard protests.
I shrug. “I’m not interested in that kind of stuff anyway,” I say.
“Well, that’s certainly good,” he says. “But these people, they find a way to slip this kind of thing into places you wouldn’t expect… use other issues to push some weird stuff. Just something to watch out for.”
Starting to get an idea of what he’s alluding to, I say, “There’s nothing inherently inappropriate or pornographic about discussing LGBT issues. I think it’s possible for a responsible author to present those concepts in a way that’s appropriate for children. And again, I’m fifteen, so I have a higher ceiling of what kind of thing is age-appropriate than say, someone prepubescent.”
His demeanor changes at once to a very defensive stance. “I’m just saying to watch out! That’s all. I really don’t understand why children need to know about…”
“Now, now. Let’s not let this become an argument,” Mr. Campbell interrupts. “If you have any concerns about the material at the library, you can discuss it directly with me.”
“And it is important for people of all ages to have a basic understanding of these issues,” I say. “Just today, my trans-female friend was too afraid to use the school bathroom. She shouldn’t have to worry about things you and I take for granted. If people as a whole were less ignorant, she wouldn’t.”
“I just don’t think we should be forcing it onto children!” he says, putting his hands up defensively. “Anyway, you are right Mr. Campbell. Let’s not start a scene. Best of luck to you, and say hi to my daughter if you ever meet her. She’s a good kid.”
“Sure,” I say. “I should go finish my speech.”
“Best of luck to you,” Mr. Campbell says nicely.
I feel perturbed as I leave the library. It was an unfortunate reminder to me that not everyone even wants to learn more about things they’re not knowledgeable of; they’ll simply retreat back to the same points again and again to avoid seriously engaging with it. It’s alien to me. But, I won’t let this event bog me down. I’ll just have to focus on doing what I do best.
~Beginning of Movement V: Our Hometown’s In The Dark~