The morning is slightly cool and still, with not a cloud in the sky or a gust in the breeze. Yonca and I are sitting on the grass outside near the gym, our backs leaning against the brick. Things are still awkward; Yonca keeps shifting uncomfortably and doesn’t want to meet my eyes.
“How do you think she’s going to react?” she asks me softly.
“I’m not totally sure,” I admit. “But I’m hopeful. Don’t ask me how I know, but I think that deep down she wants to be friends again.”
She nods absentmindedly. There’s more awkward silence for a while. Both of us have our eyes locked on the sidewalk past the gym, but currently there is nobody there.
“That makes sense, when I think about it,” Yonca comments. “That’s how I felt, too… I never really wanted to abandon you. And yet I did…”
“I understand how you felt,” I assure her. “You were afraid the backlash you would get for being associated with a lesbian, weren’t you? I felt the same way… until I instead started being afraid of being one, that is. So I can’t judge you for that. When we act out of fear and hate, we are puppets on strings for the devil.”
Yonca stares blankly for a brief moment, processing what I said. Then, she sighs. “I’ve always thought that I had no choice but to try extra hard to blend in, because of how I’m different from everyone else. It’s like I had to prove I fit in.”
I giggle hollowly, although it’s not funny. “I guess I felt the same way, but for the opposite reason. I had to try extra hard to blend in because I do fit in. My family is very well known in the town, and anything I do can reflect poorly on them.”
I turn to look at her in the eyes. “I came to you last night because I decided I’m not going to let fear rule my life anymore. It’s time to learn bravery.”
She nods, although she looks nervous. “We’ll try and learn that together, then…”
She looks over her shoulder and gasps suddenly. I follow her gaze to see that it’s because Diana is coming. She’s walking alone on the sidewalk, head down and watching the ground in front of her.
I get to my feet and offer my hand to Yonca to help do the same. I take a deep breath and walk forward to meet her.
Diana looks startled to see me, breathing sharply and looking at me with wide eyes when I get close.
“Diana… I want to talk to you about something privately. Yonca as well.”
Diana’s face turns red. “Um… okay,” she responds, her demeanor and voice uncharacteristically demure.
The three of us walk to the other side of the gym, where we can be mostly out of sight. Once there, I turn to Diana, who's looking at me wearily with her back to the side of the gym.
“Diana… what you did to me hurt me very deeply,” I tell her. “What you did not only violated my privacy but caused me to endure utter hell for the past week and a half.” I sigh very heavily. “But… I forgive you for all of that. It will be hard for me to be your friend after that, but if you’re willing to make up for it, I can try.”
It’s dead silent for quite a while, as Diana simply stares at me, stunned with disbelief. Then, slowly, she starts to breathe more and more deeply, and tears begin rolling down her face. Yonca wraps her into a hug, after which she starts bawling. She reaches out for me, bringing the three of us together into a group hug.
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It’s breakfast time at Bynum Intermediate School. (Granted, a lot of people aren’t actually eating, me included since I eat breakfast at home first.) One table across from me, sits a thin boy with glistening, shoulder-length black hair. He’s talking to his friends, who are all very weird looking people with multicolored hair or some weird fashion; must be theater kids. Like me, he’s not eating anything, and is instead talking to his friends animatedly. There’s something about his body language that tells me that he’s different from other guys… or, I could be projecting. I dunno.
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And then, the most random of things happens; some dark-skinned seventh grade girl sits right across from me, looking at me closely.
“What the hell do you want?” I ask her, startled and annoyed by the sudden visit.
“Why are you sitting by yourself?” she asks in an annoying voice.
“Pssh. Fuck off.”
“Don’t you have any friends?”
“Of course I have friends. What the hell do you want, anyway?”
She leans over the table towards me. “I know who you are. You’re Collin.”
“How’d you know?”
“Because… your sister is friends with my brother!”
Calculating… oh, okay. “You mean you’re Nova’s sister?”
“Ding ding ding. Correct. My name’s Kat.”
“What kind of stupid-ass name is Kat?”
“It’s short for ‘Katherine.’”
“Oh, haha. How quirky and cool.”
“Bitch, it wasn’t my fault my parents named me that!”
I chortle. This girl seems fun.
The dark-haired boy stands up behind her and walks away. I briefly lose focus on the conversation as my eyes follow him…
“Whatchu looking at him for?” she snoops.
“Do you know that guy’s name?” I ask her.
“That’s Jason Ives. Gayest man in this school.”
Holy shit.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“I know about rumors.”
I put my hands on the table in a businesslike manner. “Well, I’m usually not one for rumors but… I must implore that you say more.”
“Hehe, what’s with that, huh? You’re acting pretty sus right now.”
“Sus??? What the fuck does that mean?”
“It’s short for ‘suspicious.’ Haven’t you ever heard black people talk before?”
“Of course I have. Shut your mouth.”
“No you, gayboy.”
“Get the fuck out of here, cunt.”
She giggles maniacally. “I dare you to call me the N word.”
“What? No, I’m not gonna do that.”
“Pussy.”
A brief pause, and then…
“Okay, for real though… does anyone know yet?”
“No. I think I’m gonna tell my sister soon, though.”
She nods darkly. “Good luck, man. So, you like Pokémon, right?”
----------------------------------------
Yonca, Diana and I arrive near the door to the band hall. Yonca is smiling and holding her head high, while Diana’s face is still red and puffy from all the crying. Diana hesitates suddenly, coming to a stop a few steps away from the door.
“How do you think people will react when they see us with you?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” I tell her plainly. “If you’d rather walk around the side, you’re free to.”
“I don’t know how they’ll react either,” Yonca admits. “But it’s like what Zoe said earlier- we can’t let ourselves be controlled by fear anymore.”
Diana takes a deep breath, looking uncertain. But still, she steps forward with us, and we go through the door.
The scene is mostly anticlimactic; most people are so caught up in chatting, practicing, or doing other morning things that they don’t even glance at us. There is one pair of eyes that is glued to us, however: Terra’s, sitting in a chair in the middle row. Her face is expressionless, other than the suspicious narrowing of her eyes as they meet mine. Yonca turns to me nervously, her own eyes asking the question.
“You two go ahead and meet up with her,” I tell them.
“Okay. Talk to you later, Zoe,” Diana tells me, smiling at me. They walk to where Terra is sitting, and I turn my back to everyone and walk straight out the door.
In the hallway, Ashley is casually leaning against the wall, clearly waiting for me with her eyes glazed over. When she sees me, she quickly stands up straight and asks, “How’d it go?”
“Exactly as well as I hoped,” I tell her, beaming.
“Good to hear. Let’s go rejoin the gamers, then,” she states. We turn to walk towards the library, and see something surprising. A strange looking… boy? With long hair and a gaudy outfit is walking past us, and he waves cheerily and says, “Hi, Ashley!”
“Good morning,” she replies calmly.
After the boy is out of earshot, I ask, “Ashley, who was that?”
“Charlotte. A friend I made in detention,” she explains. “On her way to the art room, probably.”
Oops… I guess that was a girl. I’m confused about what just happened, but I decide to forget about it for now.
We pass by the orchestra hall and to the larger corridor, where many students are walking and chit chatting carelessly. I’ve mostly been afraid when walking through the crowds, but today, I feel like with Ashley and I together, there’s nothing that can stop us. Grinning and blushing, I take her hand into mine, and we walk through…
~Ending of Movement II: Beating Out Of Time~