Well… this is a bit awkward. It’s a quiet morning in the library as Ruth, Charlotte and I are the only ones in the group who came to school.

“So. Uh… if Anja and Nova got suspended, and Ashley and Zoe are uh, not here,” I say, “What are we gonna do for the walkout thing? Will it just be us three and Hannah?”

“I think she planned to rope her friends into it too,” Ruth says. “Still, it is quite awkward without Anja here.”

“Let’s go find her, then!” Charlotte says anxiously. “I don’t want them to look at my weanus!”

This statement makes me feel like I got hit by a truck. “What?” I ask. “But… who…”

“Schools are authorized to perform genital inspections if they feel that students are being groomed in a way that ‘misleads him or her about gender or gender norms,’” Ruth explains. “Putting two and two together, that essentially amounts to trans people being permitted to exist.”

“But… that’s… nobody said…” For some reason, my heart starts beating like crazy. But like… I’m not even the one who’s in trouble.

“Are you okay?” Charlotte asks.

“Uh… yes… I’m gonna… go find Hannah,” I say. “See you soon.”

Feeling like I can no longer sit down, I fast walk out of the library, and start looking around the school.

I dart down the hallway to the right, thinking that Hannah would be out at soccer practice. I get a few weird looks as I jog through, but I ignore them. One teacher I don’t recognize yells at me to slow down, so I pull up to the backdoor while speedwalking. Looks like there’s no practice this morning, though. Where could she be? Oh! The cafeteria!

I go around the outside for time’s sake, passing by a weird little indention in the wall with a generator in it, and then go into the cafeteria through one of the side doors. My eyes scan the crowd… Luckily, she’s so tall that it doesn’t take me long to find her chatting animatedly with her friends near the middle of the room.

“Hannah!” I call out as I approach, panting. .

“Kevin!” she calls back. “What’s up, what’s wrong?”

“When area we… huff … doing that… walk thing?” I ask.

“Wow, look at you! Getting pumped for it like a good little ally,” she tells me, giggling. “Well, I was just waiting for Anja to get here.”

“She’s… uh… she’s not coming today,” I explain. “You see… two of our friends… their parents got arrested, and, uh, so…”

“No way!” Hannah says. The rest of her friends gasp dramatically in tandem with her shocked expression. “What’d they do?”

“Well… it was because of that one law,” I explain. “They… er… they allowed their daughter to be in a lesbian couple, so I guess that counted.”

“No way! ” Hannah repeats angrily. “Well, they all should’ve come then! We could protest this together!”

“That’s what I thought the plan was,” I agree. “But, I guess they really had to get out of town. Anja’s letting them hide out with her.”

“Damn it,” Hannah swears. “That means we’re down four people… this isn’t going to be as impressive as I hoped.”

“I know,” I say. “But… well, Ruth is here, and Charlotte too. And Charlotte thinks we should really do it, because…”

“Charlotte? Charlotte who?” Hannah asks, puzzled.

“Oh! I think that’s what Maurice started calling himself!” Vanessa comments eagerly.

“Herself… but yes,” I confirm. “Remember, from lunch that one time? She’s the one with the curly black hair.”

“Oh…” Hannah says, frowning.

“She’s afraid that they’re gonna…” I stop to take a deep breath. “Well, nothing good. They might, like, uh, investigate her… trust me, it’s really bad…”

“Kevin? How about you take a seat?” Hannah asks softly. She reaches across the table and slaps Sally on the shoulder, who immediately scoots over and makes a place for me across from her.

“Oh… sure,” I say. I sit down and sigh heavily.

“So. This Charlotte is your friend?” Hannah asks.

“Y-yeah,” I say. “We’ve been friends since during the break.”

Hannah nods. “Listen. I think she’s got a… bit of a different set of problems than someone like me does. Or, your friends Ashley and Zoe.”

“Uh…” I say stupidly. “What do you mean?”

“How do I explain this without sounding harsh…” she says.

“You… don’t want to help her?” I ask weakly.

