Ashley’s mom once again picks me up after marching band so that we can do our saxophone lesson. What’s mysterious is that Ashley herself is not with us; she went off with Anja and Nova. She told me that she’d be home after my lesson to hang out, but I’m really curious about what they’re doing. Could this have something to do with their plans to persuade that Justice? Ashley never really explained what exactly they were trying to do…
“How are you doing today?” Ashley’s mom asks cordially.
I got lost in thought again… “Huh? Oh, uh, I’m doing well,” I respond.
“You seem like you’re lost in thought about something. Do you want to talk about it? Having worries cloud your mind will make it harder to focus during the lesson.”
“Oh, I was just wondering what Ashley’s up to.”
She chuckles. “Don’t worry about her. She’s just working on a project with a couple of classmates, she should be home soon. But I must say, you had that worried look on your face back at church the other day too. Is there something else on your mind?”
I bite my lip, starting to feel nervous. I don’t know if I want to get into this with her. I already know what my mom’s reaction to my worries was. Will hers be the same?
“So there is something?” she inquires, clearly able to accurately read my body language.
“Um… yes,” I admit, having no other choice at this point. “I have a… friend. My other friends don’t want me to hang out with her. But I feel kind of bad for her. I don’t want her to be lonely.”
“Why don’t they want you to hang out with this friend?” she asks.
“Um… it’s… hard to explain.”
“Did your friend do something wrong?”
“They… think she did something wrong, yes.”
She thinks about this for a brief moment. “But do you think she did something wrong?”
I think about this, turning my head to the window and watching the stores in the shopping district fly by. Come to think of it, I don’t even know if the rumors about Anja are true. But strangely, that seems to be besides the point. My friends believe it to be true, and also consider it to be grounds for ending the friendship…
“I don’t know,” I admit, turning red in the face.
“Hmm… well, I’m sorry if I’m overstepping my boundaries. If you’d rather not talk about it, I understand.”
Surprisingly, I feel slightly panicked at this. I find that I don’t want the conversation to end.
“Wait… I do want to know what you think. Should I stay friends with someone even if they’re… different? Or should I… look after myself?” I ask, remembering my mother’s advice.
“’Different,’ you say?” Ms. Davis responds. I nod timidly.
For a while, she doesn’t say anything. Her eyes seem to lose focus, and I swear that she starts driving a little slower. Then, she asks me, “Do you know who Billy Strayhorn is?”
I think about this. “Um… I think I’ve seen his name on my music in jazz band before.”
She grins. “I’d be surprised if you hadn’t. He’s one of the most famous jazz composers of all time. He worked closely alongside Duke Ellington.”
“Oh!”
There’s another pause. Then, she says, “Strayhorn was openly gay.”
This surprises me so much that I tense up. “He was?”
“Yep. And this was way back in the day, before I was born. I don’t even think Stonewall had happened yet.”
I don’t know what that is, but she continues on before I can ask.
“The others in the Ellington band knew that. They didn’t care, they all loved him. He passed away in… 1967. Of cancer. The band was devastated. They dedicated an album to him afterwards.”
There’s a little more silence. I really don’t know what to add to this, so I simply let her finish the story.
“While in the hospital, he wrote one final song- ‘Blood Count.’ The Ellington band played it on their tribute album. In the middle, there’s an alto saxophone solo- I believe it was played by Johnny Hodges. They say that partway through the solo, you can hear the exact moment that he breaks down in sadness over what happened. You can hear it in his sound…”
She trails off yet again. I look at her, and I’m surprised to see that her eyes are wet.
“Ms. Davis? Is everything okay?”
“Oh- yeah. Sorry about that. I need to focus on the road…”
At this point, we’ve reached the neighborhood where Ashley lives, meaning that we only have a few more minutes before we arrive at the house.
“Zoe… thanks for being such a good friend to Ashley over the years,” Ms. Davis comments, breaking the silence.
“Oh… well…”
“Ever since we moved here, she hasn’t been quite the same,” she continues, indifferent to my lack of a response. “Her grades are as great as ever, but she seems to have such trouble making new friends nowadays. And she’s so secretive… she hardly tells me or her father anything. I had a feeling something like this was happening…”
The last part confuses me. “Wait… something like what?” I question.
She suddenly perks up slightly, as if she had just exited a daze. “What… oh, never mind me. I was just thinking out loud. Alright, looks like we’re about here…”
The lesson itself goes mostly as normal, but for some reason I have trouble getting that story out of my head. Was she trying to tell me something? If so, it was very cryptic…
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Once again, my vision comes back into focus to behold the large, glowing courthouse building. As Lucy suggested, I have gathered four Persona users together to conquer my first “palace.” Well, I guess technically Nova doesn’t have his Persona yet. But given the emotional baggage this place will likely carry for him, it’s only a matter of time. Lucy did say that unlocking your Persona requires “facing your fears,” after all.