“Well, n- I wouldn’t say- Look.” Hannah makes a huffing sound with just her nose. “There’s a big difference between two guys, or two girls, just being in love and being a normal couple, and… a guy… someone who was a guy, wanting to use the women’s restroom,” Hannah explains. “Just being gay doesn’t hurt anyone. But… well, a lot of women are really uncomfortable when men… or, people who… when they try and encroach into the spaces that are just for us.”

I’m dumbfounded for a moment. Then, I say stupidly, “But Charlotte doesn’t use the bathroom,” I say.

“Wh… what are you talking about?” Hannah replies crossly. “Everyone does.”

“She said that she holds it until she gets home,” I say.

“Oh… well, still. A lot of her kind want that,” she says stubbornly.

“Um… but…” I feel like my brain is collapsing in on itself trying to understand what’s going on.

“I’m not trying to be mean!” Hannah says defensively. “But if people see us out there with… Look. Anja’s not here anyway. Let’s maybe… do it some other day.”

“But… Charlotte said the school might…” both of my fists tighten. “Start looking at her private parts.”

“What? No, they wouldn’t,” Hannah responds, laughing.

“Ruth said so,” I respond. “I trust her on this.”

“Over me?” Hannah challenges.

“She knows a lot about this stuff,” I say. “And listen… I don’t want that to happen to anyone after…” I’m surprised to find a tear rolling down my face.

“Hey hey… it’s okay,” Hannah says soothingly. “Men don’t get raped or harassed. Well, usually. You were kind of a… freak occurrence.”

“I, uh… I need to go and… tell…” I get up from my seat.

“Yeah, go and calm down, okay?” Hannah says. “And, let them know we’ll do it some other day.”

I don’t say anything else. I skulk back to the library, feeling kinda like I just ran off a cliff, the chatter of the rest of the cafeteria sounding like it’s coming from inside a cave.

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Kevin comes back a few minutes by himself. Something’s wrong. He has this blank, hollow expression. He doesn’t look at either Ruth or I and just sits down in the chair stiffly. He doesn’t lean back or anything, he just sits on the end.

“Can’t find her?” I ask nervously.

“I found her,” he responds blankly. “She… uh… doesn’t want to do it.”

“Damn it!” I say.

“She, uh…” Kevin looks up at me, like he’s appraising me or something. “Well, I told her about… what you said… but, she thought that… that was a separate issue, I guess?”

“Um… I mean, technically?” I respond. But then, I feel my temper spike as I connect the dots. “Wait! She doesn’t care about me because I’m trans?”

Kevin doesn’t say anything, which answers my question.

“Disappointing,” Ruth says.

“Well, shit! I guess it’s just the three of us!” I say. “Er, no offense Kevin, but… wow. That’s cold of her.”

“I’m… yeah,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

And then he gets up and starts walking away.

“What?” I say to Ruth. “What’s he doing?”

“I think he’s in shock,” Ruth guesses. “He doesn’t react to confrontation well.”

I put my face in my hands, feeling like I want to scream.

“Is there even any point in doing this anymore?” I question.

“No. I don’t think so,” Ruth responds bluntly. “Very disappointing. We’ll have to talk to Kevin later about the kind of people he chooses to date. Once he’s calmed down, of course.”

“But… but.. What are we gonna do then?” I plead, feeling panicked.

“After school, we’ll plan with the others what we want to do tomorrow,” Ruth explains. “I was contacted by my cousin Sam recently, and I think I have an idea of how we’re going to get into that palace.”

“But… TOMORROW? WHAT IF THEY GET ME TODAY?” I explode.

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do. I’m sorry,” she says, still infuriatingly calm.

“YOU DON’T CARE EITHER, DON’T YOU?” I challenge, tears rolling down my face. “AS LONG AS IT DOESN’T AFFECT YOU!”

“I do care. I think intersectionality is vital,” she says. “I just don’t think we have any options available to us.”

“I- I don’t know, why don’t we… go out there and see if anyone else will do it with us!” I suggest wildly.

“You saw how well that went yesterday,” Ruth responds solemnly.

“WELL, WE HAVE TO TRY SOMETHING!” I urge.

“Unfortunately, sometimes you’re going to run into moments where you just can’t get through to people,” Ruth explains morosely. “I tried to warn everyone in my family that my cousin Roberto was in danger, and they ignored me. I tried to warn everyone yesterday about the direction things could go in, and well, most people laughed at me. Climate scientists have known about climate change since at least the 1950s. Corporations have spent the decades sense paying people off and constructing propaganda to hide it. No, nobody listens. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong. We all suffer the same.”

“NO, WE DON’T!” I shout, leaping to my feet. “JUST ME! I HAVE TO GET DIDDLED, AND YOU GET TO JUST SIT THERE!” Having completely and totally lost my shit, I storm out of the library, unable to stand Ruth’s calm acceptance of doom any longer.

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Today has not been a good day, let me tell you. I basically just sit there terrified all day that at any moment I’m going to be called down. I don’t even really do any work. I can’t focus enough to doodle on my notes much. I just wonder. What is the inspection going to be like? Will it at least be short? Are they going to lock up my parents? Do Kevin and Ruth even care? Does anyone care?

…No. I think they care. Those two do, at least. And Ashley and Nova, and everyone in our group. But they just… can’t do anything, or don’t think they can. We’re all in a bad state. I try to not let myself be too mad at them. They’re the only friends I have, after all. They’re all scared too, I’m sure. Ruth got hated by the rest of the school for calling out what’s happening. Kevin’s probably worried that Hannah is going to dump him. (At this point, though, good riddance if she does. I don’t think I could bear to hang out in the same group as her.)

Still, lunch is super awkward. Nobody really says anything. I don’t talk to Ruth or Kevin again until art class. When we came back from Christmas Break, Kevin had been moved into my class. At first, we just half-heartedly pick away at our projects, which is planning a design for some sort of clay thing that’s supposed to be about the things that make you yourself. Neither of us really have much down so far.

Kevin breaks the silence.

“Hey Charlotte. I was just thinkin’. I’m sorry about Hannah. We should try and talk to her after school today.”

I ponder this for a moment before responding. “Can… you talk to her on your own? I kinda dread the idea of trying to calmly talk to someone who hates me.”

“I don’t think she hates you,” Kevin says. “But I don’t think she understands what you’re going through. I mean, I could try it on my own, sure. I just thought I wouldn’t be able to describe it as well as you.”

I don’t say anything to that. I just keep looking down at my blank paper. I’m just wondering if I’d get in trouble for putting a trans flag as one of my things, when a different voice says, “Charlotte?”

I look up. It’s the art teacher, Ms. Lavelle. One of the few teachers who actually uses my real name. She has a phone in one hand and is making eye contact with me.

I go to the front. “Yes, Ms. Lavelle?” I ask.

“You’re needed in the front.”

I feel a chill run down my spine. “Wh-what for?”

I don’t know. Here, I’ll write you a pass,” she says.

A short while later, she puts the pass into my trembling fingers, and tries to give me an encouraging smile.

I nod, and head to the front.

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I step into the front office. One of the secretaries, Mrs. Walsh, is there.

“Hello Maurice!” she greets, smiling at me. “You were called to the nurse’s office.”

“Wh-why?” I ask.

“They just need to check some things out with you,” she continues, the smile still plastered onto her face. “Know where to go?”

“N-no.”

“It’s through the door right acr-”

“No! I mean, I’m not going,” I say, my heart starting to beat. “I know what this is about.”

She tilts her head at me. “Wanna take a seat? I can call the nurse and-”

“No!” I say. I feel a strike of inspiration, not unlike what I’d feel for my art. Suddenly, I know exactly what I’m going to do.

I leave the office and run straight out the front doors.

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Charlotte never came back to art after that. She never shows up to English next period either.

I feel a sort of desperation come over me. Surely they didn’t… but no, she would’ve been back by now. What happened?