“Hey Ashley,” Anja says, “Do you, uh, think that we’re going to be home in time for dinner? This place looks pretty damn large.”
“Don’t worry about that,” I respond. “Time doesn’t really pass normally here, so we can take as much time as we need.”
“Hmm… the boy doesn’t have his Persona yet,” Ted comments from behind us. For some reason, the sound of his voice causes both Anja and Nova to jump a foot in the air.
“Whoah… that spooked me!” Anja complains.
“Why? You both have met Ted already!” I question.
“Yeah, well, we’re still not quite used to him yet,” Nova says in his defense. “I mean, come on, that voice coming out of a little armadillo? Still… he’s kinda got a point. All three of you have those Personas already, and I have nothing. It feels kind of stupid walking around in a tee shirt while you two are all fancy.”
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“Don’t you worry, I’m sure you’ll be getting your own soon,” I assure him.
“Are you implying that you’d like to wear my dress?” Anja teases.
“If I did, you wouldn’t have anything to wear!”
“Eh. I can just go naked.”
“And have no protection against whatever monsters we meet?” I question her.
“It’s not like a dress is much protection anyway.”
I sigh at her. “Anja, remember, we’re in a metacognitive world here. I think it’s safe to assume that our outfits don’t directly provide us with material protection like they would in the real world.”
“Ashley, I literally don’t have a clue what you just said.”
“Forget it. Just keep your clothes on.”
Anja sighs back dramatically. “I’ll try.”
Having had enough chit chat for the time being, I begin walking towards the entrance of the building. After a pause, I can hear the others follow suit.
The closer we get to the building, it somehow feels like we’re not walking towards it at all. It feels like we’re standing in the same place, and the Palace is just growing ever larger, hovering over us like a ghost. After what feels like an hour, though it should’ve only been only about a minute, we arrive at the entrance.
“Everyone got a hold of their panties?’ I ask the group at large.
“I don’t wear those,” Nova responds. “I’m a boxers guy.” Without further ado, he shoves the front door open, and I follow him in.
As it turns out, the Palace is bigger on the inside. We enter a magnificent chamber, which has no other entrances or exits as far as I can see. It’s about fifty feet tall, twenty feet wide, and stretches so far that I can’t see the other end directly in front of us (assuming that there even is one.) The floor is lined with white bricks covered by a red carpet that leads straight forward. The walls are adorned with matching red drapes and various golden vases sitting on wooden shelves. In between each shelf is a marble statue of something that resembles an angel. What’s unusual about them is that they all have their mouths wide open, as though screaming. The effect is quite unsettling. (Although it also makes me wonder if my Persona being an angel will give me some type of home advantage.) The ceiling is slanted glass, beyond which is a bright sunny day covered by endless fluffy clouds.
“Well… dude sure knows how to decorate,” Anja comments uneasily. Nova is squinting, carefully scanning the room.
“Looks like there’s no way to go but forward,” I say. “At least there are no enemies around.”
Suddenly, I realize something. “Hey, wait a sec. Where’s Ted? I thought he was right behind us.”
“Uh-oh, did we leave him behind?” Anja asks, looking around her feet.
I turn back towards the door and try to open it again, but it won’t budge.
“Um… fuck. Stand back,” I tell the others. I slash at the door several times with my sword. It doesn’t even leave a scratch.
“I don’t think the Palace wants us to leave,” Nova comments somewhat ominously.
“Well… I hope the little guy’s okay,” Anja says.
“It seems we have no choice but to soldier on and meet up with him later,” I say. And so we begin walking down the red carpet.
This room seriously is ridiculously big. We keep on walking, but there’s no end. Is this a trap? Is there any way out at all?
Despite my words, I can’t help but to wonder what the hell happened to Ted. I find it very hard to believe that we just accidentally closed the door on him. It seems as if the palace, for whatever reason, has whisked him away from us. But why would it? Thinking about this is getting me nowhere… I just keep going in circles.
I guess the real problem is that being in here without Ted makes me feel strange. Anja and Nova may not respect him yet, but I can’t help but to do so. After all, he’s the one who saved my life, when he didn’t have to. He was supposed to be my guide through all this Metaverse stuff. I feel abandoned for some reason…
Why should I, though? After all, I’m used to doing things by myself. So why is it that I feel so vulnerable… so helpless… urgh, there’s something weird about this room. I feel like my brain is addled or something.
“Hey guys,” I say, “Can we take a quick break? My legs are getting a bit sore.”
No response.
I turn around. Both Anja and Nova are gone too. What the fuck?
“Hey guys! What the hell?” I shout. I start jogging backwards. Did something happen to them? How did I not notice?
After a while, I see Anja curled up on the floor.
“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” I demand of her.
She looks up at me with an odd, blank look on her face. “I’m sitting, Ashley. Don’t you have eyes?”