If they’re gonna do… that… they can’t. It just can’t happen. I realize that as I wait for the bell to signal us for home. More than anything else. That can’t happen. To anyone.

When the bell does ring, I feel calm for the first time all day. Still, I make a point of moving with purpose. I need to get to Hannah before she leaves school, I think to myself. I have to try to convince her.

Weaving in between other students, I make my way for the front, where I know she’ll be parked.

…And I’m surprised to see that there’s some kind of crowd hanging around the front. Oh boy. It’s gonna be like that one time Ashley and Terra fought, isn’t it? I wonder who’s fighting this time.

I once again see Hannah’s head poking above the crowd, and go straight to her.

“Hannah! Hey, before you go, we need t-”

“Kevin!” she says. “Hey, that’s your friend over there, right?”

I look where she's pointing, trying to crane my head over the crowd. I notice that the principal is outside, and she’s talking to someone. Someone who’s sitting on the ground. Charlotte who’s sitting on the ground. And she’s just sitting in a fetal position and ignoring Mrs. Gibbs.

“Uh, yeah,” I say. “About her…”

“Don’t you see now, Kevin? This is just embarrassing,” she says disdainfully. “I guess they heard Eufemia and I talking during class…”

“Hey… listen. It’s really important to me that we help her out,” I say. “I was thinking, and-”

“You still want to help her?” she challenges.

“Yeah!” I say. “Because I don’t want anyone to have to go through that. Not any girl, any boy, or any… trans…”

“Well, I am a feminist,” she says haughtily. “And I’m not getting involved with a man who wants to invade women’s spaces. Come on, Kevin. Let’s-”

“I’m doing this, Hannah,” I say, speaking more calmly than I feel. “I’m not letting this happen. You can either respect that, or not.”

“So you’re giving up our struggle for… for his?” Hannah says, staring me in the eyes.

“What ‘our’ exists that doesn’t include her?” I ask, standing my ground.

She shakes her head. “That’s it. We’re finished. I thought you were a good ally. But I guess you’re not.”

Without wasting another moment, she turns away and starts pushing her way through the crowd.

I…

I’ll have time to process that later. Charlotte first.

(Did I do the right thing there?)

I make my way through the crowd, and I get to the front.

“...listen to their principal. This isn’t a game. We’re not in Kindergarten anymore, Maurice,” Mrs. Gibbs is saying.

“Mrs. Gibbs!” I say.

“Kevin, we’ll talk later,” she says, not looking at me.

“No, Mrs. Gibbs! Please, just leave her be. She just-”

“This has nothing to do with you, Kevin,” she cuts me off.

“I know. It’s just… hear me out, please.”

Mrs. Gibbs sighs.

“You’re here because Charlotte’s supposed to have an… ‘inspection,’ right?” I say.

“I’m here because she’s not following directions,” Mrs. Gibbs says, finally turning to me.

“But that’s because she’s afraid of what’ll happen to her,” I say. “Please, just don’t make her go through that.”’

“Kevin…” she sighs again. “It’s got nothing to do with you or me, Kevin. But the school was given a protocol.”

“It does have to do with us!” I say. “Last month… a teacher here violated my trust. She… got me alone, and she touched me…”

Mrs. Gibbs looks extremely uncomfortable. She turns away from me and is going red in the face.

“I just don’t want anything like that to happen again here,” I say. “And you’re the principal. It’s your job to protect us. Can you help her?”

“I…” she hangs her head down. “I don’t want that either, Kevin. And I’m sorry.”

She takes one look back at Charlotte.

“Why don’t you… go home, Maurice,” she orders. “That was the last bell… we’ll call your parents to pick you up for today.”

Without waiting for any answer, she begins shooing the other students away, before heading back into the school.

When everyone’s gone, Charlotte stands up. She doesn’t say anything. She just smiles and gives me a painfully tight hug.

And there’s only one stupid thought I can muster as my ribs crack.

Why did Mrs. Gibbs spend all that time arguing with Charlotte… only to listen to me and let her go anyway?