“Why aren’t you walking? We have a mission to accomplish here!”
Anja laughs at this, her face splitting into a wide smile. It’s not like her usual playful smirk; it looks very uncanny on her face. “Ashley, I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t fucking care.”
I feel my temper rising at her. “What do you mean you don’t care? May I remind you that this was your idea?”
“You took me waaay too seriously, Ash.” She responds bitingly. “You think I seriously wanted to come here and be some hero? Sounds like a pretty dead meme to me.”
There’s something seriously wrong with her. All of Anja’s body language and vocal inflections show nothing but utter apathy and contempt towards me. Given that Anja is normally enthusiastic to the point of annoyance, it’s very jarring. And also infuriating.
“It’s not a dead meme. What the hell is that even supposed to mean? You came here to help Nova. Your friend. Stop being an ass and let’s get going.”
“Ashley, I’m gonna tell you a little secret,” Anja says, leaning back as if she’s getting ready to take a nap. “I really, from the bottom of my heart, don’t care. I’m well aware of how useless it is to try and change the way things are.”
“What? That’s ridiculous. After all the time you spent bitching about corporate money and corruption and stuff? You’re telling me now that you don’t care about any of that?”
“Righteous anger is a hell of a drug, Ashley,” Anja explains. “I thought that you of all people would understand that. And if you actually fix the problem, there’s nothing to really be angry at anymore, now is there?”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing from you!” I yell, losing my temper. “Well, if that’s how you feel, maybe there really is a career in politics in your future. But I came here to do a job, and I’m gonna fucking do it. I don’t need your shitty attitude anyway.”
“Whatever, Ashley,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Go be a big fucking hero. I’m sure it’s what God wants you to do or whatever…”
Having had enough of her, I give her a good kick in the stomach, and then I storm off, ignoring her outraged cry of “OWW! ASHLEY, YOU FUCKING CUNT! THAT HURT!”
Okay, I guess I’m doing this without them then. Fine. Whatever. It’s just the story of my life. You think that they’re on your side, and then they just leave you, for no reason. I’m just stuck walking down this stupid corridor alone. Passing all of these stupid screaming statues. They’re screaming at me. Screaming at my sins.
Wait, what? That didn’t make any sense. Ugh, I’m so angry I can’t think straight.
Something strange happens to me as I continue walking. My anger seems to sap away. My vision goes blurry. Something else wells up within me like a geyser. It’s an overwhelming feeling of pain and, for lack of a better word, brokenness. It makes me want to stop, to fall down and cry like I haven’t in years.
I try to ignore it, as that wouldn’t be very helpful towards accomplishing the mission. It seems clear beyond a shadow of a reasonable doubt now that this room puts a sort of spell on the people who attempt to walk through it. So much for puzzles and monsters- I never dreamed we’d find something like this.
The feeling within me, however, becomes more and more overwhelming. I feel as if it will overpower me soon. As a last-ditch effort to avoid it, I begin sprinting as hard as I can.
However, I end up tripping and falling on my face. I find myself on the floor, not of the chamber, but of the hallway in my old house in California. How strange…
I hear my mother’s footsteps from behind me. “Ashley? Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, hastily getting back on my feet.
She comes up behind me and starts stroking my hair. As always, it feels very comforting.
“I just talked to your father,” she tells me. “He said that you seemed down after you got home from school today. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing’s going on,” I say. “I was just tired.” I pull away from her to go to my room.
“Ashley…” she says. The way she says it makes me turn around and look at her. Her eyes have so much sadness in them… I can’t stand looking at them anymore, so I turn away from her and go through the door to my room, closing it behind me.
Finally alone, I kneel down on the floor. There are five fingers on my left hand, and five fingers on my right; and together, they make ten.
Eli, eli, lema sabachthani?
Is this the path You truly meant for me?
Is there nothing left of me but my flesh?
Do I get no second chance, no healing?
Will defection breed only loneliness?
A punishment for a victimless crime?
Then my path forward from today is clear.
I will toil in my work confinement.
So nobody will see my tainted soul.
But I'm afraid that I will fall away...
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I open my eyes to see a different figure in front of me. Aiko is standing over me, looking down expectantly.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask her. “How dare you come into my room.”
“But you called me here, Ashley,” she replies, smiling wickedly.
“Get out,” I snarl. “You were never here in this memory. And I never want to see you ever again.”
“Stop denying me, Ashley. You can hate me all you want, but I’m the reason you are who you are today. You should thank me. I’m the one who showed you the truth.”
“Shut up…” I say, but my voice gives away that I’ve run out of fight.
“There’s only one thing to do, Ashley. You’re going to do things my way. You will give in to me at last…”
She begins walking towards the door.
“Wait! Tell me… what will become of me, then?” I ask her desperately.
She says nothing. She only gives me that twisted smile again. She walks out of the door, and I hear a click which indicates that she locked it behind her.